Addiction, shmafliction?

Is it addiction if it's so delicious?

No sane person would deny that addiction is real (sit down, Tom Cruise!)-  In fact, the D.S.M. (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders), the resource of the medical community that standardizes diagnosis, expanded the definition of what addiction is: addiction can be physical, but it can also be behavioral.

I've covered this topic here before, but I didn't really say much other than, "this is a thing." When I blogged a whole week about sugar, I scoffed at the Sugar Industry for sweeping the sugar-is-addictive idea under the carpet. I was approaching it like sugar was another white powder, like cocaine and heroine, and I don't think I was totally wrong in that -- alcohol is just a super-simple sugar that revs up certain biological pathways that gives a sense of euphoria and intoxication. So does sugar -- just ask any sugar-mad 4 year old. However, I think I missed the elephant in the room.

Elie knew she was the elephant in the room, so she decided she might as well be faaaabulous about it.

Sugar addiction is a form of food addiction. And it's easy to scoff at: how can you be addicted to something you need to simply survive? Why not be addicted to breathing? Addicted to water? To that, I simply say: What if you compulsively made yourself hyperventilate because it made you feel better? What if you felt the urge to drink 10 gallons of water a day, regardless of the 14 hours a day you spent peeing, or you won't feel right? Sure, air and water are not physically addicting, but if something causes the brain wiring to give these things the power to excite and intoxicate, or simply to relieve a perceived negative feeling or emotion, then yes, air and water can be addicting. I don't know if there are any elemental addicts out in the world (pyromaniacs and pica sauveurs aside) and I can feel certain in saying their problems are not primarily physical or common.

Even the elemental addict's support group thought air-heads were beyond the pale. 

The can o' worms that the D.S.M. opens is: not only can any behavior be seen as addictive, but all sorts of horrible behavior can be excused as merely an addiction. Was Mitt Romney addicted to being an elitist a-hole? Was Hitler addicted to killing Jews? I'm going to guess, "No, they were not addicts, just horrible people" but I also think the foundation of the question is misleading. The D.S.M. is not redefining addiction to be able to excuse behaviors: it is redefining addiction so as to have a framework to treat and cure it.

Which leads me and this blog to an important question: how does one define, treat and cure a food addict? I immediately think of heroine, and I think of the methadone clinics where zombified scraggly people go in and out at all times of the day near the office I once worked in in the East Village. I think of Lindsay Lohan being forced into rehab lock-up. And I think of the great cliche of addiction recovery from too many movies to count: the 12 step meeting and AA.

Upon doing a little research about Alcoholics Anonymous and other 12 step "fellowships", I see they have one big problem that keeps them a bit stigmatized and under reported:

• they don't proselytize and they don't recruit, 
• they're strictly non-profit, and 
• their internal code is written so that any recruiting or profit making is strictly verboten. 

There is a huge industry set up to sell us books, diet foods, gym memberships, pills and equipment to help us deal with the results of our behavior with food, so it certainly is in no one's financial interest other than the individual to try to think about being overweight and unhealthy as an addiction rather than a personal choice.

The 1st rule of 12 step is you don't talk about 12 step. Moobs.

Alcoholics Anonymous is the original and the biggest, but for years before the D.S.M. even expanded their definition, the 12 Step method was being applied to every potentially addictive behavior under the sun: of course there is Cocaine Anonymous, Heroine Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, Nicotine Anonymous, even Marijuana Anonymous, but dig a little further and there will be Sex Anonymous, Emotions Anonymous, Gamblers Anonymous, Debtors Anonymous, Under Earners Anonymous, Clutterers Anonymous, and on and on. And then there is food.

I'm a fan of food, and as a graduate of culinary school and as a person who enjoys eating exciting things in NYC, its no surprise that there is not just one flavor of food addiction. I'm sure I missed a lot, but I sketched out four versions of 12 Step for food:

1. Over Eaters Anonymous: The mothership, the one that covers everyone. You are on your own to make up your own food plan.
2. Compulsive Eaters Anonymous: Like OA, but every day's eating is planned and measured. Hmmmm, sound familiar? 
3. Food Addicts Anonymous: A step further than CA: on top of the planning and measuring, physically addictive food is not permitted. This covers sugar, flour and what among other things, and the meal plan includes "metabolic adjustments", snacks to keep blood sugar regular.
4. Grey Sheeters Anonymous: Makes FA look like a bunch o' poofs. You give up all control over food choices. You only eat three meals a day, weighed and measured, as indicated in a meal plan given to you by your sponsor (another member of the fellowship personally responsible for your well being.)

I wonder -- by pushing all my bad eating habits from a 7-day a week marathon down into a 1 to 2 day a week off-blog eating-fest that occasionally uncomfortably looks like binging, am I dealing with an addiction? Sure, I just lost 40 lbs, but if my 1 to 2 days of bad eating were to retake the rest of my week again, I'd go back to exactly as I was. Not only is that frightening to my very core, that's nuts!!

Next week is the monthly weigh in. Gonna do more research on OA, and get back atcha in 2 weeks about what Over Eaters Anonymous is about. If you find me on the street wearing a robe and offering you free vegan food, WATCH OUT IT'S A CULT!! Or I've become a hairy hari krishna, whatever.

Hari krishnas or a local OA group? Find out in 2 weeks...

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Is Anthony Weiner an addict?

Mr. Weiner said on Thursday that he was still seeking professional help for his online behavior, and that he did not believe he had an addiction.

Hmmm. There is a compulsive behavior that is performed regardless of cost to family, wife, children or career. When he is caught and suffers fast and large consequences (resignation from Congress, public shaming, a humiliated wife whose just about to give birth), he continues his compulsive behavior, regardless of consequence or personal convictions. Riiight, no addiction there.

I guess as a politician, to identify oneself as an addict would be a guarantee of never holding elected off again, especially one of these new-fangled 'behaviorial' addictions rather than the physical (coke-head President Bush, anyone?) WA, Weiners Anonymous. I'm Carlos Danger, and I approve this message.

To be clear, I'm not excusing Wiener's behavior. In fact, if it were not for his behavior, he would have had my vote. But on a human level, perhaps treating his behavior as something other than a failure of character might be more useful than throwing him in the garbage.

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No "pants on the ground!" f'me.

I was consistently on the last loop of my "new belt". It was still holding my pants up well-enough, but the leather wang that I had to tuck in every damn time was becoming annoying. The new one is snug, but I bought it small, as the last one stretched by a couple of loops anyway. I'm amazed that when I look in the mirror, I don't see anything different, though the lengths of these three belts tell an undeniable truth -- I weigh less than I did a year ago.

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WEEKLY AVERAGE: 2311

The previous week was overspilling with work, but as the event my team was working up to involved everyone but me goin' to Texas, the following week was off. So I filled this week with productive things, and tried not to eat too wildly. I actually ate wildly twice (Wednesday & Thursday), but both with good reasons.

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MONDAY COUNT: 2205

One of the best eating days up to this point. Due to correctly eating during and after my 150 mile ride yesterday, I felt pretty good today -- too sore to lift weights, but energized enough to feel normal and not desire food more than usual. Also, I'm thinking of moving my juicing from late afternoon/early evening to another part of early breakfast, pairing it with iced green tea, a few hours before a solid food breakfast.

AM SNACK: 4:45am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 9:30am, apple/beet/celery/carrot/ginger/cayenne/cucumber juice, 150 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 11am, fage whole yogurt with almonds, vanilla and agave, 310 cal

LUNCH: 1:15pm, sardine and avocado on whole wheat toast, roasted brussel sprouts, kimchi, 725 cal

PM SNACK: 4pm, momma salad, seaweed sheets, 200 cal

PM SNACK: 8:15pm, poppa salad with miso tahini, 100 cal

DINNER: 9pm, stir fry with shrinp, broc, snow peas, shitakes, shirataki noodles and black bean sauce, 420 cal

EVENING SNACK: 9:30pm, fritos, 300 cal

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TUESDAY COUNT: 2255

 Good eating day, despite the fact having to eat fast food when I realized I was out, getting too hungry, and would not be home for another few hours.

AM SNACK: 5am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 7:30am, apple/beet//carrot/ginger/cayenne/cucumber juice, 135 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 9am, steel cut oatmeal, 250 cal

LUNCH: 2pm, almond butter and grape jelly on whole wheat momma salad, 590 cal

PM SNACK: 4:30pm, beef jerky, 120 cal

PM SNACK: 5:45pm, poppa salad with miso tahini, 100 cal

DINNER: 7:15pm, 6" veggie burger sub, potato chips, 16 oz diet coke, 760 cal

EVENING SNACK: 9:30pm, fritos, 300 cal

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WEDNESDAY COUNT: --------

I'm gonna play the "c-card" here. I loaded up on healthy food in the morning, because all afternoon I spent with a dear old friend who is dealing with cancer. Over 20 years, our thing is to really enjoy the hell out of food, and this afternoon she had appetite, I had time away from work and family, and we went to town old-school style. Suffice to say, we each inhaled 1000s of calories, but I purposefully allowed myself permission to fully enjoy my time with her and our shared affection for food. In the evening I surprisingly found myself hungry and ate a few more things, because what-the-hey, this day is toast, but I had confidence that the next day I would return to sanity.

AM SNACK: 5:15am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 8am, fruit smoothie, 410 cal

AM SNACK: 10:30am, momma salad, 100 cal

AM SNACK: 11:15am, apple/beet//carrot/ginger/cayenne/cucumber juice, 130 cal

REST OF DAY: day long gorging with a good friend

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BIKE CREDIT: 2385

THURSDAY COUNT: 2250

Road 85 miles up into Putnam County, kept it pretty strict. New granola bars I cooked earlier this week are dosed with caffeine -- holy crap, two of them made me jittery and speed-strong, I gotta make another batch with out caffeine so I don't eat two of these in a row again.

AM SNACK: 5:30am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BIKE SNACK: 9:15am, granola bar, 315 cal

BIKE SNACK: 11am, granola bar, 390 cal

BIKE SNACK: 1pm, granola bar, 390 cal

BIKE SNACK: 3pm, digestive cookies, 520 cal

BIKE SNACK: 5pm, peanut M&Ms, 660 cal

DINNER: 7:45pm, shio ramen, ebi shumai, water, +/- 900 cal

DINNER 2: 11pm, Stouffer's French bread pizza, 860 cal

EVENING SNACK: 11:15pm, Fritos, 300 cal

EVENING SNACK: 11:30pm, Cheetos, 300 cal

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FRIDAY COUNT: 2535

Damn, I woke up a whole new kind of bike-sore. Not too hungry, but my legs were rubberized and my back and sides felt punchy. This is good, this is how the biking improves.

AM SNACK: 5:30am, iced green tea, 0 cal

AM SNACK: 6:30am, apple/beet//carrot/ginger/cayenne/cucumber juice, 145 cal

BREAKFAST: 8:30am, fage whole yogurt with almonds, vanilla and agave, 310 cal

LUNCH: 12:15pm, sauteed chicken breast, roasted broccoli, freshly made babaganoush on whole wheat bread, pickles, poppa salad with homemade Italian dressing, 870 cal

PM SNACK: 4pm, hot dog, 310 cal

DINNER: 7:30pm, tofu sushi plate, shrimp spring roll, dumplings, +/- 900 cal

Questioning the New Thinking

Michael Pollen and Mark Bittman have shaped a lot of my thinking in my search to reimagine my food consumption. They've done that by exposing the larger food world I live in, the interconnectedness of it all. So it was with a little partisanship that I read a rather lengthy screed in the Atlantic which basically proclaims Mr. Pollen and Mr. Bittman are all wrong. It's quite lengthy, but here are the basic points. The first few I've heard before, and I feel comfortable dismissing them.

1. Eating only whole, fresh produce and meats are only for the rich. I agree eating this way is more expensive, but food should be more expensive. There will be less waste, less over-eating and more appreciation for this resource. Not to mention paying our food producers properly so they can afford to use more sustainable methods and pay the bottom of the work force better.
2. People eat what they want to eat, and the industry only supplies what the market demands. It's not that simple. People desire what is available, and industry is adept at creating demand. If we wanted a purely demand-driven economy, we should ban all advertising. While private industry may exist only to make money, government and regulation exists to protect the consumer, and should use every power at its disposal to manipulate both supply and demand for the sake of the public health.

These are big topics obviously, each worthy of multiple posts to. However, there is a third argument presented in Freedman's piece that I can not so easily shrug off.

1. The infrastructure does not exist to deliver the ideal fresh, wholesome diet to all people. However, using food processing and food science for good instead of evil can make small, incremental changes that on a large scale can make a real public health difference.

When it's reported that McDonalds is introducing an egg-white McMuffin or Arby's putting out a baked fish sandwich, it can easily be dismissed as PR hoo-ha because we've been lied to so many times before. However, Freedman points out the 100 calories potentially saved can be the difference for a lot of people between gaining weight on a day or losing it. McD's and Arby's are not small upstart outfits looking to change the world....they ARE the world for a majority of people.

Pollan has popularized contempt for “nutritionism,” the idea behind packing healthier ingredients into processed foods. In his view, the quest to add healthier ingredients to food isn’t a potential solution, it’s part of the problem. Food is healthy not when it contains healthy ingredients, he argues, but when it can be traced simply and directly to (preferably local) farms. As he resonantly put it in The Times in 2007: “If you’re concerned about your health, you should probably avoid food products that make health claims. Why? Because a health claim on a food product is a good indication that it’s not really food, and food is what you want to eat.”

If your a fat-ass, swapping out your Egg McMuffin for an Eggwhite McMuffin is probably not going to transform your life. But looking at the broader sweep, if pressure is kept on the corporations to align their food products with health goals, things could change for real. There is already a ton of pressure on corporations: our obesity crisis, the Pollan movement, and the recurring threat of regulation that's expensive to fight regardless of success (hello, Bloomberg!).  These are real pressures.

100% taste free

And Freedman correctly points out that places like McDonalds are not really pushing the PR on these issues. They found out the hard way with things like the McLean Deluxe that people don't buy their burgers for health reasons, and if you change things up in ways that don't appeal, they don't buy. The changes they are making to their core product lines are going unnoticed, and that's the way they want it. Perhaps in the future they'll use their slight health improvements for PR, but for now, they don't want you to know that the standard McMuffin has whole grains in it all of a sudden.

As much  as I've pushed myself towards "eat food, not too much, mostly plants" and have reaped many benefits from it, when you think of what can be done with what we have, perhaps revising processed foods instead of dismissing them might be a tactic more grounded in the realities of what we have to work with.

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WEEKLY AVERAGE: 2029
Hard week. Crunch week at work, crunch week at home. Definitely affected my eating - a few times I had to catch myself from eating too little, which is a first! Bad enough being an over-eater, last thing I need is to swap that problem out with an equally disastrous habit.
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MONDAY COUNT: 1935

AM SNACK: 4:45am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 10:15am, Fage whole yogurt with agave, vanilla and almonds, 310 cal

LUNCH: 1:15pm, almond butter & grape jelly on whole wheat, health salad, 540 cal

PM SNACK: 4pm,two organic Fuji apples, +/- 100 cal
Damn it, forgot to pack my momma salad again! Good thing I've been around here long enough to know of the Wholefoods around the corner. I skulked into the nearest drug store and all the packaged, seemingly reasonable "quick snacks" all had 400-500 calories per package.

Huh. I really enjoyed the apples. Hmmmm, perhaps my daily diet is about to mutate a little....

PM SNACK: 8:30pm, poppa salad with miso tahini, 100 cal

DINNER: 9pm, shrimp & shirataki noodles in homemade tomato sauce with roasted asparagus, 385 cal

EVENING SNACK: 9:30pm, Fritos AND cheetos, 600 cal

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TUESDAY COUNT: 2235

AM SNACK: 5:30am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 9:30am, steel cut oatmeal, 350 cal

LUNCH: 1pm,sauteed chicken breast, roasted broccoli, onions & mushrooms, sofrito black beans, 595 cal

PM SNACK: 4pm,momma salad, 100


PM SNACK: 7:30pm, apple/carrot/beet/cucumber/celery/ginger/kale/cayenne juice, 150 cal

PM SNACK: 8pm, poppa salad with miso tahini, 100 cal

DINNER: 8:30pm, Stouffer's French Bread Pizzas, 940 cal

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WEDNESDAY COUNT: 1780
Long day in the office, but it was intense and fast. Unfortunately, my eating had to bend to it's will. Fortuntately, I had a bag of snap pea crisps as a back up in my desk, which makes me wonder -- they tasted pretty good, they must be unhealthy, right? Gotta read the label closer or do a search tomorrow.

AM SNACK: 6:15am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 7:15am, Fruit smoothie, 410 cal

LUNCH: 1pm, chicken meatballs, madras lentils, roasted broccoli & mushrooms, 700 cal

PM SNACK:4pm, momma salad, 100 cal

PM SNACK: 6:30pm, snap pea crisps, 120 cal
Late day at work, healthy snack to keep going.

DINNER: 9:30pm, poppa salad with tahini miso, cheetos, 450 cal

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THURSDAY COUNT: 2145
Long hard day. Indulged in comfort pizza for dinner, easy to skip Fritos for sleep.

AM SNACK: 5am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST 1: 7:15am, apple/carrot/beet/cucumber/celery/ginger/kale/cayenne juice, 145 cal

BREAKFAST 2: 9:30am, steel cut oatmeal, 350 cal

LUNCH: 1pm, chicken sausage, steamed string beans, jodhpur lentils, 530 cal

PM SNACK:4pm, momma salad, 100 cal

PM SNACK: 6pm, 12oz diet coke  & snap pea crisps, 220 cal

DINNER: 10:15pm, 2 slices of streetza, poppa salad with miso tahini, +/-800 cal

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FRIDAY COUNT: 2050
Decent end to a tough week

AM SNACK: 6:15am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 9am,Fage whole yogurt with agave, vanilla and almonds, 310 cal

LUNCH: 1pm, Quarter Pounder Deluxe, 12oz Cherry Diet Coke. 540 cal

PM SNACK: 4pm, momma salad, 100 cal

DINNER: 7pm, 2 hot dogs,  risotto, +/- 800 cal

EVENING SNACK: 9pm, Frito's, 300 cal

Work to eat, eat to work

After I left the office this afternoon after eating my lunch at my desk (chicken meat balls, curried lentils, steamed string beans, water, 520 cal), I took a shared Citibike out for a spin around Central Park. On the way,  the ground floor lobby of my office was crammed from wall to wall with office workers grabbing up free ice cream novelties and large iced drinks, mostly lemonade, sweet tea and the like. On the way back from my break in the office, I had to walk past the ever-present ice cream cooler that is always free and available to fellow office denizens. Sitting for about 8 hours, pedalling for 30 minutes, and dodging multiple opportunities to gorge on free ice cream; this is the gustatory reality of my new office life.

And I'm not the only one -- my life seems to torn out of the recent NY Times trend piece.

In his recent book, “Finding the Next Steve Jobs,” Nolan Bushnell, who founded Atari, recommends keeping toys in the office and allowing employees to nap on the clock — like Steve Jobs, who installed a futon beneath his desk.
But New York’s tight market for skilled start-up labor has produced an even more sophisticated arms race.
Take Squarespace, a Web publishing platform founded in 2004. On a recent Friday afternoon, employees sat serenely in the firm’s SoHo offices, the room silent except for rapid keyboard clicks. A slim woman wearing her hair in a topknot ferried dishes of shrimp gumbo and quinoa salad to a buffet; midday meals for Squarespace employees are prepared four days a week. (On the fifth day, they order out.) Gluten-free and vegetarian options are offered at each meal, as well as a fridge stocked with Tecate and Red Bull.

I'm not working for a start-up, but my place of employment is definitely involved in this arms race. The end of week office mixer (officially called "Beer Friday") is occasionally sponsored by a client, meaning the foods tend to reflect brand colors. Other than the weekly invitation for free booze, the almost daily plates of left over catering from client-facing meetings and the bottomless freezer of ice cream, it's not all too threatening.

There is a couple of kitchen areas, equipped with sink, fridge, freezer and the all-important microwave. There is no range or burners, so no one is actually cooking anything, though that would be a REAL perk. There is a small toaster oven looking lonely in the corner -- I used it once, to toast bread; it took about 5 long minutes to get light brown. I haven't bothered since.

There are a few coin operated M&M dispensers in the kitchen (I'm cheap, so this is easy to avoid) and a couple of large electronic devices. One has a touch screen, and promises 100s of different kinds of coffee, tea and hot chocolate, all from the same spout. Bleah, that just sounds wrong. The other device also has one spout, but only dispenses two things: tap water and hot tap water. However, the water is super duper triple hooptie filtered, and emits a calm blue light from the spout when it dispenses it's liquid. I figure it can't hurt, and I like the alienesque light.

Filtered water, the drink that makes children smile maniacally.

There is a Whole Foods market a few blocks away. I see the majority of the workers in the office either pop out for a bag from there or eating from the plastic containers that indicate random midtown restaurant food. I seem to be in the minority of folks who brown bag-it more than not. When I prepare and reheat my food, I instinctually place it on the ceramic plates provided to look good, and I've had multiple conversations with people in the office, responding to compliments by explaining that I'm not crazy, I'm just a victim of my culinary school training.

I work as a "permalancer": I get paid money, and that's it. No contract, no commitment, no benefits, just money. Today I got a notice that I've been around long enough to qualify to enroll in the benefits package offered to freelancer - a "mini-medical" plan "not meant to replace real medical coverage." Essentially, the kind of no-frills micro plan that will be made illegal under Obamacare as they really cost a lot for the little you get.  Fortunately, I'm properly covered through my wife but I can't help but think: My employer plies me with ice cream, booze, bagels and shmears in free and easy quantities, but if I were to make myself sick by consuming all I actually wanted to, my employer-sponsored health care would be quite inadequate. Buyer (a.k.a. consumer) beware, and be forewarned, too. Don't get me wrong, I'm really loving where I'm working right now, but this system is f'd. National single-payer health care, take me away!

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Me, on a recent 100+ mile ride

I've been all about my weight this past year, tracking it, analyzing it, predicting it. One thing I do not obsess about (in public) is my bike riding. Though I've been riding +100 miles a week for every warm month for the past 10 years or so, record most of the stats on the longer rides and compile journal entries of my impression of each one, I don't actually go back and look at my average speeds or anything.

However, I recently signed up for the MS Century, a charity ride on October 6th where I gotta raise some bucks. The last time I rode this century was a week or so after arriving home after an unsupported bike trip from San Fran to NYC (I made it as far as Carbondale, Ill.) I was arguably in the best shape of my life, and this relatively hilly (by NYC standards) century was a piece of cake. Looking at my records, I see that I averaged 13 mph on this 2006 ride. I have not gone faster on a century since.

I don't know how much I weighed then, but I was definitely heavier, as all my clothes were still XL with a 36-38 inch waist then. Now that this past year saw the weight reduction equivalent of carrying two extra road bikes, I'm going to try to beat my personal best of 100+ miles at an average of 13mph. Motivation for getting skinnier and understanding and controlling my eating, that I got. Working hard to increase my average cycling speed, I do not. So I offer this challenge:

You contribute towards my fundraising goal of $250. I train in earnest to do a +13mph century October 6th. If I do it, you have the satisfaction of both donating to a worthy cause and helping motivate me to ride a little harder towards a new level of fitness.
But! If I do not meet my speed goals, I will refund your donation via personal check...and donate twice the amount to MS instead.
The fine print: I will refund up to $250, donate a max of $500, for a total personal expense of $750. If I do not complete the ride for any reason including bad weather, sickness, family sickness, or other unforeseen complications, the deal is off. Measurement of speed from my own personal cyclometer.

And that is all I'll say about that. Click here to help a brutha out.

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WEEKLY 1 AVERAGE: 2451

Not an average week. Tripped up badly on Tuesday due to still trying to find a new riddim, but did relatively well through the traditional over-eating of July 4th, and capped the week with a nice strong n' long bike ride. 

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MONDAY COUNT: 2045
Was hungry after my last snack, but too tired to get up and feed. I call it the "I have a life" diet.

AM SNACK: 6am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 10:15am, Fage whole yogurt with agave, vanilla and almonds, 310 cal

LUNCH: 1:15pm, almond butter & grape jelly on whole wheat, health salad, 540 cal

PM SNACK: 4pm, seaweed sheets, 100 cal
Damn it, forgot to pack my momma salad. Good thing I had this in a drawer.

PM SNACK: 8:45pm, apple/carrot/beet/cucumber/celery/ginger/kale/cayenne juice, 150 cal

DINNER: 9:15pm, shrimp & shirataki noodles in garlic butter with roasted asparagus, poppa salad, 645 cal

EVENING SNACK: 9:30pm, Fritos, 300 cal

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TUESDAY COUNT: 3400
Woke up at 4am to lift weights. Was good, but after chores and prep for the day, I felt like I needed t go back to sleep. Work day was OK but I was a little zombied, and toward the end of day found myself eating ice cream to stay focused (see below). When I got home, I skipped what I originally meant to cook and threw some frozen pizzas in the oven while I ate my salad, and once that went down my throat, I was off to the races.

I could have done a LOT worse, with the 3 pound bag of M&Ms lying around. I think this misstep is due to this being a transitional time, me & my family are still figuring out new routines. Why did I lose it? I first thought that the afternoon ice cream primed the pump, but now that it was yesterday, I think a lack of sleep really messed with my hormones and my usually clear thinking.

If I'm going to continue to lose weight, I gotta bend and not break. I bent last night, it's not necessary to beat myself up, just think about the reasons why. All that matters is that I snap back.

AM SNACK: 4:45am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 9:30am, steel cut oatmeal with butter, brown sugar, vanilla & cinnamon, 350 cal

LUNCH: 1pm, chicken sausage, steamed string beans, johdpur lentils, 510 cal

PM SNACK: 4:30pm, momma salad, 80 cal
This baggie was short of carrots so I added left over peppers, but I did not enjoy the excess peppers. You needed to read that, didn't you?

PM SNACK: 5:45pm, small Hagen Daaz bar, +/- 200 cal
Tired, end of day, free office ice cream. I made the mistake of looking in the cooler, assuming it was all crappy stuff, but there was a solid mix of crappy stuff, skinny cow diet ick, and a few small-scale premium bars, the size you have to buy a pack of 10 of to get, and you end up eating 5 at once anyway. Let's hope this doesn't become a regular thing.

PM SNACK: 7:15pm, poppa salad with miso tahini, 100 cal

DINNER: 8pm, Stouffer's French bread pizzas, 860 cal

EVENING SNACK: 8:30pm, Fritos, 300 cal

GORGING: 8:45pm, two ice cream bars, beef patty, pack of peanut butter crackers, +/-1000 cal
I think that's everything, but I'm a bit concerned I don't have a totally clear recollection. I was really tired. I do think that is an honest estimation of the calories I took in, however.

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WEDNESDAY COUNT: 2320
Woke up with a slightly sour stomach, but it wasn't too bad. Woke up at the ridiculously late hour of 6am. 

AM SNACK: 6:15am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 9:30am, Fage whole yogurt with agave, vanilla and almonds, 310 cal

LUNCH: 1pm, chicken meatballs, sofrito black beans, roasted broccoli & mushrooms, 540 cal

PM SNACK: 3:30pm, momma salad, 100 cal

PM SNACK: 7pm, apple/carrot/beet/cucumber/celery/ginger/kale/cayenne juice, 140 cal

DINNER: 7:45pm, hake loin, roasted brussel sprouts and cippolini onions, poppa salad with miso tahini, 630 cal

EVENING SNACK: 8:15pm, Fritos, 300 cal

EVENING SNACK: 9:15pm, Cheetos, 300 cal

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THURSDAY COUNT: 2250
Day off from work due to 4th of July. Made knishes from left over dough and filling for a community picnic, got chores done like laundry and food shopping. Put myself to bed before 8 as I was exhausted and looking forward to riding tomorrow.

Looking back, I am pleased with how I handled this day. I celebrated the holiday with friends, eating just as they ate, and I still stayed within budget (relatively.) I felt the urge for sugar/caffeine/simple carbs to keep me upright in the evening as I did earlier in the week, but instead I went with it and got to sleep early. I just might survive myself yet...

AM SNACK: 6am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 9am, Fruit Smoothie, 410 cal

LUNCH: 12pm, grilled chicken breast, roasted brussels, kimchi, fritos, 705 cal
At first I was considering saving my appetite for the picnic, then I realized if I fill up on something healthy, I'd eat less bad stuff later. Still, I was very hungry so slowed myself down with corn chips.

JULY 4TH SNACKING: 1:30-3:30pm,  mac n; cheese, various carby salads, half a beer, a few pieces of chocolate rugela, 1 small ice cream cup, +/- 1000 cal
I didn't eat THAT much Mac n' cheese, but I know enough to know that it's really calorically dense. Chose a small paper plate rather than a large and loaded it twice, once with everything, another with everything I wanted more of. It's 4th of July, no need to be an insane "diet" person.

PM SNACK: 7pm, apple/carrot/beet/cucumber/celery/ginger/kale/cayenne juice, 135 cal
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BIKE CREDIT: 2275
FRIDAY COUNT:2240
When packing my bike snacks, I was newly surprised with how calorie dense M&Ms are. I packed triple the official serving, aiming for the desired 660 calories, and damn if it wasn't THAT much, a large fistful. On weekend rides, I've been packing double the amount and guestimating around this number of calories....

AM SNACK: 5:15am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 5:30am, steel cut oatmeal, 250 cal

AM SNACK: 6am, watermelon, 80 cal

AM SNACK: 7am, banana, 120 cal

BIKE SNACK: 9am, granola bar, 415 cal

BIKE SNACK: 11am, granola bar, 415 cal

BIKE SNACK: 1pm,, granola bar, 415 cal

BIKE SNACK: 2:30pm, digestive biscuits, 520 cal

BIKE SNACK: 4:30, peanut m&ms, 660 cal

PM SNACK: 5:45pm, chocolate milk, 500 cal

DINNER: 7:30, two spicy beef patties, 725 cal

EVENING SNACK: 8pm, momma salad, 100 cal

EVENING SNACK: 9:30pm, Fritos, 300 cal

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WEEKLY 2 AVERAGE: 2239

OK eating week.

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MONDAY COUNT: 1975
I imagine I was able to come under budget because of how poorly I ate all weekend. Eat thousands and thousands of extra calories one day, save 25 cal the next!

AM SNACK: 5:45am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 10:15am, steel cut oatmeal, 250cal

LUNCH: 1:15pm, almond butter & grape jelly on whole wheat, health salad, 540 cal

PM SNACK: 4:30pm, momma salad, 100 cal

PM SNACK: 8:15pm, apple/carrot/beet/cucumber/celery/ginger/kale/cayenne juice, 185 cal

DINNER: 8:45pm, shrimp & shirataki noodles in garlic butter with roasted asparagus, poppa salad, 600 cal

EVENING SNACK: 9pm, Fritos, 300 cal

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TUESDAY COUNT: 2295
Woke up pleasantly hungry, weights tempered the urge to eat.

AM SNACK: 5:45am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 9:30am, Fage whole yogurt with agave, vanilla and almonds, 310 cal

LUNCH: 1pm, chicken meatballs, Jodhpur lentils, steamed stringbeans, 530 cal

PM SNACK: 4pm, momma salad, 100 cal

DINNER: 8:15pm, grilled pork tenderloin, roasted brocolli, mushrooms & cipollini onions, quinoa, poppa salad, 755 cal


EVENING SNACK: 9pm, Fritos, 300 cal

EVENING SNACK: 10pm, Cheetos, 300 cal

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WEDNESDAY COUNT: 2460
Had a heavier then usual dinner but went to a concert and bounced around a lot, safe to say I accounted for that extra 100, indeed needed it to keep going. Opportunities for sweets and alcohol safely avoided. Typically I would of skipped the grain with dinner, which would have knocked about 200 cal off the total, which seems right.

AM SNACK: 6:30am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 8:15am, Fruit smoothie, 410 cal

LUNCH: 1pm, grilled pork tenderloin, roasted brocolli, mushrooms & cipollini onions, quinoa, 585 cal

PM SNACK: 4pm, momma salad, 100 cal


PM SNACK: 6:45pm, apple/carrot/beet/cucumber/celery/ginger/kale/cayenne juice, 170 cal

DINNER: 7:30pm, sauteed chicken breast, brussel sprouts, whole wheat cous cous, poppa salad, 900 cal

EVENING SNACK: 9pm, Fritos, 300 cal

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THURSDAY COUNT: 2270 cal
Worked from home to help recover from last night's concert. Spent the day working from home, a privilege of working in new media in a position that doesn't require many meetings. Got revisit a lunch that used to be weekly but does not travel well to the office. Has some serious angst in the evening, and found some comfort in food from my childhood. Fortunately did not go crazy. I have a good pre-made lunch I skipped today, so that'll replace the McD's tomorrow as balance.

AM SNACK: 7:30am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 10:30am, steel cut oatmeal, 250cal

LUNCH: 1:30pm, sardine & avocado on whole wheat toast, health salad, string beans, water, 670 cal


PM SNACK: 5pm, apple/carrot/beet/cucumber/celery/ginger/kale/cayenne juice, 190 cal

DINNER: 10pm, Stouffer's French Bread pizzas, 860 cal

EVENING SNACK: 10:30pm, Cheetos, 300 cal

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FRIDAY COUNT: 2195
Week rolling to a close.

AM SNACK: 5:30am, iced green tea, 0 cal

BREAKFAST: 9:45am,Fage whole yogurt with agave, vanilla and almonds, 310 cal

LUNCH: 1pm, grilled pork tenderloin, roasted broccoli, mushrooms & cipollini onions, quinoa, 585 cal


PM SNACK: 4pm, momma salad, 100 cal

DINNER: 6:30pm, mushroom risotto, pizza, cherry sorbet, +/- 1,200 cal