Let's get a good chortle at the diseased man!

What the internet IS good for.

There is a guy that has been getting a lot of clicks in the blogosphere, which has been making me irrationally cringe and feel miserable. The buzz is mainly, "ha ha cool, pizza, amirite?" and sometimes tempered unhelpfully with a "weird, probably harmless." The guy in question has eaten nothing but pizza for the last 25 years.

I love pizza as much as the next guy - actually, probably more. I went to culinary school specifically to learn to properly cook the foods I love, and it was not for nothing that the entirety of my culinary career was spent in pizza restaurants. My actual wifely-husbandly honeymoon began and ended with visits to New Haven's Pepe's (CLAM PIE.) My birthday is usually commemorated with a visit to a notable pie shop. My weekly sinful food are French bread pizzas. And damn if nearly every single party I attend with my children are pizza-fests, week in week out.....and I have to admit, I don't mind. My name is Norbert, I'm a New Yorker and I love me some pizza.

Hi, Norbert! I love me some pizza, too! Or three or four forever and ever....

But this guy is at another level.

I've been eating pizza exclusively every day of my life for the past 25 years, and I'm not just talking about a slice of pizza every day. I usually eat an entire 14" pizza, and I only eat cheese pizza. I never get sick of it. If I go to one pizza shop or another brand, it's like eating a completely different meal.

To cut to the chase, this habit is most likely caused by nothing good.

Like when I was four or five, we lived in the backwoods of North Carolina, where I went to daycare in Ms. Stanfill’s home. She would try to feed all of us Brunswick stew every day, which is not something you would ever feed a five-year-old. It's either chicken, pork, or rabbit with beef and okra, Lima beans, corn, potatoes, and tomatoes. I would protest and try to run away, but she would grab me. I can't remember whether she would beat me or spank me, but I know that she would throw me in a closet as my punishment for not eating the stew. I would sit in there crying and screaming for a couple hours until my mom came to pick me up.  

Ha ha hilarious, pizza!

I hate the Internet sometimes. This guy can't go out to a restaurant with fiance that isn't pizza. He explains how his dad pretty much eats mostly steak, even after multiple heart bypasses. He himself has diabetes, despite being relatively trim. This ain't cute and this ain't funny -- it's sad. He needs help to get out of what is far beyond a rut and is pretty much a straight-up eating disorder, complimented by an Internet-friendly food addiction.

Even if it doesn't kill him, he's just not living life, no matter how much he protests or Internet commentators dismiss him as, "durrrr, well, it's his choice, he's not harming anyone, durrr". People who are sick should be helped, not used for entertainment or dismissed as inconsequential.

I can identify with this guy quite a bit. My mom would serve really poorly made scrambled eggs 3-5 mornings a week, and made me eat them. It got to the point I'd slip them into a napkin between my legs while I pretended to eat them. It wasn't so much the poorly executed eggs that really made my 5 year old self so disturbed, but my lack of choice and power in moving away from something I did not like.

To this day, I can not eat egg dishes. I'm fine cooking with eggs and eating eggs in a dish, but the taste, texture, smell and sensory experience of even the best egg dishes activate my gag reflexes. Though I did force/trick myself to try 10s of different egg dishes while in culinary school, I have not had any before or since.

Unlike pizza guy, this has not really interrupted my life, my relationships or my health, so while it runs along similar pathways, does not rise to the level of a disorder or addiction. But dude, I feel ya. I just wish more people would.
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WEEKLY AVERAGE: 2631

Again, the weekly average creeps up solidly past my upper limit of 2200, but I'm cool with it. Eating doesn't feel desperate or compulsive, just eating to satisfy hunger. I think the lack of lots of extra calories the previous weekend might have set me up a little for more hunger during the week. Hmmm, I wonder if it works like that.

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MONDAY COUNT: 2120

SLEPT: 10:30pm-4:30am, 6 hrs
Not quite enough sleep, but it felt good to get up early and lift weights -- due to illness last week, had to skip a session. Doing it now was a real sign that my health is mostly back. Had friends over in the evening from out of town, made some special treats, and would have been nutty not to eat with them. Despite breaking my weekday sweets ban, it felt good and right -- I kept it to one small portion, and it was homemade and high quality. And most importantly, I ate light enough during the day to keep it in budget!

AM SNACK: 4:15 am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 7am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10:45am, steel cut oatmeal, 300 cal

LUNCH: 1pm, falafel, boxed tomato soup, health salad, pickles, 590cal
Last time I had this boxed soup over the summer I quite liked it, but today could only get through half of it -- intolerably sweet. The pint of soup had 34g of "organic milled cane sugar". Oh for f@cks sake, it's table sugar. And over TWO TABLESPOONS worth, Jesus Christ, no wonder it tastes candied to me. Well, stock was done over the weekend, hopefully I can bang out some non-sweet soup by next Monday.

PM SNACK: 3 pm, momma salad, mango chutney and dip stick from Grazebox, 180 cal

PM SNACK: 5pm, poppa salad with homemade Italian dressing, 150 cal

DINNER: 6:30pm, tilapia, asparagus, 440 cal

EVENING SNACK: 7pm, half a potato knish, tiny bowl of ice cream and brownie, +/- 300 cal

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TUESDAY COUNT: 3025

SLEPT: 8:30pm-4:30am, 8 hrs
Woke up pleasantly sore in the pecs and shoulders, nice because I purposefully pushed it a little yesterday, nice to see my body respond as expected.

AM SNACK: 4:45am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 7am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10:30am, Fage whole yogurt with honey, almonds and vanilla, 285 cal

LUNCH: 1pm, chicken meatballs, steamed string beans, jodhpur lentils,pickles, 660 cal

PM SNACK: 3 pm, momma salad, with snack bag of pirate booty, 160 cal

PM SNACK: 4:45pm, poppa salad with homemade bottled tomato dressing,  140 cal

DINNER: 6:45pm, Stouffer's French Bread Pizzas, 820 cal

EVENING BINGE: 7:30pm, cheetos, brownies, +/- 800 cal

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WEDNESDAY COUNT: 2765

SLEPT: 8:30pm-2:30am, 6 hrs
Went a little off the reservation in the evening again, felt OK, not so compulsive. I think it may be related to me easing back on the eating over last weekend.

AM SNACK: 3am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 7:15am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10am, steel cut oatmeal, 300 cal
Different brand of oatmeal. Hmmm, I think I like it.

LUNCH: 1pm, chicken sausage, brussel sprouts, quinoa, sofrito black beans, pickles, 780 cal

PM SNACK: 3 pm, momma salad, cinnamon pretzels  from graze box, 235 cal

PM SNACK: 5pm, poppa salad with bottled tomato dressing, 110 cal

PM SNACK: 6pm, cashews, 320 cal

DINNER: 8:15pm, shirataki stir fry with shrimp, shitaki mushrooms and oyster sauce, 360 cal 

EVENING GORGE: 8:45pm, a little ice cream and brownie, bowl of cheetos, +/- 500 cal
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THURSDAY COUNT: 2200

SLEPT: 10:30pm-4:15am, 5.75 hrs
Trashed my poppa salad, smelt a little off. Skipped normal Thursday evening activities and just went home and got to bed early, in hopes of allowing a pre-family/work bike ride. Ate cheetos, but just squeaked into budget, huzzah!

AM SNACK: 4:30am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 7am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 9:45am, Fage whole yogurt with honey, almonds and vanilla, 285 cal

LUNCH: 1pm, grilled chicken breast, quinoa, roasted brussels, kimchi, 630 cal

PM SNACK: 3pm, momma salad, with spicy crackers from Grazebox, 220 cal

PM SNACK: 4:30pm, cashews, 340 cal

DINNER: 6pm, Subway 6" veggie burger sub, diet coke, 435

EVENING SNACK: 7:15pm, cheetos, 300 cal

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BIKE CREDIT: 590cal
FRIDAY COUNT: 3055

SLEPT: 8:30pm-2:45am, 6.25 hours sleep
Banged out a nice Coney Island ride form 3:30-6am, invigorating in the sub-freezing (but not TOO sub freezing) weather. Felt tired but happy at work. Plans for the evening fell through at the last minute, but was fine, because I was pleasantly exhausted from the day.

AM SNACK: 3am, homemade granola bar, iced green tea, 100mg caffeine, 225 cal

BREAKFAST: 7am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 9:45am, steel cut oatmeal, 300 cal

LUNCH: 1pm, almond butter & grape jelly on whole wheat, health salad, roasted brussels, pickle, 730 cal

PM SNACK: 3pm, momma salad, with Italian crackers from Grazebox, 220 cal

PM SNACK: 3:45pm, kind bar, 210 cal

DINNER: 5:15pm, 2 hotdogs with lots of toppings, french fries, a little cookie & ice cream, +/- 800 cal

EVENING GORGE: 7pm, homemade ice cream, box of cookies, +/- 1000 cal

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WEEKEND REPORT

Good weekend, got another early morning bike ride in on Sunday. Eating never real went crazy -- ate a bit too much at a daytime party at a bar on Saturday, ended up pretty much skipping dinner, which is what a normal person would do, I suppose. Had kids and friends I don't see nearly enough over Sunday evening and we ordered in pizza n' stuff, I ordered just enough food so I didn't over eat, and it worked out perfectly. No left overs to feel compelled to eat so as to prevent waste. Instead, just spent a few bucks less and everybody still had enough.

Step 2 this

Why do I think of things not related to food when I see this?

I have an odd relationship to yoga. It never really registered on my radar until my friend, the Hungry Vegan Society, started getting heavily involved in yoga's practice and culture. Even before I knew she was that heavy in to yoga, I did notice a change in her. She was happier, gentler, nicer, lighter -- that is a lot of foofy words, but I didn't have the language to put my finger on it then, either. That is not to say that she wasn't already a wonderful, rich person to begin with, but she was....changing.

The HVS never tried to recruit me into the ranks of her fellow yogic vegan happy people, but she left the door open without judgement of my non-stretchy, meat-indulging stressy self. At first we attended a few beginner's classes together, later I sometimes would attend classes she would lead as she grew more advanced. One of the things that always slightly bothered me (other than contorting out of my physical comfort zone) was the more mystical, spiritual aspects of the practice. Chanting "om" and the explanation of togetherness-vibrations, making connections between the positions, parts of the body, and aspects of internal emotions and issues, it all seemed a bit... suspicious. When are they gonna bust out the Jesus and ask me for my life savings?

Jesus needs to pay a graphic designer, and lose the pedo-vibe copy.

In the end, I have found that I enjoy the HVS more than I enjoy yoga, but the two together are such an awesome combo. Even though the only time I get to hang with her in recent years is around a yoga class, it's great. On top of that, I guess the exposure to this  easy-to-dismiss talk of "spirituality" also planted a seed. Do back bends open ourselves up to the future? I don't know about that, but making that "spiritual" connection between action and emotion, between external physicality and internal turmoil -  its a powerful idea.

I've been thinking a lot of this notion as I've attended a few Overeaters Anonymous meetings in the last few weeks. OA is not Weight Watchers or a diet plan or a tool to simply lose weight. From my limited experience, I gather it is a non-professional (i.e. no therapists, no dietitians etc) mutual support group that aims to help it's members end compulsive behavior. It hinges on some self-help literature written in the 1930s that stresses the need to connect to others to help overcome addiction, whether it be alcohol, drugs, food or any other compulsive behavior that one wishes to stop, but can not otherwise.

The leaders of the meetings I've attended all stressed that OA is "spiritual" in nature, not religious. What does that mean? There is a lot of talk of a "higher power", which sets off my alarm bells. Is this the "come to Jesus" moment? It was explained to me that yes, "higher power" can be God for those who believe, but it can be anything that fits two criteria. One, it is larger than yourself, and two, it can be called upon in your internal struggle to inspire you to stop doing whatever addictive thing that is hurting you. Common examples given were "the group", "my teachers" and "love". Huh, gettin' kinda yogic all up in thurrrr.

We are not people smoking a joint, we are joints smoked by people. Think about it.

But maybe we're getting ahead of ourselves. OA comes at food with a very direct, simple idea: Unlike drugs and alcohol, one can not abstain and live with out it. Therefore, food must be approached as a source of fuel, not something to party with.

Wait a second, I love food! I love cooking good food and savoring it! But as I thought more about it, I remembered a few months ago I was at a birthday party for a friend of my 4 year old daughter, in a confined space, and it was loud and raucous. Lots of good food was on offer during the party, but it was when the cake and ice cream came out, all the kids gathered to sing happy birthday, the cake and ice cream was distributed and then.....silence. Everyone was sitting, focused on the food in front of them, adults and kids alike. Even though there was other great food at this event, it was this high sugar, high fat snack that defined the party, that calmed otherwise wild children, and soon would send them spinning off into higher levels of sugar-energy. This is normal?

So it's not about abstaining from food, but about abstaining from the compulsive eating or compulsive over eating of food. In these meetings, members told stories of how they obsess about eating 10 to 12 meals a day, others discuss how they could not stop until the entire half gallon of ice cream was gone. I'm not going to go into those stories here, as the meetings are, well, anonymous. And it's anonymous for a very good reason -- it's a place to reveal and discuss behaviors that would otherwise be looked at with shame, pity, anger or disgust in other settings, and it's important to know there will be no gossip or blow back from being open and honest.

How great would have this show been if it was all about addicts talkin' smack about each other? Maybe it was, I never saw it. Was it?

It makes one wonder how those "celebrities" on TV going through rehab are really benefiting from putting all their crap out there between commercials, when what they need is to be unjudged so they can get a handle on their bad behavior. I have discovered a podcast, however, of real non-celebrity people telling their stories, similar to the stories you might hear at an OA, or any 12 step meeting. You can search their library for just OA, though they interview all sorts of addicts, and it's all pretty riveting in the way reality TV was supposed to be before it became totally fake and scripted.

I don't think I'm going to write about OA again, though I think for the time being I'm going to continue to explore meetings. I haven't quite drunk the koolaide yet, but nothing I've heard makes me think it could hurt me anymore than I've already hurt myself with years of over eating and lack of thought about what I was doing to myself. All the bad habits that I've compressed into the weekends have allowed me to lose weight, but it's sitting there, a fat little weasel, just waiting for when my guard is down to come back out and do some serious partying with more than just cake. (Like ice cream! And brownies! And big bowls of pasta! And fries, and bread, and fried bread!)

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Oddly enough, food addiction got a small spot light in the media this week because one of the horrible dummies from some dumb morning gossip program wrote a book about her struggles. Funny, I see her using some 12 step language, but she kinda skirts that topic, as she is supposed to, because the 1st rule of 12 step is you don't talk about 12 step. Well, rule of media relations, anyway. I gotta skim her book in a store, to see if she goes there at all.
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WEEKLY AVERAGE: 2366

A relatively decent eating week, though I did fall off late Friday, unrecorded as it is rationalized by "oh, it's just part of the weekend." Thinking of instituting some sort of "weekend report", to hold myself accountable for all my eating. Just think readers, now you'll be able to read about my eating all seven days a week! 

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MONDAY COUNT: 2300

AM SNACK: 3:30am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 7am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/ginger/cayenne/cucumber juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10:30am, steel cut oatmeal, 350 cal

LUNCH: 1pm, peanut butter and grape jelly on whole wheat, health salad, 590 cal

PM SNACK: 4 pm, momma salad, babganoush, 200 cal

PM SNACK: 5:30pm, poppa salad with miso tahini, 100 cal

DINNER: 8:30pm, shirataki noodles with shrimp, mushrooms, butter and dried herbs,  600

EVENING SNACK: 8:45pm, Frito's, 300 cal

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BIKE CREDIT: 750
TUESDAY COUNT: 2110

Up at 3am, out to Coney. Caffeinated granola bar helped, but not as dramatically as last week. Also, last week I was running on the fumes of almost no sleep, this time I had 6 hours in. 

AM SNACK: 3:15am, caffeinated granola bar, iced green tea, 350 cal

BREAKFAST: 7am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/ginger/cayenne/cucumber juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 9:30am, Fage yogurt with agave, vanilla, almonds, 310

LUNCH: 1pm, chicken meatballs, steamed string beans, spinach daal, pickles, 580 cal

PM SNACK: 4 pm, momma salad, babganoush, 200 cal

DINNER: 7pm, Subway veggie burger 6" hero, chips, 12oz diet coke, 760 cal

EVENING SNACK: 9:45pm, Frito's, 300 cal

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WEDNESDAY COUNT: 2605

Still felt honestly hungry a full 30 minutes after the Fritos, so I allowed myself that extra indulgence.

AM SNACK: 6am,  iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 7:30am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/ginger/cayenne/cucumber juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 9:30am, steel cut oatmeal, 350


LUNCH: 1pm, chicken sausage, roasted broccoli, sofrito black beans, 450 cal

PM SNACK: 4 pm, momma salad, hummus, 180 cal

PM SNACK: 5:30pm, poppa salad, miso tahini, 100 cal


DINNER: 7:15pm, hake loin, whole wheat cous cous, roasted asparagus, boiled corn with butter, kimchi, 765

EVENING SNACK: 8pm, Frito's, 300 cal

EVENING SNACK: 8:30pm, Cheeto's, 300 cal

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THURSDAY COUNT: 2435

Nice dinner out with B. Made me crave....an accurate calorie count. But it was a nice place without a bottomless bread basket, and we skipped booze and dessert, so I think I did OK.

AM SNACK: 6:15am,  iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 7:30am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/ginger/cayenne/cucumber juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 9:30am, Fage yogurt with agave, vanilla, almonds, 310 cal

LUNCH: 1pm, sardine & avocado on whole wheat toast, health salad, 575 cal

PM SNACK: 4 pm, momma salad, hummus, 180 cal

PM SNACK: 5:15pm, poppa salad, miso tahini, 100 cal

DINNER: 6:45pm, skirt steak, string beans, Yeminite tart, crispy chippy things, water, +/- 800 cal
Out at Babooshka with the wifey. We fortunately resisted dessert, 

EVENING SNACK: 8:15pm, Frito's, 300 cal

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FRIDAY COUNT: 2380

Electrical work in the office over the weekend, office manager commanding us to eat all the ice cream in the freezer. Uggggg.

AM SNACK: 4:30am,  iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 7:45am, fruit smoothie, 410 cal

LUNCH: 1:15pm, quarter pounder, 16oz diet cherry coke, 540 cal

PM SNACK: 3:30 pm, momma salad, hummus, 180 cal

PM SNACK: 4:30pm, poppa salad, home made Italian dressing, 150 cal

DINNER: 6:45pm, challah grilled cheese, corn on the cobb, +/- 800 cal

EVENING SNACK: 8:15pm, Frito's, 300 cal  

Addiction, shmafliction?

Is it addiction if it's so delicious?

No sane person would deny that addiction is real (sit down, Tom Cruise!)-  In fact, the D.S.M. (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders), the resource of the medical community that standardizes diagnosis, expanded the definition of what addiction is: addiction can be physical, but it can also be behavioral.

I've covered this topic here before, but I didn't really say much other than, "this is a thing." When I blogged a whole week about sugar, I scoffed at the Sugar Industry for sweeping the sugar-is-addictive idea under the carpet. I was approaching it like sugar was another white powder, like cocaine and heroine, and I don't think I was totally wrong in that -- alcohol is just a super-simple sugar that revs up certain biological pathways that gives a sense of euphoria and intoxication. So does sugar -- just ask any sugar-mad 4 year old. However, I think I missed the elephant in the room.

Elie knew she was the elephant in the room, so she decided she might as well be faaaabulous about it.

Sugar addiction is a form of food addiction. And it's easy to scoff at: how can you be addicted to something you need to simply survive? Why not be addicted to breathing? Addicted to water? To that, I simply say: What if you compulsively made yourself hyperventilate because it made you feel better? What if you felt the urge to drink 10 gallons of water a day, regardless of the 14 hours a day you spent peeing, or you won't feel right? Sure, air and water are not physically addicting, but if something causes the brain wiring to give these things the power to excite and intoxicate, or simply to relieve a perceived negative feeling or emotion, then yes, air and water can be addicting. I don't know if there are any elemental addicts out in the world (pyromaniacs and pica sauveurs aside) and I can feel certain in saying their problems are not primarily physical or common.

Even the elemental addict's support group thought air-heads were beyond the pale. 

The can o' worms that the D.S.M. opens is: not only can any behavior be seen as addictive, but all sorts of horrible behavior can be excused as merely an addiction. Was Mitt Romney addicted to being an elitist a-hole? Was Hitler addicted to killing Jews? I'm going to guess, "No, they were not addicts, just horrible people" but I also think the foundation of the question is misleading. The D.S.M. is not redefining addiction to be able to excuse behaviors: it is redefining addiction so as to have a framework to treat and cure it.

Which leads me and this blog to an important question: how does one define, treat and cure a food addict? I immediately think of heroine, and I think of the methadone clinics where zombified scraggly people go in and out at all times of the day near the office I once worked in in the East Village. I think of Lindsay Lohan being forced into rehab lock-up. And I think of the great cliche of addiction recovery from too many movies to count: the 12 step meeting and AA.

Upon doing a little research about Alcoholics Anonymous and other 12 step "fellowships", I see they have one big problem that keeps them a bit stigmatized and under reported:

• they don't proselytize and they don't recruit, 
• they're strictly non-profit, and 
• their internal code is written so that any recruiting or profit making is strictly verboten. 

There is a huge industry set up to sell us books, diet foods, gym memberships, pills and equipment to help us deal with the results of our behavior with food, so it certainly is in no one's financial interest other than the individual to try to think about being overweight and unhealthy as an addiction rather than a personal choice.

The 1st rule of 12 step is you don't talk about 12 step. Moobs.

Alcoholics Anonymous is the original and the biggest, but for years before the D.S.M. even expanded their definition, the 12 Step method was being applied to every potentially addictive behavior under the sun: of course there is Cocaine Anonymous, Heroine Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, Nicotine Anonymous, even Marijuana Anonymous, but dig a little further and there will be Sex Anonymous, Emotions Anonymous, Gamblers Anonymous, Debtors Anonymous, Under Earners Anonymous, Clutterers Anonymous, and on and on. And then there is food.

I'm a fan of food, and as a graduate of culinary school and as a person who enjoys eating exciting things in NYC, its no surprise that there is not just one flavor of food addiction. I'm sure I missed a lot, but I sketched out four versions of 12 Step for food:

1. Over Eaters Anonymous: The mothership, the one that covers everyone. You are on your own to make up your own food plan.
2. Compulsive Eaters Anonymous: Like OA, but every day's eating is planned and measured. Hmmmm, sound familiar? 
3. Food Addicts Anonymous: A step further than CA: on top of the planning and measuring, physically addictive food is not permitted. This covers sugar, flour and what among other things, and the meal plan includes "metabolic adjustments", snacks to keep blood sugar regular.
4. Grey Sheeters Anonymous: Makes FA look like a bunch o' poofs. You give up all control over food choices. You only eat three meals a day, weighed and measured, as indicated in a meal plan given to you by your sponsor (another member of the fellowship personally responsible for your well being.)

I wonder -- by pushing all my bad eating habits from a 7-day a week marathon down into a 1 to 2 day a week off-blog eating-fest that occasionally uncomfortably looks like binging, am I dealing with an addiction? Sure, I just lost 40 lbs, but if my 1 to 2 days of bad eating were to retake the rest of my week again, I'd go back to exactly as I was. Not only is that frightening to my very core, that's nuts!!

Next week is the monthly weigh in. Gonna do more research on OA, and get back atcha in 2 weeks about what Over Eaters Anonymous is about. If you find me on the street wearing a robe and offering you free vegan food, WATCH OUT IT'S A CULT!! Or I've become a hairy hari krishna, whatever.

Hari krishnas or a local OA group? Find out in 2 weeks...

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Is Anthony Weiner an addict?

Mr. Weiner said on Thursday that he was still seeking professional help for his online behavior, and that he did not believe he had an addiction.

Hmmm. There is a compulsive behavior that is performed regardless of cost to family, wife, children or career. When he is caught and suffers fast and large consequences (resignation from Congress, public shaming, a humiliated wife whose just about to give birth), he continues his compulsive behavior, regardless of consequence or personal convictions. Riiight, no addiction there.

I guess as a politician, to identify oneself as an addict would be a guarantee of never holding elected off again, especially one of these new-fangled 'behaviorial' addictions rather than the physical (coke-head President Bush, anyone?) WA, Weiners Anonymous. I'm Carlos Danger, and I approve this message.

To be clear, I'm not excusing Wiener's behavior. In fact, if it were not for his behavior, he would have had my vote. But on a human level, perhaps treating his behavior as something other than a failure of character might be more useful than throwing him in the garbage.

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No "pants on the ground!" f'me.

I was consistently on the last loop of my "new belt". It was still holding my pants up well-enough, but the leather wang that I had to tuck in every damn time was becoming annoying. The new one is snug, but I bought it small, as the last one stretched by a couple of loops anyway. I'm amazed that when I look in the mirror, I don't see anything different, though the lengths of these three belts tell an undeniable truth -- I weigh less than I did a year ago.

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WEEKLY AVERAGE: 2311

The previous week was overspilling with work, but as the event my team was working up to involved everyone but me goin' to Texas, the following week was off. So I filled this week with productive things, and tried not to eat too wildly. I actually ate wildly twice (Wednesday & Thursday), but both with good reasons.

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MONDAY COUNT: 2205

One of the best eating days up to this point. Due to correctly eating during and after my 150 mile ride yesterday, I felt pretty good today -- too sore to lift weights, but energized enough to feel normal and not desire food more than usual. Also, I'm thinking of moving my juicing from late afternoon/early evening to another part of early breakfast, pairing it with iced green tea, a few hours before a solid food breakfast.

AM SNACK: 4:45am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 9:30am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/ginger/cayenne/cucumber juice, 150 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 11am, fage whole yogurt with almonds, vanilla and agave, 310 cal

LUNCH: 1:15pm, sardine and avocado on whole wheat toast, roasted brussel sprouts, kimchi, 725 cal

PM SNACK: 4pm, momma salad, seaweed sheets, 200 cal

PM SNACK: 8:15pm, poppa salad with miso tahini, 100 cal

DINNER: 9pm, stir fry with shrinp, broc, snow peas, shitakes, shirataki noodles and black bean sauce, 420 cal

EVENING SNACK: 9:30pm, fritos, 300 cal

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TUESDAY COUNT: 2255

 Good eating day, despite the fact having to eat fast food when I realized I was out, getting too hungry, and would not be home for another few hours.

AM SNACK: 5am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 7:30am, apple/beet//carrot/ginger/cayenne/cucumber juice, 135 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 9am, steel cut oatmeal, 250 cal

LUNCH: 2pm, almond butter and grape jelly on whole wheat momma salad, 590 cal

PM SNACK: 4:30pm, beef jerky, 120 cal

PM SNACK: 5:45pm, poppa salad with miso tahini, 100 cal

DINNER: 7:15pm, 6" veggie burger sub, potato chips, 16 oz diet coke, 760 cal

EVENING SNACK: 9:30pm, fritos, 300 cal

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WEDNESDAY COUNT: --------

I'm gonna play the "c-card" here. I loaded up on healthy food in the morning, because all afternoon I spent with a dear old friend who is dealing with cancer. Over 20 years, our thing is to really enjoy the hell out of food, and this afternoon she had appetite, I had time away from work and family, and we went to town old-school style. Suffice to say, we each inhaled 1000s of calories, but I purposefully allowed myself permission to fully enjoy my time with her and our shared affection for food. In the evening I surprisingly found myself hungry and ate a few more things, because what-the-hey, this day is toast, but I had confidence that the next day I would return to sanity.

AM SNACK: 5:15am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 8am, fruit smoothie, 410 cal

AM SNACK: 10:30am, momma salad, 100 cal

AM SNACK: 11:15am, apple/beet//carrot/ginger/cayenne/cucumber juice, 130 cal

REST OF DAY: day long gorging with a good friend

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BIKE CREDIT: 2385

THURSDAY COUNT: 2250

Road 85 miles up into Putnam County, kept it pretty strict. New granola bars I cooked earlier this week are dosed with caffeine -- holy crap, two of them made me jittery and speed-strong, I gotta make another batch with out caffeine so I don't eat two of these in a row again.

AM SNACK: 5:30am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BIKE SNACK: 9:15am, granola bar, 315 cal

BIKE SNACK: 11am, granola bar, 390 cal

BIKE SNACK: 1pm, granola bar, 390 cal

BIKE SNACK: 3pm, digestive cookies, 520 cal

BIKE SNACK: 5pm, peanut M&Ms, 660 cal

DINNER: 7:45pm, shio ramen, ebi shumai, water, +/- 900 cal

DINNER 2: 11pm, Stouffer's French bread pizza, 860 cal

EVENING SNACK: 11:15pm, Fritos, 300 cal

EVENING SNACK: 11:30pm, Cheetos, 300 cal

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FRIDAY COUNT: 2535

Damn, I woke up a whole new kind of bike-sore. Not too hungry, but my legs were rubberized and my back and sides felt punchy. This is good, this is how the biking improves.

AM SNACK: 5:30am, iced green tea, 0 cal

AM SNACK: 6:30am, apple/beet//carrot/ginger/cayenne/cucumber juice, 145 cal

BREAKFAST: 8:30am, fage whole yogurt with almonds, vanilla and agave, 310 cal

LUNCH: 12:15pm, sauteed chicken breast, roasted broccoli, freshly made babaganoush on whole wheat bread, pickles, poppa salad with homemade Italian dressing, 870 cal

PM SNACK: 4pm, hot dog, 310 cal

DINNER: 7:30pm, tofu sushi plate, shrimp spring roll, dumplings, +/- 900 cal

The Food Industry wants your money at any expense.

I'm going to keep this entry short and sweet and direct you to this cover story of the NY Times Magazine this week. This blog was rebooted and repurposed a little less than a year ago with the belief that the Food Industry is on the verge of undergoing the same transformation undergone by Big Tobacco a few years ago:

• both industries have a product that is massively profitable
• both industries have a product that is greatly ingrained in American culture and habit
• both industries have a product that is killing us at epidemic proportions

One industry has undergone a great deal of legislation, regulation, fines and a more honest discussion of how dishonest they were in manipulating the American public to simply make a buck. The other is just starting to realize they may be on the less fortunate path if they don't do something fast.

The piece is an excerpt from what promises to be a muck-raking book about what Big Food doesn't want you to know, Salt Sugar Fat: How the Food Giants Hooked Us by Michael Moss, and it starts off with a meeting of the top executives from many of the major food companies at Pillsbury HQ. One, Kraft Vice President Michael Mudd gave a PowerPoint presentation...

Mudd then did the unthinkable. He drew a connection to the last thing in the world the C.E.O.’s wanted linked to their products: cigarettes. First came a quote from a Yale University professor of psychology and public health, Kelly Brownell, who was an especially vocal proponent of the view that the processed-food industry should be seen as a public health menace: “As a culture, we’ve become upset by the tobacco companies advertising to children, but we sit idly by while the food companies do the very same thing. And we could make a claim that the toll taken on the public health by a poor diet rivals that taken by tobacco.”

The piece only gets uglier from there, looking at secret documents of experiments and lab reports designed to make foods addictive. Not ha-ha I got the fever for the flavor of a Pringle, but literally addictive.

Warning: May be fever inducing. Symptoms include upon a single pop, not being able to stop.

From scientifically designing the flavor of a soda pop to reach a "bliss point", to refining carbohydrates that are absorbed so quickly they impose the opposite reaction of feeling satiated, to creating prepacked lunch kits with super-processed sugar-dosed meat and cheese and super-sweet yogurt products packed in tubes to give children the idea that they are in command while tricking parents into thinking they are giving them something healthy, this excerpt is a pretty chilling reminder of what capitalist hunger for profit looks like when decoupled from any responsibility: personal, corporate, moral, ethical or otherwise.
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WEEKLY AVERAGE: 2242
Another week comfortably in my budget of 2200-2350. Friday evening had dinner with an old friend I hadn't seen since last winter, she was beside herself with compliments, saying she didn't recognize me from a distance because of my slimmer shape, that my skin was healthy, blah blah blah. After last month's dramatic 10 lb loss in part due the double whammy of the flu and preparing for a colonoscopy, let's see what the scale says next week, huuurg....
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MONDAY COUNT: 1910
Definitely felt a calorie hang over from the weekend, so it was easy to stay below budget. Stomach was weirdly unhappy in the morning, full but empty, so I kicked off the eating day with fresh juice instead of something solid. I think this may become part of my breakfast rotation.

AM SNACK: 8:15am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 11:30am, apple/beet/kale juice, 115 cal

PM SNACK: 1:45pm, momma salad, 100 cal

LUNCH: 2:30pm, chicken sausage, bengal lentils, steamed string beans, 7oz diet coke, 545 cal

PM SNACK: 4:30pm, beef jerky, 160 cal

DINNER: 8:45pm, shrimp, brown teff, health salad, poppa salad, 7oz diet sprite 690 cal
Teff is a weird grain. This is the second time I made it. The package says use 3x the water to grain, but last time I tried, it came out as a thick paste. This time I did 4x the water, and it was good but soupy. I was able to throw the shrimp in to make the dish, but it was a bit bland and watery. Still, for a grain, relatively low calorie....

EVENING SNACK: 10pm, Frito's, 300 cal
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TUESDAY COUNT: 2355
Surprisingly not sore at all from the pull-up drops yesterday, which makes me think I need to hit it harder ASAP. Came in low on the budget, thought briefly I could get away with a low-cal day, but within 45 minutes of my first evening snack, I found myself with sugar cravings -- thinking how dark chocolate chips and peanuts is actually relatively low glycemically, and if I just eat 300 cal worth, it'll be in budget. My mind was trying to justify eating sugar even though I made a promise not to eat sugar during the week.  So I double-downed on another snickity snack, which still kept me in budget and while it wasn't satisfying, it definitely took the edge off and allowed me to get to sleep at a normal time.

AM SNACK: 8am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 10am, Fage whole yogurt with agave, almonds and vanilla, 415 cal

PM SNACK: 1pm, beef jerky, 160 cal

LUNCH: 3:15pm, almond butter & jelly on whole wheat, momma salad, 7oz diet coke, 630 cal

PM SNACK: 7pm, poppa salad, 150 cal

DINNER: 8:30pm, sauteed beef tenderloin, broccoli, butternut squash soup, 7oz diet sprite, 400 cal
Didn't mean to go so low-cal, only realized it after doing the math after I've eaten. Weird, such a large piece of beef, a big mound of broc and a proper bowl of soup would add up to so little.

EVENING SNACK: 9:30pm, Fritos, 300 cal

EVENING SNACK: 10:15pm. cheesy poofs, 300 cal
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WEDNESDAY COUNT: 2305
Had some relatives I don't see often over for dinner, so I did a full-court press. Mac n' cheese, roasted brussels, butternut squash soup, chicken for their son and I, ice cream I also made over the weekend. I spent a part of the day making chocolate babka, which is a multi-hour ordeal. However, I somehow skipped dessert, despite all the effort, despite my family and relatives all eating it together, complimenting me on it, etc. It was both hard and easy to resist -- telling myself come Saturday morning, I'm gonna murder a large piece of babka kinda made it easier.

AM SNACK: 8am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 10:15am, steel cut oatmeal, 375 cal

LUNCH: 1:30pm, hake fish, steamed string beans, mushroom takatak, momma salad, 7oz diet coke, 660 cal
Another precooked micro-pack of Indian food, was meh. Gonna stick with lentils, more protein anyway.

PM SNACK: 4pm, apple/carrot/kale/beet/ginger juice, 160 cal

DINNER: 6:30pm, sauteed chicken breast, roasted brussel sprouts, mac n' cheese, half glass of wine,  +/- 800 cal
In addition to skipping dessert, I included some mac n' cheese in this meal just so we were all eating the same thing. However, I needed to keep it to 100 cal: 100 cal of homemade mac n' cheese is not a lot of food. Two ounces is a piece about 1" x 1" x 2", about 1/6 of a seemingly moderate portion. Still, I enjoyed the hell out of it's richness and it was enough.

EVENING SNACK: 8:45pm, poppa salad, 150 cal

EVENING SNACK: 9:30pm, Frito's, 7oz diet sprite, 160 cal

Bad sugar cravings. Could the half glass of wine or mac n' cheese set it off? Serving a decadent dessert to everyone after dinner? And damn, only had enough budget for half my usual Frito's, which happened to be the "suggested serving size". One measly ounce of Frito's, who the hell thinks this is a suggested serving?

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THURSDAY COUNT: 2255
Did laundry last night and woke up early to lift weights before B split for work, as didn't want to sacrifice this because Edie is out of school this week.

AM SNACK: 7:15am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 9:30am, steel cut oatmeal, 375 cal

LUNCH: 12:30pm, 4 small slices fancy pizza, small green salad with creamy dressing, water, +/- 700 cal
Out with the kids in Brooklyn visiting C and her family. We needed something close by and convenient and her local pizza shop was, for some unknown reason, a French pizzeria. The 16" pie had unusually thin, cracker-like crust, the sauce was delicate, the moz was offset with something like Gruyere. Very good, very not filling, he he. I ate half the pie and estimate the caloric load as less then 2 normal slices of streetza.

PM SNACK: 2:30pm, momma salad, 100 cal

PM SNACK: 4pm, beef jerky, 160 cal

PM SNACK: 5:15pm, poppa salad, 150 cal

DINNER: 8:30pm, chicken meatballs with shirataki noodles and homemade tomato sauce and Parmesan, 7oz dier sprite, 590 cal

EVENING SNACK: 8:45pm, Fritos, 180 cal 
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FRIDAY COUNT: 2385
Despite having a night out with friends, still pretty much kept on track. Feeling slightly hungry when I got into bed confirmed it.

AM SNACK: 8:15am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 9am, Fage whole yogurt with agave, vanilla and almonds, 415 cal

LUNCH: 11:45am, almond butter and grape jelly on whole wheat, momma salad, 7oz diet coke, 500 cal

PM SNACK: 2:45pm, apple/carrot/beet/kale/ginger juice, 130 cal

DINNER: 6pm, hijiki tofu patty, spinach salad, french onion soup, water, +/- 700 cal

EVENING SNORT: 8:15pm, whiskey, +/- 100 cal

EVENING SNACK: 9pm, potato chips, 240 cal

EVENING SNACK: 11:30pm, slice of streetza, +/- 300 cal

Don't be a (diet) cokehead.

I recently checked out another documentary that proselytizes ideas on healthy diet via Netflix, Hungry for Change. Some of it was standard (eat more fruit and veg), some was easily dismissed as hooey (the detox theory), some was just strange (cilantro can flush the body of mercury?!). The one thing that caught my ear, however, was a short rant about diet sodas....

If I was in the food industry, what am I looking to do? I'm looking to sell you more food, that's what I want to do. How can I do that? I can manipulate the chemical structure oft here food so now it becomes fulfilling, but empty. But gives the impression when they very first ingest it, that it is the most fulfilling thing they ever had. Nothing else does it in your brain quite like a diet cola. That's because there is a deadly combination there of aspartame and caffeine and those two together create a very unique blend of "excitotoxin" that kills off brain cells, but before they die, they have this -oof- excitement like a buzz. So what you find with diet cola addicts is that they'll drink a liter, sometimes 2 liters a day and particularly women, do it as a way to keep their weight down. They don't eat, they just have the next buzz of diet colas.

The talking heads go on about formydahol formation in the brain, migraines, and cancers from aspartame, and dismiss the safety assurances of the FDA as being manipulated by industry -- all the studies used by the FDA in determining the safety of the substance was industry-funded, while independently funded studies showed great dangers and side effects over time. On top of that, the substance is shown to cause carbohydrate cravings. Studies show, according to the talking heads, those who drink diet sodas over time tend to be fatter in a few years.

This is news to me. I never heard the term "excitotoxin" before, but it's a real thing. Most of the scientific sources I tried to read are dense and don't seem to finger aspartame, and if they do speak of food the focus is on glutimates (hello, MSG!). Unsurprisingly, the aspartame industry dismisses excitotoxicity in its product as myth, but Snopes backs them up and a Wikipedia page about aspartame's controversy is rife with conspiracy theory and false science.

He didn't actually drink the pint, he is savoring it in his jowels. 

In my extensive study as a cohort of one, I definitely went through a mess of years where I downed liters and liters of diet coke per day. I may be stupider than I was then, but I'm certainly not riddled with migraines (never had one) or cancers (as of last check up). My dad was a hardcore diet coke addict since it was introduced to replace Tab in the early '80s, and when he died in the mid 2000s he too was cancer-free and migraine-free. I suspect the Hungry For Change movie features "experts" who may be digging into the nutritional field with a lot of new ideas and unexplored angles, but the science just ain't there yet. Yes, I'm going to add some parsley and cilantro to my juicing because it is very green and will add an interesting kick to the flavor of my juice, but not because I think it'll really flush mercury from my system.

Other than the obvious potential of caffiene, it's safe to say that diet cola is not addictive....as a substance. But as a behavior, it fits all too well into the modern conception of what an addiction can be. It gives the brain a reward, but....

In a 2008 study, for instance, women who drank water that was alternately sweetened with sugar and Splenda couldn't tell the difference -- but their brains could. Functional MRI (fMRI) brain scans revealed that even though both drinks lit up the brain's reward system, the sugar did so more completely.

"Your senses tell you there's something sweet that you're tasting, but your brain tells you, 'Actually, it's not as much of a reward as I expected,'" says Martin P. Paulus, MD, a professor of psychiatry at the University of California San Diego, and one of the authors of the study. "The consequence might be that the brain says, 'Well, I'll have more of this.'"

It's of no surprise to me that something like a diet soda or a sweet "sugar-free" candy just doesn't quite do the trick, but it does blunt the cravings. I think I may need to develop a "maintenance" program that will allow me to come down off of sugar once and for all. Plenty of sugar/heroine addicts replace their habits with sugar substitutes/methadone. It's still an addiction, but it's a bit less taxing on the system and more socially acceptable.

-----

Still a little surprised by the six-pound weight gain last month. I look in the mirror and I don't see a gain, I see a body that's on the way to becoming non-fatty. I've also steeled my resolve to kick the daily sugar fix in the evenings. It's the main source of calories last month that helped me stay high above my budget. Going to up my juicing from 2x a week to maybe 3/4x. Contemplating weighing myself once a week instead of once a month -- maybe that would have headed off a six pound 1 month gain?

Three days without sweets this past week, and Friday night was the worst. Had a hard time focusing, managed to squeak by within calorie budget. Realized I wasn't actually hungry, just having cravings. I think I'm going to approach sugar as I approach alcohol. Almost never consume it at home unless there are guests, and I'll consume it out when I'm with friends and the occasion calls for something special. Hmmmm, I have a wedding to go to Saturday, can I keep that as my only sweets for the whole weekend? Whoever says sugar ain't addicting be crazy.

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WEEKLY AVERAGE: 2355

Nice to see an average close to budget. Too bad it had to be prompted by such a large monthly weight gain. Definitely upped my vegetable consumption and took a stab at reducing sugar. Hopefully it'll get easier.

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MONDAY COUNT: 2680

Felt oddly weak in the mornings weightlifting. Funny enough, my sore left shoulder did not stop me from doing much, but a strained forearm muscle in my right arm stop me from doing some concentration curls.

AM SNACK: 8:45am, iced green tea, 45 cal

BREAKFAST: 11:15am, steel cut oatmeal, 375 cal

PM SNACK: 12:30pm, momma salad, 100 cal

LUNCH: 2:30pm, teriyaki chicken meatballs, curry whole wheat cous cous, roasted asparagus, pickle, 7oz diet coke, 760 cal

Cooked up double the cous cous, but on the plate it looked like too much, and by the time I finished everything, had about half the cous cous left over. Huh.

DINNER: 6:30pm, sausage & peppers hero, house salad, ice cream bar, +/-900 cal

Popped out to the corner slice place for a quiet last meal of 2012. Salad came with 2oz of dressing, used only about 1/4 of that, left behind the bread that came with it. Sandwich was OK, something I never really eat, but nice to change up from the fried breadiness of eggplant.

EVENING SNACK: 9pm, chocolate chips & peanuts, +/- 500 cal

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TUESDAY COUNT: 2245

New Year's Day. Weighed in, surprised to have gained 6 pounds. Happy New Year, bleah. Did avoid an evening snack through force of will...

BREAKFAST: 10:30am, fruit smoothie, 375 cal

PM SNACK: noon, momma salad, 80 cal

Just carrots and cuce, as Edie snatched all the red pepper.

LUNCH: 3:30pm, chicken sausage, cous cous, string beans, 590 cal

DINNER: 5:30pm, cheese tortellini, broccoli, chocolate chip cookies & ice cream, 1 glass wine, +/- 1200 cal

Out at a friend's house for a nice family dinner.

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WEDNESDAY COUNT: 2350

Got hungry a lot during the day, but never too far from a snack or meal. For some reason I was hoping an 8pm burger would have been enough for the day, but got super hungry in the evening. Avoided chocolate for the 1st day in quite a while with a satisfying (but with in budget) bowl of popcorn popped in butter.

AM SNACK: 8:15am, iced green tea, 50 cal

BREAKFAST: 11am, Greek yogurt with agave, almonds and vanilla, 430 cal

LUNCH: 1:30pm, ham on whole wheat with mustard, roasted broccoli, 7oz diet coke, 435 cal

Not particularly hungry, but schedule would have forced me to eat out if I delayed.

PM SNACK: 3:30pm, momma salad, 100 cal

PM SNACK: 5pm, apple/carrot/kale/cucumber/beet/ginger juice, 145 cal

Found myself home and too hungry, this was an easy quick snack before heading out again. Cucumber was a nice taste to crowd out the kale and beet...

DINNER: 8pm, double quarter pounder, 12oz diet coke, 750 cal

EVENING SNACK: 10:45pm, popcorn, 7oz diet sprite, 440 cal

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THURSDAY COUNT: 2145

A rare day that I've come in under budget for real, without any side-bites or nuthin'. Second day of no chocolate. Feel like I'm on a carousel of hunger -- constantly hungry, but when the hunger starts to bother me, I eat something. Worked out in the morning, trip to Costco in the afternoon.

AM SNACK: 7:45am, iced green tea, 50 cal

BREAKFAST: 10:30am, steel cut oatmeal, 375 cal

PM SNACK: 12:30pm, momma salad, 100 cal

LUNCH: 2pm, jerk chicken patty, vegetable patty, 740 cal

PM SNACK: 6:30pm, apple/carrot/kale/cucumber/beet/ginger juice, 150 cal

DINNER: 7:30pm, shrimp, roasted brussel sprouts, madras lentils and brown rice mix, 7oz diet coke, 610 cal

Got some packets of microwaveable lentils at Costco. Not bad, not good, but healthy way to make the grains I regularly cook a little more interesting. Gonna try to make it for real.

EVENING SNACK: 8:30pm, beef jerky, 120 cal

Really need a new snack that satisfies, but isn't just high-calorie sugar n' fat like chocolate & peanuts. Bought a bag of generic jerky at Costco. Despite the brown sugar rub used in it's manufacture, it's actually reasonably real compared to other mass-manufactured jerkys on the market. All the ingredients are recognizable!

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FRIDAY COUNT: 2355

Woke up a bit sore from yesterday's work out. Monday I was a bit draggy and weak, so I hit it a little harder yesterday. Both shoulder and forearm are A-OK.  Made butternut squash soup (surprisingly low cal, though it shouldn't be a surprise...) and Spanish-braised lentils out of the "How to Cook Everything Vegetarian" cookbook. Easy to make, but fneh tasting -- the notes in the book indicate that red lentils are more tender and are used in Indian cooking, while the standard green lentils are what I used. Now determined how to make proper dal, and use it as a proteiny condiment for my regular grain consumption during the week. 

AM SNACK: 8am, iced green tea, 50 cal

BREAKFAST: 10am, heritage Os with whole milk, banana, 385 cal

PM SNACK: noon, momma salad, 100 cal

LUNCH: 2pm, 1 Stouffer's French bread pizza, madras lentils, roasted brocolli, pickle, 7oz diet coke, 670 cal

Two pizzas outta the box are 860 cal. Swapped one out for some healthy leftovers that probably would have gotten trashed anyway.

DINNER: 6:30pm, grilled chicken breast, Spanish lentils, butternut squash soup, 14oz diet sprite, 620 cal

EVENING SNACK: 8:15pm, cheeseits and almond butter, 410 cal

Sugar choco cravings like mad.

EVENING SNACK: 10pm, beef jerky, 120 cal

Uggg. So hungry. Actually, NOT hungry. Just want sugar.