Sunday, December 28, 2014

End of Year Review Reverie

The specter that haunted me across Kansas in 2006...
Hello, fine readership. I'm in the middle of two weeks of not recording what I eat, and thinking hard about it -- will report back with weigh-in post and self-flagilation/self-celebration in the new year. For now, some looking back.

This blog has 159 posts so far. Weird how the most popular post this year was about the one of the worst foods in the world you literally have to go to prison to sample, and FBITWC's most popular post of all time (with over 1000 views) was from the very beginning when I was posting every day, simply ranting about a broad subject that was just starting to unfold itself to me: sugar.

Though while I've been thinking a lot about my food and health in these final weeks of 2014, my mind has been wandering back to a bicycle trip I took almost a decade ago. I was still deeply mourning for my parents, and I was shifting gears in life, getting ready for married life and wanting to go big before kids would make dropping out of life for a few months impossible. The blog I kept was more for just friends who wanted to stay in touch and hear what was going on, but upon reflection, it was a tool to keep me present and aware of my surroundings.

For your entertainment and my reverie, I'm reposting my favorite post from that blog here, dating from September 18, 2006. This was pre-iPhone, my camera had died way back in California, and all posts were from internet-connected public libraries across the country. It's a long post, and covers a bunch of experiences that really shaped:

  • the evolving view of bacon
  • a realization that cycling is a skill that can be developed
  • my white privilege in terms of interacting with cops
  • an adult identity as a Jew (separate from bacon, oddly enough)

Rereading that blog, only now am I coming to terms with it, and putting into words what I got out of it -- I think I got out of it what I needed, and a lot more. If I were to ever write a memoir, it would probably be based on that blog, the private notebook I kept as a companion to it, and…oh, it's all too much. I'm grateful. Happy New Year and good health in 2015!

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If you ride a bike through Central Kansas early on a Sunday morning and listen to the radio, Jesus will find you. He will envelope every single radio station on the dial and speak to you through the various hosts. There was "Women on Women" with Phylis, which sounded kinda kinky with this woman who had 9 husbands, miscarriages, abusive boyfriends, drugs, etc, until all her problems were resolved by Jesus. On another station, Stephen Baldwin was being interviewed about the Jesus-oriented MySpace/Itunes website he was promoting for some God-really-only-knows reason. It was sweet relief to here the old man with the froggy voice take calls about old-time home-remedies....for plants and trees. Did you know that if you pee in a bottle, age it for several weeks, then spray it on your flowering plants and trees, it'll repel armadillos (pronounced ar-MAH-dill-ahz)?

I guess Jesus (and the priorities of public funding) has kept me off computers the last few days, as you will not find an open library on the Lord's Day. And I guess Saturday, too, just in case God is Jewish. This is not the bible belt, but I've seen big "Life: What a Beautiful Choice" and "My Mommy Chose Life" billboards in just about every town I've come through. Only one was vandalized. On the bike ride over to the library here, I saw a religousy building with a big "SHALOM" on it's sign....could it be? Nope, it's a Mennonite Church. Which in these parts where it's Presbyterian or Bust, that might as well be Jewish I suppose. Shalom, y'all!

The terrain out here is flat, and the weather has been cooperating. Except for the other day....Sunny, there was strong South/Southwest winds. The route I was on was mostly easterly, but 30 miles in, it turns straight south for 19 miles. Extreme wind warnings on the radio, 20-30 mph, gusting up to 50. Now I've been riding east with 15-25 mph s/sw winds which didn't help me much, but didn't hurt. At the turning corner, a sports bar/diner just opened up for a 10am breakfast, and I powered down a pancake as big as my head, hashbrowns and perhaps the best bacon I've ever had (more on that in a minute). I topped off my camelback (a 72 ounce bladder of water I wear on my back) and my bottle, and get ice. And then, into the wind.

Now, I didn't know what "50 mph wind" meant, and had I known, I would probably taken the day off for bad weather. The route itself was rolling little hills, with more declines than inclines. At the top of the first hill, I had to turn off the radio, because on top of all the howling, all I could hear snippets of "extreme wind warning" and "tornado last night" and "islamo-fascist". Damn them islamo-fascist wind-bombs!

Pedaling into that kind of wind is very much like climbing a steep grade, with one key difference. When going up a steep hill, you bring your chest up, your hands high on your handlebars, so you can open your chest and get full lungs of air. However, when pushing into the wind, you need to get low on the drops of your handlebars to get as aero as possible to lessen wind resistance. So you are pushing as hard as you would on a mountain, but have to tuck down and compress your chest. Or, as I did, open up like a sail and hammer in, taking breaks every five minutes on the flats, and walking up ridiculously small baby hills. Invisible babies became men.

When I would raise my head and the wind would gust, it felt like a thousand little hammers pounding my face, my nose, catching into my mouth and hammering the cheek inside-out. And then when I rubbed my face and looked at my hand, it was covered in granulated, powdery salt....

The 20 miles took me three hours. All farms, then a protected water-shed. Near the end, I was feeling disoriented and blown, no pun intended. All through the push, I was sucking on my water and choking down my hot gatorade. Then it ran out. The wind was sucking me dry. Even though I topped off, it wasn't enough, I had miscalculated. Food, I had on me, but liquids were gone. Within a mile, there was a stand of trees, which meant in all likelihood there would be a house cradled behind it.

My instinct is to NEVER knock on a stranger's door, it's just not done, unless it's an emergency. I had been feeling a bit disoriented for the last hour, but I chalked that up to the heavy pushing. If I became as dehydrated as the wind could make me, that WOULD be an ambulance-worthy emergency. So I dropped the bike, walked over the grass to the front door. I noticed a mini van parked behind. I knock, I hear a dog bark, but no answer. I walk around to the back, I see a hose, but feel weird just grabbing it. I knock on the back door, and a Sandy Duncan look-alike with a bit too much make-up answers it (my first thought was, uh oh, this is how a bad porn movie starts....hey, I was disoriented!) and I say sorry to bother you, but I ran out of water. She's very nice, says oh please, use my well, take all you can use, then walks me over and shows me how to flip the lever to cause a jet of ice-cold water to spray out into the wind. She quickly shuffles back in, and I water myself down to get rid of the salt-face, refill everything, then drink as much as my stomach will hold.

Back on the road, determined to meet my 72 virgins at the cross-roads (or Betsy, just as good!). Oddly, the house was less than a mile away from my turn east. The last 15 miles into town was flat and not too difficult, but I was done for the day at that turn.

Everywhere you eat bacon in NYC, it's mostly the same. Some fancy places will have'organic' or 'applewood smoked' stuff or deep fry it for a crispy non-dry consistency, but more or less it's samey. Every time I eat bacon out here, it's totally different. Sometimes papery thin and hickory flavored, the other time thick and ham-looking (like in England) but with a distinctly woody tinge. Wonderful!

You'll get big fat Chicago-style, and you'll get foofy California-style, but you will NEVER get Kansas-style pizza in NYC. Yesterday, I was in Sterling, a cute dimple of a town with only one open restaurant on Sunday, Gambino's Kansas-style pizza. Kansas-style, well, let's put our big Noooo Yawrk SITTEE! attitude aside and give it a shot. This pizza was aiming for Pizza Hut style....and failing miserably. The crust was bleachy white with no char and no air in it, flat and slightly crumbly with no chew to it. The cheese had no taste and the sauce was sweetly forgettable. However, I was one of the few customers in and the guy from the kitchen came out and asked if everything was ok - now THAT would never happen in a NY-style place, especially if the pizza wasn't top-notch! Rather than pull a 'tude, I said everything was wonderful and got out of there....into the cross-hairs of the local sheriff...

Next door was a little public park, between Gambinos and the closed public library. I rested my bike against a bench and sat at a concrete table and read the Sunday Hamilton News. If you were to remove all the AP and wire reports, then remove all the coverage of the Kansas State Fair, you'd have about 2 pages of newspaper. So as I'm quite literally sitting there minding my own business, I see a cop-looking fellow walking toward me. I see on the street there is a large white pick-up truck with "POLICE" painted on it's side in blue. He pauses to peer into a garbage can, sticks his hand in to push it around, then continues to walk toward me. "Hi, how you doin'? You from around here?" I give the usual shpiel about biking my way home to NY, blah blah blah. He asks me where I was last night, where I'm going. He seems friendly enough, but I can tell from my many hours of watching bad cop procedurals on TV that he's feeling me out. He mentions that being a stranger in every town, I must get a lot of this. No dude, I thought, yer the first. Is that your bike? Where's your stuff? I mention that I'm staying at the Inn, and all my stuff is in a trailer that I drag behind my bike. He says good day and splits.

Three minutes later, I'm still reading the thin News, and the sheriff comes back. Can I see some ID? Sure, no problem. He sits with me and my license and writes down my name, license # and DOB. He says there was a burglary in the area recently, and if any one asks him about the biker, he can say he checked him out. He also says he checked the trash can to see if the burglar dumped anything. Good thing I was reading the local news and not "In Cold Blood".

So a few hours later I'm in my room writing in my journal when the TV news announces that the Clutter home, where the murders of "In Cold Blood" occurred, was up for sale. As I'm writing, "and this cop comes over and asks me...", someone knocks on the door. Hmm. I put on my skivvies and answer it, and low and behold it's the sheriff again. Sorry to disturb you, Mr. Wildman, but I need to ask you a few more questions. Sure, no problem. You with the other cyclist at the Inn? No, I'm traveling alone. You talk to anyone in a truck with a trailer today? No, can't say I have. You been on any gravel roads today? Yes, one, here's my route map, there's the gravel road I was on. What time were you there? I called my fiance at the foot of it, so it must of been around 10am. Do you mind if I search your room?....I paused, hmmm, that's a bit personal. But I quickly surmised if I said no, he could probably take my ID, tell me not to leave town, then get a warrant. So I said sure, and he came in and gently went through my things....any medications or drugs here? Just some aspirin and sleeping pills in my toiletries. Can you open your trailer? Sure.....He explains that there was a burglary at the local pharmacy that morning, and all his leads are pointing to a 'trailer'. Since I mentioned I was pulling a trailer, he was came back to me. As I am not a drugstore pilferer, he thanked me heartily, shook my hand beefily, and split for the third time. I was a suspect in perhaps the biggest criminal peccadillo in the last 20 years of the history of Sterling, KS! Take that, CSI NY! Take that, Special Victims Unit!

Aside from All-Jesus Radio and Right Wing Shouter FM, K-Farm and Classic Shlock, you sometimes pick up an oldies station having an "All Fun Songs" weekend. Bippity Beach Boys, sugary psychedelic nuggets, some Funky Broadway Motowny bits, a lot less offensive than the other selections. But this song came on, "Wichita Lineman" by what I now know to be Glenn Campbell, as I never heard it before. I starts with this big mellow 1960's orchestral AM radio wash, and I groan, uh oh, here comes the sub-standard Elvis poot. Then I listened. The calm unfancy baritone sings a simple lyric about a truck driver/railroad engineer pining for his love while he drives across the long, straight roads of Wichita. Then these beautiful chord changes that made me want to smack Arthur Lee and my favorite band, Divine Comedy, for not coming up with them first. Just stunningly beautiful. That's me! I, too, am literally outside Wichita, chugging along the straight flat pancake roads, endlessly falling towards my love without getting there. Never heard it before, but by the end I was singing along, "But I can hear you through the whine, and the Wichita Lineman is still on the line." In three minutes, it went from an 'ewww' to one of my new favorite songs of all time. I can't believe I've never heard it before, a little googling has uncovered covers by the likes of Ray Charles to Urge Overkill, Sammy Davis to Kool & the Gang. Right song at the right time in the right place to the right person - I was jumping up and down and yelling, it made me so happy to be on my bike pedalling through the wheat chaff and cow-plots of Kansas.

I'm taking tomorrow off, I think I should of taken the day off after the windstorm, but wanted to lay down in a big town. Tomorrow, two more stories: The Old Lady & Her Senior Center, and the charming town of Buhler & Biker Jim. Buhler....Buhler.....Buhler....Buhler....

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addenda: At various motels, I'm seeing adverts for Verizon and their wonderful extensive network. I have Verizon and my phone has been on the "Extended Network" for a while now, meaning nothing except calls and texts. Where is my crowd of tech geeks and line-men that are supposed to follow me around? All I got is Farmer Hank and his wife Lydia working part time!
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addenda II: The Newton Librarian kicked me off in the middle of my cop story, as my hour was up and there was a line of people to get on the computers. (I'm now at the hotel, and fortunately they have a computer for the guests) I think I made a tactical mistake: I chose Newton (pop: 17,500) to take a day off because I was hankerin' for city life, but this is 4th-rate Kansas-style city life. Suburban sprawl with a highway bisecting one part, a railroad bisecting another, and 12 different kinds of fast-food chains lining the business district, all with drive-thru windows. Blechchch. I'll be living it hotel-style all day tomorrow, getting my head clear through large sunless HBO-treatments and a (albeit Rufusless) 4-hour soak...

Sunday, December 21, 2014

Comfort food: Cold comfort.

I don't understand why it's not all bacon.
This, the "most wonderful time of year", is perhaps when we also need the most comfort due to the stress of forced familial cheer, over-the-top consumerism, wall-to-wall holiday muzak and the unsettling feeling that you're just not damn cheerful enough. And when you need comfort, what better place to turn than weed comfort food. Or if recent studies are to be understood, it's more like, "comfort food". Blame it on astronauts.

NASA noticed that astronauts lose weight when traveling in space, as every gram and calorie has to have an equivalent amount of money and rocket fuel to get it up into space, and freeze-dried astronaut food ain't exactly enticing. Would there be an advantage to serving "comfort food" to help with weight and mood on a long trip, like say, to Mars?
Mmmmm space fruit.
Long story short, if your in a foul mood, eating food that you find comfort (which tends to be high in calories, fat, sugar and salt) does not elevate the mood any quicker than if you eat normal food or even nothing at all.
Dr. Mann said the study’s findings helped demystify the belief that comfort food is uniquely comforting. “Let’s not say we’re allowed to eat something because it will make us feel better about whatever we’re suffering,” she said. “People are looking for a justification to eat something unhealthy. Just eat the ice cream! It’s not magical. But it is yummy.”
Looking back over the stretch of my life, particularly in my preteen years, I found great comfort in food, and the more I ate the more I felt comforted, a feed-back loop, no pun intended. 
Although research has shown that eating food high in fat, sugar or salt activates the brain’s reward system, Nicole M. Avena, a neuroscientist and assistant professor at Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai who writes about eating disorders, said in an email that the Minnesota study suggested that such neural response may not translate into measurable mood changes. Dr. Avena said it would be interesting to see whether these results would hold up in studies of subjects who are obese or regularly eat comfort foods.
While your typical astronaut candidate may not bury themselves in kit kats and ding dongs to simply bear the existential angst of puberty in early 80s Staten Island, this approach may indeed have a mood-altering effect. Where universal-response to food stimuli ends and where eating disorder begins might have been outside the confines of this study. Maybe eating tons of junk did not brighten my Smiths/Cure/Joy Division-soundtracked black moods as a kid, but it did give me distraction and the illusion of comfort.

Michael Pollan's mantra: "Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants." leaves the door open for filling in details. Perhaps I would addend this: Find comfort in healthy food, find comfort in treating yourself and your body well. Don't use comfort as an excuse to abuse yourself on the regular. And for heaven's sake, yes, ice cream and treats in moderation are just fine.
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I am taking a one week break from recording, but will be back in the new year with the latest weigh-in, fun fun fun…

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WEEKLY AVERAGE: 2687
Just surving the holidays, not eating too much crap.
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BIKE CREDIT: 1670
MONDAY COUNT: 2,645
SLEPT: 8:30pm - 5:30am, 9 hrs
A day on the bike.

AM SNACK: 5:45 am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST: 9am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 9:30am, steel cut oatmeal, 150mg caffeine, 450 cal

BIKE SNACK: 11:45am, granola bar, 220 cal

BIKE SNACK: 12:30pm, granola bar, 220 cal

BIKE SNACK: 1pm, granola bar, 150mg caffiene, 220 cal

BIKE SNACK: 2pm, chocolate cookies, 390 cal

BIKE SNACK: 3pm, gatoraide, 130 cal

BIKE SNACK: 4:30pm, devil dog, apple pie, 680 cal

DINNER: 6:15pm, chipotle burrito, chips & salsa, 1455 cal

EVENING SNACK: 9pm, chocolate cookies, 390cal

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TUESDAY COUNT: 2990
SLEPT: 9:30pm-11:30pm, 1am-6:30am, 7.5 hrs
Body a bit strung out from the ride.

AM SNACK: 6:45am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST: 9:30am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10am,  Fage with honey, almonds, vanilla, 450 cal

LUNCH: 12:30pm, almond butter and grape jelly on whole wheat, health salad, pickle, 690 cal

PM SNACK: 3pm, momma salad, Grazebox seeds, 270 cal

PM SNACK: 4pm, poppa salad with Italian, 200 cal

PM SNACK: 4:30pm, kind bar, 200 cal

DINNER: 5pm, hake, asparagus, 400 cal

EVENING SNACK: 6pm, latkes, +/- 300 cal

EVENING SNACK: 6:15pm, digestive cookies, 320 cal
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BIKE CREDIT: 1460 cal
WEDNESDAY COUNT: 2790
SLEPT: 9pm-6:30am, 9.5 hr
A nice ride up to Nyack.

AM SNACK: 6:45am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST: 9:15am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 9:45am,  steel cut oatmeal, 150mg caffeine 450 cal

BIKE SNACK: 11:30am, granola bar, 270 cal

BIKE SNACK: 12:15pm, granola bar, 270 cal

BIKE SNACK: 1pm, digestive cookies, 415 cal

BIKE SNACK: 3pm, granola bar, 270 cal

PM SNACK: 4:30pm, poppa salad with Italian, 180 cal

PM SNACK: 6pm, momma salad with Grazebox cashews, 320 cal

DINNER: 8pm, pork tonkatsu with rice, cabbage, curry, fried gyoza, water, +/- 1000 cal

EVENING SNACK: 9pm, digestive cookies, 415 cal

EVENING SNACK: 10pm, almond butter & chocolate chips, +/- 500

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THURSAY COUNT: 2590
SLEPT: 12am-6:30am, 6.5hr
Nice dinner with a friend.

AM SNACK: 6:45am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST: 10am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 11am, fage yogurt with honey, vanilla, almonds 450 cal

LUNCH:  2:15pm, chicken sausage, sting beans, mushroom curry, 580 cal

PM SNACK: 3:15pm, momma salad, grazebox popcorn, 220cal


PM SNACK: 5pm, poppa salad with Italian dressing, 180 cal

DINNER: 6:45pm, herring, latkes, brussel sprouts, chocolate, +/- 1000 cal
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FRIDAY COUNT: 2420
SLEPT: 11pm-6am, 7 hr

AM SNACK: 6:30am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST: 
9:30am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10am,  yogurt with honey, vanilla, almonds, 450 cal

LUNCH: 2pm, shiritaki noodles with shrimp and shitake mushrooms, poppa salad with Italian dressing, 500 cal

PM SNACK: 3:45pm, momma salad with cheezits, 310 cal

SNICKLE DINNER 1: 7:15pm, vegan pizza-like thing, fried vegan chickpea cube sticks, vegan cookies and chocolate 'creme', vegan carrot cake, water, +/- 1000 cal

Sunday, December 14, 2014

Legalization: Fast Food's only hope?

Recent year-end annual reports from the major fast food corporations report some interesting trends. McDonalds continues it's year-over-year downward spiral, while Taco Bell increases year-over-year. Just as McDonalds is being chipped away by the rapid expansion of fast-casual chains like 5 Guys and Shake Shack, one would think the gravity of Chipotle would have a similar effect on the Bell. I think I know why it hasn't: weed.

McDonalds tries to be a blockbuster that hits every single demographic everywhere. Men, women, grannies, boys, families, singles, of any nationality on any continent. They are a marvel of consistency: a Big Mac in NYC being pretty much the same Big Mac you'll get in Japan or Spain. However, the world has changed, and their recent marketing push to proclaim their goods "real food" is surprisingly defensive, reactionary and despite their best marketing efforts, clearly a bit stodgy and insulting to anyone who has actual taken the time to consider the issues they are trying to address/circumvent. 

A fried ground nugget of anti-biotic fattened feed-lot bird is exactly that -- you don't need to assure me of the lack of "pink slime". And why don't you ask, "Has the chicken nugget ever had pink slime in it?" Or should we let the past lie? Autolyzed yeast extract is essentially MSG, so please don't gloss over the large stack of additives that make your simple meat-nugget a very designed, industrial food. Oh, so NOW you want to be all honest and straight forward, now that it's hitting you're stock's price...

Taco Bell, on the other hand, wants to be your go-to if you're the kinda person who likes to get high.
A lot of this seems to come down to an uncommon understanding of what they are as a company: Taco Bell's food is objectively crap, and they know it's objectively crap, but it's also really freaking tasty crap, and that's the tack they take with their ads. While McDonald's scrambles to show how healthy they are or how McRibs are not made of asshole meat or how their food really does decay like normal organic matter, no seriously you guys, (lines of argument which absolutely no one is buying, not even if they bring in a Mythbusters B-Teamer as a delivery vehicle), Taco Bell runs ads like this one. 


You can be the hedonistic idiot food of the young, or you can be a responsible, tasty choice that children grow on and stewards to the planet. You probably can't be both. Or in McDonalds case, you can probably be neither. With wave after wave of marijuana legalization sweeping over the United States, it's not unimaginable for corporations to start positioning their marketing to catch all those hungry, bleary-eyed stoners coming out of the shadows.
Get on that franchise bandwagon, Taco Bell!
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WEEKLY AVERAGE: 2626
A bumpy week, but surving a'aight.
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MONDAY COUNT: 2790
SLEPT: 8:30pm - 5am, 2-3:30pm, 10 hrs
An alright day, too cold. A case of the Mondays.

AM SNACK: 5:15 am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST: 9am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10am, steel cut oatmeal, 450 cal

LUNCH: 1:15pm, falafel, split pea soup, health salad, pickles, 630 cal

PM SNACK : 3:45pm, momma salad, Grazebox seeds , 300 cal

DINNER: 6pm, hake fish, asparagus, poppa salad with Italian, 600 cal

EVENING SNACK: 7pm, kind bar, 200 cal

EVENING SNACK: 7:30pm, popcorn, +/- 300 cal

EVENING SNACK: 8pm, 3 small homemade chocolate cookies, +/- 150 cal
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TUESDAY COUNT: 2730
SLEPT: 9:30pm-5:30am, 8hr
Rainy bleah day.

AM SNACK: 5:45am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST: 9:30am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10:45am,  Fage with honey, almonds, vanilla, 450 cal

PM SNACK: 12:30pm, momma salad, Grazebox almonds, pickle  330 cal

LUNCH: 3:15pm, Stoufers French Bread pizzas, 820 cal

DINNER: 6:30pm, sautĆ©ed shrimp, poppa salad with Italian, 470 cal

EVENING SNACK: 7pm, homemade chocolate cookies, +/- 500 cal
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WEDNESDAY COUNT: 2390
SLEPT: 9:30pm-6am, 8.5 hr
Mellow day, nice house guest for dinner.

AM SNACK: 6:15am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST: 7:30am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10:15am,  Fage whole yogurt with honey, vanilla, almonds, 450 cal

LUNCH: 1:30pm, chicken meatballs, lentil curry, shiritaki noodles, momma salad, 680 cal

PM SNACK: 3pm, grazebox crackers, 100 cal

DINNER: 5:30pm, sea bass, samosa and chickpeas, steamed string beans, water, chocolate, +/- 1000 cal

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THURSDAY COUNT: 2910
SLEPT: 10:30pm-6am, 7.5hr
Not feeling well.

AM SNACK: 6:15am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST: 10am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 11am, steel cut oatmeal, 450 cal

PM SNACK: 3pm, momma salad, Grazebox nuts, 300 cal

DINNER: 4:45pm, meatball hero, onion rings, salad, +/-1200 cal

EVENING SNACK: 7pm, homemade cookies, +/- 800 cal
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FRIDAY COUNT: 2310
SLEPT: 9pm-6am, 9 hr
Decent day.

AM SNACK: 6:30am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST: 
10am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 11am,  fruit smoothie, 450 cal

LUNCH: 2pm, black beans, funky cheese, +/- 500 cal

DINNER: 6pm, slice of pizza, ramen noodles, kind bar, +/- 1200 cal

Sunday, December 7, 2014

Big Mayo Vs. Little Mayo

When I was in culinary management school, I had to give a presentation about the exciting world of canned tomatoes -- everything you need to know when you're responsible for purchasing tomatoes for a restaurant. While at first it's easy to dismiss lazily -- take some tomatoes, jam 'em in a can -- in reality there was a hell of a lot more to it. In particular, the federal Food & Drug Administration had written regulations about tomatoes. Different grades based on different characteristics, genetic requirements to be a "plum tomato", strict measurements of pieces to be defined as either "diced" or "chopped". There were literally books of rules and regulations on how to definite and label what went into a can of tomatoes. Woe and pain (and fines) would come to the naive tomato packer who did not sit down and read these regulations carefully.

It gave me an insight into what the government does -- it protects the consumer by giving industry a set of clear definitions to live by, so the consumer can trust that a label portrays accurately what is within, regardless of marketing, spin or hocus pocus.

So it pricked up my ears when the blogosphere got all atwitter when it was announced that corporate behemoth Unilever (maker of Hellmann's, aka Big Mayo) was suing a tiny company named Hampton Creek over a product called "Just Mayo" (aka Little Mayo) for the reason that…Hampton Creek had mislabeled their product, and was not, in fact, mayo. Due to it's vegan eggless nature, where yolk was replaced by some sort of green pea starch, it may look like mayo, and may spread like mayo, may even taste like mayo, but in the eyes of the government, ain't mayo. 
The US Food and Drug Administration, which regulates the industry, considers mayonnaise to have some form of egg-yolk in its ingredients.
The Oxford English Dictionary dates the term to France in the early 1800s, and defines the condiment as a "thick, creamy sauce consisting of egg yolks emulsified with oil and seasoned with salt, pepper, vinegar, and (usually) mustard".
I admit it: I can be prejudiced against behemoth corporate food giants who hold profits above the health of their customers. But sorry, little guy, I'm with Unilever on this case.
Hampton Creek, the company behind Just Mayo, has accused Unilever of using "horse and buggy era" definitions for identifying mayonnaise.
Sorry, but mayonnaise is mayonnaise. When the automobile was invented and made the horse and buggy extinct, they did not continue to call cars, "horse and buggies". Hampton Creek needs to rename their product something new and more honest, because it is NOT "Just Mayo" -- perhaps it's a small next step in the evolution of our food, but it lacks a certain truth in advertising -- exactly why the FDA set up all those exacting definitions to begin with.

I just wish this small company was more honest in their arguments. Just as "cream" becomes "creme" when it has a lack of dairy, perhaps we could have "mayno", "maeoh", or "processed pea-based savory spread".

On the other hand, it's nice for the little guy to get such a huge amount of free publicity. I personally hate mayonnaise, it tastes like sour lube to me. On the rare occasion that I need it, I simply make it in my stand mixer with an egg yolk, a cup of oil and a little mustard powder, easy peasy.
Instant Protestant Culture Kit
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WEEKLY AVERAGE: 2716
I can do better, but between the time of year and just dealing with life, I'm not gonna beat myself up.
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MONDAY COUNT: 2300
SLEPT: 9pm - 5am, 8 hrs

AM SNACK: 5:15 am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST: 10am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

LUNCH: 12pm, falafel, split pea soup, health salad, pickles, 630 cal

PM SNACK : 3:30pm, momma salad, Grazebox crackers , 210 cal

DINNER: 6pm, Stouffers French Bread pizzas, poppa salad with Italian,  1020 cal

EVENING SNACK: 7:30pm, popcorn, +/- 300 cal
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TUESDAY COUNT: 2720
SLEPT: 9pm-6am, 9hr
Good sleep, but a sick child at home with me made it a bit pressurized during the day.

AM SNACK: 6:15am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST: 7:30am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 9am,  Fage with honey, almonds, vanilla, 450 cal

LUNCH: 1:15pm, hake, asparagus, pickles, 500 cal

PM SNACK: 3pm, momma salad, Grazebox almons,  310  cal

PM SNACK: 4pm, kind bar, 200 cal

DINNER: 5:45pm, sautĆ©ed chicken breast, poppa salad with Italian, 400 cal

EVENING GRAZE: 7pm, potato chips, piece of good chocolate, doritos, +/- 700 cal
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WEDNESDAY COUNT: 3665
SLEPT: 9:30pm-6am, 8.5 hr
Really hungry, in a good mood, though.

AM SNACK: 6:15am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST: 8:45am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10am,  steel cut oatmeal, 450 cal

LUNCH: 12:45pm, chicken meatballs, string beans, mushroom curry, pickles, 620 cal

PM SNACK: 1:30pm, pringles, 150 cal

PM SNACK: 4pm, momma salad, grazebox nuts, 330 cal

DINNER: 8:30pm, Chipotle burrito, chips and salsa, 1455 cal

EVENING SNACK: 9pm, almond butter and chocolate syrup, +-500 cal
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BIKE CREDIT: 665
THURSAY COUNT: 2285
SLEPT: 10:30pm-6am, 7.5hr
Between having a food 'hangover' from yesterday's big dinner and today's bike ride, the calorie count is low. I know it is better to be consistent in a lower number of calories rather than ping pong, though, to maintain a weight or lose some...

AM SNACK: 6:15am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST: 7am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 9:30am,  fage with honey, vanilla and almonds, 450 cal

BIKE SNACK 1: 12:30pm, 230 cal

LUNCH: 2:30pm, shrimp, quinoa, poppa salad with Italian, 900 cal

PM SNACK: 4pm, momma salad, Grazebox crackers, 210 cal

DINNER: 6:30pm, falafel platter, kombucha, +/- 800 cal

EVENING SNACK: 9pm, 2 kid granola bas, 200 cal
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FRIDAY COUNT: 2610
SLEPT: 9pm-1am, 2am-6am 7hr
Decent day.

AM SNACK: 6:30am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST: 
9am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 9:30am,  steel cut oatmeal, 450 cal

LUNCH: 11:15am, sardine and avocado on whole wheat toast, poppa salad with Italian, pickles, health salad, 600 cal

PM SNACK: 3pm, slice of cake, +/- 400 cal

DINNER: 5:15pm, hot dog, fries, ice cream, +/- 1000 cal