My Worst Foods

News, journalism, the blogosphere, whatever passes for the dissemination of information via the Internet circa 2014 seems to have devolved into two potent styles of infotainment: the quiz, and the listicle. To show you that FBIWC ain't too proud to get down n' dirty, I'm proud to build our first listicle: the worst foods....eva!

I tapped in "worst foods in the world" into the internet's brain, and came up with enough listicles to keep me busy for days weeks, no, months. In no particular order or importance, the Internet seems to agree that the very worst foods are very specific fast food dishes, whose horribleness are easily quantified by the measure of their fat, salt, sugar and calorie counts. Bigger the, uh, worser. Seeming without much rhyme or reason outside the math, the world's worst burger actually has more of all those counts than the world's worst meal, which also features a burger. (Though admittedly, the "world's wost mall treat" does look exactly like the world's worst mall treat.

When food porn becomes food bukkake. Food torture porn? Food S&M? Find it at your local mall's Cinnabun.

If you go beyond the mind-numbing listicles of actual individual items for sale, patterns emerge.  The Listicles of the Internet seem to agree, in no particular order, the biggest threats to your health and nutrition are:

• Soda (sugar)
• Diet Soda (chemicals, acid)
• Cereal (sugar, simple carbs)
• Artificial sweeteners (chemicals, hormone disruptor)
• Shelf stable condiments (sugar, salt, chemicals)
• Swordfish, Tuna, other big fish (mercury, environment)
• Processed meat (Fat, salt, environment)
• Bagels (calories, simple carbs)
• Doughnuts (sugar, simple carbs, fat)
• Processed baked goods (sugar, simple carbs, fat, salt)
• Dairy (fat, hormones, environment)
• Deep fried food (fat, salt)
• Bacon (salt, fat, preservatives)
• Frozen meals (calories, salt, fat)
• Potato chips (simple carbs, fat)
• Low fat foods (sugar, salt, chemicals)
• Margarine (fat)
• Ice Cream (fat, sugar)
• Corn Chips (simple carbs, salt, GMOs)

This list could go on, ending only when the Internet ends. After seeing things pop up on these lists that I consider healthy in the right circumstances (pizza can be made at home with whole grains and healthy and properly portioned ingredients, ice cream is surprisingly low-glycemic due to fats blunting the sugar spike), I knew black could become white and good become evil if I looked close enough. To a certain degree, the lists calling out the numbers of specific fast food dishes are a little more honest and not as open to interpretation or agenda.

Speaking of agenda: unsurprisingly, the douchenozzles at Fox News interpret "Worst Foods in the World" as the most culturally repugnant foods from around the world to Western eyes, such as cod sperm in Japan, dried rat in China and horse milk in Mongolia. Food that westerners eat that could potentially be hurting them? Think of the advertisers, man!

Anyway, as some of you may know, before I came to the clarity of this weekly blog a couple of years ago or so, I kept a food diary blog for about five years, posting pretty much daily. It's not very compelling reading, as it's not written for the reader, but just me mulling over the idea of taking food seriously in copious detail, without much knowledge behind it. (Unlike today. Right? Umm, right?)  However, it has left me a record of exactly what I ate when I was more of a fatty boom batty. The memory recedes, but the blog remains. What were my worst foods back in the day?

I read the first month of entries -- I was consulting a nutritionist at the time who herself was just finding her way, and rather than write a food diary on paper, I decided to write a blog with my thoughts. Headaches were common. Upset stomach and digestive issues were common. In the first month I started noticing the relationship of these issues to the timing of certain foods. Clearly, I had one big baddy...

Oh, YOU again?

Sugar. Holy crap, it was sugar, no doubt. I was eating 2-3 deserts a day, morning, noon and night, and when I felt "healthy" I'd swap out my morning dessert with....a bagel, a nice big lump of white flour that would pretty much effect my blood sugar in a similar way. When I tried to deny myself some sweets, my cravings would kick in big time and bring me back to the trough. Funny, a through line in these early writings were a concern about blood pressure and salt, probably advised to cut the salt, but looking back that was way off the mark. It was the excess calories and weight driving my blood pressure, not salt, though I'm sure it didn't help.

Outside of my occasional poppa salads even back then, I ate out most meals, felt insecure in the kitchen, and kept myself fully fueled on the treadmill where sugar would make me hungry, and the hunger would drive me to more sugar. Funny how writing obsessively about everything that went in my mouth  over 7 years ago felt so foggy and mysterious in the moment, but looks so glaringly obvious and simple today.

Me, the other day.

Skipping over those early years, the culinary school training, the years in restaurants, the culinary teaching and the rededicating to my health after a scare a couple of years ago, what are my worst foods today?

• Cheetos: I've drilled down on this food stuff before, and it's definitely the last hardcore food addiction that I just can't kick, holding on to it almost out of sentimentality. This is the essence of hyper processed chemically-tuned food-type product that plays on our desire for savory/salty/crunchy.  Nutritionally void. I keep in in check by measuring it out and not eating it every day, but the demon is there in view.
• Weekend sweets: When I stop measuring and recording my food intake on the weekends, sweets come raging back. It's not as it's been a year or two ago -- the compulsion to get as much in as possible subsided after the first couple of weekends, as I was clearly making myself sick enough to almost miss work on Mondays. The monthly 5 lb bags of M&Ms from Costco have gone by the wayside, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss them. Sweets now tend to be very social (I got kids, after all) or homemade. Just as a recovered alcoholic is always just one drink away from being a drunk again, I feel the pull and temptation of sweets every day, I've just gotten better at managing them.
• Weekend Diet Coke: Unlike the first two, I find myself indulging in Ye Olde D.C. only once or so a weekend, in a quantity below 20oz. I'm very careful with my caffeine consumption, and am confident I don't miss it during the week. It's just a strong emotional connection -- my dad drank it in large quantities every day, and the sense memory makes me feel just a little bit in his presence. 
• Subway hero: My weekly fast food convenience. It's actually nearly vegan, as I always get the soy patty and no cheese, a small echo of my vegan days. (The bread has some animal by-product in it, never mind the yoga mat chemicals.) Occasionally eaten alone, sometimes with a diet drink and chips, it's pretty not good, but between the rare fast-food limited calories (about 450-600 depending on chips), and it's non-compulsive nature, I can give myself a pass.
• Post ride gorges: Hmmmm. After I ride 115 miles and I'm on the couch, Seamless brings me things like bricks of Chinese food and pints of ice cream. Life is for living, and I ain't a monk. If I'm in calorie deficit and I just spent a day potentially revving up my metabolism, I'm gonna revisit the fun of the diet that kept me fat and in a fog for so many years. I am not living a life of denial and hunger, and as long as it's a visit and not an extended stay, my "worst foods" are not going to do too much damage in the short, mid or long term.

In short, listicles of "worst foods in the world" have a grain of truth in them, but really, anything can be put on a list depending on the point of view. Rather than get lost in the noise of a hyped-up media less interested in explaining science than shouting headlines to get your attention, get educated and make your own personal list. Also, Fox News is unremittingly horrible.

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WEEKLY AVERAGE: 2763

Surprised by the high weekly average, felt like it was a good eating week. Calories aren't the only measurement of good nutrition, I suppose -- more important where they are coming from, and there were no sugar-freak outs this week.

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MONDAY COUNT: 2350

SLEPT: 8:15pm - 4:15am, 8 hrs
Still feeling in sleep deficit mode from the weekend, but had to get chores done.

AM SNACK: 4:30am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 9am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10am, steel cut oatmeal, 400 cal

LUNCH: 12:45pm, falafel with hummus, health salad, Fairway tomato basil soup, pickles, 720 cal

PM SNACK: 3:15pm, momma salad, Grazebox seed mix, 290 cal

DINNER: 6:15pm: Hake, asparagus, poppa salad with Italian, 380

EVENING SNACK: 6:45pm, cheetos, 400 cal

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TUESDAY COUNT: 2460

SLEPT: 8:30pm - 4:30am, 8 hrs
Cooked up a big pot of black beans in the morning.

AM SNACK: 4:45am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 8:30am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10am, Fage whole yogurt with honey, vanilla and almonds, 500 cal cal

LUNCH: 12:45pm, chicken meatballs, steamed string beans, mushroom masala, pickles, 620 cal

PM SNACK: 3 pm, momma salad, Grazebox popcorn , 230 cal

DINNER: 6:30pm, sautéed chicken breast, roasted brussel sprouts, poppa salad with Italian dressing, 650 cal

EVENING SNACK: 7:45pm, homemade popcorn, +/- 300 cal

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WEDNESDAY COUNT: 2555

SLEPT: 9:30pm - 5am,  7.5 hrs
Popcorn made my belly feel a little funny this morning, but not in a 'ate too much' way.

AM SNACK: 5:15am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 7:30am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10:30am, steel cut oatmeal, 400 cal

LUNCH: 12:45pm, grilled chicken breast, brussel sprouts, black beans, pickles, 645 cal

PM SNACK: 2:45pm, momma salad, Grazebox gazpacho crackers, 170 cal

PM SNACK: 4pm, poppa salad with Italian dressing, 180 cal

PM SNACK: 4:45pm, cashews, 340 cal

DINNER: 8:30pm: shirataki noodles with shrimp, shitake mushrooms and oyster sauce, 360 cal

EVENING SNACK: 9pm, cheetos, 300 cal

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THURSDAY COUNT: 2910

SLEPT: 10pm - 4am, nap at work 2:15-3:15, 7 hrs
Decent weight lift in, suprised how little of a pull up I can do now that I lift once a week instead of 2.

AM SNACK: 4:15am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 6:30am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 9:45am, Fage whole yogurt with honey, vanilla and almonds, 500 cal cal

LUNCH: 12:45pm, chicken sausage, quinoa, roasted broccoli, pickles, 660 cal

PM SNACK: 3 pm, momma salad, Grazebox pistachios , 200 cal

PM SNACK: 4pm, poppa salad, Italian dressng, 170 cal

DINNER: 6:30pm, Costco Pizza, 700 cal

EVENING SNACK: 8pm, cheetos, kind bar, 500 cal

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BIKE CREDIT: 650
FRIDAY COUNT: 3540

SLEPT: 9pm - 2:30am, 5.5 hrs
Nice early morning ride to Coney, left work early for a movie, then a snickle and a nice round of relaxing restorative yoga with the HVS. Nice way to kick off a holiday weekend.

AM SNACK: 3am, iced green tea, 100 mg caffeine, homemade granola bar, 280 cal

BIKE SNACK: 4:30am, granola bar, 280 cal

BREAKFAST: 7am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 9:15am, Fruit Smoothie, 450 cal

LUNCH: 12:30pm, almond butter & grape jelly on whole wheat, health salad, pickles, 610 cal

PM SNACK: 1:45 pm, momma salad, cheezits, 310 cal

MOOVIE SNACK: 3pm, 12oz diet coke, small popcorn, small baggie of snickle granola, +800 cal

SNICKLEDINNER:  5:30pm, seitan avocado burrito thing, water, +/- 500 cal

EVENING SNACK: 8pm, 2 slices streetza, 800 cal

Sugar & Salt, revisited

Know your macronutrients. Up your protein, watch your fat, and let the carbs sort themselves out.

It is profitable to demonize one macrotnutrient (like fat, carbs, or protein) because it prevents a bigger conversation that would probably demonize what is profitable:

• hyper processed food
• excess consumption 
• misinformation via advertising

If all food can be demonized for a common macronutrient, then in effect no food can be demonized, either.

All food is made up of some combination of fat, carbs and protein, with a little bit of "other", usually left to the bottom of the ingredient list like flavorings, stabilizers, preservatives, thickeners, enhancers, proofers, anti or pro-coagulants. Of this class, there is one that stands above all else for being as demonized as the big three has ever been. It's not a fat, carb or protein -- it is a mineral. Common wisdom over the years has implied that the level of salt in our diets, due to hyper processing and our taste buds needing more and more to get it's flavor-enhancing effect, is leading to a holocaust of high blood pressure and it's friends, heart disease and stroke.

When I was in culinary school, during the first few days of classes, the chef-instructor told us to throw out everything we knew and feared about salt. The main difference between a home cook and a professional cook is knowing how much salt to use. Using too much salt will make any dish pretty disgusting, but using too little salt vs just the right amount of salt can make the difference between a humdrum dish and a plate of $3 ingredients that'll make someone perk up and say, "Damn, I'd be happy to pay $24 for that again!" When introducing the importance of tasting for salt and it's proper application when I became a culinary instructor myself, I'd stress that unlike any other food additive known to man, it is the only one that we need to live. Without salt, the electrical impulses of our brain would malfunction and the nutrition-carrying services of our saline blood would stop working, and we'd keel over and die. (Do we need a lot? No, even those on "no-sodium" diets get enough to live, to be fair.)

A few years back, my general practitioner was concerned about my year-over-year increase in blood pressure. The year or two before my kidney stones, my doc said I was on the edge of becoming pre-hypertensive, and prescribed some blood pressure meds. I was only on them for a week or so, because every time I stood up I would get dizzy and nearly faint, and there were other disturbing effects in the downstairs plumbing I won't get into here (this is a family-friendly blog, after all!) He also recommended I strive for a salt-free diet, or at the very least, avoid Chinese food.

Several large studies have found little solid evidence that (salt consumption) limits improve health generally, and a few indicate that extremely low sodium intake may be harmful.

Say WAH?!

Yes, salt raises blood pressure....temporarily. If your system takes in too much salt, enough to mess with the chemical balance of your blood, the body literally starts a pleasant combination of holding water (bloating) and/or flushing it out (pee) to dilute or get rid of the salt to bring you back into balance. These fluctuations in the amount of liquid sloshing around the pipes of your veins literally raises the pressure within. However, once it's gone, it comes back into balance - permanently - until you eat too much salt again.

I suffered from high blood pressure for years, but miracle of miracles, I cured myself 100% and in effect lowered my risk of all the horrible things that come with it. How did I do that? I lost a relatively large amount of weight and have retained that loss over a period of time. Big Food would love to sell you low-salt heart-healthy versions of their entire product lines, but they sure as hell would not be interested in selling you the real solution to high blood pressure, which is less of everything.

So if salt ain't no thang, and fat is not the demon that manic pixie dream girl Susan Powter insisted, and carb-free diets are ridiculous, and protein-demonization is a vegan's happy day dream, then a calorie is a calorie is a calorie, right? Too many make you fat, limit them and spend time exercising and you get skinny, right, right?

"A calorie is a calorie is a calorie" is a false equivalency. All calories are equal in the same way a pound of feathers and a pound of bricks weight the same -- I'd much rather be attacked by a mugger with a 10 lb bag of feathers. A 2300 calorie day consisting of a mix of raw fruit and vegetables, cooked green vegetables, lean protein and a tiny dessert is going to be feathers, while a 2300 calorie day mad eup strictly of Coca Cola is going to be bricks.

Big Food would love to sell you low-calorie, diet-friendly versions of their entire product lines, but they sure as hell would not be interested in selling you the real solution to obesity, which is less of most things and none of some. Sugar is special in that it is several things:

• a food that nourishes
• an additive that increases palatability
• a preservative that adds shelf life
• a bulking agent that cheapens costs
• a drug that makes the user feel good
• a drug that creates cravings for a food
• a drug that makes the user want bigger and bigger doses, sooner and sooner together

While certain politicians put on the PR show for people to just get up and exercise, it's really just the equivalent of Nancy Reagan mindlessly chanting, "Just say no." There is a rising tide of popular consciousness that all calories are not equivalent, because unlike the previous decades, the science is finally in, and there is no more need to choose one macronutrient on a dart board to demonize. It's just not as simple as just saying no. Everyone's gotta eat.

Among the many things shuffled in my life during some personal upheaval in late '13/early '14, I put down the book Sugar Salt Fat only about 1/3 of the way into. Since then, I've gotten back into the habit of reading without distraction about 30 minutes a day, and have just picked up this book again. Unlike last time, I'm working through it with a highlighter and pen, and will give you, fine reader, a proper book report whenever I'm damn good and ready!
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The long national nightmare is over. My oven and range has gas again. It only took about 1 week to get the pipe replaced, another week for workers to rebuild and repaint back to better-than original, and almost 2 months for Con Ed to stop sh!tting the bed and get through their inspections.

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WEEKLY AVERAGE: 2711

Might have been a mistake to formally up my calorie budget, because then I feel obliged to eat up to it -- better to be obliged to eat down to a lower number, and just carve out exceptions on the fly if I can trust that the hunger I feel is real and not sugar-induced cravings, stress looking to be released, or foggy tiredness. Still thinking this through.

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MONDAY COUNT: 3295

SLEPT: 11pm - 5am, 6 hrs
Oven is back on! Dinner did not go as planned and ended up over-eating.

AM SNACK: 5:15am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 9am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10am, steel cut oatmeal, 400 cal

LUNCH: 12:45pm, falafel with hummus, health salad, Fairway tomato basil soup, pickles, 720 cal

PM SNACK: 3:15pm, momma salad, Grazebox almond and cornuts, 250 cal

DINNER: 6:15pm: Hake, Stouffer's pizzas, poppa salad with Italian, 1265 cal
Originally had asparagus instead of pizzas, but they went bad in 2 days in the fridge for some reason. Still, first meal out of the oven! Wooo!

EVENING SNACK: 6:45pm, cheetos, one digestive cookie, a little popcorn, +/- 500 cal

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TUESDAY COUNT: 2640

SLEPT: 8:30pm - 4:15am, 7.75 hrs
Baked up a huge batch of granola in the morning. Cheetos slipped in there, wonder if I really ndeeded it.

AM SNACK: 4:30am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 7:30am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10am, Fage with honey, vanilla and almonds, 490 cal

LUNCH: 12:45pm, chicken meatballs, steamed string beans, punjab eggplant, pickles, 705 cal

PM SNACK: 3:15pm, momma salad, Grazebox cheesy crackers, 230 cal

DINNER: 6:15pm: sautéed chicken breast, roasted brussel sprouts, poppa salad with Italian, 755 cal

EVENING SNACK: 6:45pm, cheetos, 300 cal

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WEDNESDAY COUNT: 2255

SLEPT: 8:30pm - 3:30am, a hour in the afternoon at work, 8 hrs
Baked off granola bars in the AM, damn those things are a lot of work (and expense, non-common raw nuts ain't cheap.)  Felt good about the sub 3000 cal day yesterday, wonder if it has anything to do with coinciding with my gas being back on.

AM SNACK: 3:45am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 7:30am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10am, steel cut oatmeal, 400 cal

LUNCH: 12:45pm, grilled chicken breast, brussel sprouts, quinoa, pickles, 595 cal

PM SNACK: 3:30pm, momma salad, Grazebox italian crackers, 220 cal

PM SNACK: 4:30pm, poppa salad with Italian dressing, 180 cal

PM SNACK: 6pm, cashews, 340 cal

DINNER: 8pm: shirataki noodles with shrimp, shitake mushrooms and oyster sauce, 360 cal

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BIKE CREDIT: 640 cal
THURSDAY COUNT: 3005

SLEPT: 10pm - 2:45am, 4.75 hrs
Good ride in the morning, a little too moist so didn't hit it as hard as I would have liked. Cut my granola bars a little small, may double up or take one along in the future.

AM SNACK: 3am, fresh homemade granola bar, 100mg caffeine, iced green tea, 310 cal cal

BREAKFAST: 6:30am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 9:45am, whole Fage with honey, vanilla and extra almonds, 570 cal

LUNCH: 12:45pm, extra vegetarian meatballs, mushroom masala, roasted brussel sprouts, pickles, 780 cal

PM SNACK: 3:30pm, momma salad, Grazebox Thaicrackers, 180 cal

PM SNACK: 4:30pm, poppa salad with Italian dressing, 180 cal

DINNER: 6pm, Subway 6" veggie burger sub, diet coke, 665 + chips

EVENING SNACK: 9:30pm, cheetos, 300 cal

EVENING GORGE: 10pm, chocolate chips, cashews, +/- 800 cal

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FRIDAY COUNT: 2362

SLEPT: 11:15pm - 4am, 4.75 hrs
Ate reasonable during the day, nice early evening with my daughter.

AM SNACK: 4:15, iced green tea, 0 cal 

BREAKFAST: 6:30am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 9am, Fruit smoothie, 450 cal

LUNCH: 12:45pm, sardine and avocado on whole wheat toast, heath salad, pickles, 610 cal

DINNER: 5:15pm, cesar salad, hot dog, fries, ice cream, +/- 1300 cal

Reconsidering Nutritional Science, and farts.

I was planning to write an entry revisiting the questionable orthodoxy around the belief that salt is bad for you, when I stumbled upon a recent article on Lifehacker that buzzes by this topic in a much bigger scope: why the general public seem to think there is so much 'controversy' in nutrition, while the science itself is much more decisive. It hits a lot of notes that I've strived for in this blog, but real talk: they do it better.

This article is a good round up of the economic, political, social, psychological and environmental reasons that make answering simple questions like, "What is a balanced diet?", "What is a healthy food?" and "What is an unhealthy food?" damn near impossible to answer if you're not a scientist or political operative. Read it now, I read it twice this week to get my head around it.

I know a single damn link is poor substitute for a proper FBIWC entry, so let me tell you a story about farts...

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For ENB, my BFF (Best Farty Friend)

I don't remember where I clipped this cartoon from, but it was from around the end of high school. Since then, it has followed me from the corner of the mirror in my childhood bedroom, to bluetacked on the wall of my first dorm, to the refrigerator of an off-campus crash pad, to a cheap plastic frame on the shelf of my first rental apartment, and now resides between neat modernist panes of glass hung high on my wall, above the direct view for my kids. Why?

I never asked why this cartoon struck such a direct chord with my base sense of humor. However, my oldest child, a little girl soon to turn 5, is reaching the height of poop-pee-fart-burp humor. She sings of butts (pronounced BEE-yooots) and rants about farts (FAH-rrrrrts), and any bodily function that is auditory will result in peels of laughter, which my 2 year old boy immediately picks up on and will empathetically start cracking up, too. On one hand, it's so damn cute, on the other hand....ick! I found this stuff funny as an adult?!

And to be honest, I probably found it all uproariously funny only up until a couple of years ago. What changed? It wasn't having kids; they definitely predate my new-found distaste for such base humor.

Other than not wanting my (future, more mature) kids to be scarred by a father who giggles hysterically at every fart and dirty diaper, there is my increasing comfort with my body, and all that it entails. Getting healthy and losing weight over the period of this blog are ends in their own right, of course, but there is also a side-effect: the internal tension that laughing at the body's sillier things relieved just isn't as prominent anymore.

I still love the clipped cartoon above, but not so much for the smile it used to bring to my face, but more as a reminder of where I came from, who I used to be, and an appreciation of the journey from there to here.

"Beavis, you monkeyspank." -Butthead  “Shut-up fart knocker!!” -Beavis "Uh huh huh, fart." - ENB

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WEEKLY AVERAGE: 2956

So I bit the bullet. I haven't been making the 2200-2300 calorie daily limit that the nutritionist recommended pretty much consistently for over a month, pretty much parallel with the the beginning of the biking season. Based on the confidence that the 5 lb loss has given me last month, from now until the end of the month eat 2800-3000 calories a day, and see where I end up on the next weigh in. This assumes two things:

1. My bike riding stays at about 100 to 125 miles a week
2. I'm increasing portions of the good stuff, and not tacking on snacks at the end of the day to meet my non-compulsive, honest physical hunger.

When I first started counting calories, before I started changing my diet, I estimated I was taking in about 3000 calories a day. Part of me wonders if this level was set by my hungry bike days, and continued unchecked during the non-bike times.

Has my diet actually changed my metabolism? Whats going on? Well, if I gain more than a pound or two by June 1st, we'll know I'm fooling myself, and if I lose weight, I'll do Jagger's chicken dance...

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MONDAY COUNT: 2800

SLEPT: 10pm - 5am, 7 hrs
Again, just a primal hunger after dinner, not a compulsion. Gotta think on this.

AM SNACK: 5:15am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 8:45am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 9:45am, steel cut oatmeal, 400 cal

LUNCH: 12:45pm, falafel with greek yogurt dip, health salad, Fairway chicken soup, pickles, 640 cal

PM SNACK: 3:30pm, momma salad, veggie straws, 230 cal

DINNER: 6;15pm: Ethiopian lentils and cabbage, poppa salad with lite Italian, 570 cal

EVENING GORGE: 6:45pm, cheetos, 5 chewy granola bars, 800 cal

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TUESDAY COUNT: 3075

SLEPT: 9pm - 3:30am, 6.5 hrs
Inspired by yesterday, I double downed on breakfast and added an extra patty to dinner, rather than let my children's sweet snacks go down my throat at the end of the night.

AM SNACK: 3:45am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 8:30am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10am, fage yogurt with almonds, honey, and vanilla, 490 cal

LUNCH: 12:45pm, chicken meatballs, steamed string beans, channa masala, pickles, 715 cal

PM SNACK: 3pm, momma salad, cinnamon pretzels from grazebox, 230 cal

DINNER: 6:30pm: three jamaican patties, poppa salad with ranch, +/- 1280

EVENING SNACK: 6:45pm, 2 chewy granola bars, 200 cal

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WEDNESDAY COUNT: 2515

SLEPT: 8:30pm - 3am, 6.5 hrs
Lowest consumption day in a while, credited to being tired but not TOO tired.

AM SNACK: 4am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 8:45am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10:30am, steel cut oatmeal, 400 cal

LUNCH: 12:45pm, sardine & avocado on whole wheat toast, health salad, pickles, 630 cal

PM SNACK: 3 pm, momma salad,rice crackers from graze box , 200 cal

PM SNACK: 4:30pm, poppa salad with light Ranch, 120 cal

PM SNACK: 6pm, cashews, 340 cal

 DINNER: 7:45pm, Subway 6" veggie burger sub, potato chips, diet lemonade, 665 cal
The diet lemonade was kinda gross, only 8oz, but wanted something indulgent but without caffeine, as diet coke-Wednesdays had been messing with my sleep.

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THURSDAY COUNT: 3580

SLEPT: 9pm - 3:45am, 6.75 hrs
Good sleep. Woke up at 3 to ride, rain coming down pretty hard and steady, back to bed for a bit then up for a weight lifting session. Nice dinner out with a friend, but exhausted when I got home and ate on the edge of compulsive, booooo.

AM SNACK: 4am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 7am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 9:45am, fage yogurt with almonds, honey, and vanilla, 490 cal

LUNCH: 12:45pm, vegetarian meat balls, steamed string beans, madras lentils, pickles, 630 cal

PM SNACK: 3 pm, momma salad, nut & legume mix from graze box , 240 cal

PM SNACK: 4:30pm, poppa salad with light Ranch, 120 cal

 DINNER: 7pm, pork scallopine and potatoes, beef carpacio, asparagus, crusty bead & butter, water, +/- 750 cal

EVENING GORGE: 9:30pm, small cup of ice cream, sleeve of oreos, pack of digestive cookies, 1190 cal

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FRIDAY COUNT: 2810

SLEPT: 11pm - 3:30am, 4.5 hrs
Woke up earlier than I would have liked, stomach felt icky from yesterday's late gorge, not surprising, also pleasantly sore from the weight lifting. Briefly considered riding, but raining again.

AM SNACK: 3:45am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 7am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 9am, fruit smoothie, 450 cal

LUNCH: 12:15pm, chicken sasuage, Ethiopian collard greens and potatoes, bowls of Raisin Bran and Special K with whole milk,  +/-900  cal
New Ethiopian prepared meal, easily the worst of the bunch. Potatoes were just OK, but the greens weren't cooked right, and retained a solid dose of astringint bitterness. I've had Ethiopian-style collards before, and they're fantastic, but these were near inedible.

PM SNACK: 3:30 pm, momma salad, cracker sticks and bbq sauce from grazebox, random slice of pizza from work, +/- 400 cal

 DINNER: 6:45pm, fancy burger & fries, fancy ice cream dessert, +/- 900 cal

Just Say No to (Corporate) Drugs

Last Sunday afternoon I was on the couch after a casually mellow bike ride, munching down on a a brick of Chinese food, a box of chocolaty butter cookies and a small container of Hagen Jerries*, when the commercial above came on the boob toob. I started laughing my ass off, as I wasn't sure if I was watching a real commercial or a Saturday Night Live spoof.** After it's brief, soft-focus promise to relieve us of not knowing when to stop eating, or "willpower", it went into what seemed like an eternal list of potential side effects and health threats. As long as your not pregnant, on mood-stabilizing drugs or operating heavy machinery, you can enjoy stiff muscles, excessive sweating, damage to heart valves, troubled breathing, generalized swelling, irregular heart beat, "mental problems", suicidal ideation, prolonged erections and random lactation. And that's all before the common  side effects of headache, dizziness, fatigue, dry mouth, nausea, constipation, back pain and coughing. But hey, you can call the 800 number to get 15 days free!***

Apocalypse: The heavens swallow the land, dogs lie down with cats, and I identify more with the hippy than the meme author...

Belviq is a drug that scrambles your brain chemistry to trigger hormones usually sent by your stomach that tell your brain that you feel full after a meal.....uhhhh, maybe. From the Belviq site,

The precise way BELVIQ® produces feelings of satisfaction is not fully understood.

Rock n roll! They don't know how it works, not sure why it works for some and not for others, and can't really predict if it'll help with your "willpower" or make you kill yourself, blow your heart out, or cause you to randomly lactate (and I'm not sure if they are referring to just women, either.)

Not long after having a giggle fit with the TV, the radio filled me with murderous rage. There was a piece on NPR about the rise of "Low T Clinics", where men who feel vaguely "less than" can get shots of this hormone. One bit in particular caught my attention (emphasis mine):

Yet even as calls for closer scrutiny of the treatment intensify, the clinics continue to draw in men like Greg Lucas. At 25, Lucas was single and a rising star at a Dallas software company. But he didn't quite feel right — his energy, his sleep, his libido were all lagging. He was having trouble managing his weight, too.
His symptoms sounded a lot like those described in an advertisement for low testosterone. So Lucas decided to do what the ad recommended: talk to his doctor.
"His first response was, 'OK, let's do a blood test and see where you're at,' " recalls Lucas. "Following that, my blood test returned a rating that was in the normal range for the lab and he said that was fine."
Lucas protested: His levels, after all, were in the bottom 5 percent of normal — that seemed out of step for a 25-year-old man. Lucas was seriously overweight, and his doctor advised him to diet and get more exercise.

Diet? Exercise? Let's do some drugs and PAR-TAY!!

In the radio piece, Lucas says something like, "I tried to eat less and get fit, but come on, who can do that?" It was around that point I wanted to reach into the radio and punch Lucas in the face, as here is another place where people are mistaking their addictions to the sugar/salt/fat drug bombs of our current food culture as simply an unquestionable lack of "willpower" whose only solution are stone-cold hard drugs. It also made me think: Does low testosterone cause one to become a McFatty Boombatty, or does excess weight suppress the creation of testosterone?

(Low T) leads to decreased muscle mass, a gain in fat (especially in the belly), less energy, sapped libido, erectile dysfunction, brain fog, and more. Not all symptoms occur in all men, of course. Sleep deprivation, stress, nutrition, exercise, genetics factors, and personal health and family relationships can all influence how you experience those symptoms, which range from mild to severe.

British men, on the other hand, suffer from High Tea.

Reading through the NPR piece, Wikipedia and other sources, the impression I get is that scientists don't really know the safety or harm of testosterone supplements (yet), or the causes of Low T to begin with. I can speak from my own personal experience, one anecdote of one person on a blog, that certain functioning of my body usually related to testosterone has, urrr, improved in the past couple of years as I've lost weight and gained fitness, despite my slipping into middle age. Had my smaller mass allowed the same amount of testosterone to have a bigger effect? Is it all in my head? Scientists don't seem to know yet.

In regards to "willpower", I'll give Mark Bittman the last word, who touched on it recently:

Your environment teaches you what comfort food is. Until recently, before marketing penetrated every cranny of our being, family and friends had the biggest impact: the stuff that made them happy made you happy. You can self-train your way out if it, as many of us have, and save it for special occasions.

*Marijuana is still a schedule 1 narcotic in the eyes of the Feds, equated with heroin and classed as more harmful than meth and cocaine. It's still not legal where I am except for the most specific of limited prescribed medical uses, so I'm NOT going to go on record and say I would do something as illegal and incredibly harmful as eat a mild PCP-laced baked good to unwind and focus on a mid-afternoon solo bike ride. Not gonna do it.

** I was stoned.....ON LIFE.

***Just say no to drugs! 

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On it's face, it looks like I fell the fuck off on my decadent solo Wednesday night dinner, but this was different on several levels. A long time ago, if I were to eat so heavily on a weekday by myself, in the midst of trying to control my eating, I would despair and give up. This time, I was honestly hungry and activity looking to kinda mark the day, celebrate several things, including:

• Acknowledging to myself that I'm doing well, losing 5 pounds last month, and accepting that increased hunger is a welcome friend, as it is a side product of my increased bike riding.
• Spending a little money on myself, due to April being the first month I met my savings goal towards the future since I started focusing on my finances when all that bad stuff happened around the turn of the year.
• Celebrating the news that my freelance work gig is funded and secure through the rest of the year, and local government just forced them to give me paid sick days for myself or if I need to care for my chillinz (!)
• Patting myself on the back for getting through a month and  half of a non-working oven and stove top, retaining my structure while exploring some new meals.

I ate dinner at a place near Times Square, a restaurant I used to eat regularly at when I worked in the area years ago. Back then, pre-culinary school and pre-self-knowledge, I enjoyed it but didn't appreciate it. This night, it was both ordinary and amazing….and I probably won't eat there again for another year, or sooner if with a friend. The cupcakes were picked up on the way home from Magnolia, a place I never tried (and never need to again) and the slice was from a local place in my 'hood -- wasn't even hungry, just wanted the sensory experience of eating a slice, something I wouldn't usually allow myself but I purposefully wanted to cap my meal off in a special way. In the past, this would have been thoughtless and compulsive, now it's purposeful, thoughtful and fully appreciated. (Of course, if this meal starts popping up in regular, please, readers, smack me a few times!)
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WEEKLY AVERAGE: 2890

High cal count, but got a midweek ride in and the weekend before and after this log is bookended by some heavy riding, so I'm not gonna snivel about it.

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MONDAY COUNT: 2925

SLEPT: 7:30pm - 4:30am, 9 hrs
Kept eating tight all day but just felt deeply unsatisfied and peckish after dinner. The kind bars were nice but their mild sweetness was enough to set me on to the only 'junk' food in the house, the chewy granola bars with chocolate chips which are usually the kid's snacks. Full o' sugar, these are really candy bars with the fig leaf of rolled oats in them. 

AM SNACK: 5:30am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 8:45am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10:15am, steel cut oatmeal, 400 cal

LUNCH: 12:45pm, falafel, health salad, Fairway tomato basil soup, pickles, 715 cal

PM SNACK: 3:45pm, momma salad, veggie straws, 230 cal

DINNER: 6;15pm: Ethiopian lentils and chicken stew, poppa salad with lite Italian, 620 cal

EVENING GORGE: 6:45pm, 2 kind bars, 3 chewy granola bars, one ritz cracker and cheese spread snack, 800 cal

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TUESDAY COUNT: 2605

SLEPT: 8:15pm - 4:45am, 8.5 hrs
Good sleep with the chillun', woke up feeling well in the tummy so I'm going to go out on a limb and say the 'gorge' of last night was not so bad.

AM SNACK: 5am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 7am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10:30am, Fage whole yogurt with honey, vanilla and almonds, 285 cal

LUNCH: 12:45pm, chicken meatballs, steamed string beans, potato spinach curry ,pickles, 580 cal

PM SNACK: 3 pm, momma salad, veggie straws , 150 cal

DINNER: 6:30pm, beef & shrimp patties, poppa salad with light Italian, 930 cal

EVENING SNACK: 6:45pm, 3 chewy granola bars, 1 kind bar, 500 cal

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WEDNESDAY COUNT: 3105

SLEPT: 9:30pm - 2:45am, 5.25 hrs
Good day, despite the excess calories.

AM SNACK: 3am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 7am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10:30am, steel cut oatmeal, 400 cal

LUNCH: 12:45pm, sardine & avocado on whole wheat toast, health salad, pickles, 590 cal

PM SNACK: 3 pm, momma salad, cheezits , 310 cal

PM SNACK: 4:30pm, poppa salad with light Italian, 110 cal

PM SNACK: 6pm, cashews, 340 cal

DINNER: 7:45pm, Pork Curry Katsu with rice & raw cabbage, pork gyoza, 2 cupcakes, slice of streetza, +/- 1,200 

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BIKE CREDIT: 550 cal
THURSDAY COUNT: 3085

SLEPT: 9:30pm - 4am, 6.5 hrs
Rain prevented early riding, so lifted weights. Poppa salad went bad, bleah. Casual ride in the late afternoon with a friend, indulged in some serious Georgian food (the country, not the state, but might as well have been because the centerpiece was basically a bread bowl filled with gooey cheese, with a raw egg mixed into it when it hit the table. Kinda like a mash up of pizza, grilled cheese and the Kozachok (y'know that Russian dance where y'squat, fold your arms and kick your legs...)

AM SNACK: 4:15am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 6:45am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10:30am, Fage whole yogurt with honey, vanilla and almonds, 285 cal

LUNCH: 12:45pm, TVP "meat"balls, mushroom masala, steamed string beans, pickles, 630 cal

PM SNACK: 3 pm, momma salad, veggie straws, 230 cal

BIKE SNACK: 5:45pm, homemade granola bar, 250 cal

BIKE SNACK: 6:30pm, kind bar, 200 cal

DINNER: 8:30pm, Georgian food including kafta-like kabob, salad, cheesy bread, dumplings, water, +/- 1000 cal

EVENING SNACK: 10:30pm, digestives, small apple pie, 880 cal

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FRIDAY COUNT: 2730

SLEPT: 11pm - 6am, 7 hrs
Ate out more than I would have liked, but it was all social and happy, a good Friday.

AM SNACK: 6:15am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 7am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/cayenne/cucumber/ginger juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 9:30am, fruit smoothie, 450 cal

LUNCH: 12:45pm, Shrimp in garlic sauce, veg fried rice, +/- 800 cal

PM SNACK: 3 pm, momma salad, cheezits, 320 cal

DINNER: 5:30pm, fish poboy, fries, ice cream, +/- 1000 cal