Piñatas are the stuff of nightmares.

I was sugar mad as a kid. My allowance and stray coins would go straight to the candy store. It was happiness and love when my mom would make a cake or brownies from the Betty Crocker mix, a rare culinary task that was within her reach. A slice of pizza made no sense without grape soda. If I felt down, sugar would pick me up. If I felt good, sugar would celebrate it.

As I slide into middle age, I think I successfully untangled these deep emotional ties to the substance that was messing with my health. Perhaps I'm not free of it, but being aware of it is more than half the battle. Indeed, early on in this blog, I approached sugar from every angle to help me get a bead on it. I even drilled down into the relationship between kids and sugar. In a nutshell, kids are growing rapidly and need lots of fuel to feed that, so their taste buds are programmed to find super-sweet (a.k.a. super-caloric) things attractive. It is in the manipulation and marketing to children for these needs that evil tends to lurk.

GIMME CAAAAANDYYYYYY!

And holy biz-natch, did I see one face of evil this past weekend. It's name is piñata. If there was something to turn a bunch of 20-odd happy-go-lucky six year olds who just spent the last 2 hours playing together idyllically into a raving bunch of blood-thirsty zombies who will think of nothing of gnawing through their neighbor's flesh to get to sweet, sweet brains candy, it is the piñata.

I never paid much attention to the piñatas at other kid's parties, there was usually only 5-10 kids and they were younger than 6. My daughter had been asking for a piñata over the past year, so when her mom suggested it, I thought "of course" and ordered one on line to my daughter's whim -- a pink stripe heart. It was a fun activity filling it with my kids -- some excess Costco swag, fruit paper and gummies and the like, but then the real crack-rock stuff: Hershey's kisses, tootsie rolls, Reese's peanut butter cups, etc -- the stuff that I loved as a kid, and my daughter specifically asked for. She wanted all the candy that I would never give her on a regular or even-semi regular basis. Fruit is on the regular. Good ice cream is on the semi-regular. Cake and cupcakes once every so often. But this stuff, this was the once-a-year, no-way-any-other-time stuff. I could see her eyes get a little glazed as we stuffed that heart-shaped box full.

I kept the ice cream, cake and piñata indoors until the end of the party, and the tradition of gathering around a be-candled cake and singing to the celebrant was enough to focus the crowd. But as we furiously cut cake, scooped ice cream and served 40-odd mouths, just 10 feet away the magnetic power of the piñata beckoned. After all the kids got cake and and open call to the adults to serve themselves, the crowd around the table was a little sparse. A ring of about 10 kids stood around the piñata, staring at it, like it would burst at any moment simply by quietly focusing their mind energy on it.

To cut a long story short, another dad at the party who had real-world piñata experience jumped in and advised me how to set it up and tried to control the crowd with magical side-walk chalk lines. Still, every swing of the broom handle was one more likelier chance for some kid to get whacked on the head or worse. After getting most of the kids to take a few whacks, I called for any parent volunteers, because this fucker would not break. For a moment, I clawed at it with my hands, but no. In desperation, afraid of the 20+ little kids slowly closing the gap between me, them and the candy explosion poised to burst around my head-height, I pulled it down and shouted, "GO FOR IT!" That was unnecessary, as at my feet a dog-pile of 20+ little kids formed, with a soundtrack of shouts for candy, cries for help, guttural murmurs of air being pushed out of lungs by compression, and after a whole 10 seconds, cries that some only got one piece of candy, while unfairly others got pounds and pounds. (I feel for those parents in particular.)

After the fact, I asked my daughter how she liked her party. Unlike last year, there were no crying jags or drama, she lead a pack of fellow girls all day, and the present pile was larger than ever. However, she did not like how little candy she got from the piñata. I recommended maybe next year, instead we should do goodie bags where each kids gets the exactly the same amount. "No," she scolded, "next year when the piñata opens, just let me take candy, and then everyone else!" Unless we engage in some TSA-level security to hold the crowd behind a gate, I just don't see that happening.
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WEEKLY AVERAGE: 2615
Surprisingly low average, but probably due to eating crazy the weekend before and not being hungry on Monday...

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BIKE CREDIT: 715 cal
MONDAY COUNT: 2095

SLEPT: 9pm-4am, 7 hrs
Overate a bit this weekend due to my daughter's party and all the sweets I cooked up and packed into that damn piñata.

AM SNACK: 4:15 am, iced green tea, 150mg caffeine

BREAKFAST: 10am, steel cut oatmeal, 450 cal

LUNCH: 1pm, vegetarian meatballs chicken soup, health salad, pickles, 650 cal

PM SNACK: 3:30pm, momma salad, cheezits, 310 cal

DINNER: 7pm, mahi mahi, asparagus, poppa salad with dressing, 600 cal

EVENING SNACK: 7:30pm, popcorn, +/- 400 cal

EVENING SNACK: 8pm, 2 kid granola bars, one kind bar, 400 cal
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TUESDAY COUNT: 2370

SLEPT: 9:30pm- 7am, 9.5hrs

BREAKFAST: 9am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10am, Greek yogurt with honey, almonds, vanilla, 450 cal  

LUNCH: 1pm, chicken meatballs, lentil curry, steamed string beans, pickles,  650 cal

PM SNACK: 2:30pm, momma salad, cheezits, 310 cal

DINNER: 5pm, shrimp empanada, 2 cookies, +/- 800 cal

EVENING SNACK: 8pm, 2 kids granola bars, kind bar, 400 cal
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WEDNESDAY COUNT: 2630

SLEPT: 9:15pm - 11:45pm, 2:45am-5:45am,  5hrs

AM SNACK: 6am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST 1: 9am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST: 10am, steel cut oatmeal, 450 cal

LUNCH: 2pm, grilled pork loin, poppa salad with dressing,  pickles, 620cal

PM SNACK: 3:30pm, momma salad, cheezit, 310 cal

PM SNACK: 5pm, cashews, 310 cal

DINNER: 8pm, pork curry tomkatsu, water, +/- 800 cal
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BIKE CREDIT: 1370
THURSDAY COUNT: 2910

SLEPT: 10:30pm - 3:15am, 4.45 hr

AM SNACK: 3:30am, iced green tea, 150 mg caffeine

BIKE SNACK: 5am, homemade granola bar, 320cal

BIKE SNACK: 7am, homemade granola bar, 320 cal

BREAKFAST 1: 9:30am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST: 10am, Fage yogurt with honey, almonds, vanilla, 450 cal

LUNCH: 1pm, grilled pork loin, poppa salad with dressing,  pickles, 620cal

PM SNACK: 2pm, momma salad, cheezits, 410 cal

PM SNACK: 3pm, 2 cookies, +/- 600 cal

DINNER: 6:30pm, Pizza, salad, beer, +/- 700 cal

EVENING SNACK: 10pm, ice cream, +/- 700 cal
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FRIDAY COUNT: 3070

SLEPT: 11pm-6:30am, 7.5 hours

AM SNACK: 7am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST 1: 9:30am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 11:45am, Fruit smoothie, 450 cal  

LUNCH: 2pm, sauteed shrimp and mushrooms, poppa salad with dressing, pickles, +/- 650 cal

PM SNACK: 4pm, momma salad and cheezits, 310 cal

DINNER 1: 5:15pm, hot dog, fries, ice cream, +/- 800 cal

DINNER 2: 8pm, seating sandwich, half a cookie sandwich, water, +/- 700 cal