Caffeine: It's a hell of a drug

Soylent green is people, and caffeine is speed. DO YOU HERE ME?!?! CAFFEINE IS SPEEEEED!!!

A few years ago I wrote a lengthy piece about caffeine, and I made some pointed comments about the packet of caffeine powder I had purchased on Amazon:

I have a small 8 oz packet of caffeine. That's 16 tablespoons, 48 teaspoons, or more precisely, 228 grams. If a cup of strong coffee is 200 mg, then this packet is....1,140 cups of strong coffee. Being that 2 cups worth would probably put me on edge, and 10 cups make me lose my mind, even one single ounce of the slim packet would clearly kill me. Poison, indeed - it evolved to be a natural pesticide to defend the plants who contained it.

Though I don't drink coffee or much diet coke anymore, I greatly enjoy caffeine -- before any early morning or extended bike ride, I'll dose myself with 150mg caffeine every 3-4 hours. I know it's 150 mg because I weigh it on a highly sensitive drug scale. 150mg is about 1/2 of 1/8 of a teaspoon, depending on how tightly it's packed (pro-tip -- don't measure caffeine by volume.) My packet of caffeine comes with no warning, no clear serving size, so it's with no amount of surprise that caffeine powder made the news this past week:

24-year-old James Wade Sweatt, a newly married, recent college graduate living in Georgia, blended a drink with powdered caffeine, also purchased online. Health conscious, he reasoned that pure caffeine and water would be a healthier way to get a lift than the Diet Mountain Dew that he usually drank. He overdosed, fell into a coma and died.

Caffeine is sold in bulk as a diet supplement for body builders and the like, and is pretty much unregulated and unrestricted, probably because of it's acceptance in society through our familiarity with it in coffee and soda. Indeed, something like 17 million pounds of the stuff are imported every year for use mostly in Coca Cola and the like. (Coke needs it because the pure caffeine is violently bitter -- if you tasted the full sweetness of caffeine-free coke, your body would reject it as too sweet. Doesn't hurt that caffeine is crazy addictive, too.)

However, with some bulk supplements like various protein powders, adding a few extra scoops to your smoothie might cause a person gastric distress. A scoop of caffeine powder is, with out exaggeration, guaranteed death. If a can of coke is 35mg and a strong cup of American coffee is 130mg,  a teaspoon will probably send you to the hospital with palpitations and paranoia and a tablespoon will end you.

The Food & Drug Administration does not restrict the sale of caffeine powder, despite it clearly being both a food, a drug, and extremely lethal in relatively small quantities. I recently checked out Amazon again, and they have stopped selling loose caffeine powder -- now it comes in 200mg tablets. Let me assure you, a 200mg horse-tablet is a lot harder to mindlessly overdose on than a tiny little bump of loose powder. Why is Amazon setting the standard for food and drug safety when the FDA should have ruled on this years ago?

The head regulator of caffeine at the FDA.

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WEEKLY AVERAGE: 3266
Eating a lot, feeling OK. Next week this will be put on trial.

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MONDAY COUNT: 3620

SLEPT: 8pm - 4am, 8 hrs

AM SNACK: 4:30 am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST: 7:30am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 9:45am, steel cut oatmeal,  450 cal

LUNCH: 12:30, falafel, barley musrhoom soup, health salad, pickles, 580 cal

PM SNACK: 2:45pm, momma salad, cheezits, 310 cal

PM SNACK: 4:15pm, 2 slices of dollar streetza, +/- 400 cal

DINNER: 7pm, flounder, asparagus, poppa salad with dressing, 520 cal

EVENING SNACKS: 7:30pm, popcorn, +/- 400 cal

EVENING SNACK: 8pm, brownies, +/- 800 cal

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TUESDAY COUNT: 3295

SLEPT: 9:30pm- 5:45am, 8.25hrs

AM SNACK: 6 am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST: 7am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 9:45am, Fage yogurt with honey, almonds, vanilla, 450 cal  

LUNCH: 1pm, sauteed shrimp and mushrooms over poppa salad with dressing, pickles, 575 cal

PM SNACK: 4pm, momma salad, cheezits, 310 cal

PM SNACK: 6:30pm, kind bar, veggie straws, brownies, +/- 600 cal

DINNER: 7pm, grilled chicken breast, roasted brussel sprouts, pasta, cupcake, +/- 800 cal

EVENING SNACK: 8:30pm, cookies, +/- 400 cal
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WEDNESDAY COUNT: 2930

SLEPT: 9:30pm-3am, 5.5hrs

AM SNACK: 3:15am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST 1: 7am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST: 9:30am, fruit smoothie, 450 cal

LUNCH: 2pm, chicken meatballs, curry mushrooms, steamed strignbeans, pickles, 600 cal

PM SNACK: 3:30pm, momma salad, cheezits, 310 cal

PM SNACK: 5pm, poppa salad, cashews, 510 cal

DINNER: 8pm, korean food, +/-900 cal
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BIKE CREDIT: 580 cal
THURSDAY COUNT: 3055

SLEPT: 10pm - 3am, 5 hr

AM SNACK: 3:30am, iced green tea, 150 mg caffeine

BIKE SNACK: 5am, homemade granola bar, 390 cal, 

BREAKFAST: 7:45am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10am, Fage with honey almonds vanilla,  450 cal

LUNCH: 12:30pm, sauteed chicken over poppa salad with dressing, pickles, 625 cal

PM SNACK: 2pm, momma salad and cheezits, 310 cal

PM SNACK: 4pm, 2 slices of streetza, ice cream, +/- 800 cal

DINNER: 8pm, steak frites, a little ice cream and cookies, +/- 900 cal

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FRIDAY COUNT: 3230

SLEPT: 10pm-6am, 8 hours

AM SNACK: 6:15am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST: 7:30am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 9:30am, fruit smoothie, 450 cal

LUNCH: 12:30pm, almond butter and grape jelly on whole wheat, slaw, papa salad and dressing, pickles, 810 cal

PM SNACK: 2:15pm, momma salad and cheezits, 310 cal

PM SNACK: 3:15pm, 2 slice of streetza, +/- 400 cal

PM SNACK: 5pm, small piece of peanut butter fudge, +/- 300 cal

DINNER: 8:15pm, falafel salad, +/- 800 cal

DrIll Down: Caffeine

My mother the chimney.

I've never been much of a druggie, and by druggie, I mean all drugs. My mom smoked like a chimney and it eventually killed her - I never smoked anything, tobacco or weed or whatever. The music scene I fell into in high school was tangentially involved in the straight edge ethos, and alcohol seemed like a key component of the frat boy / douche bag set in college. Life felt so out of my control simply by being young and without my own means of earning real money, so why would I take action to lose so little of the control I already had? Then there was caffeine.

I can tell you exactly how many cups of coffee I drank in my entire life - one. I was in my mid 20s with a lady I was a bit fond of. While we were at a nice coffee shop, I ordered tea. When I told her I've never had a cup because I didn't like the smell, taste, and  the associations with my parent's multiple daily compulsive ritual of coffee, she ordered me a double cappuccino. I drank it in a couple of slurps, and remember feeling disappointed (in the experience, in her) because I didn't really like it, after being assured I'd be instantly transformed into a latte-lovin' coffee snob. She's long gone, but my disdain of coffee remains.

That's not to say I never chased the caffeine dragon. After growing up on a steady stream of Diet Coke from pretty much the day it was introduced due to my father's habit, I found myself in a weird spot one morning in my early 20s while living in my first apartment. I had a mooching house-guest who was eating up all the food and not restocking, so I decided to skip shopping until he split. One morning I rolled out of bed to the fridge to reach in for my morning gulp of diet coke and.....PANIC.

What I looked like, if I was a bottle blond. And female. And wore red turtlenecks. And was a stock photography model. And had really good teeth and a fake tan.

My hand reached empty space, the mooch had cleared me out, and my heart was racing that I didn't have it NOW. I immediately realized there was something wrong, and started calculating how much I was drinking. Hmmmm:

• A 12oz can for breakfast, 
• a 16 oz bottle to get through the morning, 
• another 16 with lunch, 
• a liter to sip on to dinner, 
• a can with dinner, 
• maybe another in the evening if I was feeling tired. Oy.

I went cold turkey, because that's how real people get over their addiction, right? I had no idea what I was in for, all I knew is that I didn't want to be like my parents.  I had horrible withdrawal for 2 days. Sleeplessness, headaches, cranky, tired, moody. The 3rd day was similar, but slightly less so. Fourth day was a marked improvement, and by the 5th day I was sleeping again. It took a full 2 weeks to feel 'normal' again, but I didn't touch the stuff for a couple of years, after which I never went above 16 oz a day.

In my new dietary regime cataloged in this blog, I've eliminated diet coke, along with diet soda (though it occasionally entertains me in 12oz daily portions on weekends.)  Until the summer, my only source of caffeine was the pint of unsweetened cold-brewed Japanese green tea I make myself. An 8oz cup of plain coffee has about 100-200 mg of caffeine, while the same amount of brewed green tea will have 25-60. So my 16 oz of tea, if it's really kicking, is still only as strong as a weak cup of coffee. That makes sense, as whatever energy I've gotten from my morning tea has been subtle to non-existent.

Then there is the packet:

I originally purchased an 8oz packet of "anhydrous caffeine" off of Amazon for under $10 (including shipping) to use as part of the a sampler plate of the "five flavors". For the sake of my culinary students, at our first class I'd lay out a plate with 5 similar bumps of five white powders. They'd nibble a few grains of each one, first sugar (sweet), salt (salty), citric acid (sour), MSG (umami) and then to finish, caffeine (bitter). Just as the easily available energy of sugar has a taste we are hard-wired to love, the taste of caffeine has a taste we are hard-wired to...despise; bitter is the flavor of poison.

They taste as bad as they look. Except CC, he's as sweet as candy.

I have a small 8 oz packet of caffeine. That's 16 tablespoons, 48 teaspoons, or more precisely, 228 grams. If a cup of strong coffee is 200 mg, then this packet is....1,140 cups of strong coffee. Being that 2 cups worth would probably put me on edge, and 10 cups make me lose my mind, even one single ounce of the slim packet would clearly kill me. Poison, indeed - it evolved to be a natural pesticide to defend the plants who contained it.

Caffeine is poison? Yes, and no. It resides in a weird spot in which it is both a drug and a food. Other than alcohol, I can't think of another mind-altering substance that is traditionally and regularly used in food preparation. However, alcohol can be cooked off for the most part (but never completely, you alchy!), while caffeine will hit you regardless of preparation.

Coke BLAK?! BWAAAA HA HA HA HA HA!!!

Caffeine is a stimulant that will make you feel awake, focus your thoughts and make you feel oddly happy. Too much and you get jittery, your heart races and you can get a bit paranoid. Indeed, instead of feeling focused, your mind is so jumpy you can't focus at all. Overdose can blow out your heart and kill you, but the most common downside to excess caffeine is sleep disorder.

The most important long-term problem with caffeine is its effect on your sleep. The half-life of caffeine in your body is about six hours. That means that drinking a big cup of coffee containing 200 milligrams of caffeine at 3:00 p.m. will leave about 100 milligrams of that caffeine in your system at 9:00 p.m. Adenosine reception, which is affected by caffeine, is important to sleep, and especially to deep sleep. You may be able to fall asleep hours after that big cup of coffee, but your body will probably miss out on the benefits of deep sleep.

And that's why caffeine is fine in the morning, and consuming it becomes less and less fine as the day rolls along.

Over this past summer, I made a sheet of healthy granola bars for the purposes of fueling me on bike rides over 30 miles. Made mostly of a wide selection of personally roasted nuts, seeds and rolled oats, it's bound with fresh peanut butter, a few minimally refined sugars and syrups, a bit of egg and a my own special vanilla extract. They're both calorically and nutritionally dense, exactly what I need for sustained energy in an activity where a tight stomach can make eating bulk and fiber difficult. This year, as an experiment, I added one teaspoon of caffeine powder to the sheet. That's about 3 grams, or 3000 milligrams. Honey dear, that's 15 to 30 cups of coffee. Cut the sheet into 16 pieces, about 400-425 calories in each small bar.

The first time out earlier in the season, I made the mistake of eating 2 in a row. I found soon I was racing up hills, my eyeballs were actually pulsating to the rhythm of my heart, I was both breathing deeply and short of breath at the same time, my thoughts became short and scrambled, and I started shout/singing random bits of the songs coming through my headphones. I stopped in about an hour, but it just did not feel....right.

I've since experimented with the bars, one at a time, and it's starting to become essential to my more out-there bike routine, particularly getting me out the door at 3:30am when I ride a 30 mile route before the kids wake up and I need to get ready for a full day of work. However, is it bike-legal?

Inquiring minds want to know!

Surprisingly, yes.

Caffeine, it turns out, actually works. And it is legal, one of the few performance enhancers that is not banned by the World Anti-Doping Agency.

Glycogen is the principal fuel for muscles and exhaustion occurs when it is depleted. A secondary fuel, which is much more abundant, is fat. As long as there is still glycogen available, working muscles can utilize fat. Caffeine mobilizes fat stores and encourages working muscles to use fat as a fuel. This delays the depletion of muscle glycogen and allows for a prolongation of exercise. The critical time period in glycogen sparing appears to occur during the first 15 minutes of exercise, where caffeine has been shown to decrease glycogen utilization by as much as 50%. Glycogen saved at the beginning is thus available during the later stages of exercise. Although the exact method by which caffeine does this is still unclear, caffeine caused sparing in all of the human studies where muscle glycogen levels were measured. The effect on performance, which was observed in most experimental studies, was that subjects were able to exercise longer until exhaustion occurred. 

Holy crap, caffeine used correctly can be a fat burner! I'm taking a weight-loss supplement correctly and I didn't even know it. I suspect it might be part of the reason why some friends have said I've got markedly thinner this summer, despite only shedding a few pounds.  It also explains while all those BS weight-loss formulas like....

...are all bullpucky. They're just over-priced, diluted delivery systems for the caffeine you can buy in bulk for pocket change over the Internet.

I only have a few caffeinated granola bars left, so I'm saving them for my October 6th MS charity century, where I've promised my sponsors I'd ride at 13 mph or faster or refund their donation and donate twice the amount to MS (have you pledged, yet? C'mon!) Last Sunday, when I rode in the NYC Century, I decided to go a little different. I took a tiny 2 oz squirt bottle, put in a scant 1/8 teaspoon of caffeine powder, a tablespoon of sugar, and filled it to the top with water. I drank half in the middle of the morning, and half in the middle of the afternoon. Damn if it didn't make me perk up, focus and kick some ass. I didn't finish the 100 miles over 13 mph, but I was there up until mile 70. This past week I've found my muscles incredibly sore and achy, a sign of over-training, and have laid off the weights and the harder riding. I've never over-trained before, and I have caffeine to thank for that. Still, I'm happy I can recognize it and know enough to go easy without feeling guilty. I am looking forward to my muscles healing and being stronger than before.

Sipping on an oddly bitter solution during the ride does feel a little naughty, a bit Armstrongish, but in the ends it helped and there is a lot of science out there that confirms that as long as I don't allow myself to become habituated, it's all good in the hood. Keeping large doses of caffeine to once a week on short ride weeks, and twice a week on alternating long ride weeks, seems to be working. I still have a little unease over people who can't seem to function without their morning cup of coffee, because it's so clearly a symptom of dependency, but as a guy coming from a straight-edge mindset, I feel a lot more at ease with it now that I've ridden around the block with my new best buddy, caffeine.

Such a cute molecule!

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WEEKLY AVERAGE: 2556

Another budget-busting week. Pending the end of the month weigh in, I'm either going to accept this as   a result of a faster metabolism, or I'm going to crack down and be more disciplined. TBD.

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MONDAY COUNT:2390

Nice to be back in the office, eating regimented easily.

AM SNACK: 6:30am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 7:30am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/ginger/cayenne/cucumber juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10:15am, steel cut oatmeal, 350 cal

LUNCH: 1pm, falafel, split pea soup, health salad, 620 cal

PM SNACK: 4 pm, momma salad, babaganoush, 150 cal

PM SNACK: 5:15pm, poppa salad with miso tahini, 100 cal

DINNER: 8:45pm, shirataki noodles with shrimp, mushrooms, tomato sauce, 410 cal

EVENING SNACK: 9pm, Frito's, 300 cal

EVENING SNACK: 9:15pm, cheetos, 300 cal

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TUESDAY COUNT: 2725

Attempted weight lifting this morning, found that anything involving my forearms (which is most of my routine) was too painful -- I guess three century rides in 1 week has an effect. I've rarely cancelled a weight session midway, but was definitely the right thing to do. Regardless of comfort, the bottom line is it would not be very effective to go through the routine at 1/8 power. Depending on how my arms feel, I may skip Friday's routine too to help recover.

AM SNACK: 4:30am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 7:30am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/ginger/cayenne/cucumber juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 9:45am, fage whole yogurt with agave, vanilla and almonds, 310 cal

LUNCH: 1pm, chicken meatballs, madras lentils, roasted broccoli, 685 cal

PM SNACK: 4 pm, momma salad, babaganoush, 150 cal

PM SNACK: 5:15pm, poppa salad with homemade Italian, 150 cal

EVENING SNACK: 7:30pm, Frito's, 300 cal

DINNER: 8pm, chicken breast, brussel sprouts, quinoa, 670 cal

EVENING SNACK: 9pm, Cheetos, 300 cal

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WEDNESDAY COUNT: 2435

Got home too tired to cook, punted with some unhealthy freezer fishing, but going to bed early made it easy to avoid a 300 cal snack.

AM SNACK: 6am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 7am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/ginger/cayenne/cucumber juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 9:45am, steel cut oatmeal, 350 cal

LUNCH: 12:30pm, chicken breast, brussel sprouts, quinoa, kimchi, 685 cal

PM SNACK: 3 pm, momma salad, hummus, 150 cal

PM SNACK: 4pm, poppa salad with homemade Italian dressing, 150 cal

DINNER: 8pm, Stouffers French bread pizzas, 940 cal

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BIKE CREDIT: 645
THURSDAY COUNT: 2670 

Extremely tired when I got home, very peckish. Perhaps the calmest 'binge' yet, though if I didn't avoid sweets, it probably would have been different.

AM SNACK: 3:15am, caffeinated granola bar, iced green tea, 425 cal

BREAKFAST: 7am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/ginger/cayenne/cucumber juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 9:45am, fage whole yogurt with agave, vanilla and almonds, 310 cal

LUNCH: 1pm, chicken sausage, sofrito black beans, steamed string beans, 460 ca;

PM SNACK: 4 pm, momma salad, hummus, 150 cal

PM SNACK: 5:15pm, poppa salad with homemade Italian, 150 cal

DINNER: 7:45pm, Subway 6" veggie burger sub, chips, diet coke, 760

EVENING SNACK: 10:30pm, Fritos, 200cal
Ran out. Probably contributed to..

SMALL BINGE: 10:45pm, 2 packets of peanut butter crackers, slice of cold pizza, +/-700

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FRIDAY COUNT: 2560

Hard day at work, very busy. Glad I had all my food prepped, measured and on hand, but fell apart a little when I got home.

AM SNACK: 4:45am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 6:30am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/ginger/cayenne/cucumber juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 7:45am, fruit smoothie, 410 cal

LUNCH: 1pm, almond butter & grape jelly on whole wheat, health salad, 590 cal

PM SNACK: 4 pm, momma salad, hummus, 150 cal

PM SNACK: 5:15pm, poppa salad with homemade Italian, 150 cal

DINNER: 6pm, corn on the cob, cold slice of pizza, pack of cookies, +/-800 cal

EVENING SNACK: 8pm, Fritos, 300cal

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WEEKEND REPORT

Went off the reservation completely. Partially a reaction to an intense 3 days at work, partially because I'm still recovering from the last week's physical exertions, which precluded weight lifting and some bike riding this past week. Found myself eating a lot of sweets, and soon after craving a lot more sweets. Funny, it's so obvious how sugar can get me on a treadmill now, but in the past it seemed so mysterious and unknowable.