Weigh In: The Ground Under My Feet (is thankful, I suppose)

198.8-->196.2-->192.8

The deflation continues, but the ground is shifting under my feet. Though I celebrated my cross over from "obese" to "overweight" on the BMI index last month, that was based on a 5' 8" height. Calculated from my actual height of 5' 7.75", I needed to be below 195.5....so now I am just overweight by any BMI standard!

Some day's I'm like this....

And yet, I look in the mirror and what I see doesn't change. I even questioned if I had gained weight this month: I felt fine, felt strong and healthy, haven't gotten sick in a year, and yet I....look larger? My clothes are looser, my new 32" belt is working out well, and objectively (to my eye), my musculature is become more pronounced. Yeah, I said it, though they're not enough to give anyone tickets to a gun show.

Blog rule #743: if there is an opportunity for a Hitler gag, take it.

So whats going on? Perhaps work and family stress are getting to me, burrowing in and effecting this aspect of my life, which I'd like to be walled off and separate. In terms of this blog, it is separate by design, allowing only these monthly weigh-in posts to get a little blurry. Reality is a lot more chaotic and messy than a narrow blog.

...and other day's I'm all like this.

Anyhoo. Perhaps it's overly optimistic or a tad arrogant, but I've started to contemplate post-weight loss life. What will I do when I've lost enough weight to be "normal"? Well, first, I will have to celebrate! Check out the poll at the bottom of the right hand column. What symptom of mid-life crisis shall I indulge in? You choose for me! (I reserve the right to replace the most popular choice with a day-long bike ride.)

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The perspective issue is vexing, which I suppose I'll try to address next week on my report on OA. From a structural eating side, things are evolving to accommodate my new schedule of full time work:

• Changing up the juicing habit. Was doing it about 3x a week when I get home from work and activities, gonna now do it 4x a week, Monday through Thursday, within an hour of leaving home for the day. Other than the obvious good of more fresh vegetable juice, it is shifting easy, fast calories to when I need them (right before a bike commute to work) rather than when I don't (wind down time before bed.) Gonna push fruit smoothie to Fridays, to make Fridays more...Fridayish
• Add a dip to momma salad afternoon snacks, because they're getting boring. Got a boatload of eggplant from the CSA, making crazy-good babaganoush, perhaps revert to hummus when the season is over. This can also be seen as a way to shift calories to earlier in the day.
• Revisit the bad behavior I've pushed into Friday nights and weekends. Not just push it into one 24 hour period, but try to address the "why" of it, with the goal of eliminating 99% of it by the time I'm ready to move beyond weight loss.
• I need to vary my packed lunches at work. Gotta work on that, though that is fun work. Gotta be commutable (no fish), and microwavable (no raw meat), but also healthy as hell. Any ideas, internet people?
• Go easy on myself. Maybe add one more fast food meal during the week for mental relaxation. On top of my weekly Friday McD's burger & diet coke, perhaps also do a Subway veggie burger with chips earlier in the week when it helps the schedule. Maybe even axe the chips, hmmmm. To be determined.

In the interest of making it easy on myself, to give myself due credit:

• I continue to lose weight, despite going off the rails a few times this past month. (-back pat-)
• My bike riding is longer, stronger and more deeply appreciated than ever before. (-back slap-)
• I feel great, health seems to be great, I've never been stronger on the weights. I don't regularly complete a pull-up, but I can always get my eye balls up to the bar, which is 1000x more than I could when I started. (-manly back punch!-)

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Holy crap. There is a lot of stuff out there for obsessives trying to lose weight, some of it alright, some of it contradictory, some of it just....no. Just no.

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WEEKLY AVERAGE: 2498

Despite the impending weigh in this week, I found myself eating more, particularly at end of day. My body just honestly felt hungry, and it wasn't just sugar cravings. What has changed? Is this temporary, or should I up my calorie budget so it doesn't all come in with the shitty snacks at the end of day? A reaction to stress? It's been over a year since a visit to a nutritionist, but this past year has shaken my faith in the nutrition establishment....

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MONDAY COUNT: 2890

Triple snack evening -- just hungry and feeling stressed. Annoying, because I'm weighing in this week, but resisted the call of cramming in some sugar, so that's something.

AM SNACK: 5:15am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 7:30am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/ginger/cayenne/cucumber juice, 170 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10am, fage whole yogurt with almonds, vanilla and agave, 310 cal

LUNCH: 1pm, almond butter and grape jelly on whole wheat, 490 cal
Wanted to pack kimchi to go with, but it smelled funny. Well, funnier than appropriate.

PM SNACK: 4:pm, momma salad, green pea crisps, 220 cal

PM SNACK: 8:30pm, poppa salad with miso tahini, 100 cal

DINNER: 9pm, shirataki noodles with shrimp, garlic & butter, mushrooms & wine,  700 cal

EVENING SNACK: 9:30pm, Frito's, 300 cal

EVENING SNACK: 10pm, Frito's, 300 cal

EVENING SNACK: 10:30pm, Cheetos, 300 cal

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TUESDAY COUNT: 2505

Consciously watching out for myself, especially the evening. Just hungry, physically. Less stressed, but still. Thinking how stressed I'll be if I start gaining weight again.

AM SNACK: 5:45am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 7:30am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/ginger/cayenne/cucumber juice, 180 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 9:30am, steel cut oatmeal, 220 cal
Added salt, butter, cinnamon and vanilla: forgot brown sugar. Oh my god, it tastes awful without the small amount of sugar. Gonna have to make a simple syrup of the brown sugar and post-mix it in to the huge amount of oatmeal I just made, or my kids won't eat it. It's only two tablespoons of sugar for 2 quarts worth of oatmeal, but it makes all the difference -- not sweet, just....round.

LUNCH: 1pm, chicken meat balls, roasted broccoli, spinach daal, 565 cal

PM SNACK: 4:45pm, momma salad, homemade babaganoush, 200 cal

DINNER: 8pm, Stouffer's French Bread pizzas, poppa salad, 960 cal

EVENING SNACK: 8:30pm, Frito's, 300 cal

EVENING SNACK: 10pm, 2 pretzel rods, 80 cal

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WEDNESDAY COUNT: 2885

With the impending weigh in in the morning, I still allowed myself an extra 600 cal in evening snacks again. 

AM SNACK: 5:30am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 8am, fruit smoothie, 410 cal

LUNCH: 1pm, thin sliced sauteed chicken breast, roasted broccoli, mushroom takatak, 610 cal
The chicken breast was still frozen this morning, but quickly remembered that the trick to slicing breast super thin (as in Chinese take-out style) is to slice it frozen. Cut one breast into more than 18 slices, and it was relatively defrosted by the time it hit the hot pan. Took about 60 seconds to cook, and upon reheating it, thought perhaps it was a little overcooked. Gonna try this method again, as it's so convenient -- no defrost time, and cook time is a fraction.

PM SNACK: 4pm, momma salad, homemade babaganoush, 180 cal

PM SNACK: 7:15pm, poppa salad with miso tahini, 100 cal

DINNER: 7:45, broiled flounder, roasted asparagus, quinoa, 685 cal

EVENING SNACK: 8:30pm, Frito's, 300 cal

EVENING SNACK: 9pm, Cheetos, 300 cal

EVENING SNACK: 9:30pm, 3 pretzel rods & almond butter, +/-300 cal

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THURSDAY COUNT: 2050

The morning weigh-in left me happy but with mixed feelings, and also a redetermination to stay focused. Eat more or less, whatever, but stay honest with myself and stay on purpose.

AM SNACK: 5am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 7:30am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/ginger/cayenne/cucumber juice, 165 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 9:30am, steel cut oatmeal, 220 cal
Unsugared oatmeal, bleah.

LUNCH: 1pm, chicken sausage, steamed string beans, sofrito black beans, 405 cal

PM SNACK: 4pm, momma salad, homemade babaganoush, 200 cal

DINNER: 7:30pm, Subway veggie burger hero, chips, 12oz diet coke, 760 cal

EVENING SNACK: 10:30pm, Frito's, 300 cal

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FRIDAY COUNT: 2160

Out of tea, dang it!

BREAKFAST: 7am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/ginger/cayenne/cucumber juice, 150 cal

BREAKFAST 2:  9:30am, fage whole yogurt with almonds, vanilla and agave, 310 cal

LUNCH: 1pm, quarter pounder, 12oz cherry diet coke, 540 cal

PM SNACK: 4pm, snap pea crisps, ice cream sandwich, 260 cal
It's Friday. Treat yo self!

DINNER: 6pm, sauteed chicken breast, roasted brussel sprouts, 600 cal

EVENING SNACK: 9pm, Frito's, 300 cal

1660 (640)