Drill Down: Granola Bars

Artisanal, preening, pretentious....Hippie Chow.

I had an aunt who was a hippy in the 60s, well into the 70s. Even worse, she was also a vegetarian, which back then was equivalent to being a commie or a -gasp- homosexual.* One time my family were brought to a hippy-run vegetarian restaurant upstate by this aunt, and the food was laughably awful -- poorly cooked grains, too much cheese, not enough flavor over all. Back then, even amongst the vegetarian community, there was less awareness of the key place vegetables and fruit hold in a healthy diet than there is today -- and forget about cooking them. Original 60s style vegetable cookery was overcooked and blasted to hell (and such small portions!) It took some time for myself (and for the rest of society) to get over that initial impression of vegetarianism.

But there is a dirty-hippy food I eat on a regular basis. In fact, it holds a small but very important place in my diet routine. "Granola" was a term of dismissal and derision back in the day for hippy, swapped interchangeably with "crunchy", which I assume was a descriptive of granola's texture. Granola is one of those hippy ur-foods, and continues to have a happy-healthy-alt vibe to it from the association. But granola is much more old school than that.

Does this man know he is the #1 hit for the "Dirty Hippie" google image search?

Starting in the late 1800s, "Granula" was trademarked by a doc at a "sanitarium" (known today as a health spa), but it was just crumbed up whole grain products that were then baked to crispy. A German fellow named Jackson moved to the US in the 50s and missed rolled oats, so started his own "granula" company, Sunny Crunch Foods in the 70s, which was probably the most 70s name for a 70s granola company ever. However,..

A similar cereal was developed by John Harvey Kellogg. It too was initially known as Granula, but the name was changed to Granola to avoid legal problems with Jackson.
The food and name were revived in the 1960s, and fruits and nuts were added to it to make it a health food that was popular with the hippie movement. At the time, several people claim to have revived or re-invented granola. 

Kellog's Count Granula never took off, but when General Mills added some chocolaty goodness....

My first encounter with granola as a non-disgusting-hippy food was in the 80s, with the first marketing of mass-produced granola bars. Dry, brittle, overly sweet and tasting like peanut butter and sawdust, eventually the sugar, fat and salt were pumped up in the right ratio to create the pseudo-healthy candy bars we now call granola bars today.

How low the nutritionally mighty have fallen.

The definition of modern granola is rolled oats, toasted along side nuts, sometimes mixed with seeds and dried fruit. To cook oats and nuts properly, a fat is usually added. For many years, I used this recipe, and it served me well, never failing to excite the HVS when I gave her a bag of it as a gift of affection. However, granola has changed for me over the years after culinary school, as it's become extraordinarily useful as it's gotten even more delicious.

They forgot the granola, which would today be around step 4, but moving up quickly...

Nowadays, you can't swing a bat at a food fair without braining some hipster whose selling his or her own line of artisanal, precious granola. It's not surprising, because truth be told, it's damn easy to make, it's damn easy to make it delicious, and it's damn easy to make it uber-nutritious. My current granola is thus:

• 4 cups rolled oats
• 4 cups "nut mix", lightly food processed
• 1/2 cup "sweeter mix"
• 1/2 cup coconut oil
• 1/8 cup molasses
• 1 tablespoon salt
• 1 tablespoon vanilla extract
• 1 tsp cinnamon
• 1 tsp cardamon

I usually grab every nut I can find in the bulk section of Fairway, a little of each until it weighs about 2 lbs, almonds, pistachios, Brazil nuts, sometimes sunflower seeds, anything except peanuts. The sweetener is anything except white sugar -- dark brown sugar, maple syrup and agave end up in there. It's key to throw in molasses for two reasons -- it's crazy nutritious and adds a wonderful Cracker Jack-like caramel depth. (Though warning: a little molasses is great, a lot of mollasses makes for a burnt, gross tasting, barely edible mess.)

Mix everything together, spread on a baking sheet, and bake in a pre-heated 400 degree oven about 40 to 50 minutes, turning & mixing up the granola thoroughly every ten minutes until done. Granola should be golden, and the most wonderful smells should be filling up your kitchen.

My granola-baking-in-kitchen face

The thing about granola is: yes, it is "healthy". It's full of fiber, nutrients, good fats, and even protein. It's also extremely calorie dense. This is a partially refined grain, along with naturally fat-laden nuts, usually amped up with a little sweetener. It doesn't take a lot of granola to eat multiple times your normal calorie needs.

However, when I'm cycling and my calorie needs sometimes double or triple, at the same time my stomach tightens from the strenuous activity, making it difficult to eat large quantities of anything -- you'll never see a long-haul cyclist chowing down on a big lunch of salad and rice cakes. Granola is pretty much the perfect biking food -- low in mass, dense in calories, but....a big mess to chow down on. Granola is great with milk, eaten with a spoon but no one wants a bowl of cereal in their jersey pocket.

If your granola bar mortar looks like this, you probably need to read the recipe again.

So the bar. After the granola is cooked and cooled, I make the granola bar "mortar":

• 1 cup almond butter
• 1 cup peanut butter
• 1 cup sweetener mix
• 1 tbsp salt
• 1 tbsp vanilla extract
• 8 whole eggs, lightly scrambled
• 1/2 cup ground flax or chia seed

Put all ingredients except eggs in a small pot, heat gently and mix until homogeneous, allow to cool a few minutes. Coat cooled granola with eggs,  then pour in mortar and get your hands dirty, mix thoroughly so there are no dry pockets. Press the mess into a lined & greased glass baking dish, and bake at 300 for about 30 minutes. Once cooled, place in freezer. Cut into bars after it's frozen (the bars will be ragged if cut when at room temp.) Will keep in the freezer for a solid 4-5 months.  Though calorie counts will vary, I've found that a sheet cut into 24 pieces about 475 calories per bar.

Friends who have eaten these granola bars seem to dig them, unsurprising since it's (mildly) sweet and full o' many calories of wonderful fat. No one nut flavor dominates, it's almost like a nut fruit-punch.  I love them because they're a dependable source of high calories and high nutrition. I may not have elevated a damn croissant-donut hybrid, but I have given myself a reason to forgive my aunt for her crunchy past.

*Back then it was "bad" i.e. faced a lot more prejudice and crap to be communist or gay. I am not expressing an opinion that lefties or gay people are bad. Today, it's great to be a pinko pinkster. Being a vegetarian today, however, ick, gross, that's just beyond the pale. Just so we're clear.

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WEEKLY AVERAGE: 2343

Hard week. Lot of work hours put in, but got my health, kids and kept up on my weights, riding and mostly good eating. Next week, weigh in. Friends who only see me every 3-4 months all comment how I look skinnier than the last time I've seen them, despite only losing a couple of pounds or so in that time period. And true, my clothes are getting progressively baggier, particular the new items I bought when I first started to lose weight. I guess what I'm babbling about is if I only lose another .5 pounds next week or (-gasp-) stay the same or (-GAAAH!-) go up a bit, it'll probably be a credit to my fat/muscle ratio, not a falling into the pit of Fritos and M&Ms.

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MONDAY COUNT:2080

SLEPT: 8:30pm-4am, 7.5 hours

AM SNACK: 4:30am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 7am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/ginger/cayenne/cucumber juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10:45am, whole fage with almonds, agave and vanilla, 310 cal

LUNCH: 1:15pm, chicken meatballs, madras lentils, steamed string beans, 660 cal

PM SNACK: 3:30 pm, momma salad, hummus, 150 cal

PM SNACK: 5pm, poppa salad with homemade Italian dressing, 150 cal

DINNER: 7:30pm, mahi mahi, roasted asparagus, kimchi, fritos, 650 cal

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BIKE CREDIT: 640
TUESDAY COUNT: 2400

SLEPT: 8:30pm-3am, 6.5 hours

Excellent early morning bike ride out to Coney.

AM SNACK: 3:15am, iced green tea, granola bar, 575 cal

BREAKFAST: 7am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/ginger/cayenne/cucumber juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 9:45am, steel cut oatmeal, 415 cal

LUNCH: 1pm, falafel, matzoh ball soup, health salad, pickle, 600

PM SNACK: 3:30 pm, momma salad, hummus, 150 cal

PM SNACK: 5pm, poppa salad with homemade Italian dressing, 150 cal

DINNER: 7:15pm, chicken breast, broccoli, quinoa, 690

EVENING SNACK: 7:45pm, Fritos, 300 cal

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WEDNESDAY COUNT: 2255+

SLEPT: 8:30pm-4am, 7.5 hours

Decent night's sleep, though ideally I could fit in 8 hours. Woke up to do misc. chores around the house, like finally clean the windows inside and out, first time since the air conditioners came out. Y'know, manly man stuff.

Went off the rails in the evening and ate two small bowls of peanut m&ms. Upon reflection, I kinda know why, causes that are under my control in a roundabout way. Regardless, it's not enough to knock me off my path....

AM SNACK: 4:15am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST: 7am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/ginger/cayenne/cucumber juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 10:45am, whole fage with almonds, agave and vanilla, 310 cal

LUNCH: 1:15pm,chicken breast, broccoli, quinoa, kimchi, 710

PM SNACK: 3:30 pm, momma salad, hummus, 150 cal

PM SNACK: 5pm, poppa salad with homemade Italian dressing, 150 cal

DINNER: 8:30pm, stir fried shiritaki noodles & shrimp with mushrooms and black bean sauce, 475cal

EVENING SNACK: 8:45pm, Fritos, 300 cal

BINGE: 9pm, peanut m&ms, +/- 800 cal

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THURSDY COUNT: 2370

SLEPT: 10pm-4am, 6 hours

Woke up feeling OK,  stomach was fine, even a little hungry, which is normal. Got a good weight lifting session in, helped me get my head a little straight. Not a terrible eating day, but had two meals of fast food due to a lunch that I think has run it's course (see below)

AM SNACK: 4:15am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST: 7am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/ginger/cayenne/cucumber juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 9:30am, Special K,whole milk, +/- 400 cal
Forgot to pack breakfast, considered picking up a McD's sausage thing, but remembered the new offic supplies cereals and milk, so thought this might be easier on my system, considering the peanut M&Ms still rattling around.

LUNCH: 1:15pm, double quarter pounder, diet coke
Ugg. Brought lunch. This is what I wrote before I ate it: "This has got to be my least favorite lunch, it needs to go The chicken sausage is "italian" style, but has too much fennel. The beans, which I made myself, also have too much fennel and too much liquid, not enough starch in the sauce. The only good thing is the beans, which were in this week's CSA. Gotta come up with a new work lunch for the rotation."After sitting down to eat, I took a bite of the beans and it was tough and stringy, too long on the vine. That matched with the fennel up my nose made me almost gag. I promptly tossed it and went to Mickey Ds. Not gonna beat myself up.

PM SNACK: 3:30 pm, momma salad, hummus, 150 cal

PM SNACK: 5pm, poppa salad with homemade Italian dressing, 150 cal

DINNER: 7:30pm, Subway 6" veggie burger sub, chips, diet coke, 760

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FRIDAY COUNT: 2610

SLEPT: 10:30pm - 5:30am, 7 hours

Arrived at work at 7:30am to get a jump on things, brought my smoothie with me. Edie was up at 6, so I got to spend some quality time with her and bonded over making the 'noisy ice cream' together.

AM SNACK: 5:45am, iced green tea

BREAKFAST: 6:30am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/ginger/cayenne/cucumber juice, 160 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 9am, fruit smoothie, 410 cal

LUNCH: noon, almond butter and grape jelly on whole wheat, cabbage slaw, momma salad, 690 cal

PM SNACK: 3pm, poppa salad with homemade Italian dressing, 150 cal

DINNER: 5pm, pork burrito & tortilla chips, ice cream +/- 900 cal

EVENING SNACK: 8pm, cheetos, 300 cal
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WEEKEND REPORT:
Started over eating Friday night after 8, hit it hard all day Saturday. Sunday was the Tour de Bronx, which I rode with Edie and a short-stack of friends and associates, and that ride is famous for having minimal snackage. We hit up a pizza place or Arthur Ave after, and ate a bit too much junk when I got home (frito-MnM salad, anyone?) which lead to some tummy problems over night. Calorie-wise, only a little over the top Sunday, but the body does not appreciate it.

Have you read this entry to the end? Congratulations! Let me tell you about my belly button lint, it's an artisanal mash of lint, sweat and the finest of dead skin cells....