Monthly Weigh In: Truth Crushed to Earth Will Rise Again.

203-->203.6-->207

Regardless of this month's gain, I'm bullish on the future, and not just future weight loss. While this blog & food diary has a monthly spine of tracking my weight, the bigger picture is really more holistic. It's something I try to avoid going into detail here because, well, it ain't none of yo bidnezz...but it is the context. I recently completed an exercise in envisioning a future professional plan, and before I could even get my mind wrapped around that, this popped out of me:

Simply put, to get my internal life and professional life closer to where I wanted to be, I had to get my physical health in order first. I guess I started there because the second two parts intimately involve other people, while my body is mostly under my control and needs minimal participation from outsiders in the beginning. Choosing to go to culinary school to learn how to cook for myself (and others) was the first step. It helped build a new confidence to get parts 2 and 3 in order.

But looking at the ven diagram above, the design doesn't quite get it it. It's three parts that lie on top of each other and reinforce each other, but it's also a "virtuous circle" -- steps in a cycle that when repeated, gets stronger and stronger. What am I saying? I'm saying I think I'm coming to the end of the first cycle. I've completed these three steps....but now that I have, it's obvious one does not just stop. I'm a hell of a lot happier than I've been in a long time, but all three areas of my life definitely have room for improvement. I've made space for hope, planning....ambition.

Do people ever really change, or just keep repeating the same melody with different themes? In the recent finale of Madmen, the ending was vague enough (SPOILERS) to wonder if Don Draper went back to advertising the conquering hero (but an unchanged person at his core who is forever devouring his soul to spit out as advertising) or left it completely to zen-out as auto mechanic in California and truly embody the 70's me-decade, and the last ad was just a dismissal of advertising as an evil that devours all to sell crap (therefore implying that Don truly changed.) Of course the creator of the show has since said yeah, Draper want back to advertising and did that ad, but I like my version better. Don Draper truly changed. People can change. I want to change.

So I'm rededicating myself, and starting back at step 1. Using the confidence and knowledge I've received over the past 6 or so years, I'm going to push to lose....I know enough to not really set an arbitrary weight goal, but I will aim directly for a new comfort zone that takes in less calories. Should I use vanity for a motivation now? I'm not going to get any prettier or younger. My skin will eventually wrinkle and sag, my hair is only going to get sparser, and yes, my belly will only get bigger as nature takes it's toll. I want to rage against the dying of the light in the funnest way possible.  Yeah, I have that dad bod the internets have been all atwitter about, but really, it's so annoying that their isn't an equivalent "mom bod". No, me and my fellow middle aged dudes really don't need the culture to tell us how great we are by just being ourselves. No, vanity be not proud. I'm looking for Draper's final grin. Happiness.

So enough highfalutin' words. What now? I think a good place to start:

• Restrict to 2500 cal, and the snack calories need a rethink. Less sweets, more fruits.
• Eat more on rides and right after, less in-between rides. Keep weekends calm and non-compulsive.

Definitely more to come on this, but I suppose this next month is going to just be feeling it out, and a more concise game plan based on experience will come of it.

-----

WEEKLY AVERAGE: 2758
A good week over all.

-----

BIKE CREDIT: 1890 cal
MONDAY COUNT: 2275

SLEPT: 8-9pm, 12am - 6am, 7 hrs

AM SNACK: 6:30 am, iced green tea, 150mg caffeine

BIKE SNACK: 8:30am granola bar, 315 cal

BIKE SNACK: 9:30am, granola bar, 315 cal

BIKE SNACK: 10:30, hazelnut caramel tarte, +/- 800 cal

PM SNACK: 12:30pm, momma salad, 100 cal

LUNCH: 1:30pm, 2 slices pizza, +- 800 cal

PM SNACK: 3:30pm, ice cream, +/- 800 cal

DINNER: 6:30pm, fage with honey, almonds, vanilla, 450 cal

EVENING SNACK: 7pm, popcorn, +/- 600 cal
-----

TUESDAY COUNT: 2900

SLEPT: 8pm- 4:30am, 8.5hrs

AM SNACK: 4:45 am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST: 7am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 9:45am, Steel cut oatmeal, 450 cal  

LUNCH: 12:30, falafel, barley musrhoom soup, health salad, pickles, 580 cal

PM SNACK: 4pm, momma salad, cheezits, 310 cal

DINNER: 7pm, Mahi mahi, asparagus, 400 cal

EVENING GORGE: 8:30pm, chocolate chips & cashews, ice cream and chocolate syrup, +/- 1000 cal

-----

WEDNESDAY COUNT: 2780

SLEPT: 9:30pm-1am, 3am-6:30am, 7hrs
My juicer broke! A part wore out, snapped, then destroyed another part. Masticating juicer ain't no joke. $50 in parts ordered, hopefully back up and running next week.

AM SNACK: 6:45am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST 1: 7am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST: 10am, Fage yogurt with honey, almonds, vanilla, 450 cal

LUNCH: 2pm, chicken meatballs, curry lentils, steamed strignbeans, pickles, 620 cal

PM SNACK: 3:30pm, momma salad, goldfish, 300 cal

PM SNACK: 5pm, poppa salad, cashews, 510 cal

DINNER: 8pm, vegetarian korean food, +/-900 cal
-----

BIKE CREDIT: 1300 cal
THURSDAY COUNT: 2700

SLEPT: 11pm - 3am, 4 hr

AM SNACK: 3:30am, iced green tea, 150 mg caffeine

BIKE SNACK: 5am, homemade granola bar, 3445 cal

BIKE SNACK: 5am, homemade granola bar, 445 cal

BREAKFAST: 9:45am, Steel cut oatmeal,  450 cal

AM SNACK: 11am, banana, +/- 150 cal

LUNCH pt 1: 1pm, poppa salad with dressing, veggie straws, 310 cal

LUNCH pt 2: 2:45pm, grilled pork tenderloin, pickles, 420 cal

PM SNACK: 4pm, momma salad, peanut butter crackers, 480 cal

DINNER: 6pm, chipotle burrito, ice cream, +/- 1300 cal
-----

BIKE CREDIT: 765 cal
FRIDAY COUNT: 3135

SLEPT: 7pm-2am, 7 hours

AM SNACK: 3am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST 2: 6am, fruit smoothie, 450 cal

BIKE SNACK: 11am, home made granola bar, 390 cal

LUNCH: 12:30pm, pork tenderloin whole wheat, sautéed mushrooms, papa salad and dressing, pickles, 1050 cal

PM SNACK: 3pm, momma salad and veggie straws, 310 cal

DINNER 1: 5:15pm, hotdog, fries, ice cream, +/- 900 cal

DINNER 2: 9pm, beet tartare, seafood brand, one glass of wine, dark chocolate, +/- 800 cal