Heart Rate Monitor: Lessons My Papa Taught Me

Cheesiest. Clip art. Yet!

I recently started using a heart rate monitor on some of my bike riding, and I had a very odd emotion -- I was extremely grateful that I am not my father, and exactly like my father.

My father developed adult-onset diabetes in his late 40s. Even though he was not a fat guy, he wasn't particularly physically active -- outside of his professional life as a college professor, his main activities were reading books and newspapers, listening to classical and klezmer music, and ideally reading while listening on big ol' 70s headphone cans. However, he did love his sugar, thanks to an early childhood among the pastry shops of Vienna, Austria.

Amazing how many drag queens are named "Sugar Love"

After his diabetes diagnosis, he had to prick himself with needles several times a day and my mom would have to occasionally inject him with insulin. Within a year, he had "cured" himself of diabetes. His diabetes went into remission because he cut back on his sugar intake in a big way. It must have been a big way because like me, he was a big-time sugar addict since childhood. His drawer full of sweets and chocolate in his home office was an emotionally powerful & naughty draw for both of us until he stopped restocking it around the time of regular pricks and injections. Unlike my mom, who just hid her cigarette packs and smoking deeper after her first bought with lung cancer, my dad was true-blue when it came to cutting it out with the sweets.

Sugar-free treats in the 80s were disgusting, even more disgusting than they are today. Chalky, saccharine-filled things that tasted like weird chemicals and left you with an upset stomach and a loose bowel. Trust me, as a sugar mad kid, I'd try anything sweet once.

It's not by accident they look like turds.

He also acquired a stationary bicycle with a reading stand, and he'd put on his dope 70s cans and listen to music and read while he pedaled every day for a few hours. He continued this habit into his old age even when his legs gave way to a cane. As strokes started to chip away at his sight and hearing, eventually he replaced books and music with television, an appropriate medium for those with compromised facilities.

Alternately, stupidity helps make massive amounts of TV go down.

I can only imagine the shock to peace and well-being that the diabetes diagnosis did to him. My parents never shared the details of medical woes with their children out of a sense of protecting us, but today I long for as much information as possible for my own sense of security and road map to what I should be looking out for. The fear struck into me a couple of years ago by my kidney stones might have been a similar wake up call.

Like my father, a serious health scare has made me usher in some dietary changes. Rather than just swap out my sweets habit with terrible artificial sweets, I've done everything I can to reinvent my eating habits. I knew in the back of my head eating was an issue before the kidney stones, and a good part of my motivation for culinary school was to have the "cooking" tool box in my arsenal for when it would be time to get healthy. Post-stones, I've visited professionals, read current literature on nutrition, formed opinions on diet based on science and from that reorganized, reevaluated and recorded everything I eat.

Pre-kidney stones, I was already a dedicated recreational cyclist. My dad never had a bicycle as a kid, and felt it his duty to make sure his kids always had one. Growing up, it was the first and main way for  independence and have adventure. In my 20s after my first big career change, I was able to find peace in a childhood recreation that I thought I outgrew, but with a proper road bike found it to be a very adult pursuit. (But I imagine that discussion is for a whole 'nuther blog...)

I hope this kid is meditating on how she's going to get a bike, so she doesn't have to waste such a wonderful day meditating.

Years ago I tried a spin class with a friend and found it offensive on so many levels -- why would I want to pretend to bicycle in a gym with a bunch of sweaty meat lumps while shitty music is blared at me and a trainer yelled at me? I'd much rather read a book and put on some sweet 70's cans on my ears.

Sweeeeeeet!

Once in the late 90s, and again this past winter, I tried to use devices to turn my road bike into a stationary bike while I watched TV -- totally unsatisfying and a waste of time and money. Riding bike in the real world is to riding a stationary bike like a proper fudge brownie is to a sugar-free lo-fat brownie. Nah ganna happen.

However, recently I made one adjustment to my bicycle riding in the spirit of the health of my father. Going into the spring and the 2014 bicycling season, what is shaping up is a schedule where one week I get a whole day to ride 100+ miles to points far and wide, and alternating weeks I get in one or two shorter rides, either early in the morning to Coney Island or early on the weekend to a far-flung NYC location before I need to be there for my kids. It is on these shorter rides that I now wear a heart rate monitor.

Basically, it's an annoying device in two parts. A strap under my spandex that sits right below my chest sends a wireless signal to small output screen on my handlebars that beeps annoyingly loud if my heart rate falls below 60% of it maximum or goes above 80% of it's maximum. Supposedly this is the zone where the greatest benefit to cardiovascular health occurs.

Bottom line, this zone is the reason why my father forced himself onto the stationary bike -- he much rather would have been sitting in his Eames lounge chair, rocking out with Mozart or the Klezmatics while reading the latest Philip Roth or Consumer's Report. Well, this is my fatherly compromise -- I'd much rather be cycling than exercising, but this mechanical slave-driver will help me do both at the same time.

Diet alone is probably not enough to be heathy, but let's get real: it's 85% of the battle. If you so fat, eat less first before all else, worry about exercise when you stop making yourself feel so crappy with that bad food your stuffing down your throat. Optimal health will not happen without some exercise, but those who think they consume tons of extra calories all day every day then spend their spare moments on all sorts of different (but literal) tread mills are b@tt-f@ck insane.

When you're being sold something in regards to your health, the majority of the time you are expected to pay for something to consume or pay for something to do. My health advice: stop any exercise you don't love, consume less, then do more with the energy that comes to you for free with the time you just liberated.

"Hmmm, I think I need to write a diet book," thought Mr. Marx never.

-----

WEEKLY AVERAGE: 2,444 cal

What a dramatic week, brought low by a rare bout of illness early in the week, and exploding into a well needed bike ride by the end.

-----

MONDAY COUNT: 2075

SLEPT: 8:30pm - 4am, 1 hr nap during lunch, 8.5 hrs
Skipped lifting because I felt achy, watched netflix while I go the laundry done. During the day felt a little light-headed, a nap at work nipped it but still feeling a little off

AM SNACK: 4:15am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 9am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10:15am, Fage whole yogurt with honey, vanilla and almonds, 285 cal

LUNCH: 1pm, falafel, chicken mushroom soup, health salad, pickles, 530cal

PM SNACK: 3 pm, momma salad, spicy Korean crackers from Grazebox, 210 cal

PM SNACK: 4:30pm, poppa salad with bottled Italian Lite dressing, 110 cal

DINNER: 6:45pm, Ethiopian lentils and cabbage, 480 cal

EVENING SNACK: 7pm, cheetos, 300 cal

-----

TUESDAY COUNT: 2000
SLEPT: 8pm-6am, nap 2-3pm,  11 hours
Straight to bed with the kids, it was light sleep until I took a tylenol around 1am and the second part was more steady. Might be dealing with a mild flu. Made kraft mac n' cheese for the kids and steel coat oatmeal for myself on electric burners this morning, actually seemed ok.

Felt much worse in the afternoon, stomach tight. Went home and ate easy-to-eat stuff -- calorie dense, not too much mass like a salad.

AM SNACK: 6:15am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 8:15am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10:15am, Steel cut oatmeal, 300 cal

LUNCH: 1pm, chicken meatballs, steamed string beans, Madras lentils,pickles, 680 cal

PM SNACK: 4 pm, momma salad, with pizza crackers from graze box , 220 cal

PM SNACK: 5pm, cheetos, 300 cal

PM SNACK: 7pm, 2 kind bars, 340 cal

-----

WEDNESDAY COUNT: 2875

SLEPT: 8pm-4:30pm, 8.5 hrs.
Weird dreams, around 2am started to feel better. Took the day at home to fully recuperate. Watched what I ate, but by the end of the day, felt the need to treat myself to something sweet -- not out of pity or loathing or feeling bad, but because I was happy I was feeling better and proud that I had handled this illness well, minimizing the impact on my family, my work and my own mental wellbeing. This was the first time I've been sick-sick since watching my health 2 years ago, and I know if this was back then, I would have been laid-up and out of it for a solid week to two weeks. This time, really just one day.

AM SNACK: 4:45am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 8am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 9:15am, Fage whole yogurt with honey, vanilla and almonds, 285 cal

AM SNACK: 11:15am, Gatorade, 130 cal

PM SNACK: 12:15pm, cheetos, kind bar, 500 cal

PM SNACK: 3:30 pm, momma salad, pistachios from Grazebox, 200 cal

DINNER: 5:30pm, sushi with brown rice, tempura, green salad, +/- 800 cal

EVENING SNACK: 7pm, cookies & ice cream, 800 cal
First time out of the house, a walk to CVS to pick up stuff I don't keep in the house. Picked up the small personal box of Entemans chocolate chip cookies, which has 140 cal per serving, but surprisingly the whole box is 4 servings. The tiny individual cup of Hagen Daaz chocolate ice cream had 240 cal. When I was sick years ago, I'd go for the big box of cookies and a full pint of ice cream. How the hell did I think that was a reward and not a terrible punishment on my system? As it is, I think the 800 was a surprisingly high number of calories for so little food, but I needed to release the throttle just a little bit to feel mighty real, so to speak.

-----

THURSDAY COUNT: 2350

SLEPT: 8:30pm - 5am, 8.5 hrs
Good night's sleep, feel 95% better. Skipped lunch for the first time in blog history -- my oatmeal was weighing on me, and I'm not 100% better. Felt my bloodsugar drop a bit, that certain loss of focus from not constantly feeding the engine a little bit. Nice to be in tune. Stomach just wasn't feelin' it, so I wasn't going to force it. Friend took me out to a nice BK taco place for dinner, and swung by Milk Bar for a disturbingly sweet but delicious confection.

AM SNACK: 5:15am,  iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 7am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 9:45am, Steel cut oatmeal, 300 cal

PM SNACK: 3 pm, momma salad, gazpacho crackers from Grazebox, 170 cal

PM SNACK: 4:30pm, poppa salad with bottled ranch dressing, 120 cal

DINNER: 7:30pm, guac & chips, 4 small tacos, water, +/- 800 cal

EVENING SNACK: 8pm, "candy bar pie", bite of cookie, +/- 800 cal

-----

BIKE CREDIT: 585
FRIDAY COUNT: 2920

SLEPT: 10:30pm-2:45am, 4.25 hr
Feeling 98% better banged out an early morning ride to Coney, just what I needed.

AM SNACK: 3am, iced green tea, homemade granola bar, 100mg caffeine, 395 cal

BREAKFAST: 6:30am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 9am, fruit smoothie, 400 cal

LUNCH: 1pm, andouille chicken sausage, madras lentils, string beans, pickles, 640cal

PM SNACK: 3 pm, momma salad, cheezits, 310 cal

DINNER: 5:15pm, hamburger, roasted potatoes, bite of brownie, +/- 750 cal

EVENING SNICKLESNACK: 6:30pm, green tea, cookie-thing, +/- 150 cal

EVENING DINNER: 9:30-10pm, 2 slices of different streetza, ice cream cone, +/- 800 cal