Piñatas are the stuff of nightmares.

I was sugar mad as a kid. My allowance and stray coins would go straight to the candy store. It was happiness and love when my mom would make a cake or brownies from the Betty Crocker mix, a rare culinary task that was within her reach. A slice of pizza made no sense without grape soda. If I felt down, sugar would pick me up. If I felt good, sugar would celebrate it.

As I slide into middle age, I think I successfully untangled these deep emotional ties to the substance that was messing with my health. Perhaps I'm not free of it, but being aware of it is more than half the battle. Indeed, early on in this blog, I approached sugar from every angle to help me get a bead on it. I even drilled down into the relationship between kids and sugar. In a nutshell, kids are growing rapidly and need lots of fuel to feed that, so their taste buds are programmed to find super-sweet (a.k.a. super-caloric) things attractive. It is in the manipulation and marketing to children for these needs that evil tends to lurk.

GIMME CAAAAANDYYYYYY!

And holy biz-natch, did I see one face of evil this past weekend. It's name is piñata. If there was something to turn a bunch of 20-odd happy-go-lucky six year olds who just spent the last 2 hours playing together idyllically into a raving bunch of blood-thirsty zombies who will think of nothing of gnawing through their neighbor's flesh to get to sweet, sweet brains candy, it is the piñata.

I never paid much attention to the piñatas at other kid's parties, there was usually only 5-10 kids and they were younger than 6. My daughter had been asking for a piñata over the past year, so when her mom suggested it, I thought "of course" and ordered one on line to my daughter's whim -- a pink stripe heart. It was a fun activity filling it with my kids -- some excess Costco swag, fruit paper and gummies and the like, but then the real crack-rock stuff: Hershey's kisses, tootsie rolls, Reese's peanut butter cups, etc -- the stuff that I loved as a kid, and my daughter specifically asked for. She wanted all the candy that I would never give her on a regular or even-semi regular basis. Fruit is on the regular. Good ice cream is on the semi-regular. Cake and cupcakes once every so often. But this stuff, this was the once-a-year, no-way-any-other-time stuff. I could see her eyes get a little glazed as we stuffed that heart-shaped box full.

I kept the ice cream, cake and piñata indoors until the end of the party, and the tradition of gathering around a be-candled cake and singing to the celebrant was enough to focus the crowd. But as we furiously cut cake, scooped ice cream and served 40-odd mouths, just 10 feet away the magnetic power of the piñata beckoned. After all the kids got cake and and open call to the adults to serve themselves, the crowd around the table was a little sparse. A ring of about 10 kids stood around the piñata, staring at it, like it would burst at any moment simply by quietly focusing their mind energy on it.

To cut a long story short, another dad at the party who had real-world piñata experience jumped in and advised me how to set it up and tried to control the crowd with magical side-walk chalk lines. Still, every swing of the broom handle was one more likelier chance for some kid to get whacked on the head or worse. After getting most of the kids to take a few whacks, I called for any parent volunteers, because this fucker would not break. For a moment, I clawed at it with my hands, but no. In desperation, afraid of the 20+ little kids slowly closing the gap between me, them and the candy explosion poised to burst around my head-height, I pulled it down and shouted, "GO FOR IT!" That was unnecessary, as at my feet a dog-pile of 20+ little kids formed, with a soundtrack of shouts for candy, cries for help, guttural murmurs of air being pushed out of lungs by compression, and after a whole 10 seconds, cries that some only got one piece of candy, while unfairly others got pounds and pounds. (I feel for those parents in particular.)

After the fact, I asked my daughter how she liked her party. Unlike last year, there were no crying jags or drama, she lead a pack of fellow girls all day, and the present pile was larger than ever. However, she did not like how little candy she got from the piñata. I recommended maybe next year, instead we should do goodie bags where each kids gets the exactly the same amount. "No," she scolded, "next year when the piñata opens, just let me take candy, and then everyone else!" Unless we engage in some TSA-level security to hold the crowd behind a gate, I just don't see that happening.
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WEEKLY AVERAGE: 2615
Surprisingly low average, but probably due to eating crazy the weekend before and not being hungry on Monday...

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BIKE CREDIT: 715 cal
MONDAY COUNT: 2095

SLEPT: 9pm-4am, 7 hrs
Overate a bit this weekend due to my daughter's party and all the sweets I cooked up and packed into that damn piñata.

AM SNACK: 4:15 am, iced green tea, 150mg caffeine

BREAKFAST: 10am, steel cut oatmeal, 450 cal

LUNCH: 1pm, vegetarian meatballs chicken soup, health salad, pickles, 650 cal

PM SNACK: 3:30pm, momma salad, cheezits, 310 cal

DINNER: 7pm, mahi mahi, asparagus, poppa salad with dressing, 600 cal

EVENING SNACK: 7:30pm, popcorn, +/- 400 cal

EVENING SNACK: 8pm, 2 kid granola bars, one kind bar, 400 cal
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TUESDAY COUNT: 2370

SLEPT: 9:30pm- 7am, 9.5hrs

BREAKFAST: 9am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10am, Greek yogurt with honey, almonds, vanilla, 450 cal  

LUNCH: 1pm, chicken meatballs, lentil curry, steamed string beans, pickles,  650 cal

PM SNACK: 2:30pm, momma salad, cheezits, 310 cal

DINNER: 5pm, shrimp empanada, 2 cookies, +/- 800 cal

EVENING SNACK: 8pm, 2 kids granola bars, kind bar, 400 cal
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WEDNESDAY COUNT: 2630

SLEPT: 9:15pm - 11:45pm, 2:45am-5:45am,  5hrs

AM SNACK: 6am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST 1: 9am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST: 10am, steel cut oatmeal, 450 cal

LUNCH: 2pm, grilled pork loin, poppa salad with dressing,  pickles, 620cal

PM SNACK: 3:30pm, momma salad, cheezit, 310 cal

PM SNACK: 5pm, cashews, 310 cal

DINNER: 8pm, pork curry tomkatsu, water, +/- 800 cal
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BIKE CREDIT: 1370
THURSDAY COUNT: 2910

SLEPT: 10:30pm - 3:15am, 4.45 hr

AM SNACK: 3:30am, iced green tea, 150 mg caffeine

BIKE SNACK: 5am, homemade granola bar, 320cal

BIKE SNACK: 7am, homemade granola bar, 320 cal

BREAKFAST 1: 9:30am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST: 10am, Fage yogurt with honey, almonds, vanilla, 450 cal

LUNCH: 1pm, grilled pork loin, poppa salad with dressing,  pickles, 620cal

PM SNACK: 2pm, momma salad, cheezits, 410 cal

PM SNACK: 3pm, 2 cookies, +/- 600 cal

DINNER: 6:30pm, Pizza, salad, beer, +/- 700 cal

EVENING SNACK: 10pm, ice cream, +/- 700 cal
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FRIDAY COUNT: 3070

SLEPT: 11pm-6:30am, 7.5 hours

AM SNACK: 7am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST 1: 9:30am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 11:45am, Fruit smoothie, 450 cal  

LUNCH: 2pm, sauteed shrimp and mushrooms, poppa salad with dressing, pickles, +/- 650 cal

PM SNACK: 4pm, momma salad and cheezits, 310 cal

DINNER 1: 5:15pm, hot dog, fries, ice cream, +/- 800 cal

DINNER 2: 8pm, seating sandwich, half a cookie sandwich, water, +/- 700 cal

Introduction: Random Thoughts on Alcohol

I've never written much about alcohol because I've never been much of a fan of it. Like caffeine, it is both a drug and a food and deeply entwined in our culture. Unlike caffeine it is heavily regulated -- banned to consume by anyone under 21, tightly controlled by where, when and whom it can be sold. It's history in the United States is a story of morality and religion fighting with man's natural urge to party and get stoned out of our brains. I've also taken classes in wine and spirits while in c-school, and did a lot of first-person research while living in England. There is a lot of there, there.

But it was this recent article that got me thinking: climate change is spurring wine production. Due to warmer temperatures, Washington State is finding it harder to grow apples but a lot easier to grow less water-intensive wine-grapes. Due to the same effect, the wine-region of France has slowly crept to the southern tip of England. Also, as temperatures rise and water lessens, the concentrations of sugar increase in a growing wine grape, which then produces a "hotter" wine, i.e. more sugar to ferment into a higher alcohol level.

I wrote about something called "sugar alcohols" in this blog years ago. On one hand, there is a chemical class of something called sugar alcohols that are low-calorie sugar substitutes. But on the other hand,

Sugar and alcohol have something in common: If sugar were to get in to a fight with alcohol, he'd slice his hand off and casually admit, "I am you father...."

"4-Luke-oh, you are a distillation of me, Darth Sucrose." Sorry.

They're both super-simple carbohydrates that the body needs to do little to get into the bloodstream. Sugar will rush in and give you fast energy, then a crash. Alcohol will rush in and get you drunk, then hang you over. When sugar undergoes the metabolic process known as fermentation, an environment is produced to allow yeast to go nutso and eat all the sugar. The yeasts belch & poo two new, simpler components: alcohol and CO2. Through distillation, any boring stuff like water is taken away and you're left with spirits.
Sugar is 4 cal/g, and even though alcohol is made directly from the sugars in the original sources like grains (vodka, beer), raw sugar plants (rum) and grapes (wine), it has 7cal/g. It's quite a different animal. Or is it?

"Excess sugar can alter metabolism, raise blood pressure, skew the signaling of hormones and damage the liver — outcomes that sound suspiciously similar to what can happen after a person drinks too much alcohol. Schmidt, co-chair of UCSF’s Community Engagement and Health Policy program, noted on CNN: “When you think about it, this actually makes a lot of sense. Alcohol, after all, is simply the distillation of sugar. Where does vodka come from? Sugar.” 

Alcohol is an acquired taste, but the pleasure from it's intoxicating effects is universal and timeless. Add some sugar to an alcoholic drink to mask the taste of the alcohol and make it taste like candy, and you got one wicked brew.

I've spoken at length about "addiction" in this blog, mostly dealing with forms that some don't readily accept as real: sugar addiction, food addiction, addictions of behavior rather than physiology. It's pretty accepted in our culture that "alcoholism" is a real thing. Infact, according to recent style of new study that combs the entire world wide web, it is estimated that....

Worldwide, some 5 percent of the world's population — about 240 million people — are dependent on alcohol. The accepted mental health definitions of dependence speaks of compulsive use, loss of control over substance use and a failure to stop using even when people are aware of the problems alcohol is causing. More than a billion people, or 20 percent of the human race, smoke tobacco.

There is a debate underway about the root causes of addiction that can be summarized something like this: if your life sucks, drugs that alter your consciousness make your life seem less sucky by comparison, despite the horrendous toll it can take on you and those around you. If your life is good and you have support and people who love you, the appeal of drugs that alter your consciousness to get away from the reality you find yourself in is a lot less appealing, and therefore a lot less "addicting". The opposite of addiction is connection.

If you come from a broken home, if your job doesn't pay you enough to live, if you live in a neighborhood full of violence and uncertainty, you're more likely to become a junky...not because you're a racial minority or have a genetic disposition. Not because drugs are any more addictive than other things that give pleasure. It's that the drugs are one of the few things that give you pleasure. And I include that commonly available drug, alcohol, as a main contender.

I was on a date a while back with a women who was a bit of an oenophile. She sampled three or four glasses, sniffing and swirling, before she chose the glass for us. The wine was okay I guess, it went well when I mixed it in my mouth with my entree. However, there was a "chocolate board" for desert, a small tasting of six high-end artisanal dark chocolates from around the world. I tasted the hell out of that, and made comments about the "grassy", "stone-fruit" and "loud tannic" activity of each piece. Funny, all the wine-terminology I was taught in c-school burst forth when testing my palate on chocolate. It's not addiction that drove her focus on the wine and my focus on the chocolate -- it was the heightened pleasure. It's when you can't stay sober at work or keep your weight under 500 lbs that maybe the term "addiction" should be brought in.

Before Prohibition, the United States still had the backbone of a European cultural attitude toward alcohol -- it was good for food and celebration. There were always unhappy or stupid people who would abuse it, but pushing it underground just made it sexier and put drinking on the side of "freedom" and "adventure" and "rebellion", which are naturally American values. By the time I got to college in the 1980s, with the drinking age pushed up to 21 only a generation ago, it was a big deal for a lot of my fellow incoming freshmen to be away from home and have the "freedom" to drink crappy beer in the privacy of their own dorm rooms with each other. My parents always made alcohol available to me -- there was nothing more square or boring than doing what my parents did, even it was in the form of dry martinis and interesting whiskeys.

What was my point? Alcohol. As with any drug, make it cheap, make it commonly available to all, regulate the manufacture and tax it, and let people decide for themselves if it is good or bad. If you want to fight alcoholism or drug abuse (or the crumbling of the nuclear family or many other social ills that show a lack of real connectedness with each other), raise the minimum wage so that the weakest among us can live with dignity. Society should be shaped more with carrots than sticks. Regard it as a compliment to good food, not an intoxicant to party with.

Well, that was a ramble. Thanks for taking that walk with me!
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WEEKLY AVERAGE: 2830
Not great, but a step in the right direction.

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MONDAY COUNT: 2985

SLEPT: 10:30pm-5:45am, 7.25 hrs

AM SNACK: 6:15 am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST: 10am, steel cut oatmeal, 450 cal

LUNCH: 1pm, falafel, chicken soup, health salad, pickles, 725 cal

PM SNACK: 3:30pm, momma salad, cheezits, 310 cal

DINNER: 7pm, mahi mahi, asparagus, poppa salad with dressing, 600 cal

EVENING SNACK: 7:30pm, popcorn, +/- 400 cal

EVENING SNACK: 8pm, 3 kid granola bars, one kind bar, 500 cal
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TUESDAY COUNT: 2640

SLEPT: 8:30pm- 4:45am, 8.25hrs

AM SNACK: 5 am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST: 9am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal
First time in almost a week due to broken parts. Surprising how good it tasted after the involuntary absence.

BREAKFAST 2: 10am, Greek yogurt with honey, almonds, vanilla, 450 cal  

LUNCH: 1pm, chicken meatballs, mushroom masala, steamed string beans, pickles,  620 cal

PM SNACK: 4pm, momma salad, cheezits, 310 cal

DINNER: 7pm, sauteed chicken breast, roasted brussel sprouts, poppa salad with dressing, 600 cal

EVENING SNACKS: 8pm, 3 kid granola bars, kind bar, 500 cal
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WEDNESDAY COUNT: 2830

SLEPT: 9:15pm - 5:15am,  8hrs

AM SNACK: 5:45am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST 1: 9am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST: 10am, fruit smoothie, 450 cal

LUNCH: 2pm, sautted chicken, poppa salad with dressing, pickles, 400cal

PM SNACK: 3:30pm, momma salad, cheezit, 310 cal

PM SNACK: 5pm, cashews, 310 cal

DINNER: 8pm, pork tonkatsu curry with rice, pork dumplings, cupcakes +/-1200 cal
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BIKE CREDIT: 1285
THURSDAY COUNT: 2865

SLEPT: 11pm - 3am, 4 hr

AM SNACK: 3:30am, iced green tea, 150 mg caffeine

BIKE SNACK: 5am, homemade granola bar, 340cal

BIKE SNACK: 7am, homemade granola bar, 340 cal

BREAKFAST 1: 9:30am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST: 10am, Steel cut oatmeal,  450 cal

LUNCH: 1pm, sautéed shrimp and mushrooms, quinoa, poppa salad with dressing, pickles, 950 cal

PM SNACK: 4pm, momma salad, cheezits, 410 cal

PM SNACK: 6:30pm, reese's peanut butter cups, +/- 700 cal

DINNER: 8pm, Russ & Daughter's Cafe dinner, +/- 800 cal
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FRIDAY COUNT: ---

SLEPT: 10:30pm-5:30am, 7 hours

BREAKFAST 1: 10am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 11am, Greek yogurt with honey, almonds, vanilla, 450 cal  

LUNCH: 2pm, almond butter and grape jelly on whole wheat toast, poppa salad with dressing, pickles, warm chocolate pastry cream, +/- 900 cal

PM SNACK: 5pm, momma salad and cheezits, 310 cal

DINNER 1: 5:15pm, went off the rails here, with a friend with whom I usually eat too much. Totes worth it.

Monthly Weigh In: Truth Crushed to Earth Will Rise Again.

203-->203.6-->207

Regardless of this month's gain, I'm bullish on the future, and not just future weight loss. While this blog & food diary has a monthly spine of tracking my weight, the bigger picture is really more holistic. It's something I try to avoid going into detail here because, well, it ain't none of yo bidnezz...but it is the context. I recently completed an exercise in envisioning a future professional plan, and before I could even get my mind wrapped around that, this popped out of me:

Simply put, to get my internal life and professional life closer to where I wanted to be, I had to get my physical health in order first. I guess I started there because the second two parts intimately involve other people, while my body is mostly under my control and needs minimal participation from outsiders in the beginning. Choosing to go to culinary school to learn how to cook for myself (and others) was the first step. It helped build a new confidence to get parts 2 and 3 in order.

But looking at the ven diagram above, the design doesn't quite get it it. It's three parts that lie on top of each other and reinforce each other, but it's also a "virtuous circle" -- steps in a cycle that when repeated, gets stronger and stronger. What am I saying? I'm saying I think I'm coming to the end of the first cycle. I've completed these three steps....but now that I have, it's obvious one does not just stop. I'm a hell of a lot happier than I've been in a long time, but all three areas of my life definitely have room for improvement. I've made space for hope, planning....ambition.

Do people ever really change, or just keep repeating the same melody with different themes? In the recent finale of Madmen, the ending was vague enough (SPOILERS) to wonder if Don Draper went back to advertising the conquering hero (but an unchanged person at his core who is forever devouring his soul to spit out as advertising) or left it completely to zen-out as auto mechanic in California and truly embody the 70's me-decade, and the last ad was just a dismissal of advertising as an evil that devours all to sell crap (therefore implying that Don truly changed.) Of course the creator of the show has since said yeah, Draper want back to advertising and did that ad, but I like my version better. Don Draper truly changed. People can change. I want to change.

So I'm rededicating myself, and starting back at step 1. Using the confidence and knowledge I've received over the past 6 or so years, I'm going to push to lose....I know enough to not really set an arbitrary weight goal, but I will aim directly for a new comfort zone that takes in less calories. Should I use vanity for a motivation now? I'm not going to get any prettier or younger. My skin will eventually wrinkle and sag, my hair is only going to get sparser, and yes, my belly will only get bigger as nature takes it's toll. I want to rage against the dying of the light in the funnest way possible.  Yeah, I have that dad bod the internets have been all atwitter about, but really, it's so annoying that their isn't an equivalent "mom bod". No, me and my fellow middle aged dudes really don't need the culture to tell us how great we are by just being ourselves. No, vanity be not proud. I'm looking for Draper's final grin. Happiness.

So enough highfalutin' words. What now? I think a good place to start:

• Restrict to 2500 cal, and the snack calories need a rethink. Less sweets, more fruits.
• Eat more on rides and right after, less in-between rides. Keep weekends calm and non-compulsive.

Definitely more to come on this, but I suppose this next month is going to just be feeling it out, and a more concise game plan based on experience will come of it.

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WEEKLY AVERAGE: 2758
A good week over all.

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BIKE CREDIT: 1890 cal
MONDAY COUNT: 2275

SLEPT: 8-9pm, 12am - 6am, 7 hrs

AM SNACK: 6:30 am, iced green tea, 150mg caffeine

BIKE SNACK: 8:30am granola bar, 315 cal

BIKE SNACK: 9:30am, granola bar, 315 cal

BIKE SNACK: 10:30, hazelnut caramel tarte, +/- 800 cal

PM SNACK: 12:30pm, momma salad, 100 cal

LUNCH: 1:30pm, 2 slices pizza, +- 800 cal

PM SNACK: 3:30pm, ice cream, +/- 800 cal

DINNER: 6:30pm, fage with honey, almonds, vanilla, 450 cal

EVENING SNACK: 7pm, popcorn, +/- 600 cal
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TUESDAY COUNT: 2900

SLEPT: 8pm- 4:30am, 8.5hrs

AM SNACK: 4:45 am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST: 7am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 9:45am, Steel cut oatmeal, 450 cal  

LUNCH: 12:30, falafel, barley musrhoom soup, health salad, pickles, 580 cal

PM SNACK: 4pm, momma salad, cheezits, 310 cal

DINNER: 7pm, Mahi mahi, asparagus, 400 cal

EVENING GORGE: 8:30pm, chocolate chips & cashews, ice cream and chocolate syrup, +/- 1000 cal

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WEDNESDAY COUNT: 2780

SLEPT: 9:30pm-1am, 3am-6:30am, 7hrs
My juicer broke! A part wore out, snapped, then destroyed another part. Masticating juicer ain't no joke. $50 in parts ordered, hopefully back up and running next week.

AM SNACK: 6:45am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST 1: 7am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST: 10am, Fage yogurt with honey, almonds, vanilla, 450 cal

LUNCH: 2pm, chicken meatballs, curry lentils, steamed strignbeans, pickles, 620 cal

PM SNACK: 3:30pm, momma salad, goldfish, 300 cal

PM SNACK: 5pm, poppa salad, cashews, 510 cal

DINNER: 8pm, vegetarian korean food, +/-900 cal
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BIKE CREDIT: 1300 cal
THURSDAY COUNT: 2700

SLEPT: 11pm - 3am, 4 hr

AM SNACK: 3:30am, iced green tea, 150 mg caffeine

BIKE SNACK: 5am, homemade granola bar, 3445 cal

BIKE SNACK: 5am, homemade granola bar, 445 cal

BREAKFAST: 9:45am, Steel cut oatmeal,  450 cal

AM SNACK: 11am, banana, +/- 150 cal

LUNCH pt 1: 1pm, poppa salad with dressing, veggie straws, 310 cal

LUNCH pt 2: 2:45pm, grilled pork tenderloin, pickles, 420 cal

PM SNACK: 4pm, momma salad, peanut butter crackers, 480 cal

DINNER: 6pm, chipotle burrito, ice cream, +/- 1300 cal
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BIKE CREDIT: 765 cal
FRIDAY COUNT: 3135

SLEPT: 7pm-2am, 7 hours

AM SNACK: 3am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST 2: 6am, fruit smoothie, 450 cal

BIKE SNACK: 11am, home made granola bar, 390 cal

LUNCH: 12:30pm, pork tenderloin whole wheat, sautéed mushrooms, papa salad and dressing, pickles, 1050 cal

PM SNACK: 3pm, momma salad and veggie straws, 310 cal

DINNER 1: 5:15pm, hotdog, fries, ice cream, +/- 900 cal

DINNER 2: 9pm, beet tartare, seafood brand, one glass of wine, dark chocolate, +/- 800 cal

Caffeine: It's a hell of a drug

Soylent green is people, and caffeine is speed. DO YOU HERE ME?!?! CAFFEINE IS SPEEEEED!!!

A few years ago I wrote a lengthy piece about caffeine, and I made some pointed comments about the packet of caffeine powder I had purchased on Amazon:

I have a small 8 oz packet of caffeine. That's 16 tablespoons, 48 teaspoons, or more precisely, 228 grams. If a cup of strong coffee is 200 mg, then this packet is....1,140 cups of strong coffee. Being that 2 cups worth would probably put me on edge, and 10 cups make me lose my mind, even one single ounce of the slim packet would clearly kill me. Poison, indeed - it evolved to be a natural pesticide to defend the plants who contained it.

Though I don't drink coffee or much diet coke anymore, I greatly enjoy caffeine -- before any early morning or extended bike ride, I'll dose myself with 150mg caffeine every 3-4 hours. I know it's 150 mg because I weigh it on a highly sensitive drug scale. 150mg is about 1/2 of 1/8 of a teaspoon, depending on how tightly it's packed (pro-tip -- don't measure caffeine by volume.) My packet of caffeine comes with no warning, no clear serving size, so it's with no amount of surprise that caffeine powder made the news this past week:

24-year-old James Wade Sweatt, a newly married, recent college graduate living in Georgia, blended a drink with powdered caffeine, also purchased online. Health conscious, he reasoned that pure caffeine and water would be a healthier way to get a lift than the Diet Mountain Dew that he usually drank. He overdosed, fell into a coma and died.

Caffeine is sold in bulk as a diet supplement for body builders and the like, and is pretty much unregulated and unrestricted, probably because of it's acceptance in society through our familiarity with it in coffee and soda. Indeed, something like 17 million pounds of the stuff are imported every year for use mostly in Coca Cola and the like. (Coke needs it because the pure caffeine is violently bitter -- if you tasted the full sweetness of caffeine-free coke, your body would reject it as too sweet. Doesn't hurt that caffeine is crazy addictive, too.)

However, with some bulk supplements like various protein powders, adding a few extra scoops to your smoothie might cause a person gastric distress. A scoop of caffeine powder is, with out exaggeration, guaranteed death. If a can of coke is 35mg and a strong cup of American coffee is 130mg,  a teaspoon will probably send you to the hospital with palpitations and paranoia and a tablespoon will end you.

The Food & Drug Administration does not restrict the sale of caffeine powder, despite it clearly being both a food, a drug, and extremely lethal in relatively small quantities. I recently checked out Amazon again, and they have stopped selling loose caffeine powder -- now it comes in 200mg tablets. Let me assure you, a 200mg horse-tablet is a lot harder to mindlessly overdose on than a tiny little bump of loose powder. Why is Amazon setting the standard for food and drug safety when the FDA should have ruled on this years ago?

The head regulator of caffeine at the FDA.

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WEEKLY AVERAGE: 3266
Eating a lot, feeling OK. Next week this will be put on trial.

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MONDAY COUNT: 3620

SLEPT: 8pm - 4am, 8 hrs

AM SNACK: 4:30 am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST: 7:30am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 9:45am, steel cut oatmeal,  450 cal

LUNCH: 12:30, falafel, barley musrhoom soup, health salad, pickles, 580 cal

PM SNACK: 2:45pm, momma salad, cheezits, 310 cal

PM SNACK: 4:15pm, 2 slices of dollar streetza, +/- 400 cal

DINNER: 7pm, flounder, asparagus, poppa salad with dressing, 520 cal

EVENING SNACKS: 7:30pm, popcorn, +/- 400 cal

EVENING SNACK: 8pm, brownies, +/- 800 cal

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TUESDAY COUNT: 3295

SLEPT: 9:30pm- 5:45am, 8.25hrs

AM SNACK: 6 am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST: 7am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 9:45am, Fage yogurt with honey, almonds, vanilla, 450 cal  

LUNCH: 1pm, sauteed shrimp and mushrooms over poppa salad with dressing, pickles, 575 cal

PM SNACK: 4pm, momma salad, cheezits, 310 cal

PM SNACK: 6:30pm, kind bar, veggie straws, brownies, +/- 600 cal

DINNER: 7pm, grilled chicken breast, roasted brussel sprouts, pasta, cupcake, +/- 800 cal

EVENING SNACK: 8:30pm, cookies, +/- 400 cal
-----

WEDNESDAY COUNT: 2930

SLEPT: 9:30pm-3am, 5.5hrs

AM SNACK: 3:15am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST 1: 7am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST: 9:30am, fruit smoothie, 450 cal

LUNCH: 2pm, chicken meatballs, curry mushrooms, steamed strignbeans, pickles, 600 cal

PM SNACK: 3:30pm, momma salad, cheezits, 310 cal

PM SNACK: 5pm, poppa salad, cashews, 510 cal

DINNER: 8pm, korean food, +/-900 cal
-----

BIKE CREDIT: 580 cal
THURSDAY COUNT: 3055

SLEPT: 10pm - 3am, 5 hr

AM SNACK: 3:30am, iced green tea, 150 mg caffeine

BIKE SNACK: 5am, homemade granola bar, 390 cal, 

BREAKFAST: 7:45am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10am, Fage with honey almonds vanilla,  450 cal

LUNCH: 12:30pm, sauteed chicken over poppa salad with dressing, pickles, 625 cal

PM SNACK: 2pm, momma salad and cheezits, 310 cal

PM SNACK: 4pm, 2 slices of streetza, ice cream, +/- 800 cal

DINNER: 8pm, steak frites, a little ice cream and cookies, +/- 900 cal

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FRIDAY COUNT: 3230

SLEPT: 10pm-6am, 8 hours

AM SNACK: 6:15am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST: 7:30am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 9:30am, fruit smoothie, 450 cal

LUNCH: 12:30pm, almond butter and grape jelly on whole wheat, slaw, papa salad and dressing, pickles, 810 cal

PM SNACK: 2:15pm, momma salad and cheezits, 310 cal

PM SNACK: 3:15pm, 2 slice of streetza, +/- 400 cal

PM SNACK: 5pm, small piece of peanut butter fudge, +/- 300 cal

DINNER: 8:15pm, falafel salad, +/- 800 cal

Diet as Religion

Pray to Vegetable Jesus...

Food, shelter, companionship: there's not much more that we truly need. Some would throw in "God" or "religion" in the mix, but that would be like confusing software (content) with hardware (framing device). The need for grub, a roof and sex are all innate drives within us necessary for the continuation of the human race, and religion is one way to make sense of what otherwise can seem completely without order, meaning or pattern.

Recording my food logs that follow these entries every week is something of a ritual -- ritual: the foundation of any religion that creates a feeling of order and security. There is comfort in the repetition, in hopes that loyalty to this thoughtful "prayer" will lead me to self-improvement and improvement of that which is around me. So it is with little surprise that a professor of religious studies finally got around to just saying it: most cockamamie diets being pimped these days require the faith of religiosity, because they're not based in the reality of science. (Bolding mine.)

Religion helps people make sense of a chaotic world: Suddenly, there is order, and there are instructions. All you have to do is follow them. “You have a certainty about the choices you make,” Levinovitz said. “That gives you a way to make decisions, and it makes for a comforting world.” Likewise, nutrition science is a chaotic discipline. Eggs are bad for you until they’re not; MSG is a dangerous food additive until it’s not. It’s understandable why people would pick a way of eating and then stick to their guns; it gives them some solid ground to stand on amid ever-shifting recommendations.

But what about when diets aren’t comforting? Many of them, after all, suggest worlds in which modern life is overflowing with toxins, even in safe-seeming foods — shouldn’t these beliefs be aversive rather than attractive? Not so, said Levinovitz. He used the Food Babe, the very popular food blogger who sees terrifying chemicals everywhere — and who is frequently wrong in her doomsaying — as an example. “One thing I realized — why would you want to live in a world filled with toxins? Why would you follow the Food Babe — isn’t that a terrifying world to live in?” Levinovitz said. You could easily make the same statement about religion: Why would you want to believe in a world where humans are inherently sinful creatures? The idea sounds upsetting from a nonreligious perspective. “But it’s not. It’s a comforting one … The only thing scarier than a world full of toxins is a world in which you don’t know what the toxins are.” If the choice is a nuanced, complicated understanding of the world that contains some uncertainty or a more clear-cut and sharply defined approach, the latter vision is often going to win out.

So beliefs that gluten is the devil, or carbs are the root of all problems, or if only we ate like cavemen did thousands of years ago, or whatever specious thought can pop into your head about food...they all can give focus and "answers" that the science and research can not. As long as you buy in, don't question too deeply, and "keep the faith", your answers will always be true.

Did Mary get pregnant without ever being touched? Did all those Genesis guys live to be 400? (No, not Tony and Phil, the biblical ones.) Is our guess at what a paleolithic diet really better than the modern diet, even though the lifespan was literally half of what it is today? Does food require moral judgement: is there inherently "good" food and "bad" food,  or is all food just different ratios of fat, protein, carbs and nutrients? With a smattering of contaminates?

One of my best friends in the world is a vegan, through and through, walks it and talks it. I enjoy observing her diet when dining with her, and on rare occasion cooking for her. Her food and her lifestyle and spirituality are so intertwined that I suspect she would not be offended by the idea of diet as religion. Diet is religion, and why wouldn't it be, as food is a key point where the world enters us and we become the world. Why not treat that world kindly as we want ourselves treated?

Why does this feel more like a defense of cannibalism?

As with religion, diet is a framework that is bendy enough that it can be used for good or evil. Good: saving the world. Bad: trying to look like an unrealistic role model for the sake of others. My dietary religion is not organized, published or followed by anyone other than myself -- I have a direct and personal connection to my diet god, no gatekeepers or priests or hucksters needed. My holy trinity:

1. Makes me feel better
2. Makes me look better
3. Supported by science

Another religiousy-feeling organzing concept in regards to food was popularized by Mark Bittman a few years back: Eat real food, mostly plants, not too much. The framing device I personally keep coming back to to help make sense of why our food supply has been seemingly degraded and making us fat and sick is quite simple: Capitalism's amoral drive for profit takes advantage of and amplifies the human's amoral drive for sensual pleasure, regardless of civic responsibility or consequence. Damn, I should write a book about that and start my own diet religion...Scientology will have nothin' on me...

-----

WEEKLY AVERAGE: 3141
Good week. Eating neither slim nor out of control. A few weeks to the scale, to see if this is the way to go...

-----

MONDAY COUNT: 3550

SLEPT: 10pm - 4:45am, 6.75 hrs

AM SNACK: 5 am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST: 7:30am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10am, Fage with almonds honey, vanilla,  450 cal

LUNCH: noon, falafel, chicken soup, health salad, pickles, 610 cal

PM SNACK: 2pm, momma salad, cheezits, 310 cal

PM SNACK: 4pm, slice of pizza, +/- 300 cal

DINNER: 7pm, flounder, asparagus, poppa salad with dressing, 520 cal

EVENING SNACKS: 7:30pm, popcorn, +/- 400 cal

EVENING SNACKS: 8pm, peanut butter crackers, kind bar, chocolate chips and cashews, +/-  800 cal

-----

TUESDAY COUNT: 2730

SLEPT: 9pm- 4:45am, 7.75hrs

AM SNACK: 5 am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST: 7:30am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10am, Steel cut oatmeal, 450 cal  

LUNCH: 2pm, chicken meatballs, curry lentils, steamed strignbeans, pickles, 620 cal

PM SNACK: 4pm, momma salad, 100 cal

DINNER: 7pm, grilled pork loin, poppa salad with dressing, 700cal

EVENING SNACK: 8pm, popcorn, kind bar, +/- 700 cal

-----

WEDNESDAY COUNT: 3050

SLEPT: 11pm-4:30am, 5.5hrs

AM SNACK: 4:45 am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST 1: 7am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST: 9:30am, Fage with almonds, honey, vanilla, 450 cal

LUNCH: 2pm, grilled pork loin, poppa salad with dressing, pickles, 720 cal

PM SNACK: 3:30pm, momma salad, cheezits, 310 cal

PM SNACK: 5pm, cashews, 310 cal

DINNER: 7:30pm, chipotle burrito, ice cream, +/-1380
-----

THURSDAY COUNT: 3645

SLEPT: 10:30pm - 6:30am, 8 hr

AM SNACK: 7am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST: 7:45am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10am, steel cut oatmeal,  450 cal

LUNCH: 1pm, sauteed shrimp and mushrooms over poppa salad with dressing, pickles, 575 cal

PM SNACK: 2pm, Jamaican patties, 830 cal

PM SNACK: 4pm, momma salad and cheezits, 310 cal

DINNER: 7:30pm, Stouffer's Frenchbread Pizzas, 820 cal

EVENING SNACKS: 8:30pm, chocolate chips & cashews, veggie straws, +/- 500 cal

-----

FRIDAY COUNT: 2730

SLEPT: 9pm-3:30am, 6.5 hours

AM SNACK: 4am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST: 7:15am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10am, fruit smoothie, 450 cal

LUNCH: 12:30pm, almond butter and grape jelly on whole wheat, slaw, pickles, 610 cal

PM SNACK: 2:15pm, momma salad and cheezits, 310 cal

PM SNACK: 3:15pm, slice of streetza, +/- 200 cal

DINNER: 5:15pm, hot dog, fries, ice cream, +/- 1000 cal

Chipotle, Reconsidered

A mad scientist genetically modified a lemon by slipping the DNA of the NBC turkey into it's cells...

McDonald's is shutting down stores, and Chipotle proudly announces that they are in the process of completely removing GMO's from their food. The king is dead, all hail the king....right? Or perhaps, as usual, the King is wearing no clothes...

A few months ago, I considered Chipotle, and came to the conclusion while it may seem like a better choice than the fast food that came before it, bottom line was it was still too calorie-dense to not be part of the obesity epidemic, from which most other food-related health ills spring. Recently, NPR published an interesting piece spurred by the recent GMO announcement that took my line of thinking a few steps farther. Why can't we take Chipotle's announcement about GMOs, and by extension, Chipotle itself, too seriously?

1. Corn Syrup & GMOs: They still sell soda, full of GMO corn-syrup.
2. Environment: While some crops use GMOs to be weed-resistant, many of the commodities Chipotle use are also weed-resistant, just by using different methods. Either way, super-weeds are evolving and the environmental damage is pretty much the same.
3. Salt: Chipotle food still contains a huge amount of salt, a multiple of the recommended amount for a meal.
4. Science: there is plenty of rigorous science proving the excess consumption of Chipotle food sugar, salt and refined carbs can be disastrously unhealthy. No such science backs up the idea that GMOs are unhealthy.
5. Meat: Regardless of the humanitarian standards trumpeted about their meat supply, the fact remains that these same animals are fed a diet that is a majority of commodity crops that are raised....with GMOs. 

So despite the announcement, you're still getting plenty of GMOs in your drink and perhaps in your meat, you're still getting way too many calories and salt, and you're not really being that much more environmentally friendly. Let me bang this drum once more: well, capitalism. The corporation needs to make a buck, and whether it's because the consumer is getting what they want or THINK they're getting what they want, as long as the buck is made, that's the final measure of success, right?

Is it time to call it "Capitalism's War on Food" yet?

-----

WEEKLY AVERAGE: 2849
Good, if high-calorie, eating week. My metabolism is kicking into high gear, right? Uh, right?

-----

MONDAY COUNT: 3090

SLEPT: 12am - 6am, 6 hrs

AM SNACK: 6:15 am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST: 9am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 11am, Steel cut oatmeal, 450 cal  

LUNCH: 2pm, falafel, split pea soup, health salad, pickles, 640 cal

PM SNACK: 4:30pm, momma salad, cheezits, 310 cal

DINNER: 7pm, flounder, asparagus, poppa salad with dressing, 520 cal

EVENING SNACKS: 7:30pm, popcorn, +/- 400 cal

EVENING SNACKS: 8pm, peanut butter crackers, 480 cal

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TUESDAY COUNT: 3050

SLEPT: 9pm- 4am, 7hrs

AM SNACK: 4:15 am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST: 7:30am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10:30am, Fage with almonds honey, vanilla,  450 cal

LUNCH: 2pm, chicken meatballs, curry lentils, steamed strignbeans, pickles, 620 cal

PM SNACK: 4pm, momma salad, 100 cal

DINNER: 7pm,Stouffer's french bread pizzas, poppa salad with dressing, 1040 cal

EVENING SNACKS: 8pm, peanut butter crackers, kind bar, 680 cal
-----

WEDNESDAY COUNT:2880

SLEPT: 9pm-4am, 7hrs

AM SNACK: 4:15 am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST 1: 7am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST: 9:30am, Steel cut oatmeal, 450 cal

LUNCH: 2pm, grilled chiken, poppa salad with dressing, 650 cal

PM SNACK: 3:30pm, momma salad, cheezits, 310 cal

PM SNACK: 5pm, cashews, 310 cal

DINNER: 7:30pm, chinese food, +/- 1000 cal
Out with a friend.
-----

BIKE CREDIT: 730 cal
THURSDAY COUNT: 2605

SLEPT: 10pm - 2:30am, 4.5 hr

AM SNACK: 2:45am, iced green tea, 150mg caffeine

BIKE SNACK: 6am, homemade granola bar, 340 cal

BREAKFAST: 7:30am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10am, age with honey, vanilla, almonds,  450 cal

LUNCH: 1:45pm, sauteed shrimp and mushrooms over poppa salad with dressing, quinoa, pickles, 875 cal

PM SNACK: 4pm, momma salad and cheezits, 310 cal

PM SNACK: 6:30pm, kind bar, 200 cal

DINNER: 7:30pm, seafood risotto, flatbread pizza, bread, chocolate cake & ice-cream, water, +/- 1000 cal

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FRIDAY COUNT: 2620

SLEPT: 11:30pm-5:15am, 5.75 hours

AM SNACK: 5:30am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST: 9am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 11am, fruit smoothie, 450 cal

LUNCH: 2pm, almond butter and grape jelly on whole wheat, slaw, pickles, 610 cal

PM SNACK: 4pm, momma salad and cheezits, 310 cal

DINNER: 6pm, burrito, chips, +/- 1100 cal

Monthly WHOOPS!

As I cut and paste the eating diary into next weeks entry, blogger saved over my draft with a copy of next week's. I did a few paragraphs telling you how good the last month was, hinting at professional and romantic progress, and how despite gaining about 1/2 a pound, my caloric intake is averaging close to 3K rather than the 2.3K that it took to lose weight a while ago. My weekend eating seems to be gaining steam in resembling my weekly eating, with a little less salads, a little more desert and a hell of a lot less repetitions. Feels right.

It's for the best I suppose, as struggle and conflict reads a bit more interesting than self-satisfaction and smugness. And I sure as hell will save draft copies elsewhere next time!