Step 2 this

Why do I think of things not related to food when I see this?

I have an odd relationship to yoga. It never really registered on my radar until my friend, the Hungry Vegan Society, started getting heavily involved in yoga's practice and culture. Even before I knew she was that heavy in to yoga, I did notice a change in her. She was happier, gentler, nicer, lighter -- that is a lot of foofy words, but I didn't have the language to put my finger on it then, either. That is not to say that she wasn't already a wonderful, rich person to begin with, but she was....changing.

The HVS never tried to recruit me into the ranks of her fellow yogic vegan happy people, but she left the door open without judgement of my non-stretchy, meat-indulging stressy self. At first we attended a few beginner's classes together, later I sometimes would attend classes she would lead as she grew more advanced. One of the things that always slightly bothered me (other than contorting out of my physical comfort zone) was the more mystical, spiritual aspects of the practice. Chanting "om" and the explanation of togetherness-vibrations, making connections between the positions, parts of the body, and aspects of internal emotions and issues, it all seemed a bit... suspicious. When are they gonna bust out the Jesus and ask me for my life savings?

Jesus needs to pay a graphic designer, and lose the pedo-vibe copy.

In the end, I have found that I enjoy the HVS more than I enjoy yoga, but the two together are such an awesome combo. Even though the only time I get to hang with her in recent years is around a yoga class, it's great. On top of that, I guess the exposure to this  easy-to-dismiss talk of "spirituality" also planted a seed. Do back bends open ourselves up to the future? I don't know about that, but making that "spiritual" connection between action and emotion, between external physicality and internal turmoil -  its a powerful idea.

I've been thinking a lot of this notion as I've attended a few Overeaters Anonymous meetings in the last few weeks. OA is not Weight Watchers or a diet plan or a tool to simply lose weight. From my limited experience, I gather it is a non-professional (i.e. no therapists, no dietitians etc) mutual support group that aims to help it's members end compulsive behavior. It hinges on some self-help literature written in the 1930s that stresses the need to connect to others to help overcome addiction, whether it be alcohol, drugs, food or any other compulsive behavior that one wishes to stop, but can not otherwise.

The leaders of the meetings I've attended all stressed that OA is "spiritual" in nature, not religious. What does that mean? There is a lot of talk of a "higher power", which sets off my alarm bells. Is this the "come to Jesus" moment? It was explained to me that yes, "higher power" can be God for those who believe, but it can be anything that fits two criteria. One, it is larger than yourself, and two, it can be called upon in your internal struggle to inspire you to stop doing whatever addictive thing that is hurting you. Common examples given were "the group", "my teachers" and "love". Huh, gettin' kinda yogic all up in thurrrr.

We are not people smoking a joint, we are joints smoked by people. Think about it.

But maybe we're getting ahead of ourselves. OA comes at food with a very direct, simple idea: Unlike drugs and alcohol, one can not abstain and live with out it. Therefore, food must be approached as a source of fuel, not something to party with.

Wait a second, I love food! I love cooking good food and savoring it! But as I thought more about it, I remembered a few months ago I was at a birthday party for a friend of my 4 year old daughter, in a confined space, and it was loud and raucous. Lots of good food was on offer during the party, but it was when the cake and ice cream came out, all the kids gathered to sing happy birthday, the cake and ice cream was distributed and then.....silence. Everyone was sitting, focused on the food in front of them, adults and kids alike. Even though there was other great food at this event, it was this high sugar, high fat snack that defined the party, that calmed otherwise wild children, and soon would send them spinning off into higher levels of sugar-energy. This is normal?

So it's not about abstaining from food, but about abstaining from the compulsive eating or compulsive over eating of food. In these meetings, members told stories of how they obsess about eating 10 to 12 meals a day, others discuss how they could not stop until the entire half gallon of ice cream was gone. I'm not going to go into those stories here, as the meetings are, well, anonymous. And it's anonymous for a very good reason -- it's a place to reveal and discuss behaviors that would otherwise be looked at with shame, pity, anger or disgust in other settings, and it's important to know there will be no gossip or blow back from being open and honest.

How great would have this show been if it was all about addicts talkin' smack about each other? Maybe it was, I never saw it. Was it?

It makes one wonder how those "celebrities" on TV going through rehab are really benefiting from putting all their crap out there between commercials, when what they need is to be unjudged so they can get a handle on their bad behavior. I have discovered a podcast, however, of real non-celebrity people telling their stories, similar to the stories you might hear at an OA, or any 12 step meeting. You can search their library for just OA, though they interview all sorts of addicts, and it's all pretty riveting in the way reality TV was supposed to be before it became totally fake and scripted.

I don't think I'm going to write about OA again, though I think for the time being I'm going to continue to explore meetings. I haven't quite drunk the koolaide yet, but nothing I've heard makes me think it could hurt me anymore than I've already hurt myself with years of over eating and lack of thought about what I was doing to myself. All the bad habits that I've compressed into the weekends have allowed me to lose weight, but it's sitting there, a fat little weasel, just waiting for when my guard is down to come back out and do some serious partying with more than just cake. (Like ice cream! And brownies! And big bowls of pasta! And fries, and bread, and fried bread!)

-----

Oddly enough, food addiction got a small spot light in the media this week because one of the horrible dummies from some dumb morning gossip program wrote a book about her struggles. Funny, I see her using some 12 step language, but she kinda skirts that topic, as she is supposed to, because the 1st rule of 12 step is you don't talk about 12 step. Well, rule of media relations, anyway. I gotta skim her book in a store, to see if she goes there at all.
-----

WEEKLY AVERAGE: 2366

A relatively decent eating week, though I did fall off late Friday, unrecorded as it is rationalized by "oh, it's just part of the weekend." Thinking of instituting some sort of "weekend report", to hold myself accountable for all my eating. Just think readers, now you'll be able to read about my eating all seven days a week! 

-----

MONDAY COUNT: 2300

AM SNACK: 3:30am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 7am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/ginger/cayenne/cucumber juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10:30am, steel cut oatmeal, 350 cal

LUNCH: 1pm, peanut butter and grape jelly on whole wheat, health salad, 590 cal

PM SNACK: 4 pm, momma salad, babganoush, 200 cal

PM SNACK: 5:30pm, poppa salad with miso tahini, 100 cal

DINNER: 8:30pm, shirataki noodles with shrimp, mushrooms, butter and dried herbs,  600

EVENING SNACK: 8:45pm, Frito's, 300 cal

-----

BIKE CREDIT: 750
TUESDAY COUNT: 2110

Up at 3am, out to Coney. Caffeinated granola bar helped, but not as dramatically as last week. Also, last week I was running on the fumes of almost no sleep, this time I had 6 hours in. 

AM SNACK: 3:15am, caffeinated granola bar, iced green tea, 350 cal

BREAKFAST: 7am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/ginger/cayenne/cucumber juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 9:30am, Fage yogurt with agave, vanilla, almonds, 310

LUNCH: 1pm, chicken meatballs, steamed string beans, spinach daal, pickles, 580 cal

PM SNACK: 4 pm, momma salad, babganoush, 200 cal

DINNER: 7pm, Subway veggie burger 6" hero, chips, 12oz diet coke, 760 cal

EVENING SNACK: 9:45pm, Frito's, 300 cal

-----

WEDNESDAY COUNT: 2605

Still felt honestly hungry a full 30 minutes after the Fritos, so I allowed myself that extra indulgence.

AM SNACK: 6am,  iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 7:30am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/ginger/cayenne/cucumber juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 9:30am, steel cut oatmeal, 350


LUNCH: 1pm, chicken sausage, roasted broccoli, sofrito black beans, 450 cal

PM SNACK: 4 pm, momma salad, hummus, 180 cal

PM SNACK: 5:30pm, poppa salad, miso tahini, 100 cal


DINNER: 7:15pm, hake loin, whole wheat cous cous, roasted asparagus, boiled corn with butter, kimchi, 765

EVENING SNACK: 8pm, Frito's, 300 cal

EVENING SNACK: 8:30pm, Cheeto's, 300 cal

-----

THURSDAY COUNT: 2435

Nice dinner out with B. Made me crave....an accurate calorie count. But it was a nice place without a bottomless bread basket, and we skipped booze and dessert, so I think I did OK.

AM SNACK: 6:15am,  iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 7:30am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/ginger/cayenne/cucumber juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 9:30am, Fage yogurt with agave, vanilla, almonds, 310 cal

LUNCH: 1pm, sardine & avocado on whole wheat toast, health salad, 575 cal

PM SNACK: 4 pm, momma salad, hummus, 180 cal

PM SNACK: 5:15pm, poppa salad, miso tahini, 100 cal

DINNER: 6:45pm, skirt steak, string beans, Yeminite tart, crispy chippy things, water, +/- 800 cal
Out at Babooshka with the wifey. We fortunately resisted dessert, 

EVENING SNACK: 8:15pm, Frito's, 300 cal

-----

FRIDAY COUNT: 2380

Electrical work in the office over the weekend, office manager commanding us to eat all the ice cream in the freezer. Uggggg.

AM SNACK: 4:30am,  iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 7:45am, fruit smoothie, 410 cal

LUNCH: 1:15pm, quarter pounder, 16oz diet cherry coke, 540 cal

PM SNACK: 3:30 pm, momma salad, hummus, 180 cal

PM SNACK: 4:30pm, poppa salad, home made Italian dressing, 150 cal

DINNER: 6:45pm, challah grilled cheese, corn on the cobb, +/- 800 cal

EVENING SNACK: 8:15pm, Frito's, 300 cal