Requiem for a Corporate Beheamoth

Never Forget

I visited McDonalds over the weekend with my kids. Funny thing is, they didn't even particularly want to -- it was me who wanted something fast, easy, cheap and wouldn't cause any sass from the little ones. I had forgotten about some of the sweeping changes this downward trending corporate monolith has been making lately. Over the months was the cringeworthy, employee-abusing "Feel the Love" campaign, then came the sad self-concious series of behind-the-scene videos that tried to convince us that McDonalds actually does serve "real food", and never forget the unsettling "sexy" Hamburglar. 

But now they've gone and done what my daughter would have commanded them to do as of this past summer: breakfast all day. McDonalds resisted this for pretty much as long as the Egg McMuffin existed -- the McDonalds kitchen is a feat of modern efficiency and design, and to allow mass-production of such a uniform product, something like a poached egg and a burger could not be cooked on the same griddle temperature, and fries and hash browns could not be cooked at the same deep fry temp. But as they jam in an ever expanding and complicated menu into the same space, they now also have found a way to combine day parts.

Thing is, my kids didn't care today. They've lost interest in the Egg McMuffin - now that they can have it whenever, it's become a "whatever".  I ordered a "3rd Pounder Steakhouse" burger thing, and I was shocked -- even by McDonalds standards, this was not good. The burger was unnecessarily large, it missed the usual toppings and instead had a flavorless white cheese and mess of greasy cooked onions and mushrooms redolent of MSG. Whose idea of a "Steakhouse" is mushrooms and onions? I guess if you were a poor person who only splurged on the shittiest steaks who need to be smothered in mushrooms and onions to hide it's lack of flavor and toughness....

I was surprised how few kids were here. Lots of tourists who don't know any better, asking for mayonaise with their french fries. This was not the all-encompassing inevitable fast food of my youth, this was sad and strange. The food is trying to be all things to all people at all times but in the current setting, the things and the people have become much more diverse: to try to be all things today to compete with all these new options is to become nothing. The people are not from here, they are from somewhere else and they drink lots of coffee. My kids ate their nuggets, most of their fries, left behind the apple slices and apple juice, content to drink water from my bottle. 

The crappy toy just isn't enough anymore. I think we'll get pizza or hotdogs for lunch next time. And scrambled eggs and bacon at a local diner for breakfast, or as it has always been, at any time of day.

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WEEKLY AVERAGE: 2690

Decent eating week.

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MONDAY COUNT: 2550

SLEPT: 9pm-8am, 11 hrs

AM SNACK: 9am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST: 10:30am, fage yogurt with honey, vanilla, almonds, 450 cal

PM SNACK: 12:30pm, momma salad, 100 cal

LUNCH pt 1: 1:30pm, hotdog, 300 cal

LUNCH pt 2: 3pm, hotdog, diet coke, 300 cal

DINNER: 6pm, pork tenderloin, health salad, chests, +/- 800 cal

EVENING SNACK: 7pm popcorn, +/- 400 cal

HUNGER SNACK: 7:45pm, kind bar, 200 cal, 9/10
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TUESDAY COUNT: 2960

SLEPT: 10pm-7am, 9hrs

AM SNACK: 7:15 am,  iced green tea

BREAKFAST: 10:45am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 11:45am, steel cut oatmeal, 450 cal

LUNCH: 1:45pm, chicken meatballs, mushroom curry, steamed string beans, 640 cal

PM SNACK: 3:30pm, momma salad, cheezits, 310 cal

DINNER: 6:45pm, flounder, asparagus,  poppa salad with dressing, 650 cal

HUNGER SNACK: 8pm, nutella, peanut butter & chocolate syrup, pringles, +/- 750 cal, 9/10
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WEDNESDAY COUNT: 2810

SLEPT: 10pm-6am, 8 hrs

AM SNACK: 6:15am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST: 9am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 11:45am, fruit smoothie, 450 cal

LUNCH: 2:30pm, bacon, poppa salad, 440cal

PM SNACK: 4pm, momma salad, cheezits, 310 cal

DINNER: 9pm, pasta, perogies, ice cream, +/- 1450 cal
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BIKE CREDIT: 1100 cal
THURSDAY COUNT: 2570

SLEPT: 11:30pm-2:15am, 2.75 hours

AM SNACK: 3am, iced green tea

BIKE SNACK 1: 4am, kind bar, 150mg caffeine, 200 cal

BIKE SNACK 2: 6am, homemade granola bar, 300 cal

BREAKFAST: 10am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 11:30am, Fage yogurt with honey, vanilla, almonds, 450 cal

LUNCH: 1:30pm, beef patty, chicken soup, poppa salad with dressing, 750 cal

PM SNACK: 3pm, momma salad, cheezits, 310 cal

DINNER: 5:45pm, ethiopian food, babka, +/- 1000 cal

EVENING HUNGER SNACK: 10pm, pringles, whiskey, +/- 500 cal

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FRIDAY COUNT:2560

SLEPT: 11pm-6:30am, 7.5 hrs

AM SNACK: 6:45am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST 1: 10am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

PM SNACK: noon, momma salad, 100 cal

LUNCH: 1:15pm, meatball sandwich, small salad, +/-700 cal

PM SNACK: 4pm, poppa salad, 200 cal

DINNER: 5:30pm, chicken cutlet, mushrooms, mashed potato, hotdog, a little fries, ice cream +/- 1200 cal

EVENING SNACK: 8:30pm, 4 pork dumplings, +/- 200 cal

Checking In With Mickey D

There's no going home again.

It's no secret that I'm a little fascinated by McDonalds -- it's a dinosaur of my youth that seems to be on the edge of a potential extinction event. My parents fed it to me as an occasional treat, and in the ensuing years they expanded...and expanded...and expanded, pretty much covering the globe, delivering identical Big Macs from NYC to London to China & Russia and beyond. In culinary school, I was taught the momentous scale of this achievement, not unlike Napoleon or Ghengis Khan assembling an army and a strategy that could create a globe-spanning empire. The food it produces had become secondary -- Ronald McDonald became more recognizable than Jesus, and growth seemed limitless.

Unfortunately, the Earth is a limited place and an empire based on a shitty burger will only go so far. But McDonalds is a corporation with the very best minds in the business, the best food scientists, the best marketers, so it's with anticipation that I wait to see what they're going to do to rise out of the tailspin of consecutive losses for the past few years now. Various trends locally and globally work against them. Between a back-lash to unhealthy food, a rising awareness of ecological issues, and the wants of a younger generation to customize because they are all special snowflakes, I thought McDonalds would make some industry-changing bold moves. Instead, they are...toasting their buns a little longer.

Some onlookers see the approach as the right one for the burger giant. “Small menu tweaks and promotions are indicative of the kind of turnaround plan they need,” said restaurant consultant Aaron Allen.
First, the chain has announced plans to toast its buns five seconds longer to make its sandwiches hotter.
Last week, an internal document revealed it would beef up its quarter pounder to weigh a quarter pound (4 ounces) after cooking, a significant bump up from the current 2.8-ounce cooked patty, according to CNBC. The changes seem to an effort to compete with other “better-burger” chains like Shake Shack and Five Guys that have been stealing customers.

A few months ago, McDonalds took to social media and produced a number of videos that showed how the food got made, trying to assure the population that it really wasn't "that bad", but it was pretty obvious corporate silliness. An ad campaign that aimed to 'spread the love' put it on the backs of poorly paid front-line labor to emotionally connect with random customers in quite a creepy way. It's not for nothing that fast-food unionization and the push for a living minimum-wage has started to snowball in response to such corporate machinations.

Yet the one thing they've been doing for years -- making the food healthier in small increments behind the scenes, like adding whole wheat to the muffin of the Egg McMuffin -- has remained unheralded because a) people think things that are healthier are less tasty and b) it's a sort of admission that their food has been previously unhealthy.

“Sure, the quality and nutrition needs to go way up — along with a hundred other things,” he said. But, more importantly, “you can never make it too fast or too convenient for consumers.”

Quality and nutrition? Phneh, whatever! Make it fast and convenient! Maybe the death of the dinosaur is writ large right here...

Emerging brands like Chipotle and Five Guys are literally and figuratively eating McDonald's lunch. Will tiny tweaks accumulate to push the needle, or see McDonalds do a long, slow fade-away. They used to open up stores every year -- now they are starting to close them. Further attempts at creating a meme with the kids, like a new, cool, sexy Hamburglar, seem more embarrassing than anything else.

This makes me hurt for my innocence lost.

In my mind, I see a complete rebrand, a complete reimagining of the menu, a huge investment in making McDonalds more like....Chipotle & Five Guys, going all in on a huge risk in destroying an empire that is only starting to lose it's grip on the world. But corporations and boards who answer to stock-holders who only want profits THIS quarter are conservative by nature, so I don't expect to get the call to come run McDonalds anytime soon. I'm really curious how this story will play out.

WEEKLY AVERAGE: 2538
Skewed a little by bike riding.

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MONDAY COUNT: 2595

SLEPT: 11pm-6:45am, 7.75 hrs

AM SNACK: 7 am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST 1: 10:30am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 12:45pm, Fage with honey, almonds, vanilla, 450 cal

LUNCH: 2:30pm,  tomato soup, pickles, momma salad, cheezits, 465 cal

PM SNACK: 4pm, kind bar, 200 cal

DINNER: 7pm, flounder, asparagus, poppa salad with dressing, 650 cal

EVENING SNACK: 7:30pm, peanut butter crackers, nutella pack, kid granola bar, 670 cal

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BIKE CREDIT: 685 cal
TUESDAY COUNT: 2595

SLEPT: 10pm-5am, 7hrs

AM SNACK: 5:30 am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST: 9:30am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10:30am, steel cut oatmeal, 450 cal  

LUNCH: 12:45pm, chicken sausage, lentil curry, steamed string beans, pickles,  550 cal

PM SNACK: 1:45pm, momma salad, cheezits, 310 cal

BIKE SNACK: 4pm, homemade granola bar, 330 cal

DINNER: 6:45pm, stouffers french bread pizza, poppa salad, 1080 cal

EVENING SNACK: 8pm, popcorn, +/-400 cal
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WEDNESDAY COUNT: 3550

SLEPT: 9:30pm - 1am, 3am-6:30am, 7 hrs

AM SNACK: 1:30am, nutella snacks, 2 kid granola bars, 740 cal

AM SNACK: 7am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST: 10am, Fage yogurt with honey, almonds, vanilla, 450 cal

PM SNACK: 12:30pm, momma salad, cheezit, 310 cal

PM SNACK: 3pm, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

LUNCH: 4pm, sauteed shrimp and mushrooms, poppa salad with dressing, 740 cal

PM SNACK: 5:45pm, cashews, 350 cal

DINNER: 8pm, Ethiopian food, +/- 800 cal
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BIKE CREDIT: 2780 cal
THURSDAY COUNT: 1300

SLEPT: 11pm-4am, 5 hours

AM SNACK: 4:30am, 3 donuts, 150 mg caffeine, +/- 1200 cal

BIKE SNACK: 11am, peanut butter crackers, 240 cal

LUNCH: 11:30am, 2 slices pizza, diet sprite, +/- 800 cal

BIKE SNACK: 2pm, ice cream, 340 cal

DINNER: 6:30pm, Chinese food, +/- 1500 cal
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FRIDAY COUNT: 2650

SLEPT: 8:30pm-4:30am, 7.5 hours

BREAKFAST 1: 7am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10am, fruit smoothie, 450 cal

LUNCH: 12pm, momma salad and cheezits, peanut butter and turkey on an english muffin, +/- 800 cal

PM SNACK: 4pm, poppa salad with dressing, veggie straws, 340 cal

DINNER: 5:15pm, lamb roll, vegetable pakora, samosa, cheese thing, +/- 900 cal

McDonald's Chicken Problem

McDonalds recently announced it would stop purchasing chicken raised with antibiotics. This is major because they dictate the market. What this means is while the chicken industry has been spending decades moving slowly to remove "human-important" antibiotics from their chicken, McDonalds has come in and basically said, "Bullsh@t. Our chicken needs to be anti-biotic free in 2 years and I ain't payin' for it either." While Chipotle's customer base doesn't blink when their prices go up in reaction to the commodities market (hello, guac-fee!) or miss an ingredient because the supplier isn't organic enough (goodbye, pork!), McDonald's customers are on the losing end of the increasing inequality in the US. So in a weird way, McDonalds is not only fighting for health of it's customers, it's also a defender of 99%...

McDonalds will save us all.

These little changes make a huge difference because of scale. It can't be understated that these are relatively fast tectonic moves in the food industry that touch almost everyone in this vast country. While McDonalds doesn't touch everyone, when you add Costco,  Homophobia Chicken (aka Chikfila) and other players jumping on the bandwagon they created, yeah, it kinda is touching the majority of us.

On the other hand, before you accuse me of being a weird shill or apologist for McD's...: the whole system is f*cked, just like the propaganda video above points out. I comment on this system because me and my children live in it, and noting a rare and positive move is not an endorsement. A few years ago I wrote about the relatively secretive push by McDonalds to reformulate their McMuffin to add more whole grains. McDonalds did not really advertise this because changing the recipe of a core product for reasons of health instead of taste was considered bad for business. The fact that they are making moves as big and loud as anti-biotic free chicken speaks much more to board-room panic than a newly found love of man. It's more like a newly found approach to propaganda to weaken their enemies arguments.

Removing anti-biotics from chicken increases their grow-time by 20%, increases their mortality, and requires much bigger (and humane) spaces to stay healthy, among other additional costs. Will chicken still be profitable? Yes. Will shareholder value take a hit? Yes. Should we value human health over profit? McDonalds (or any corporation) will never say "human health" -- they will ask how can we market to people's desire for health to increase profit? The depth of the evil and arrogance of someone saying "corporations are people" is just sad.

This WWII propaganda poster needs to be recontextualized  for the relationship of Big Gubbermint and Corporate Personhood.

I'm a little surprised I'm still talking about McDonalds here, but they keep literally making the news, because they are the most desperate and dangerous of things: a multi-national corporation that is losing market share hand over fist. They must seek to control the storyline in the media to create a environment in which to claw back what they once had. The intersection of food, money, health and my childhood is just too tempting to obsess over for a few entries!

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WEEKLY AVERAGE: 2679
Calorie count too high, but I'm not eating garbage. I think I'm going to not stress about it right now but if my weight goes up in a few weeks, I'll have to seriously reconsider the issue.

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MONDAY COUNT: 2485

SLEPT: 12pm - 7am, 7hrs

AM SNACK: 7:15 am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST: 9am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: noon, steel cut oatmeal, 450 cal

LUNCH: 3pm, vegetarian meatballs, health salad, pickle, soup, 480 cal

PM SNACK: 4:30pm, momma salad, and cheezits, 310 cal

DINNER: 6:30pm, flounder, asparagus,  poppa salad with dressing, 685 cal

EVENING SNACK: 7:30pm, popcorn, +/-400 cal

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TUESDAY COUNT: 3180

SLEPT: 9pm - 6am, 9 hrs

AM SNACK: 6:15 am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST: 8am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 11am, Cabot with honey, almonds, vanilla, 500 cal

LUNCH: 2:30pm, chicken meat balls, lentil curry, steamed stringbeans, pickle, 560

PM SNACK: 4pm, momma salad, cheezits, 310 cal

DINNER: 6:45pm, frozen pizza, poppa salad with dressing+/- 1020 cal

EVENING SNACKS: 7:30-10:30pm, 2 kind bars, kid granola bar, veggie straws, 630 cal
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WEDNESDAY COUNT: 2250

SLEPT: 11:30pm - 5:30am,  6 hrs

AM SNACK: 5:45 am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST 1: 7:30am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 11am, steel cut oatmeal, 450 cal

LUNCH: 2:30pm, poppa salad with dressing, sautéed chicken, pickles, 450 cal

PM SNACK: 4pm, momma salad, cheezits, 310 cal

PM SNACK: 6pm, cashews, 

DINNER: 8:30pm, Chipotle Burrito, 880 cal
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BIKE CREDIT: 690 cal
THURSDAY COUNT: 2540

SLEPT: 9:45pm - 3:45am,  6 hrs

AM SNACK: 4am, iced green tea, homemade granola bar, 150mg caffeine, 220 cal

BIKE SNACK: 5:30am, homemade granola bar, 220 cal

BREAKFAST: 6:45am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 11am,Cabot with honey, vanilla and almonds, 500 cal

LUNCH: 2:30pm, poppa salad and dressing, sauteed shrimp & shitakes, pickles, 520 cal

PM SNACK: 5pm, momma salad, cheezits, 310 cal

DINNER: 6:30pm, vegetarian dim sum, small cup of ice cream, +/- 1100 cal

EVENING SNACK: 8:30pm, kind bar, 200 cal

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FRIDAY COUNT: 2940

SLEPT: 9pm -2am,  5 hrs

AM SNACK: 2:45am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST: 6am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice,  80 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 11am, fruit smoothie, 450 cal

LUNCH: 2:30pm, almond butter & grape jelly on whole wheat, poppa salad with dressing, pickles, 700 cal

PM SNACK: 4pm, momma salad, cheezits, 310 cal

DINNER: 6:30pm, rabbit, polenta, root veg & cream, broth, 1 glass cider, chocolate, apple crisp & ice cream, +/- 600 cal

DINNER 2: 9pm, vegetarian sticky rice, cookies, +/- 800 cal

McDonalds, reconsidered

I don't mind minimum wage, I get paid in lovin'.

I was born at the dawn of the 1970s, a time when restaurants served only a fraction of the food we consume. McDonalds, one of the early fast food franchises, blossomed while others stayed in place or withered. Millions and millions, then billions and billions, then trillions were served. 

I have fond memories of my parents taking me there on rare occasion, maybe once every other month. It wasn't any more or less healthy than it is now, but it was more expensive -- smaller portions for proportionally more money than today. For me, it was tasty and exciting and different. I assume for them, it was easy and convenient and the kids wouldn't complain. As a pre-teen on my very first "long distance" bike ride to the mall, I rewarded myself with a McD's chocolate shake. As a teenager, I remember going to a McD's with my mom super early in the morning and getting my first McMuffin, right before we got on a bus to DC to protest for a woman's right to abortion.

I remember when a man was a man, a woman was a woman, and a McMuffin was an environmental nightmare.

I have very personal associations with this restaurant whose food has basically been exactly the same all these years. Sure, the portions are bigger and the menu has expanded exponentially, but a McDonald's plain Quarter Pounder is exactly the same burger I ate as a 7 year old. Not only that, but where ever I go in the world, that Quarter Pounder is ALSO the same burger I ate as a 7 year old. Just from a logistics and consistency perspective, it's clear why McD's has a reputation in the business as a true goliath and legend.

Over the past 5 years or so, McD's business hasn't been doing too well. Increased competition from newer chains of fast and "fast-casual" joints are catering to the tastes of the younger generations who indulge in fast food. Better ingredients, ethically sourced, customized --  all sorts of burger chains are nibbling at their core business, and a burrito joint of all things is the McDonalds of 2015.

Oh, OK,  integrity in food is trademarked. Everyone go home!

I've written here before about the laughable attempts of McDonalds to try to demystify the quality of their food, and their status as a legacy brand that may be on the way out. Regardless, I've continued to occasionally eat at the place, usually at the insistence of the love of McMuffins from my eldest child. It's kid food, just as I remember it from the warm fuzzy days of my own childhood. That association is a bright Golden God, and one that marketers depend on. 

I try not to overthink it -- feeding my children nutritionally suspicious food, OK, but it's not every day or even every week. I try not to think of the eating habits I'm passing on to my kids -- they know this is just special-time food, right? I try not to think of the rain forests in Brazil bulldozed to allow grazing for cheap beef to feed an international commodity supply chain -- that's so far away and out of view. I try not think of how McDonalds has dominated food deserts and highway rest stops since I was born in the early 1970s -- it's just a good business model that has grown because people like it, not because it leverages money and power to push out potentially better options, right?

It's shockingly easy to push a lot of fraught thought aside to the altar of the warm-fuzzy nolstalgic love of my deceased parents. My parents have been gone for nearly a decade, but as I leave behind childish thinking that doesn't serve me well as a grown-ass man, my relationship with them has only become more complicated. 

So in that light,  what if I went into a McDonalds, ordered some food for me and my kids, and then was asked by the counter person to ring up my dead mom in exchange for a free meal?

A new marketing blitz from McDonalds has kicked off with the Superbowl a few weeks ago. It involves a game where random customers are asked to pay with random "loving" acts in exchange for not have to pay with money. 

My first reaction was: those poor saps who have to work at McDonalds and now have to deal with this sh#t.

This is a pretty blatant example of emotional labor: the requirement that a low-wage employee not just show up to work and adequately perform her duties, but that she put on a veneer of happiness and cheer for the customer to elicit an emotional response in him. For example, in 2013 Pret A Manger put up on its website (and then subsequently took down) expected “behaviours” its employees were supposed to exhibit, like creating a “sense of fun” and appearing “genuinely friendly.” The ones it wouldn’t allow, on the other hand, were bad moods and acting like they were “just here for the money.” Because ordering a sandwich is now supposed to be a delightful experience, and of course a low-wage clerk is at work for something other than a paycheck.
This is what’s pernicious about emotional labor: it requires poorly paid people to slather a smile onto their face and cover up the real conditions under which they labor. 

My second reaction was a lot more personal: those marketing suits are trying to create warm, fuzzy memories and associations that had happened naturally between me and my parents. So for the unsuspecting, unaware customers who are brought into this interaction, the parents (while maybe the subject) are not the actors creating a relationship with you -- it is the corporate brand becoming the one feeding you and loving you. It is the underlying relationship with my own parents that has had me get comfortable with eating McDonalds, and importantly for the marketers, it is this underlying relationship that has brought me to recreating it with my own children.

McDonalds is not people, it is a corporation. And as it suffers at the hand of a free market and generational shift, it becomes the most dangerous thing -- a corporation, a being without morals or ethics, that will do anything to preserve and expand it's profits. They're willing to fatten, exploit and consume me, and my children, but they will not manipulate the love between me and my parents, or as a parent, me and my children.

Though my kids don't know it yet, I am boycotting McDonalds until this marketing campaign is over. If my kids forget about McMuffins and happy meals by the time it is over, so be it. My parent's love is stronger than corporate love.

Actually, they're all the Hamburglar.

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WEEKLY AVERAGE: 2510
Life is still pretty ugh, but the ground work is being laid for a much happier Spring. Test bike ride on Tuesday through the slush to Coney Island was a slow slog, but laying roots is never as sexy as a flower in full blossom.

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MONDAY COUNT: 2620

SLEPT: 10:30pm - 6am, 7.5hrs

AM SNACK: 6:15 am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST: 10am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 11am, Cabot Greek with honey, vanilla and almonds, 500 cal

PM SNACK: 1:45pm, momma salad, cheezits 310 cal

DINNER: 6:30pm, mahi, mani, asparagus,  poppa salad with dressing, 650 cal

EVENING SNACK: 7pm, popcorn, +/-400 cal

EVENING SNACK: 7:30pm, kind bar, 200 cal

EVENING SNACK: 8pm, 2 kids granola bars, almond butter & chocolate syrup, +/- 400 cal

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BIKE CREDIT: 600 cal
TUESDAY COUNT: 2495

SLEPT: 10pm - 6am, 8 hrs

AM SNACK: 6:15 am, iced green tea


BREAKFAST: 9:15am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 11am, steel cut oatmeal, 450 cal

PM SNACK: 1pm, momma salad, cheezits, 310cal

BIKE SNACK 1: 2:30pm, homemade granola bar, 215 cal

BIKE SNACK 2: 4pm, homemade granola bar, 260 cal

DINNER pt 1: 6pm, poppa salad with dressing, 200 cal

EVENING SNACK: 6:45pm, veggie straws, 260 cal

DINNER pt 2: 7pm, Stouffer's French Bread pizzas, 840 cal

EVENING SNACKS: 7:30-8:30pm, kind bar, 2 kids granola bars, 2\400 cal
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WEDNESDAY COUNT: 2305

SLEPT: 9am - 6am,  9 hrs

AM SNACK: 6:15 am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST: 10:30am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 11:30am, Cabot Greek with honey, vanilla and almonds, 500 cal

PM SNACK: 3:15pm, momma salad, cheezits, 310 cal

PM SNACK: 6:15pm, cashews, 255 cal

DINNER: 8:30pm, Chipotle Burrito, poppa salad with dressing, 1080 cal
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THURSDAY COUNT: 2520

SLEPT: 10:30pm - 6am,  7.5 hrs

AM SNACK: 6:15 am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST: 10:30am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 12pm, steel cut oatmeal, 450 cal

PM SNACK: 3pm, momma salad, cheezits, 310 cal

PM SNACK: 6:15pm, slice of pizza, +/- 300 cal

DINNER: 7:15pm, faux-chicken parm, faux-roti canai, +/- 700 cal

EVENING SNACK: 8:15pm, chocolate cake, +/- 600 cal
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FRIDAY COUNT: 2610

SLEPT: 1am - 6:30am,  5.5 hrs

AM SNACK: 7am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST: 9:30am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice,  80 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 12:30am, fruit smoothie, 500 cal

PM SNACK: 3:45pm, momma salad, cheezits, 320 cal

PM SNACK: 5pm, poppa salad with dressing, apple pie, 560 cal

DINNER: 7:30pm, falafal salad thing from Maoz, +/- 500 cal

EVENING SNACK: 7:45pm, vegan brownie, +/- 400 cal

EVENING SNACK: 8:45pm, ice cream, 250 cal

Legalization: Fast Food's only hope?

Recent year-end annual reports from the major fast food corporations report some interesting trends. McDonalds continues it's year-over-year downward spiral, while Taco Bell increases year-over-year. Just as McDonalds is being chipped away by the rapid expansion of fast-casual chains like 5 Guys and Shake Shack, one would think the gravity of Chipotle would have a similar effect on the Bell. I think I know why it hasn't: weed.

McDonalds tries to be a blockbuster that hits every single demographic everywhere. Men, women, grannies, boys, families, singles, of any nationality on any continent. They are a marvel of consistency: a Big Mac in NYC being pretty much the same Big Mac you'll get in Japan or Spain. However, the world has changed, and their recent marketing push to proclaim their goods "real food" is surprisingly defensive, reactionary and despite their best marketing efforts, clearly a bit stodgy and insulting to anyone who has actual taken the time to consider the issues they are trying to address/circumvent. 

A fried ground nugget of anti-biotic fattened feed-lot bird is exactly that -- you don't need to assure me of the lack of "pink slime". And why don't you ask, "Has the chicken nugget ever had pink slime in it?" Or should we let the past lie? Autolyzed yeast extract is essentially MSG, so please don't gloss over the large stack of additives that make your simple meat-nugget a very designed, industrial food. Oh, so NOW you want to be all honest and straight forward, now that it's hitting you're stock's price...

Taco Bell, on the other hand, wants to be your go-to if you're the kinda person who likes to get high.

A lot of this seems to come down to an uncommon understanding of what they are as a company: Taco Bell's food is objectively crap, and they know it's objectively crap, but it's also really freaking tasty crap, and that's the tack they take with their ads. While McDonald's scrambles to show how healthy they are or how McRibs are not made of asshole meat or how their food really does decay like normal organic matter, no seriously you guys, (lines of argument which absolutely no one is buying, not even if they bring in a Mythbusters B-Teamer as a delivery vehicle), Taco Bell runs ads like this one. 

You can be the hedonistic idiot food of the young, or you can be a responsible, tasty choice that children grow on and stewards to the planet. You probably can't be both. Or in McDonalds case, you can probably be neither. With wave after wave of marijuana legalization sweeping over the United States, it's not unimaginable for corporations to start positioning their marketing to catch all those hungry, bleary-eyed stoners coming out of the shadows.

Get on that franchise bandwagon, Taco Bell!

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WEEKLY AVERAGE: 2626
A bumpy week, but surving a'aight.

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MONDAY COUNT: 2790

SLEPT: 8:30pm - 5am, 2-3:30pm, 10 hrs
An alright day, too cold. A case of the Mondays.

AM SNACK: 5:15 am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST: 9am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10am, steel cut oatmeal, 450 cal

LUNCH: 1:15pm, falafel, split pea soup, health salad, pickles, 630 cal

PM SNACK : 3:45pm, momma salad, Grazebox seeds , 300 cal

DINNER: 6pm, hake fish, asparagus, poppa salad with Italian, 600 cal

EVENING SNACK: 7pm, kind bar, 200 cal

EVENING SNACK: 7:30pm, popcorn, +/- 300 cal

EVENING SNACK: 8pm, 3 small homemade chocolate cookies, +/- 150 cal
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TUESDAY COUNT: 2730

SLEPT: 9:30pm-5:30am, 8hr
Rainy bleah day.

AM SNACK: 5:45am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST: 9:30am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10:45am,  Fage with honey, almonds, vanilla, 450 cal

PM SNACK: 12:30pm, momma salad, Grazebox almonds, pickle  330 cal

LUNCH: 3:15pm, Stoufers French Bread pizzas, 820 cal

DINNER: 6:30pm, sautéed shrimp, poppa salad with Italian, 470 cal

EVENING SNACK: 7pm, homemade chocolate cookies, +/- 500 cal
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WEDNESDAY COUNT: 2390

SLEPT: 9:30pm-6am, 8.5 hr
Mellow day, nice house guest for dinner.

AM SNACK: 6:15am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST: 7:30am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10:15am,  Fage whole yogurt with honey, vanilla, almonds, 450 cal

LUNCH: 1:30pm, chicken meatballs, lentil curry, shiritaki noodles, momma salad, 680 cal

PM SNACK: 3pm, grazebox crackers, 100 cal

DINNER: 5:30pm, sea bass, samosa and chickpeas, steamed string beans, water, chocolate, +/- 1000 cal

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THURSDAY COUNT: 2910

SLEPT: 10:30pm-6am, 7.5hr
Not feeling well.

AM SNACK: 6:15am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST: 10am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 11am, steel cut oatmeal, 450 cal

PM SNACK: 3pm, momma salad, Grazebox nuts, 300 cal

DINNER: 4:45pm, meatball hero, onion rings, salad, +/-1200 cal

EVENING SNACK: 7pm, homemade cookies, +/- 800 cal

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FRIDAY COUNT: 2310

SLEPT: 9pm-6am, 9 hr
Decent day.

AM SNACK: 6:30am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST: 10am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 11am,  fruit smoothie, 450 cal

LUNCH: 2pm, black beans, funky cheese, +/- 500 cal

DINNER: 6pm, slice of pizza, ramen noodles, kind bar, +/- 1200 cal

McDonalds & Coke: Tomorrow's Dinosaurs Today

We go (screaming downwards) together

Sometimes it takes a lot of work, time and patience to read cultural tea leaves -- you have to live it and breath it to become a proper cultural weather vane. I'd like to think my 5+ years ruminating about food on blogs, graduating from culinary school, a few years of professional cooking experience and some studious time with nutritionists have given me a little bit of radar in this department. But low-hanging fruit is low-hanging fruit, and you don't need to be a wizard to analyze where our food dollars are going. Two megalithic standard bearers of all that is wrong with American food and American nutrition are seeing what may be the beginning of a long downward trend in their fortunes:

McDonald's has been failing badly for a while now — this was the second straight quarter in which they reported losses across the board, and nothing is stemming the bleeding: sales fell 3.7% in August and 3.6% in September. August's figure represents the worst monthly drop for the company in a decade. In the US, the decline is blamed largely on millennials seeking out fast casual options like Chipotle due to people suddenly being willing to trade a (somewhat) higher cost for a huge perceived jump in both quality and healthiness.

Tainted meat in China and Russian national pride shutting the Golden Arches down lately haven't helped their cause, either. Desperation moves find management adding more and more things to the menu in hopes of finding the next "McNugget" or "McMuffin" break-through, but instead are just slowing down operations, taking the "fast" out of fast food, and cheapening their brand with dollar menus and anti-burger stuff like salads and parfaits.

Seeing a corporation groveling and trying to change the subject is kinda sad in a weird way, like a child (a very powerful, amoral child with shareholders) who doesn't quite understand how the world works so is hoping to somehow change reality by pleading it's case with very limited/specifically chosen facts. Does McDonalds have any pink slime in any product? No, they say confidently. Did McDonalds have pink slime in most of it's meats as recently as a year ago, and only removed this profitable but disgusting habit when it was exposed in the media? Oh, wait, those facts are inconvenient to redefining the brand.

On one hand, some new competition does take on an aspect of what made McDonalds groundbreaking: Chipotle keeps their menu small and their service fast even at high-demand times. On the other hand,  there are plenty of new franchises like 5 Guys and Shake Shack who keep the menu focused like an old school McDonalds: just burgers really well done. On both sides, they do something that McDonalds is way too old, slow and giant to do: market to the healthfulness of their food with organic ingredient, declarations of environmental friendliness, and the like. McDonalds can try, but after all this time, no one believes them. Despite the options for milk, juice, water, fancy coffee and the like, the main drink of choice at a McDonalds is a coke product:

Coca-Cola, meanwhile, doesn't have any similar franchising issues or international scandals to blame for their falling stock — they're just losing money hand over fist. They're dealing with the same health issues McDonald's faces, as Americans don't seem to be into the idea of high sugar drinks as much as they used to, to which their solution has been to introduce lower-calorie drinks like Coke Zero.

It's been said over and over again that the #1 leading source of excess calories is by drinking sugar dissolved in flavored fizzy water. The best way back to better health, away from metabolic syndrome and all the diseases that accompany it, is by simply consuming less/none of it. Of course, Big Soda (and the Big Government that is in thrall of it's money) says, "Hogwash, keep consuming more and more, just 'balance' your time with a hell of a lot more moving!"

As a cyclist who does measure calories in and out on rides to assure efficiency and health, if I were to "reward" myself with an acidified carbonated high-fructose solution after every ride like the dorks in the video, I'd be either vomiting on the regular, 50 lbs heavier, or probably both. A calorie is not just a calorie if the calorie is from high fructose corn syrup, but that's another entry.

Marc Bittman had a recent editorial that touched on the trending down of McDonalds matched by the 'healthier' options like Chipotle. He names three sources where real change in food policy and increasing public health can come from: Food Business, Government, and Consumers. The first two are  both in thrall and enslaved to the money that the third party supplies. So the best, most efficient and likely way to improve our world of food is to personally follow two rules:

1. Stop eating junk and hyperprocessed food. This eliminates probably 80 percent of the stuff that is being sold as “food.”
2. Eat more plants than you did yesterday, or last year.

This, of course, is a continuation of everything Bittman has written up to this point, but it still holds it's power. If someone were to ask me how I lost 40+ pounds and kept it off for over a year despite set-point fear mongering, I'd honestly have to say, I ate more real food, less food-like substances, and more plants. Though in honesty I hit up McDonalds a few times a month to satisfy my children's McMuffin cravings (and my need for convenience and peace), over all in the past few year's I've eaten vastly less McDonalds-like food, and drank literally gallons less Diet Coke and sweetened beverages. Guess my eating lines up pretty well with the cultural weather vane.

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WEEKLY AVERAGE: 2763

OK eating week, life in a weird state of flux, good things, bad things, anxiety and hope. Regardless, the kids are happy, healthy and living a stable, loving life and that's the real measure of how things are, so I shouldn't complain.

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MONDAY COUNT: 2910

SLEPT: 9pm-6am, 1:30pm-2:45pm, 10.25 hr
Good quiet day. Good to have a sleep room at work to help catch up on sleep from the weekend.

AM SNACK: 6:15am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST: 9am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10am,  Steel cut oatmeal, 450 cal

LUNCH: 12:45pm, falafel, cream of mushroom soup, health salad, pickles, 810 cal 
Pickles slightly off. Have a small amount left, still think I'll not buy the full gallon of pickles next time. Maybe 3/4.

PM SNACK: 4:15pm, momma salad, Grazebox nut mix , 310 cal

DINNER: 6:30pm, tilapia, asparagus, poppa salad with Ceasar dressing, 680 cal

EVENING SNACK: 8pm, popcorn, +/- 300 cal

EVENING SNACK: 8:30pm, kind bar, 200 cal
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TUESDAY COUNT: 3030

SLEPT: 9pm-12:30am, 1:30am-5am, 1:45-2:45pm, 8 hr
Chill day.

AM SNACK: 5:15am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 7am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10am, whole fage with honey, vanilla and almonds, 450 cal

LUNCH: 12:45pm, chicken meatballs, steamed string beans, mushroom curry,  pickles, 620 cal 
New pickles.

PM SNACK: 3:30 pm, momma salad, Grazeboxseed mix , 270 cal

DINNER: 6:30pm, sautéed chicken breast,  roasted brussel sprouts, poppa salad with Cesar dressing, 630 cal

EVENING SNACK: 7pm, 2 kind bar, 400 cal

EVENING SNACK: 8pm, peanut butter & chocolate syrup, one child chocolate chip granola bar, +/- 500 cal

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WEDNESDAY COUNT: 2876

SLEPT: 9pm-4am, 1:30-2:30pm, 8 hr
Bumpy morning with rain and sorting out kid travel, but somehow we survive.

AM SNACK: 4:15am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 7am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10am,  Steel cut oatmeal, 450 cal

LUNCH: 12:45pm, sautéed chicken breast, roasted brussel sprouts, quinoa,  pickles, 635 cal 

PM SNACK: 3:30 pm, momma salad, Grazebox cracker mix , 230 cal

PM SNACK: 4:30pm,  poppa salad with Cesar dressing, 200 cal

DINNER: 6:30pm, soba in soup with shrimp, 2 shrimp dumplings, a spoonful of ice cream, +/- 500 cal

EVENING SNACK: 8:30pm, 2 kind bars, cashews and chocolate chips, ritz crackers with cheese spread, +/- 800 cal
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THURSDAY COUNT: 2535

SLEPT: 1pm-5:30am, 6.5  hr
Excellent meal at Hearth with a new friend.

AM SNACK: 5:45am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 7am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 9:45am, whole fage with honey, vanilla and almonds, 450 cal

LUNCH: 12:45am, chicken sausage, sauteed mushrooms and onions, pickles, 515cal

PM SNACK: 3:30 pm, momma salad, Grazebox wasabi peas , 210 cal

PM SNACK: 6pm,  poppa salad with Cesar dressing, 200 cal

DINNER: 7pm, bread and butter, ribolita & roasted fall veg, cod & chestnut cannelloni, gnocchi, 1 glass alcoholic cider, herbal tea, +/- 800 cal

EVENING SNACK: 9pm, cookies, +/- 200 cal
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BIKE CREDIT: 670 cal
FRIDAY COUNT: 2465

SLEPT: 11pm-3am, 1pm-2:30pm, 5.5  hr
Early AM ride, felt good, as this coming weekend's only ride is on the big bike with kids.

AM SNACK: 3:15am, iced green tea, 150mg caffeine, granola bar, 275 cal

BIKE SNACK: 4:45am, granola bar, 275 cal

BREAKFAST: 7am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10am, fruit smoothie, 500 cal

LUNCH: 12:15pm, sardine and avocado on whole wheat toast, health salad,  pickles, 615 cal 

PM SNACK: 3 pm, momma salad, cheezits, 310 cal

DINNER: 6pm, Pad Thai, fried tofu, diet soda, +/- 1000 cal