Is the era of the Foodiot over?

Never has a piece of stock photography so succinctly summed up a turn of phrase.

Is the end of cupcake trend a bellwether for larger shifts in the cultural culinary landscape? There sure is one weed that could use some plucking:  the "Foodiot". Coined around 2009,

they’re foodies who tweet/blog/brag about everything they’ve eaten, whether it’s a pork croquette at Gramercy Tavern or a freaking Hot Pocket.

I'll be the first to admit, I can be a bit of a foodiot, but I'd like to think my formal training in culinary arts, my science-focused approach to health and nutrition, and scorn for stupid food trends keep me more in the more mature, established "foodie" camp. But, the invisible hand of the market seems to think there is still gold to be mined in them thar foodiots…

It's an interesting time for pasty 'round these parts, a fact somewhat bemoaned by wonderfully feisty and talented baker Allison Robicelli of Robicelli's Bakery in Bay Ridge. When Crumbs was left to die, Robicelli quickly derided the media for the "morbid" and "tasteless" glee with which we rejoiced the "end of the cupcake," in a fantastic letter to First We Feast. She also addressed the frustration around being tasked to constantly innovate, often for no other reason than innovation for innovation's sake. "We're not being asked to make good food—we're being asked to churn out gimmicks," Robicelli lamented. "Which makes the rash of cupcake hatred all the more ironic." Remember chicken wing cupcakes?
Now, inspired by—or perhaps provoked by—her frustrations, Robicelli and crew have dubbed this the Jump The Shark Summer at the bakery, a not-at-all-disguised ribbing of the intense food media hype propagated by, well, everyone. Each week the bakery will create a new, "viral" confection specifically designed to elicit the hyperventilation surrounding ironic or oddball Frankenfoods.

Foodiot mating call

I guess "foodiot" is a term of derision, as the press release addresses "foodies" to be polite, but it's kinda obvious the terms are being used interchangeably…

That’s right foodies, and the significant others who grudgingly get dragged along with them! We are dedicating every weekend this summer to getting even MORE intense. There will be no “wow, this cake is really delicious exactly how it is!” Oh HELL no! Why settle for just plain ol’cake, when we can hybridize it with a whole bunch of things. Maybe with make the cake with duck fat, stuff it inside a doughnut, deep fry the f*** out of it, then coat it in some sort of bacon Sriracha and locally-foraged mango glaze, or some equally intense stuff. Then you put it online with the caption “WANT OMFG (drool) (dead)”. 

This is what we in the industry call “whimsy”. And we want you all to whimsy so hard that your junk falls off.

Foodiots are addicted to whimsy, indeed. When people struggle for years in therapy to find out the causes of their deepest fears then find them (EGGS FTW), more often than not the fear melts away. Will the whimsy melt away once it's exposed for what it really is?  Robicelli is clearly trying to lay bare what foodiotism  is at it's core: bored dumb people trying to one-up each other by discovering & heartily embracing something even more new and extreme, ideally with sophisticated ingredients decontextualized ironically or hi/lo cultural references to score cool points in social media.

Foodiots & Manic Pixie Dream Girls: addicted to whimsy.

Bacon is the ur-Foodiot food. I like bacon. When I rode a bicycle through the Western United States on secondary roads, I took great pleasure in noting the subtle differences between each diner's bacon from town to town, where in NYC all the bacon served in greasy spoons are pretty homogeneous. A hearty breakfast without bacon is kind of a drag. However….

…serving your breakfast in a bowl made of bacon is just foodiocy. Everything can NOT be made better with bacon, more bacon or replacing it with bacon. Like it's two main flavors, salt and smoke, it is a support player that improves the whole team, but it has way too few dimensions to be the WHOLE team.

Foodiotism is an arms race that perhaps started with the twee fetishization of the cupcake in the late 90s, and in the competition to find the next cupcake, different foods entered and exited the limelight, influenced by things like the Great Recession of '08/'09. Hotdogs and pizzas didn't just explode for a while because they were delicious, they garnered a new level of fetishization because they were (mostly) cheap. And it's not a coincidence that with a newly recovering economy, a food as bougy as a cronut could grab the attention of so many.

The rising popularity of competitive eating was an extreme side-show of foodiotism. I remember a few years ago as counter-programming to the Superbowl, a channel showed a high-level eating competition that featured, among other things, bowls of mayo and bull testicles. Bringing the competition of pro-wrestling production values to the "enjoyment" of "crazy" foods reeks of foodiotism.

Ha ha look at them eat all the hotdawgz. So kewl.

Lately, summer 2014, the bleeding edge of foodiotism seems to be turning in on itself. National chains like 7/11, Dennys and Dairy Queen and invading the gilded walls of New York City. Most foodies are mourning the pleasant lack of faceless chains of low-quality diner food and slushies that are ubiquitously and homogeneously making everywhere from New Jersey to Colorado a bit samey, but the Foodiots….well, many Foodiots think it's RAD.

Along side the invasion of chains found in the midwest, the food of the midwest has become a legitimate trend in NYC restaurants the past few years. Fried casserole on a stick for all! While I welcome the later trend in fusing some traditional dishes from the middle of the country in our fancy-shmancy NOO YAWK CITEE?! restaurants, I do not welcome the corporate crap of DQ or Dennys. If you know the difference, you're a foodie. If you equate the two, your a foodiot (or alternately, innocently long for your midwestern childhood. Keep it real in the hizzay.)

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WEEKLY AVERAGE: 2869

Funny how in my mind I thought I ate well this week but the weekly average is surprisingly high. Maybe it has to do with the strong cycling, good lift and stronger bike commute every day? I guess next week's weigh in will be my weathervane in how to approach it, with a carrot, stick or otherwise.

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MONDAY COUNT: 2740

SLEPT: 11pm-5am, 6 hrs

AM SNACK: 5:15am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 8:30am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10:15am, steel cut oatmeal, 450 cal

LUNCH: 12:45pm, falafel, spit pea & ham soup, health salad, pickles, 885 cal 

PM SNACK: 3:30 pm, momma salad, Grazebox nut mix , 330 cal

DINNER: 6:30pm, broiled flounder, sautéed mushroom and onion, poppa salad with Italian dressing, 615 cal

Forgot to get asparagus, and the market on the way home had none, so picked up some simple mushrooms and an onion. Forgot how nice this is, with a bit of coconut oil, worchestchire and chili powder.

EVENING SNACK: 7:45pm, homemade popcorn, +/- 300 cal

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TUESDAY COUNT: 2925

SLEPT: 9pm-4am, 12:30-1:30pm  8 hrs
Did let it loose a little too much in the evening, but this is the most limited, controlled sugar gorge I've ever experienced. Funny how f'ing up actually has given me a sense of how far I've come. Just needed a little comfort.

AM SNACK: 4:15am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 9:15am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10am, Fage whole yogurt with honey, vanilla and almonds, 450 cal

LUNCH: 1:45pm, chicken meatballs, steamed string beans, mushroom curry,  pickles, 620 cal 

PM SNACK: 3:30 pm, momma salad, Grazebox seed mix , 230 cal

DINNER: 6:30pm, shiritaki noodles with shrimp and shitaki mushrooms,  roasted brussel sprouts, poppa salad with Italian dressing, 665 cal

EVENING GORGE: 8pm, peanut butter & chocolate syrup, a little cherry sorbet, 3 chocolate chocolate-chip cookies, +/- 800 cal

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WEDNESDAY COUNT: 2590

SLEPT: 12:15am-4am, 3.75 hrs
Those cookies did not help me sleep.

AM SNACK: 4:15am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 9:15am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10am, steel cut oatmeal, 450 cal

LUNCH: 12 noon, adobo chicken breast, roasted brussels, quinoa,  pickles, 650 cal 

PM SNACK: 1:15, bad hamburger, chips, water, +/- 350 cal
Popped in on my daughter's day camp for a "BBQ", was fun to be with my girl but my god, the cafeteria burger is just as I remember it from when I was a kid. Looking at what the kids were eating: bad burger on white buns, bad hot dogs on white buns, water melon, potato chips, it's all just sugar sugar sugar and scary crap. Made me feel bad, gonna have to think it through. Maybe I should pack my daughter's lunches from now on.

PM SNACK: 3:30 pm, momma salad, Grazebox popcorn , 230 cal

PM SNACK: 5pm, poppa salad with Italian dressing, 170 cal

DINNER: 8pm, Subway 6" veggie burger, diet coke, 580 cal
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BIKE CREDIT: 750 cal
THURSDAY COUNT: 3460

SLEPT: 9pm-3am, 6 hrs
Good ride this morning, numbers slightly better than last week, and last week's numbers were the best since when I started recording the numbers on this ride in 1999. Fell off in the afternoon, just need a pressure release valve, hard day at work and the morning ride had revved up my appetite for carbs, I think. Not gonna beat myself up. Out for a nice dinner with a friend I don't see nearly enough.

AM SNACK: 3:15am, granola bar, iced green tea, 150mg caffeine, 325 cal

BIKE SNACK: 4:45am, granola bar, 325 cal

BREAKFAST: 8am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 9:45am, Fage whole yogurt with honey, vanilla and almonds, 450 cal

LUNCH: 12:45pm, chicken sausage, roasted broccoli, black beans,  pickles, 610 cal 

PM SNACK: 3:30 pm, momma salad, Grazebox chips , 170 cal

PM SNACK: 5pm, poppa salad with Italian dressing, 170 cal

ICE CREAM GORGE: 5:15pm, 5 free ice cream novelties, +/- 1000 cal

DINNER: 7pm, artisanal grilled riccota & heirloom tomato pizza, chocolate cake with scorched marshmallow fluff, water, +/- 1000 cal
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FRIDAY COUNT: 2630

SLEPT: 10pm-2am, 3:45-5:45am, 6 hrs
Good eating day, help by a 7pm bedtime to get ready for a long ride on Saturday.

AM SNACK: 2:15am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST: 7am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 9:15am, Fruit smoothie, 500 cal

LUNCH: 12:45pm, almond butter and grape jelly on whole wheat, roasted brussels,  pickles, 660 cal 

PM SNACK: 4 pm, momma salad, cheezits , 310 cal

DINNER: 5:15pm, hot dog, fries, ice cream, +/- 1000 cal

Is Fro-Yo the next to go?

The appeal of the cupcake was always a certain youthfulness -- yo momma made them when you were a kid, and the nostalgia of eating one as an adult was key to it's trending powers. Frozen Yogurt, on the other hand, has been ascendant and on trend for a while, but it's gotten there by a very different mechanism.

Yo momma never celebrated your birthday with cake and frozen yogurt, unless you had a very, very sad childhood. Frozen yogurt is assumed to be "healthy" -- it is lower in fat and has live pro-biotic cultures in it. This is, of course, a lie by stretching the truth. Yogurt is simply diary that is curdled and preserved with bacteria, making what would otherwise be spoiled milk a thick, tangy delight. There is only one on the market worth eating:

Ingredients: Milk & cream, live active cultures. Done.

Truth be told, it is not very low fat, though it has less fat than a scoop of Ben & Jerry's. It does have pro-biotic cultures. However, it does NOT have an ass-load of added sugar, thickeners, stabilizers and additives to make it into something it is not.

Any thick, custardy liquid can be put into an ice cream machine and something with the consistency of ice cream will come out. However, the reason ice cream is loved all over the world for 100s of years is the fact that the power of fat to retard crystallization, deliver silky mouth feel and amplify flavor is unrivaled. Frozen yogurt, in it's attempt to imitate ice cream's fatty goodness, packs in the gums and seaweed derivatives, along with corn syrup, dextrose and many other forms of sugar. Unsurprisingly, many "low fat" frozen yogurts have as many, if not more, calories than classic ice cream.

As with any food that banks a lot of cash, there is a an industry trade group there that extorts money from the producers to create websites and lobby congress. Lots of dumb stuff, lots of scary stuff (most chains offer their franchises either freshly made base that goes bad in a week under refrigeration, or a dry powder mix that is shelf stable -- guess which one tastes better and is better for you?) They also have a nice little summary of the history of froyo:

The word yogurt means to curdle in Turkish. It was likely invented around 5000 BC and is one of the world’s oldest man-made foods. Surprisingly, frozen yogurt is a relatively new food, invented in the early 1970’s as a soft serve dessert marketed as “Frogurt” by H.P. Hood, a New England dairy operator. Frozen yogurt in the 1970’s was marketed as a healthier, lowfat alternative to ice cream and had a tart taste that lacked mainstream appeal in the US. The company known today as YoCream International got its start as Yogurt Stand in 1976. Honey Hill Farms was founded in 1978.
The first wave of frozen yogurt popularity occurred in the US during the 1980’s. Frozen yogurt in the 1980’s was still marketed as a healthier alternative to ice cream but the difference was that the product was formulated to taste more like soft serve ice cream. Frozen yogurt shops opened up across the US, starting on the East Coast. TCBY opened its first shop in Little Rock, Arkansas in 1981, grew rapidly during the 1980s, and became the largest frozen yogurt store chain in the world with 1,665 locations in 1990. By the early 90’s many frozen yogurt shops had closed. Frozen yogurt production reached its height in 1995 at 152.1 million gallons. By 2007, frozen yogurt production had fallen to 61 million gallons.
The second coming of frozen yogurt in the U.S. can be attributed to the cult like popularity of Pinkberry, opened its first store in West Hollywood in 2005. Unlike the frozen yogurt that was popular in the 1980s, the new Korean style soft serve frozen yogurt was tart and tangy. This new style of frozen yogurt had already become popular in Seoul, South Korea several years before Pinkberry opened in the US. Red Mango opened in Seoul in 2002 and quickly gained popularity. Pinkberry inspired shops popped up throughout the US. Frozen yogurt’s popularity continued to grow as with the US consumers became enamored with the self-serve frozen yogurt shop format.

Pinkberry, 16 Handles and Red Mango are just a few of the brands that have popped up in recent years to try to get in on people's desire for "better-for-you" ice cream. Before them, something called Tasti-D-Lite was all the rage, but no one was quite sure what it was - nondairy fat-free sugar-free something or another? What the hell IS in Tasti-D-Lite anyway?

Tasti D-Lite products are made from two different dairy-based mixes, upon which additional flavors can be added.
The vanilla dairy base is made with: water, nonfat milk, sugar, corn syrup, cream, guar gum, locust bean gum, carrageenan, vanilla, and lactase.
The chocolate dairy base, used for chocolate flavors, replaces vanilla with chocolate and is made with: water, nonfat milk, sugar, corn syrup, cream, cocoa (processed with alkali), guar gum, locust bean gum, carrageenan, and lactase

Huh, not actually yogurt, but marketed as "healthier for you" in anticipation of the 2nd coming of the froyo trend. Still, "lite" ice cream, grrrrossssss! Not only did it taste kinda terrible if you weren't addicted to the sweetness of it, but it was actually full of calories anyway. Unlike the soylent green of Tasti-D-Lite, the new places have the integrity and familiarity of 'yogurt' to define itself.

There was a Seinfeld episode where everyone goes crazy for a non-fat frozen yogurt and decide to eat it exclusively. When they all start having a hard time fitting in to there clothes, it is revealed that what they are eating is not low calorie, or even low-fat. All you suckers gobbling up Red Berry and 16 Mangoes, it's all the badness of dairy minus the fat, all the calories of ice cream minus the pleasure, and all the ill health effects of indulging a childish palate minus the sweet nostalgia.

EPILOGUE:
Wednesday through Friday of this week ended up making two frozen confections, inspired partly by researching this post. I'm attending a get together of the HVS, and most of her friends roll vegan or vegetarian and I wanted to bring something to the party, so I made two very different ice creams.

First is a simple vegan chocolate ice cream:

• 28 ounce full-calorie coconut milk
• 1 cup sugar
• 1/3 cup ducted cocoa
• 3 vanilla beans, scraped
• 1 heavy pinch salt
• 1 shot of homemade vanilla extract

Refrigerated cans of coconut milk, opened and drained off the water, as less water = less big crystals. Cooked it with the sugar, cocoa, vanilla and salt while whisking constantly until on the edge of a boil. Cooled overnight, mixed in extract, churned. Didn't take a lot of air, gelato-style, but packs a surprisingly assertive chocolate taste, not too coconutty.

Second is a not so simple cherry sorbet, from the c-school run-down

• 2 lbs cherries, pitted
• 2oz sugar
• pinch of salt
• 11 oz sugar
• 3 oz corn syrup
• .25 oz vegetarian gelatin
• 4 egg whites
• 8oz sugar
• 1 shot cherry liquor

Anything fruit-based is going to be a bear, as the water is going to want to make big, crunchy crystals. 
1. Fruit. Pitted cherries are cooked down with 2oz sugar and salt until it releases it's liquid and cooks down to about half. Blend until it is an undifferentiated slurry. Chill over night

2. Water-Ice syrup. Place 11oz sugar, corn syrup, gelatin and a quart of water in a clean pan, bring to a boil. Cool to room temp then chill overnight

3. Meringue. Whip egg whites and 8oz sugar over a hot water bath until it starts to turn solid, smooth white. Transfer to electric mixer with whisk attachment and whisk the holy hell out of that mother. Transfer to a closed container and refrigerate overnight.

4. Mix all three components together along with liquor. Treat as ice cream custard in ice cream maker. Transfer to freezer immediately, as it will be softer and looser than soft serve ice cream. Chill over night.
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Oh mah gawd I want one.

It's exciting because the science sounds, uh, sound. Take a plate of food, put the thingy over it, it weighs it, determines what is water, fat and inedible, then give you a (hopefully) highly accurate of the exact calorie count on the plate. There undoubtedly will be a mini pocket version where you can whip it out in a restaurant and get the real truth about what you're eating. It'll be like the google-glass of food obsessives!!

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WEEKLY AVERAGE: 2530

Bike riding is feeling strong, something is clicking. Maybe it's the height of the summer season. Wonder how it's going to effect my weigh in in a few weeks.

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MONDAY COUNT: 2615

SLEPT: 9pm-12:45am, 1:45am-4am. 1:30pm-2:30pm, 7 hrs

AM SNACK: 6:15am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 8:45am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10am, steel cut oatmeal, 450 cal

LUNCH: 12:45pm, falafel, spit pea & ham soup, health salad, pickles, 885 cal 

PM SNACK: 3:30 pm, momma salad, Grazebox nut mix , 300 cal

DINNER: 6:30pm, broiled flounder, roasted asparagus, poppa salad with Italian dressing, 520 cal


EVENING SNACK: 7:45pm, homemade popcorn, +/- 300 cal

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TUESDAY COUNT: 2530

SLEPT: 9pm-4am, noon-1:45pm, 8.75 hrs
Finally catching up on the awful sleep I've been getting the past week or so. Thank goodness for the 'wellness' room at the office!

AM SNACK: 4:15am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 9:15am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10am, Fage whole yogurt with honey, vanilla and almonds, 450 cal

LUNCH: 12:45pm, chicken meatballs, steamed string beans, madras lentils,  pickles, 680 cal 

PM SNACK: 3:30 pm, momma salad, Grazebox seed mix , 300 cal

DINNER: 6:30pm, grilled chicken breast, roasted brussel sprouts, poppa salad with Italian dressing, 640


EVENING SNACK: 9:45pm, peanut butter, +/- 300 cal

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WEDNESDAY COUNT: 2610

SLEPT:10pm-4am, 6 hrs
A good friend from out of town and her French family came today to stay until Saturday, took them to Nom Wah, a really good time. Enjoyed the food, fun to order and sample a lot of dishes (chicken feet, haaaaw) and not need to pile in the quantity. The kids got ice cream, but I felt no urges to get some, too, which was nice.

AM SNACK: 4:15am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 9:15am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10am, steel cut oatmeal, 450 cal

LUNCH: 12:45pm, sautéed chicken, roasted brussel sprouts, quinoa,  pickles,720 cal 

PM SNACK: 3:30 pm, momma salad, Grazebox nut mix , 300 cal

PM SNACK: 4:30 pm, poppa salad with Italina dressing, 180 cal

DINNER: 6:30pm, misc meaty dim sum at Nom Wah, water, a small spoonful of ice cream, +/- 800 cal

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BIKE CREDIT: 730 cal
THURSDAY COUNT: 2265

SLEPT: 10pm - 3am, 1pm-3pm, 7 hrs
Really strong ride out to Coney this morning. Zipped through churning coconut chocolate vegan ice cream and making syrup and meruenge for cherry sorbet. Had ze French do me a solid and pitted the pounds and pounds of cherries I got from the CSA, hope to cook them tonight and mix everything and churn tomorrow AM.

AM SNACK: 3:15am, iced green tea, granola bar, 150mg caffeine, 320 cal

BIKE SNACK: 4:45am, granola bar, 320 cal

BREAKFAST: 7:30am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 9:45am, Fage whole yogurt with honey, vanilla and almonds, 500 cal

LUNCH: 12:45pm, soy 'meat' balls, black beans, roasted broccoli & shitake mushrooms, pickles, 620 470 cal
Left my veg at home, dammit! First time in the history of recorded eating I did that! Will eat tomorrow, I suppose.

PM SNACK: 3pm, momma salad,  grazebox crackers and dip, 180 cal

PM SNACK: 5pm, poppa salad with Italian, 180 cal

DINNER: 8pm, chipotle burrito, 865 cal

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FRIDAY COUNT: 2630

SLEPT: 10pm - 4am, 6 hrs
Solid day. Almost had ice cream at work, but someone unplugged the freezer and it all turned to soup.

AM SNACK: 4:15am, iced green tea,

BREAKFAST: 7am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 9am, fruit smoothie, 500 cal

LUNCH: 12:45pm, almond butter and grape jelly on wholewheat, roasted broccoli & shitake mushrooms, pickles, 660 cal

PM SNACK: 3pm, momma salad,  cheezits, 310 cal

DINNER: 5:30pm, hotdog, fries, water, ice cream, +/- 1000 cal

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Requiem for a Cupcake

Crumbs cross-section: a frosting delivery system.

This past week, social media was atwitter with smug "nyah nyah nyahs" about a chain of cupcake bakeries named "Crumbs" which had suddenly and swiftly closed all of their 65  shops. A good friend on Facebook pretty much summarized gestalt when she commented on an article about the closing,

During my years in finance someone would get Crumbs for the office at least three times a week, despite the fact that no one seemed to like them--dry and bland. Is this the end of cupcakes tyrannical rule?….Cupcakes, in corporate America, are a way of saying, "we are aware it is the day of your birth, fellow coworker, and in efforts to make minimal acknowledgement of this we have pooled a very small amount of money to purchase a clam shell of stale pastries that you will barely eat." Everyone picks at them and leaves behind a technicolor pile of sadness.

Wheres mah cupcakes?!

What is this all about then? I like cupcakes! It's all Sex & the City's fault. The first bakery famous for specializing in cupcakes was Magnolia Bakery in the West Village, established in 1996. When the four shoe-crazy gals of S&tC became a late 90s cultural phenomenon, legions of (mostly female) fans went gah-gah to imitate them in both fashion, drink (cosmos FTW) and eats. The two most notable food trends on the show aligned with the gay-positive culture the characters embraced: brunch, and Magnolia cupcakes. It was a thing.

I'm not ashamed to admit I watched S&tC when it was on. Even though it was set in my present day NYC, it felt like I was watching some sort of social study of a foreign tribe in a strange land, with lots of sex. Even when the bloom was off the rose, I attended an opening night screening of the first S&tC movie with a gaggle of 7 or 8 women, and I baked a batch of butter cream cupcakes for us eat in the theater. (I'm comfortable enjoying the Gay Pride Parade too, don't judge!)

Once upon a time, this was a cultural touchstone. 

Overlay the artisanal-izing and specializing of small food businesses, and through out the aughts we'd see trends that would celebrate, revitalize and gild everything from cupcakes and donuts to hot dogs and pizza.

With "foodie" becoming a popular descriptor of those who both consumed and produced small-batch non-industrial goodies, the cupcake's cultural cachet increased because unlike the skill and equipment needed to make a hot dog or ice cream from scratch, everybody grew up with a parent who could transform a box of Betty Crocker mix into a hand-sized bit of pleasure. With social media growing ever more dominant, Cupcake Camp became an inevitability.

My friend Mary Ann became the spearhead of this volunteer, free viral event here in NYC. Essentially, it was a formalization of a "cookie exchange", the kind of pre-holiday party where everyone bakes a couple dozen cookies and at the party you swap and you come away with a couple of dozen cookies of all sorts. In Cupcake Camp, volunteer bakers would make the cupcakes, feed a bunch of attendees for a minimal price to cover venue and the like, a competition, and a lot of hoopla. Being low-budget in nature, no one made money, no charity was  benefited, but people who baked and people who ate became a lot closer to the object of their affection, the cupcake.

On a side note, I participated as a baker at this event. As a pizza loyalist and not a great lover of cupcakes but a loyal friend to Mary Ann, I baked the most obnoxious cupcake possible. Basically a savory pizza-cupcake (IT'S A MUFFIN!! you yell, but I could not hear you.) Whole wheat 'cake' sweetened mildly with honey, studded with fresh basil and oregano, topped with smooth whipped ricotta, topped with half a grape tomato to resemble a cherry. I can imagine 12 people each grabbing one, taking one bite, saying, "WTF?" and tossing it out quickly. Suffice to say, I did not win but I did enjoy standing tall against cupcake hysteria.

It's a WHAT? I can't hear you.

On the blog for the NYC event, Mary Ann describes how the 1st event in 2009 resulted in cupcakes being thrown away, but 2010 saw a surge in participation and was a bit overwhelming. By 2011 the interest and energy had passed, undoubtedly sapped away a little by the commodification of the cupcake trend by corporate interests…like Crumbs.

It's no surprise about the glee in which people mocked the downfall of Crumbs. Crumbs took a food trend that came out of a gay neighborhood, amplified by a cultural exciting TV show, brought to the foodie hipster masses by social media, and dumbed it down for the lowest common denominator. It made it bigger, sweeter and added frills like candy and other off-putting things. Rather than grow slowly and naturally, it took money from Wall Street at the height of the trend and promptly became the cupcake shop that a lot of people liked, kind of, but no one loved.

My cupcake provider of choice.

Some castaways from the original Magnolia opened up Sugar Sweet Sunshine in my neighborhood in the early aughts. It has not sold their name or expanded to other locations. The size of their cupcakes are the same size my mom would have made. They are always supper fresh, the cake part is never too sweet and the frosting always is, just as it should be. As long as they never change, I would love for them to open up other locations, the same way my favorite donut purveyor, the Donut Plant, has somehow managed to expand globally while maintaining tight quality controls.

Then again, Crumbs might go the way of Dippin' Dots and just refuse to die. We'll see.

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WEEKLY AVERAGE: 2792

Not thrilled with the average, but other than emotionally eating too much ice cream Friday afternoon, I kind kept it reasonable and in control most of the week. Thursday night saw fancy dinner with a friend I don't see often enough, but it was so late I had to snack down to just stay upright and ruined my appetite for dinner. Oh well, adult problems.

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MONDAY COUNT: 2480

SLEPT: 11pm-6am, 7 hrs

AM SNACK: 6:15am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 8:45am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10am, steel cut oatmeal, 450 cal

LUNCH: 12:45pm, falafel and hummus, tomato soup, health salad, pickles, 720 cal

PM SNACK: 4 pm, momma salad, Grazebox nut mix , 330 cal

DINNER: 6:30pm, broiled flounder, roasted asparagus, poppa salad with ranch dressing, 520 cal


EVENING SNACK: 7:45pm, homemade popcorn, +/- 300 cal

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TUESDAY COUNT: 2525

SLEPT: 10pm - 4am, 2pm-3pm, 7 hrs
Thank goodness for the nap room at work.

AM SNACK: 4:15am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 8am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10:15am, Fage whole yogurt with honey, vanilla and almonds, 500 cal

LUNCH: 12:45pm, chicken meatballs, mushroom masala, steamed string beans, pickles, 590 cal

PM SNACK: 3:30 pm, momma salad, Grazebox candied almonds, 310 cal

DINNER: 6:45pm, grilled chicken breast, roasted brussel sprouts, poppa salad with Italian dressing, 665 cal

EVENING SNACK: 7:45pm, homemade popcorn, +/- 300 cal

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WEDNESDAY COUNT: 2800

SLEPT: 9pm-1:30am, 4:15am-5:45am, 3pm-4:30pm, 7.5 hrs
Woke up in the middle of the night, just couldn't get back to sleep, ugg.

AM SNACK: 1:45am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 8am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10am, steel cut oatmeal, 450 cal

LUNCH: 12:45pm, grilled chicken breast, roasted brussel sprouts, quinoa, pickles, 745 cal

PM SNACK: 4:30 pm, momma salad, Grazebox herby crackers , 200 cal

PM SNACK: 5:45pm, poppa salad with Italian dressing, 180 cal

DINNER: 7:45pm, pork tonkatsu with white rice and curry sauce, vegetable  dumplings, +/- 700 cal cal

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BIKE CREDIT: 685 cal
THURSDAY COUNT: 2935

SLEPT: 10pm - 2am, 4 hrs
Good strong early morning ride, set out a little earlier than usual due to not being able to get back to sleep. I think my recent lack of normal sleep might be the hot weather, I need air conditioning to sleep but it ends up making my lungs and throat feel off.

AM SNACK:2:30am, iced green tea, granola bar, 150mg caffeine, 295 cal

BIKE SNACK: 4:45am, granola bar, 295 cal

BREAKFAST: 7:30am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 9:45am, Fage whole yogurt with honey, vanilla and almonds, 500 cal

LUNCH: 12:45pm, chicken sausage, black beans, roasted broccoli, pickles, 590 cal

PM SNACK: 3pm, momma salad,  grazebox crackers and dip, 200 cal

PM SNACK: 4:30pm, poppa salad with Italian, 180 cal

PM SNACK: 7:30pm, mac n' cheese, almond butter & chocolate syrup, +/- 800 cal
Very tired, felt myself bonking before dinner reservations, had to eat something dense or I would have been legless and discombobulated.

DINNER: 8pm, bread, a little pizza, a little meaty pasta, water, +/- 600 cal
Good meal, good company, but brought most of it home.

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FRIDAY COUNT: 3220

SLEPT: 11pm - 4am, 5 hrs
Lack of sleep is wearying me. My alarm was set for 5:30am, but again I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep.

AM SNACK: 4:15am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST: 7am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 8:30am, fruit smoothie, 450 cal

AM SNACK: 11:45am, momma salad,  cheezits, 310 cal

LUNCH: 1pm, sable, knish, mac n' cheese, pickle, health salad, granola bar, +/- 700 cal
Brought a picnic to work to eat in Central Park with a friend.

PM SNACK: 4pm, work ice cream, +/- 600 cal

DINNER: 5:30pm,hotdog, fries, ice cream, +/- 1000 cal

Drill Down: Watermelon

All kinds of wrong.

In honor of Independence Day, I've been thinking about the food I've eaten around this time. I've never been a big burger n' grilling guy, though my dad would bust out the hibachi and grill a damn good flank steak. What gives me the sweetest memories is not the steak, or boiled corn, or dessert, but something much rarer in my nutritionally lacking childhood: I loved me some watermelon.

Unlike apples, oranges or bananas, watermelon pretty much remains a seasonal fruit despite the industrialization of the world food supply. Even today, after all this food-thinkin', I'm still not a big fan of fruit. On one hand, sugar is sugar and even when matched with nutrients, fiber and water, it still is sugar. On the other hand, fruit doesn't deliver the man-made manipulated uber-thrill of a chocolate bar or perfect cookie. Unlike the season-free cupcake or ice cream, watermelon is a crap-shoot. In the weeks before July, watermelon appears kind of expensive and not very good, and by mid-September the prices creep up and the quality turns down. In-between though, hold on to you hat -- nothing beats a cold wedge of well-ripened watermelon on a summer day.

Actual photo of blogger, back in the day.

Watermelon originated in southern Africa, was cultivated by Egyptians and used to the fullest by the Chinese. The Chinese were the first to go hard on using the whole watermelon. The rind is actually edible and relatively nutritious, but not sweet and tastes a bit astringent. The Chinese learned to pickle it, stew it and stir fry it with aromatics. Watermelon came over with the first European explorers, and was soon cultivated by Native Americans. It stands to reason that the stereotype of black slaves affection for watermelon might have become entrenched because watermelon was one of the few familiar African foods available in the New World.

Or not, as the watermelons of Africa might have looked mighty different than those here. We recognize the deep red flesh, white rind and green speckled skin as "watermelon", but as with bananas, there are 100s of difference varieties that are not common because mono-culture has elevated a very narrow band of varieties to prominence. Outside of the great variety of sizes (less than a pound to over 250, go 'Murica!) they are come in yellow, orange, white and pink. Not surprisingly, the fruit is high Vitamin C and carotinoids, and over 90% water and about 6% sugar. Compared to breakfast cereals that regular hit 50% sugar or "energy drink" that hit 35% sugar, this is looking like a pretty good breakfast.

For when you can't decide between watermelon or candy, the worst of both worlds.

Oklahoma's official state vegetable is the watermelon. Technically, watermelon plants are flowering vines and what we call fruit is actually a berry. Fruit, berry, why not a vegetable?

This (past) Friday, I'm going to serve wedges of watermelon to my kids, who dig it as deeply as I do. For the adults, I'm gonna also rock a Mediterranean style salad. I think I did something similar in c-school but just make it free-style every year. Toss these together:

• Small cubed deseeded watermelon
• Small cubed fresh full-fat feta
• Splash of olive oil
• Freshly chopped mint & basil
• Salt to taste
• Fresh ground back pepper to taste

I don't like feta, but in combination with the melon and the oil and the salt and the herbs, it's just right.

And finally, when you chose your watermelon, it's all about the bottom spot. From the guys who want to sell you ever more watermelon:

1. Look the watermelon over. You are looking for a firm, symmetrical watermelon that is free from bruises, cuts or dents.
2. Lift it up. The watermelon should be heavy for it's size. Watermelon is 92% water, most of the weight is water.
3. Turn it over. The underside of the watermelon should have a creamy yellow spot from where it sat on the ground and ripened in the sun.

My mom would always try to temp me with delicious, ripe plums and peaches, though I'd only let an occasional apple or banana in my mouth. I don't blame ya, momma! Watermelon is a happy exception to my childhood/lifelong aversion to fruit. Happy 4th! Hopefully I'll be filling up less on burgers n' ice cream and more on water n' melon!

'Murica! I mean, Japanana!

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WEEKLY AVERAGE: 2567

Not the greatest eating week, but got two solid rides on the back end. Regardless, I think the worm is turning, to prevent another gain this month.

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MONDAY COUNT: 2550

SLEPT: 8pm-5:30am, 9.5 hrs

AM SNACK: 5:45am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 8:45am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10am, steel cut oatmeal, 450 cal

LUNCH: 12:45pm, falafel and hummus, tomato soup, health salad, pickles, 720 cal

PM SNACK: 4 pm, momma salad, Grazebox nut mix , 320 cal

DINNER: 6:30pm, broiled flounder, roasted asparagus, poppa salad with ranch dressing, 600 cal


EVENING SNACK: 7:45pm, homemade popcorn, +/- 300 cal

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TUESDAY COUNT: 2240

SLEPT: 9:30 - 4:30, 7 hrs
Best eating day calorie-wise in quite a while. Did have some cravings that felt a bit like hunger pangs after dinner, but drank a quart of water and felt quite comfortable after. It's hot and humid now, I should not discount hydration, like sugar cravings, for false readings of hunger.

AM SNACK: 4:45am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 8am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10am, Fage whole yogurt with honey, vanilla and almonds, 500 cal

LUNCH: 12:45pm, chicken meatballs, mushroom masala, steamed string beans, pickles, 680 cal

PM SNACK: 3:45 pm, momma salad, Grazebox seed mix , 270 cal

DINNER: 6:45pm, grilled chicken breast, roasted brussel sprouts, poppa salad with ranch dressing, 630 cal

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WEDNESDAY COUNT: 2450

SLEPT: 9pm - 2:15am, 5.25 hrs
Good eating day, though easy to keep it under control because aiming to get a good ride in in the morning.

AM SNACK: 2:30am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 7am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10am, steel cut oatmeal, 450 cal

LUNCH: 12:45pm, grilled chicken breast, roasted brussel sprouts, quinoa, pickles, 715 cal

PM SNACK: 3pm, momma salad, Grazebox cheesy crackers, 240 cal

PM SNACK: 4pm, poppa salad with ranch dressing, 130 cal

PM SNACK: 6pm, cashews, 390 cal

DINNER: 8:30pm, shiritaki stir fry with shrimp, shitaki mushrooms, oyster sauce, 365 cal

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BIKE CREDIT: 680 cal
THURSDAY COUNT: 2905

SLEPT: 10pm - 3am, 5 hrs
Nice AM ride, though rain slowed me down a little. Weekend started a little early on the eating end.

AM SNACK: 3:15am, iced green tea, granola bar, 150mg caffeine, 320 cal

BIKE SNACK: 4:45am, granola bar, 320 cal

BREAKFAST: 8am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 9:45am, Fage whole yogurt with honey, vanilla and almonds, 500 cal

LUNCH: 12:45pm, almond butter and grape jelly on whole wheat, roasted broccoli, pickles, 645 cal

PM SNACK: 2pm, momma salad, cheezits, 310 cal

PM SNACK: 4:30pm, Grazebox popcorn, 130 cal

DINNER: 6:30pm, shrimp burrito, chips and guac, digestive cookies, homemade brownie, +/- 1200 cal

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BIKE CREDIT: 1360 cal
FRIDAY COUNT:2690

SLEPT: 8:30pm - 1:15am, 4.75 hrs
Holiday, and ate like it. Cooked a nice linner for family.

AM SNACK: 2am, iced green tea, 150mg caffeine

BIKE SNACK: 4:45am, granola bar, 300 cal

BIKE SNACK: 6:45am, granola bar, 150mg caffeine, 300 cal

BREAKFAST: 8am, bagel with cream cheese, diet coke (75mg caffeine), +/- 500 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 11:15am, fruit smoothie,450 cal

LINNER: 4pm, water melon feta salad, turkey burgers, mac n' cheese, corn ice cream and brownies, +/- 1.300 cal

DINNER: 7pm, perogies, ice crea, +/- 1200 cal