Prison Loaf

In jail, loafin'

I've never been to prison, jail or local lock-up. However, there have been times in my life, years ago, where I would day dream and think, "Man, if I was in prison for a year or two, it would be a nice quiet respite from the chaos around me!" It would be a cinematic vision, me alone in a solitary steel and cement cubicle, with all the time in the world to relax, sleep, day dream, work out, watch TV and get myself together. I've read a few books about life 'inside', have had a pen-pal relationship with a person doing time, watched "Orange is the New Black" and have enjoyed plenty of prison-break movies.

If there is one factor that I did not account for in my prison-as-quiet-vacation scenario (other than, umm, overcrowded conditions, violence, loneliness, estrangement, and butt-rape) it's the food. Yeah, I read a book about the tradition of the last meal, where a person on death row gets to choose their last meal. (However, it's usually at the discretion, ability, budget and imagination of the prison cooks.) What caught my eye recently was a piece not about the last meal, not general prison food, but one specific item -- a food to control, a food to punish, a food that is being debated in the courts as potentially cruel and unusual: the prison loaf.

Every prison has it's own recipe, but in prison-terms it's referred to a "Nutraloaf", as a serving has all the calories and nutrients needed to live. It is a brick of common ingredients like meats, vegetables, starches and minimal fats and seasonings that are blended together, baked then served like a meatloaf. It is not designed to taste bad, but...not to taste like anything at all. Salt is usually minimized to maximize blandness.

A feast compaired to the loaf

This is not typical food served every day to a general prison population. It is a punitive food served to those who commit violence in prison, have used food or utensils as projectiles against others, or simply have not responded to any other method of keeping them in line. There are over 22 cases trying to ban this gastric form of discipline, and there is a precedent: Grue.

Grue was similar to Nutraloaf -- "a substance created by mashing meat, potatoes, oleo, syrup, vegetables, eggs, and seasoning into a paste and baking the mixture in a pan." It was banned in the 1970s as cruel and unusual. The key differences is that Nutraloaf is designed to not make you sick if you subsist on it for a period of time, and it is designed to be edible. Edible: not necessarily pleasure-inducing, but not disgusting either. It is designed to literally be "meh".

Just needs an artisinal prison loaf....

I definitely could see hipsters getting a chuckle, buying a slice of artisinal nutraloaf (either sustainably raised meat version or vegan versions) at Smorgasburg. One academic compiled a list of different nutraloaf recipes, all of which look pretty horrible. Here is the one that appealed to me most (least):

This recipe must be followed without substitution or variation in procedure. Any such change could effect the nutrient content.

• 2 oz Ground Beef Brown off in kettle and drain thoroughly
• 4 oz Canned, Chopped Spinach
• 4 oz Canned Carrots
• Diced 4 oz Vegetarian Beans Open and drain all vegetables well
• 4 oz Applesauce
• 1 oz Tomato Paste
• 1/2 cup Potato Flakes
• 1 cup Bread Crumbs
• 2 oz Dry Milk Powder
• 1 tsp Garlic Powder or Flakes

Combine beef and vegetables. Gradually blend in remaining ingredients until well combined. Mixture should be stiff but moist enough to spread. Each loaf should weigh 1 1/2 pounds precooked weight and be scaled to insure proper weight. Place mixture into a loaf pan that has been sprayed with pan release and lined with filter paper. Each loaf should bake at 300 degrees Fahrenheit in convection/steam oven for approximately 40 minutes or until the loaf reaches 155 degrees internal temperature.

The absence of salt scares me. The glueiness from blending potato flakes, bread crumbs and milk powder makes me cringe. The teaspoon of garlic powder in such a large amount of food wont really give any garlic flavor, but will leave an odd generically metallic dried-spice note. No, I will not try to recreate this recipe for the sake of the blog.

My first thought of "cruel and unusual" food was what my pop referred to as my mom's "Puke Chicken". I don't know how she made it, but she would braise a chicken in some sort of wicked stew that was definitely reminiscent of vomit. Looking back with my c-school knowledge, there is no good reason to braise a chicken, when it is easier to roast, saute or pan-fry the damn thing. It was served with a kind of love I suppose, so technically it was not punishment and would not rise to the court's definition.

This generic braised chicken looks shockingly like my mom's, and my gorge is rising in reaction.....

Vegans who carry the party line would consider any animal-based food "cruel and unusual", and there have been isolated cases where government has agreed with them, attempting to ban foi gras here and there, but it's never really stuck. But let's not go down that rabbit hole for this post...

We'll, I'm sold. My friend in prison said he's incredibly uncomfortable because all the overly processed over-salted food (and lack of fresh veg) he's been fed has made him bloated and stiff. I think the thought of prison food 3x a day 7 days a week would make me incredibly depressed, bloated, and horrible all around -- and that's assuming I don't get the loaf. I guess I need to make (steal?) a few million before going to prison so I can afford one of those Club Med-style low-security lock ups, I imagine the loaf there would be actual foi gras.
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WEEKLY AVERAGE: 2460

Slipping a bit, but I'm ok with it -- there is pressure coming from outside myself, but it's not a permanent situation. I may have to accept that I may add a pound or three this month, but the framework is here to get back on the horse sooner than later.

Hit the food hard again this weekend, and next week I'm off from work. Not my choice, but well needed. A little concerned how I'll navigate, without the regularness of a fixed schedule at a desk. Well, I did it 7 months ago for quite a while before I formally reentered the work force, so hopefully it'll be  a duck to water...

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MONDAY COUNT: 2360

SLEPT: 10pm-4am, 6 hrs
Very underslept over the weekend due to life events, so this meager 6 hours was actually really refreshing. Lifted weights and got a lot of chores done around the house before attending to family needs.

AM SNACK: 4:15 am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 6:45am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10:30am, steel cut oatmeal, 300 cal

LUNCH: 1pm, falafel, butternut squash soup, health salad, pickles, 860 cal

PM SNACK: 4 pm, momma salad, hummus, 150 cal

PM SNACK: 5:30 pm, poppa salad with bottled organic ranch dressing, 150 cal

DINNER: 7:15pm, mahi mahi, asparagus, kimchi, 440 cal

EVENING SNACK: 8pm, cheetos, cashews, +/- 300 cal
Fell off a little due to new schedule. Early week is now a little bit more high pressure, later in the week lower pressure. Daughter was snacking on cheetos, she left one on the floor, and mindlessly I picked it up and popped it in my mouth instead of throwing it out -- that was all it took to shoot up cravings. After a small bowl, I acknowledged what was happening and ate a small handful of cashews, which while not as tasty as cheetos, extinguished the cravings that could have lead to a 1000+ cal gorging.

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TUESDAY COUNT: 2230

SLEPT: 9:30pm-5:30am, 8 hrs
Though I technically slept 8 hrs, it was with a kicky, rolling-about 4 year old, so I'd subtract 1 to 2 hours in quality from that number! Pressurized evening, so rather than cook, I heated up some comfort food, which fortunately came in close to budget -- not that it didn't set off cravings for savory snacks and sugar, but not so much that I couldn't resist.

AM SNACK: 6 am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 7am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10am, Fage yogurt with agave, vanilla, almonds, 310 cal

LUNCH: 1pm, chicken meat balls, steamed string beans, jodhpur lentils, pickles, 600 cal

PM SNACK: 4 pm, momma salad, hummus, 150 cal

PM SNACK: 5:30 pm, poppa salad with bottled organic ranch dressing, 150 cal

DINNER: 7:15pm, Stouffers French Bread pizzas, 860

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WEDNESDAY COUNT: 2340

SLEPT: 9pm-5am, 8 hrs
Again, technically 8 hours, but due to toddler restlessness and a drop of insomnia in the middle of the night, closer to 6.5-7. Fell off a little in the evening, but was happy to confirm the satiating power of nuts after getting a little revved up by the tiny portion of cheetos at the bottom of the bag.

AM SNACK: 5:15 am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 7am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10am, steel cut oatmeal, 410 cal

LUNCH: 1pm, grilled curry chicken breast, roasted brussel sprouts, sofrito black beans, pickles, 650 cal

PM SNACK: 3:45 pm, momma salad, hummus, 150 cal

PM SNACK: 5:30 pm, poppa salad with bottled organic ranch dressing, 150 cal

PM SNACK: 6:30pm, roasted salted cashews, 160 cal

DINNER: 8:15pm, 8:15pm, shirataki stir fry with shrimp, shitaki mushrooms and oyster sauce, 360 cal 

EVENING SNACK: 8:45pm, cheetos and a handful of cashews, +/- 300 cal

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THURSDAY COUNT: 2095

SLEPT: 10pm-4am, 6 hrs
Good weight lift in the morning, productive. A good friend visited me for lunch, I did the food, pic-nic style at a local public atrium in midtown. Did bring a poppa salad to work, but it tasted a little funny, so I tossed it.

AM SNACK: 4:15 am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 7:30am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 9:45am, Fage yogurt with agave, vanilla, almonds, 310 cal

LUNCH: 1:15pm, almond butter & grape jelly on whole wheat, health salad, roasted brussels, pickles, 12oz diet coke, 740 cal
My friend is a diet coke-head, it was nice to share that with her as she shared my food (I made double of everything.)

PM SNACK: 3:45 pm, momma salad, hummus, 150 cal

DINNER: 7:30pm, Subway 6" veggie burger sub, diet coke, 735

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BIKE CREDIT: 600
FRIDAY COUNT: 3275

SLEPT: 11:30pm-2:30am, 3 hrs
x

AM SNACK: 3 am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 5am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 6:30am, fruit smoothie, 410 cal

BREAKFAST 3: 8:45am, Hertiage O's with 2% milk, 100mg caffeine 300 cal

BIKE SNACK: 10:30am, granola bar, 305 cal

BIKE SNACK: 11am, digestive cookies, 1040 cal

PM SNACK: 3:30 pm, momma salad, pickle, 60 cal

PM SNACK:4:15pm, cheetos, 300 cal

DINNER: 5:30pm, fish n' chips, some chicken finger, a little ice cream and chocolate muffin, +/- 1000 cal

EVENING SNACK: 9pm, cheetos, +/- 300 cal

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WEEKEND REPORT

5000+ calorie days, in need of comfort, and in the food I found it. Don't want to make a regular habit of weekends like this, hopefully I'll be back next weekend, we'll see.