I can't get me no satisfraction, oh no no no

About a year ago, I noted the introduction of "Satisfries" to the Burger King menu. I wrote

Destroyer of Hopes & Dreams

I'm slowly making my way through "Sugar Salt Fat", a quite in depth look at how the Food Industry manipulates the three ingredients of the title to sell more of their product, regardless of the health and welfare of society or individual. One thread running in defense of Big Food is companies like McDonalds & Dannon are actually revising and rolling out incrementally healthier recipes, not just because its the right thing but because doing it stealthily will prevent the common and proven reaction from the public that if something is presented as "healthier", people will reject it. (McLean Deluxe, anyone?) Not to mention when the obesity epidemic gets so bad that the government will have no choice but enact legislation to hang the bastards, they'll have this track record of stealth health to defend themselves with.

I guess stealth was too subtle for a 3rd rate fast food executive at Burger King this week. After the facts and figures of the reduced calories and special oil-repelling coating of their new and more expensive "Satisfries" got trumpeted all over the Internet, on TV with a hash tag marketing blitz, and billboards and the like, one industry strategist had the cojones to write:

 “Burger King's new fries are totally in tune with the concept of stealth health, which offers patrons guilt-free indulgence. If the fries truly deliver on taste, they could be a real game changer.”

So stealthy.

Well it's a year later, and the news is in: Satisfries is basically a Satisflop. The chain has pulled the item from their company-owned stores, and gave the option of franchisees to drop them -- the result is more than 2/3 of the outlets will stop selling them immediately.

Odd thing is, if you read around the blogosphere and the comments sections of various sites, the general consensus is two fold.

1. Burger King has easily had the worst fries of all the major fast food chains, and the Satisfries were a clear improvement in terms of taste over them. 
2. "Satisfries" is a horrible name that no one really wants to utter from their mouth-holes.

Two other things clearly worked against the acceptance of Satisfries:

1. The fact that they were lower-calorie or lower-fat was never presented stealthily; it was trumpeted in the media and in stores. Despite lip service, people who eat Burger King more than the very rare occasion don't really care about calories and fat.
2. They cost more than regular fries, something like 30 cents per serving which sounds piddling, but in the low-cost realm of cheap fast food, this is a huge deal. The people who eat Burger King more than the very rare occasion value cheap satisfying calories above all else even if they don't consciously know it, and calling if a "Satisfry" won't make the ding to the wallet any more palatable.

I can only assume that the original food scientists and food strategists told the BK authorities they had a winning product -- a fry that tastes better and has less fat and calories. The downside is that food cost will go slightly up. The BK bean counters then probably ignored all advice and tried to monetize the product as fast as possible.

Interestingly, the rollback of the "healthy item" is occurring at the same time as the reintroduction of another BK menu item that was also introduced a year or so ago as an experiment: "chicken fries", which are essentially breast meat shaped like french fries that are battered and fried. Despite not being able to tout anything healthy about this novelty, fans of the item have been calling for it's return all over social media, and sells enough perhaps become a permanent fixture on the menu. Low fat low cal fries, no. Fries made out of industrial feed-lot meat, yes. It's not that you should never underestimate the stupidity of the masses -- you should never underestimate the stupidity of the masses who eat at Burger King on the regular. 

Look like meaty mozzarella sticks to me.

As I referred to in my original post, the storm that is going to hold Big Food responsible for the damage to the public that they hath wrought is still picking up steam, and "Satisfry" fig-leaves aren't going to make one whit of difference.

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WEEKLY AVERAGE: 2764

Hard week. Due to an unfortunately accident, I had to act much like a single dad this week. There were aspects of it that were brilliant, but I can definitely see how a harried single mom or dad could skip cooking and/or paying attention what goes into their mouth hole and blow up to unfortunate sizes.

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MONDAY COUNT: 2420 cal

SLEPT: 11pm-5:45am, 6.75 hrs
Long day, lots of drama. Lucky to have a good friend in town sleeping on the couch and share a glass of wine together in the evening.

AM SNACK: 5:15am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST: 9am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10am, steel cut oatmeal, 450 cal

LUNCH: 12:45pm, falafel, cream of mushroom soup, health salad, pickles, 600 cal 

PM SNACK: 3:30 pm, momma salad, Grazebox honey almonds ,310 cal

DINNER: 6:30pm, tilapia, asparagus, poppa salad with ranch dressing, 500 cal

EVENING SNACK: 7:30pm, popcorn, glass of wine, +/- 400 cal

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TUESDAY COUNT: 3120 cal
SLEPT: 9pm-4am, 2-2:30pm, 7.5 hrs

Grazed a little hardcore in the evening, but I understand fully where it's coming from -- the pressure of having someone close to me fall ill (not a child). It's interrupted my schedule, and it's not surprising I need a little comfort in food. Ramen is comforting, and this packet has been in my pantry for over a year waiting for a night like this.

AM SNACK: 4:30am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 7:30am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 9:45am, Fage whole yogurt with honey, vanilla and almonds, 450 cal

LUNCH: 12:45pm, chicken meatballs, steamed string beans, mushroom curry,  pickles, 600 cal 

PM SNACK: 3:30 pm, momma salad, Grazebox seed mix , 310 cal

DINNER: 6:30pm, grilled chicken breast, roasted brussel sprouts, poppa salad with Italian dressing and fresh tomato, 600 cal

EVENING SNACK: 7:30pm, 2 kids "granola bars", 1 kind bar, homemade banana bread, packet of ramen, +/- 1000 cal

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WEDNESDAY COUNT: 2800 cal
SLEPT: 9pm-4am, 2-2:30pm, 7.5 hrs

Unsurprisingly woke up with a funny-feeling stomach.

AM SNACK: 4:15am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 7:30am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10am, steel cut oatmeal, 450 cal

LUNCH: 12:45pm, sautéed chicken breast, roasted brussel sprouts, quinoa,  pickles, 615 cal 
Messing with the quinoa. Usually it's coconut oil, salt and bay leaves. Added siracha, crumbled dried portobellos and a shot of red wine this time. I like it plain, but it's nice to make it a big flavor, too, sometimes.

PM SNACK: 3:30 pm, momma salad, Grazebox crackermix , 200 cal

DINNER: 6:30pm, stir fry with shiritaki noodles, shrimp, shitake mushrooms and oyster sauce, poppa salad with ranch and fresh tomato, 575 cal

EVENING SNACK: 7:30pm, kind bar, kid granola bar, popcorn, almond butter & chocolate syrup, +/- 800 cal

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BIKE CREDIT: 735 cal
THURSDAY COUNT: 2940 cal

SLEPT: 9pm-12:45am,1:30-2:30pm, 4.75 hrs
Ding ding dong, da dinga ding ding ding dong! These are not the droids you are looking for.

AM SNACK:1:30am, iced green tea, 150mg caffeine, homemade granola bar, 305 cal

BIKE SNACK: 3am, granola bar, 305 cal

BREAKFAST: 7am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 9:45am, Fage whole yogurt with honey, vanilla and almonds, 450 cal

LUNCH: 12:45pm, vegetarian meatballs, black beans, roasted broccoli,  pickles, 605 cal 

PM SNACK: 3:30 pm, momma salad, Grazebox crackers , 180 cal

DINNER: 6pm, Chipotle burrito, 870 cal

EVENING SNACK: 7:30pm, cookies, +/- 800 cal
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FRIDAY COUNT: 2540 cal

SLEPT: 9pm-4pm, 7 hrs

AM SNACK: 4:15am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST: 6:30am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 8am,  fruit smoothie, 450 cal

LUNCH: 12:45pm, almond butter and grape jelly on whole wheat, health salad,  pickles, 620 cal 

PM SNACK: 3:30 pm, momma salad, Cheezits , 310 cal

DINNER: 5:15pm,  hot dog, fries, ice cream, +/- 1000 cal