Let's get a good chortle at the diseased man!

What the internet IS good for.

There is a guy that has been getting a lot of clicks in the blogosphere, which has been making me irrationally cringe and feel miserable. The buzz is mainly, "ha ha cool, pizza, amirite?" and sometimes tempered unhelpfully with a "weird, probably harmless." The guy in question has eaten nothing but pizza for the last 25 years.

I love pizza as much as the next guy - actually, probably more. I went to culinary school specifically to learn to properly cook the foods I love, and it was not for nothing that the entirety of my culinary career was spent in pizza restaurants. My actual wifely-husbandly honeymoon began and ended with visits to New Haven's Pepe's (CLAM PIE.) My birthday is usually commemorated with a visit to a notable pie shop. My weekly sinful food are French bread pizzas. And damn if nearly every single party I attend with my children are pizza-fests, week in week out.....and I have to admit, I don't mind. My name is Norbert, I'm a New Yorker and I love me some pizza.

Hi, Norbert! I love me some pizza, too! Or three or four forever and ever....

But this guy is at another level.

I've been eating pizza exclusively every day of my life for the past 25 years, and I'm not just talking about a slice of pizza every day. I usually eat an entire 14" pizza, and I only eat cheese pizza. I never get sick of it. If I go to one pizza shop or another brand, it's like eating a completely different meal.

To cut to the chase, this habit is most likely caused by nothing good.

Like when I was four or five, we lived in the backwoods of North Carolina, where I went to daycare in Ms. Stanfill’s home. She would try to feed all of us Brunswick stew every day, which is not something you would ever feed a five-year-old. It's either chicken, pork, or rabbit with beef and okra, Lima beans, corn, potatoes, and tomatoes. I would protest and try to run away, but she would grab me. I can't remember whether she would beat me or spank me, but I know that she would throw me in a closet as my punishment for not eating the stew. I would sit in there crying and screaming for a couple hours until my mom came to pick me up.  

Ha ha hilarious, pizza!

I hate the Internet sometimes. This guy can't go out to a restaurant with fiance that isn't pizza. He explains how his dad pretty much eats mostly steak, even after multiple heart bypasses. He himself has diabetes, despite being relatively trim. This ain't cute and this ain't funny -- it's sad. He needs help to get out of what is far beyond a rut and is pretty much a straight-up eating disorder, complimented by an Internet-friendly food addiction.

Even if it doesn't kill him, he's just not living life, no matter how much he protests or Internet commentators dismiss him as, "durrrr, well, it's his choice, he's not harming anyone, durrr". People who are sick should be helped, not used for entertainment or dismissed as inconsequential.

I can identify with this guy quite a bit. My mom would serve really poorly made scrambled eggs 3-5 mornings a week, and made me eat them. It got to the point I'd slip them into a napkin between my legs while I pretended to eat them. It wasn't so much the poorly executed eggs that really made my 5 year old self so disturbed, but my lack of choice and power in moving away from something I did not like.

To this day, I can not eat egg dishes. I'm fine cooking with eggs and eating eggs in a dish, but the taste, texture, smell and sensory experience of even the best egg dishes activate my gag reflexes. Though I did force/trick myself to try 10s of different egg dishes while in culinary school, I have not had any before or since.

Unlike pizza guy, this has not really interrupted my life, my relationships or my health, so while it runs along similar pathways, does not rise to the level of a disorder or addiction. But dude, I feel ya. I just wish more people would.
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WEEKLY AVERAGE: 2631

Again, the weekly average creeps up solidly past my upper limit of 2200, but I'm cool with it. Eating doesn't feel desperate or compulsive, just eating to satisfy hunger. I think the lack of lots of extra calories the previous weekend might have set me up a little for more hunger during the week. Hmmm, I wonder if it works like that.

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MONDAY COUNT: 2120

SLEPT: 10:30pm-4:30am, 6 hrs
Not quite enough sleep, but it felt good to get up early and lift weights -- due to illness last week, had to skip a session. Doing it now was a real sign that my health is mostly back. Had friends over in the evening from out of town, made some special treats, and would have been nutty not to eat with them. Despite breaking my weekday sweets ban, it felt good and right -- I kept it to one small portion, and it was homemade and high quality. And most importantly, I ate light enough during the day to keep it in budget!

AM SNACK: 4:15 am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 7am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10:45am, steel cut oatmeal, 300 cal

LUNCH: 1pm, falafel, boxed tomato soup, health salad, pickles, 590cal
Last time I had this boxed soup over the summer I quite liked it, but today could only get through half of it -- intolerably sweet. The pint of soup had 34g of "organic milled cane sugar". Oh for f@cks sake, it's table sugar. And over TWO TABLESPOONS worth, Jesus Christ, no wonder it tastes candied to me. Well, stock was done over the weekend, hopefully I can bang out some non-sweet soup by next Monday.

PM SNACK: 3 pm, momma salad, mango chutney and dip stick from Grazebox, 180 cal

PM SNACK: 5pm, poppa salad with homemade Italian dressing, 150 cal

DINNER: 6:30pm, tilapia, asparagus, 440 cal

EVENING SNACK: 7pm, half a potato knish, tiny bowl of ice cream and brownie, +/- 300 cal

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TUESDAY COUNT: 3025

SLEPT: 8:30pm-4:30am, 8 hrs
Woke up pleasantly sore in the pecs and shoulders, nice because I purposefully pushed it a little yesterday, nice to see my body respond as expected.

AM SNACK: 4:45am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 7am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10:30am, Fage whole yogurt with honey, almonds and vanilla, 285 cal

LUNCH: 1pm, chicken meatballs, steamed string beans, jodhpur lentils,pickles, 660 cal

PM SNACK: 3 pm, momma salad, with snack bag of pirate booty, 160 cal

PM SNACK: 4:45pm, poppa salad with homemade bottled tomato dressing,  140 cal

DINNER: 6:45pm, Stouffer's French Bread Pizzas, 820 cal

EVENING BINGE: 7:30pm, cheetos, brownies, +/- 800 cal

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WEDNESDAY COUNT: 2765

SLEPT: 8:30pm-2:30am, 6 hrs
Went a little off the reservation in the evening again, felt OK, not so compulsive. I think it may be related to me easing back on the eating over last weekend.

AM SNACK: 3am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 7:15am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10am, steel cut oatmeal, 300 cal
Different brand of oatmeal. Hmmm, I think I like it.

LUNCH: 1pm, chicken sausage, brussel sprouts, quinoa, sofrito black beans, pickles, 780 cal

PM SNACK: 3 pm, momma salad, cinnamon pretzels  from graze box, 235 cal

PM SNACK: 5pm, poppa salad with bottled tomato dressing, 110 cal

PM SNACK: 6pm, cashews, 320 cal

DINNER: 8:15pm, shirataki stir fry with shrimp, shitaki mushrooms and oyster sauce, 360 cal 

EVENING GORGE: 8:45pm, a little ice cream and brownie, bowl of cheetos, +/- 500 cal
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THURSDAY COUNT: 2200

SLEPT: 10:30pm-4:15am, 5.75 hrs
Trashed my poppa salad, smelt a little off. Skipped normal Thursday evening activities and just went home and got to bed early, in hopes of allowing a pre-family/work bike ride. Ate cheetos, but just squeaked into budget, huzzah!

AM SNACK: 4:30am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 7am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 9:45am, Fage whole yogurt with honey, almonds and vanilla, 285 cal

LUNCH: 1pm, grilled chicken breast, quinoa, roasted brussels, kimchi, 630 cal

PM SNACK: 3pm, momma salad, with spicy crackers from Grazebox, 220 cal

PM SNACK: 4:30pm, cashews, 340 cal

DINNER: 6pm, Subway 6" veggie burger sub, diet coke, 435

EVENING SNACK: 7:15pm, cheetos, 300 cal

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BIKE CREDIT: 590cal
FRIDAY COUNT: 3055

SLEPT: 8:30pm-2:45am, 6.25 hours sleep
Banged out a nice Coney Island ride form 3:30-6am, invigorating in the sub-freezing (but not TOO sub freezing) weather. Felt tired but happy at work. Plans for the evening fell through at the last minute, but was fine, because I was pleasantly exhausted from the day.

AM SNACK: 3am, homemade granola bar, iced green tea, 100mg caffeine, 225 cal

BREAKFAST: 7am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 9:45am, steel cut oatmeal, 300 cal

LUNCH: 1pm, almond butter & grape jelly on whole wheat, health salad, roasted brussels, pickle, 730 cal

PM SNACK: 3pm, momma salad, with Italian crackers from Grazebox, 220 cal

PM SNACK: 3:45pm, kind bar, 210 cal

DINNER: 5:15pm, 2 hotdogs with lots of toppings, french fries, a little cookie & ice cream, +/- 800 cal

EVENING GORGE: 7pm, homemade ice cream, box of cookies, +/- 1000 cal

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WEEKEND REPORT

Good weekend, got another early morning bike ride in on Sunday. Eating never real went crazy -- ate a bit too much at a daytime party at a bar on Saturday, ended up pretty much skipping dinner, which is what a normal person would do, I suppose. Had kids and friends I don't see nearly enough over Sunday evening and we ordered in pizza n' stuff, I ordered just enough food so I didn't over eat, and it worked out perfectly. No left overs to feel compelled to eat so as to prevent waste. Instead, just spent a few bucks less and everybody still had enough.