The Miracle Frito Diet

My wife did this diet...twice!

Due to the fact that I'm a guy and don't have society constantly judging my appearance, as well as the fact that I had parents who didn't drive me crazy about my weight, I've never indulged in "dieting" until now. But that's not the whole truth. As some experiment-friendly-straight people might say, "Except once, in high school."

Though I was a pudgy kid, it never bothered me much. In my last year of high school, I started my life-long love affair with bicycles by riding my older brother's 10-speed Ross to school. For matters of comfort, I would wear spandex shorts, and for matters of not-giving-a-damn, I'dwear them all day long at school. For some odd reason, wearing spandex all day gives rise to the idea of, "hey, if I lost weight, I'd go faster on the bike!" Well, that's what I told myself, but it was really more like, "hey, maybe if I lost a few pounds, I'd be more package and less fupa!" (link potentially NSFW) Hey, I was in high school.

Hey, chubby 90's college student!

How does a fat kid in the late 80s/early 90s lose weight? Did I go down the evil road to Susan Powter? (Ugg, I hate Susan Powter and all she stood for. She is evil. So pretty NO so evil!) No, I went to the forces of good... the siren song of the Frito Bandito!

The Frito Bandito: All snacks can be judged by their racist mascots.

Without any nail-biting or research into nutrition, I made some changes to my diet. I swapped out my every-day drinks of whole milk and apple juice for diet coke (because no way was I gonna drink water, ewwwww!) and I swapped out lunch all together for a bag of fritos, every day. With the focusing lense of 20+ years between me and then, I see I did two things here:

1. I reduced my daily calories
2. I increased my daily deliciousness

Nutritionally, there are all sorts things you could criticize about how I lost some chunk, but it worked. I had energy, I remained my happy/depressed/high schoolish self, and that was that. I arrived at college, where no one knew me, and quickly became a victim of the Freshman 15. Or in my case, the Freshman 35. Because diets are bullsh@t.

Beware the college cafeteria: a really douchy pop punk boy band might try to glom onto you.

Diet is a bad word -- it implies a limited time of change, after which one goes back to the patterns that caused the previous results. I don't know if I'll be recording my counts forever, or even counting calories forever, but I do know this: I need to limit my calorie intake forever. This is hard-won wisdom. Are you going to eat only cabbage soup....forever? Are you going to eat mounds of meat and gravy but no bread or potatoes....forever? It's easy to say forever (I'm looking at YOU, Justin Beiber!) but dedicating to it is a magnitude of a different order. I know it'll get easier with time, but the time has to be put in.

THE COUNT: 2,500
Went out to E's house to help her and T put together gift bags for their wedding this weekend. part of the bag were "smores kits" for a late night bonfire after the wedding, and a bunch of crackers and marshmallows mindlessly went in my maw. As we were leaving, I realized the packaging had calorie counts and I peeked. I wasn't sure how much I ate, not much, but was impressed with how calorie dense the snacks were, and I've estimated accordingly.

Dinner was surprisingly light, and I walked away from the meal just a tinge away from being hungry. Not satiated, but not quite hungry. Both at E's house and at the meal, I skipped proffered alcohol, which easily could have added 300-500 calories without thought.

So despite not being sure, I'm comfortable calling the day at my budget. So there.

AM SNACK: 6:45am, iced green tea, 25 cal


BREAKFAST: 8:15am, Fage yogurt with honey, almonds and vanilla, 460 cal


LUNCH: noon, grilled chicken breast on whole wheat toast, refried blackbeans, momma salad, 7oz diet coke, 780 cal


PM SNACK: 3:30pm, watermelon, 185 cal


PM SNACK: 7pm, graham crackers and marshmallows, water,  +/- 300 cal


DINNER: 9pm, 3 small slices pizza, cauliflower, asparagus with prosciutto and moz, beef carpacio & salad greens, small amount of chocolate cookie with whipped cream, water, +/- 750 cal