I Was Fat, Sick, Nearly Dead and Juicing Before It Was Cool

Juicing, man. People treat it like religion. Over the weekend, I caught the documentary, Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead on streaming Netflix. At first I almost walked away from it, since it seemed like an ego-driven vehicle for some rich guy to share his wondrous views for a few hours. But I couldn't stop watching. He goes on a 60-day juice-fast and loses close to 100 lbs while ruminating on what led him (and other fat Americans & Australians) to such a crazy obese place.

The lead guy doesn't go too much into the magical thinking that juicing inspires (toxicity cleansing! mental clarity! never get sick ever again!) but there is a bit of a cultish, this-is-the-answer-you've-been-looking-for vibe going on. Did some internet thinkin' looking for skeptics and, lo and behold, no one in the science world seems to think juicing is a bad thing, just not a magic bullet. Found a nice short piece on the PBS website which nicely summarized the current nutritional science around juicing. Italics mine:

1. There’s room for debate.

Fans of green juicing, or juicing raw vegetables, say that you can drink more vegetables than you can eat, and that juicing allows your body to more easily absorb the vitamins and antioxidants extracted from fresh produce. Juicing has been credited with alleviating everything from skin diseases and immune disorders to cancer and high blood pressure.

But skeptics claim that the detox and cleansing benefits attributed to juicing may be more psychological than physical. There’s also a lack of scientific evidence that proves that juicing your vegetables is significantly healthier than just eating them. If you’re not eating enough vegetables, drinking them might be one way to up your intake. The bottom line is, juicing certainly can’t hurt. 

2. Your digestive system will thank you.

Juicing proponents believe that your digestive system can function more efficiently when drinking raw vegetables. Although you lose the benefits of consuming fiber when drinking your produce, it takes less energy to digest food in liquid form. Heating and cooking vegetables also reduces or destroys some of their enzyme content, which some say can impede digestion. With juicing, it’s believed that these food enzymes are not only preserved, but your digestive system also gets a “rest.” If you juice for enzymes, you might also believe that the right food combinations can help with digestion. Food combiners believe that eating a protein like meat or cheese, which requires one type of enzyme to be digested, with a carbohydrate, which requires another kind of digestive enzyme, can result in bloating and indigestion. When you juice, you only eat one type of food at a time, so digestion is speedier. 

3. Moderation is key.

Despite what some raw foodists and “juicearians” might say, it’s probably not best to live on juice alone. A juice fast, in which one consumes only juice and no solid food for a day or more, can have healthy benefits, but it’s not entirely necessary. Drinking green juice can still have healing effects when combined with a regular, healthy diet.

For best results, drink green juice on an empty stomach, and make sure it’s as fresh as possible. More extreme measures, like the lemonade-and maple syrup-only Master Cleanse, or juice fasting as a quick-and-easy weight loss method, are not recommended. 

4. Not all juices are created equal.

You can get your green juice at a juice bar, health food store, or through a delivery service, but be wary of bottled and pasteurized juices. And read the labels carefully: Too much fruit or fruit concentrate can increase the sugar level, and heating and processing can lessen nutritional value. Buying a home juicer and doing it yourself can pay off in the long run, although the juicer you buy might also make a difference. Centrifugal juicers, which grind and strain produce at high speeds, are the most affordable machines, but also less efficient – some say the high speed generates heat, and decreases the amount of enzymes in the resulting juice. Masticating juicers “chew” produce and can make more juice out of the same amount of vegetables, while triturating juicers, the most expensive and efficient option, “press” produce and retain more nutrients.While juicers extract only juice from produce and remove the fiber, blenders retain all of the content by simply mashing everything together. Fiber aside, the blender versus juicer debate might come down to a matter of taste: drinking celery juice mixed with carrot juice will probably taste better than drinking a celery and carrot smoothie. 

5. The possibilities are endless.

If you make your own juice, experiment with combining different kinds of fruits and vegetables for taste and nutrition. Popular combinations include mixing leafy vegetables like spinach or kale with celery or cucumber, and adding beet, carrot, or apple for sweetness. 

Just like bariatric surgery, juicing will turn you into a fetching white woman in her early 20s!

As it turns out, I have an old, high-end centrifugal juicer sitting in the back of the shelves in my kitchen, last used before I had a dishwasher machine, before I had children, before I had a wife -- I know because I put it away dirty, something my wife would never do! I did some juicing for a year, mostly apple and apple-ginger juice, and I got bored of it and the hassle of cleaning the machine. I also didn't see any magical results -- this was before I was food-conscious, before I went to culinary school, before I seriously figured I really needed to lose weight if I'm going to live well.

I'm fat, but I'm not morbidly obese like the people in the movie. I've been sick from poor diet, as recently as last week, but that's getting better, and I'm not on any medications. I'm far from nearly dead, so I don't think I need to get all starry-eyed and dedicate myself to a juice fast. I see adding one or two juicing sessions a week to increase the amount of vegetables in my diet, in addition to the amount I'm taking in now. Unlike when I first juiced it will not be just fruit, but enough fruit to make the drinks palatable. Perhaps taking in sugar this way will help me control the sugar-lust that has been having me consume sweets on a daily basis for the last few weeks.

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Actual scene from my childhood Thanksgiving. I watched the hell out of Peanuts every holiday, so yes, an actual scene, actually. Gen X in the HOUSE!

Thanksgiving has been depressing me every year for almost a decade now. Growing up it was the holiday that belonged to my family -- different aunts and uncles had Hanukkah, Passover, New Year's, the 4th of July, etc. But Thanksgiving was OURS. In our big, warm house on Staten Island, my mom would set the table days in advance, so much so that on the day-of it would need to be dusted. Dad would always make his vegetable crudite with onion-soup sour cream dip, roast chestnuts in the toaster oven, have a big turkey. I'd be "in charge of the stuffing," which was made from a damn box of Stouffer's, but even when I was well into my 20s my mom would would still boast about my making it. Steamed string beans with garlic, baked sweet potatoes that I never ate, cranberry sauce from a can presented in the shape of the can. Different families would bring wine, salad, desserts. It was a big, big to-do, and my mom would always get upset when people would gather in the kitchen and wash most of the dishes for her. By the time the last family would leave, I'd be exhausted and happy and loved.

The tradition continued when my parents moved to an apartment on the LES when I went to college, but every year it would get smaller. The kids were now adults starting families, the older folks either moved too far away or passed. I guess the last real Thanksgiving was in 2004, because the next year my father passed away a few days before the holiday after an extended illness. I now join my wife's family for their Thanksgiving tradition but that seems to be on the edge of flux for the same reasons my family's was. I really hope Thanksgiving comes back to my home someday, and that I can help start a new tradition where my kids can feel exhausted, happy, and loved as well.

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Saw this poster in the window of a restaurant near my mother-in-law's home, on the edge of Harlem. Save Half for Later is a government-backed, hospital-sponsored outreach program in this historically poor, black, unhealthy neighborhood. The gist is if the restaurant is participating in the program, you tell your server that you'd like to "save half for later,"and half of your meal will be placed in a branded, reusable container that is delivered with your check at the end of the meal, and the other half is served to you, plated like a whole meal. The materials stress the healthfulness, as well as the economic advantage of getting two meals for the price of one.

I guess there is no harm in this, but it's such a timid public-health measure that I think it's a contradiction in terms -- the restaurant industry's own thrust is to sell more regardless of the effect it has on its customers, and that is a root cause, not people's laziness in saving food for later. There should be a law that says any one can order a half portion of any dish for half the price, or half the price + a dollar or percent. Or the program should officially advertise that any one meal can be purchased and then split in two servings, Florida early-bird style. The fact that this initiative has to pussyfoot around the economic interests of the restaurants involved is so compromised.

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WEEKLY AVERAGE: 2532

Took Friday off from counting, as Thursday was Thanksgiving and I ate relatively well. I didn't treat Friday as a weekend, I ate carrots and limited my eating, felt good. Average is too high, but not unreasonable. Eating too much sugar.

I ate horrendously last weekend, really indulged my cravings for fat and sugar -- mini cheesecakes and three deserts a day were involved. And Sunday night and Monday morning I paid for it in a way that is inappropriate to discuss on this blog, he he. A similar, more extreme version of these symptoms knocked me out for 2 weeks around Xmas time last year, and up until now I thought it was the result of a long and progressive pattern of poor eating. Now I see all it takes is a couple of days of self abuse to bring me right back there, wow.

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MONDAY COUNT: 2570

Lifted weights this morning, felt good. Left wrist fine, right wrist still twinges when turned. While doing standing curls with 35lb weights, had to modify to prevent pain, but all other activities were fine.

AM SNACK: 7:45am, iced green tea, 25 cal

BREAKFAST: 10am, steel cut oatmeal, 375 cal

AM SNACK: 11:45am, momma salad, 100 cal

LUNCH: 1pm, Shake shack burger, half an order of fries, 20oz diet coke, 700 cal

Not my idea of a healthy lunch, but me n' Milli were meeting a friend who had jury duty, and I don't get to see her often enough. Fortunately, Shake Shack has their nutritional info online and my friend was willing to split an order of fries.

DINNER: 6:30pm, chicken sausage, steamed string beans, plain quinoa, a pickle, 7oz diet sprite, 670 cal

EVENING SNACK: 9pm, dark chocolate chops & almonds, 400 cal

EVENING SNACK: 10pm, 2 slices wholewheat potato bread with hummus, 300 cal

Surprisingly hungry, an honest hunger, so I satiated it despite going over budget.

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TUESDAY COUNT: 2365

Cooked Thanksgiving lunch with the kids, a lot of work, felt really worn down at the end. Passed out when I got home a little after 9, which prevented me from eating more, he he.

AM SNACK: 7:30am, iced green tea, 25 cal

BREAKFAST: 9am, kolon bloe with whole milk, 300 cal

PM SNACK: 12:15pm, momma salad, 100 cal

LUNCH: 12:30pm, Stouffer's Frenchbread pizzas, 740 cal

SCHOOL SNACK: 2:30PM, slice of birthday cake, +/- 500 cal

SCHOOL DINNER: 7:30pm, 1 slice of streetza, 2 cups of soda, +/-700 cal

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WEDNESDAY COUNT: 2870

Thanksgiving eating in effect -- got to school at 7am to get turkeys in the oven, nibbled through lunch. Not sure exactly how many cal I took in, but rather than throwing my hands up and eating like its a weekend, kept it pretty conservative for dinner. This past weekend's eating already threw me for a wobbly, another wobble too soon and I could get sick-sick.

Felt really hungry in the evening, unfortunately I had brought some brownies home from school, -sigh-. Did the math the next morning to figure out how many calories were in them. I hope I over-estimated my lunch calories!

BREAKFAST: 5:30am, iced green tea, chocolate covered espresso beans, rice crispies with whole milk. +/- 400 cal

SCHOOL AM SNACK: 7:30am, birthday cake, +/- 200 cal

SCHOOL LUNCH: 1pm, roasted turkey, cornbread stuffing, brownie, lemonade, sweet tea, +/- 800 cal

Didn't sit down and eat, but nibbled a lot.

PM SNACK: 5:30pm, baby carrots, 80 cal

DINNER: 6:45pm, chicken sausage, whole wheat couscous, roasted broccoli with chili powder, 7oz diet sprite, 830 cal

EVENING SNACK: 9pm, 2 wedges of school-made brownies, 560 cal

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THURSDAY COUNT: 2325

Blurg, Thanksgiving. Kept it tight in the morning, with a good fruit smoothie and a round of weight lifting. Right wrist still hurts, starting to concern me. Ate heavily at the family meal, which was early by T-day standards, and when I got home to put the baby to sleep, hunger never came back. Fell asleep at 9:30, which helped as I would have eaten again if I was up late.

AM SNACK: 7am, iced green tea, 25 cal

BREAKFAST: 9am, fruit smoothie, 350 cal

PM SNACK: 12:30pm, whole wheat bagel with cream cheese, 7oz diet coke, +/-350 cal

THANKSGIVING LUNCH: 2:30pm,  sliced turkey breast, sweet stuffing, overcooked string beans, a little salad, mashed potatoes, pumpkin knish, half a glass of wine, ginger ale, birthday cake & 2 scoops of vanilla ice cream, +/- 1300 cal

EVENING SNACK: 9pm, chocolate chips & almonds, +/- 300 cal

The Big Dummy is dead. Long live the Crazy Stallion!

Pimp my ride: moving knishes

Getting your car stolen focuses your attention. And when your car is a monster-bicycle that sticks out like a sore thumb and that gets stolen, you ask yourself some questions and do some thinkin'.

Tuesday morning I delivered Edie to school, about 1/2 mile away from home at around 8:30am, as I do most days. Door to door, the trip is about 10 minutes versus the 20 minutes if we're on foot or via stroller. It was raining and cloudy, and I needed to get home to focus on the day's chores. When I got to the school, men were hauling out large containers full of construction waste to a dump-truck parked directly in front of the school. Usually, I leave the bike in the spot, in direct eye-line of the guards who make sure no ne'er-do-wells enter the school. Today, however, I parked right next to the doors, out of the way of the construction workers and their piles of waste, and out of the eye-line of anyone by the entrance.

Edie & I went upstairs to her classroom. Unlike when she was two, when she would cling to me and take some warming up, her three-year-old self jumps right into action, rendering me almost invisible (sigh!). So I smooshed a kiss on her cheek and split. I exited the building and turned left to find my bike...no bike. Right? Still no bike. Looked forward at the workers, thinking for a moment they moved it to make room for their activities, no bike. I ask the workers if they saw someone take it; they shrug and say no. I go into the lobby and say my bike was just stolen, are there cameras? They say no, give me a phone number for the facilities manager, who will be available at 10am. I check the time, it's 8:43; I had arrived at 8:40. Three minutes was all it took. I call my wife, I don't remember what was said, other than the bike is gone and I might be late in coming back so she can split for work.

How bikes get stolen in Monopoly Town.

I walk out and start walking, not sure what to do, a thick blanket of fuzziness on my brain. I guess I'll walk over to the police station, which is one block over from my home? Literally moments after I leave the building, I see a mother of another child in Edie's class quickly walking in my direction, with her infant in a stroller -- I had just politely waved to her on the street from the bike on the way to deliver Edie only minutes before. As she's walking towards me, she firmly says/shouts/asks, "Your bike was stolen!?" Yes, I say, I don't remember if I mumbled it or shouted it. "I saw him on East Broadway, he's going north, black guy wearing a black jacket, blue jeans and a black hat. Chain fell off the bike, he was trying to fix it and when I yelled at him that the bike was stolen, he said he was fixing it for you then ran away. Cops are chasing him!" I notice another parent-friend is standing next to us, but I take off running, and I don't run -- I don't think I've ran in 15 years, my ankles just don't like it, but for my bike, I ran. Over a block, then up East Broadway. Once I got close to Grand Street, I realized whatever had happened moments ago was gone. I was now very close to the police station, so I walked over, catching my breath and hoping not to look like a sweaty insane person.

Google "sweaty inane person" and this what you get.

In the lobby, an Asian man with limited English was trying to get an explanation of a car insurance form from the lady officer on desk duty with a thick Lower East Side accent. The man's garbled questions were mostly met with "I can't understand you" by the officer, and after about three repetitions of this interaction, I started bouncing up and down on my heels like a toddler who has to go to the bathroom. The officer sees me and says to the Asian man, excuse me, let me help this gentleman. My instinct immediately tells me these public servants probably take large servings of shit from an inarticulate public, so I better be damn polite and clear.

I thank the lady and within moments I hear, from the other side of the partition, "We have two on it right now." The desk officer asks me a few other questions, like where, when, was there a physical altercation, and what is the value of the bike. At Edgies on Henry, between 8:40 and 8:43, no and over $1,500. She tells me to take a seat and someone will be right with me. CHUNG CHUNG!! Law & Order time.

A sergeant comes by to inform me that because of the bike's value, this is an incident of grand larceny. Another officer sits down with me, and starts filling in a report. I tell him I'm not the one who called 911, but a friend who saw the thief with my bike. I give him the name and contact of my friend, then he asks me to call her to get a description. I call her, and she's surprised because someone has already called her for the description. After we hang up, another officer takes over filling in the paper work and starts asking me very specific questions about the appearance of the thief. I repeat that I did not see the guy, my friend did, and why don't YOU get on the phone with her and be the THIRD person to ask for the same information? Well, I didn't say that, but I started to think that perhaps my bike is not the most pressing case happening at the 7th Precinct this morning.

The cops who were on the scene arrive, they were directed south while the thief went north so they never saw nuttin'. I'm directed upstairs and have another interview with a plain-clothes detective (CHUNG CHUNG). During his rote questioning he asks me where I grew up. Staten Island, I say. He gives me the side eye. Yes, detective, I should have known better than to not lock my bike, I'm the asshole, thank you for that.

On that note, I did a one block walk-of-shame from the precinct to my home, choking back tears. Well, my kids are fine, my wife is fine, my home is fine, it's just some money, it can be replaced. People in this city just lost everything a few weeks ago, homes, personal possessions, even some lives. Who am I to be upset about a singular bicycle?

However, when I got home to find wifey sitting at the kitchen table, she looked at me with sympathy and I just wept like a baby. I haven't cried for a physical object since I was a child. I cried when each of my parents died and I cried recently when I learned a close friend was just diagnosed with cancer, hell, I've teared a little at a few movies in the past decade. But a friggin' BIKE?  I posted on social media, sent an email to the fine folks at the Lo-Down (who put up an APB on their Facebook page, which was cool). I've had bikes stolen before, I'm a life-long New Yorker and a life-long cyclist, it's part of the game. But this was a little different..... 

PAUSE FOR REFLECTION

When I was maybe 5 or 6, someone entered our unlocked detached garage on Staten Island in the middle of the night and stole our bicycles. The very next day, my dad went out and bought us two new Ross bicycles, a ten speed for my brother and a blue cruiser with a pressed-metal "gas tank" on the top tube. No kids of my dad was gonna be without a bike, his job was to provide that stability, and I am going to, too.

My first hooptie. Well, first I can remember after the actual first was stolen.

An aside: I've pretty much written off bicycling as a primary method of losing weight. A decade of riding centuries (100 mile bike rides) and logging countless hours on one of 8 bikes I in my stable has made several friends say over the years, "why are you so fat when you ride so much?" I've realized after rebooting this blog a few months ago that the current thinking on weight and weight loss in the media, the ol' "eat less do more" credo, is only half the battle. Those who think it's 100% "eat less/do more" are lazy thinkers, don't like fatties, or don't want you questioning the vested interests of Big Foo HEY LOOK AT THAT SHINY THING!! BOOGA BOOGA BOOGA!

Oh mah gawd, men only stare at my horn. My eyes are down here, guys!

Losing weight is not just about eating less and doing more, it's about revising what you ARE eating and what you do to not only lose weight but to manage your comfort and appetites, and questioning vested interests as well.

There's that, and then there is my family of a wifey and two adorable, happy, healthy kids. As a single guy, I could dedicate 10-15 hours a week to being on a bike by myself or with a few friends. A 9-hour journey on the bike is extremely head-clearing and meditative, though the hunger generated would usually result in taking in more calories than I expended. The biking had to be cut back. As my first child reached the age to be put on a bike, biking became less about 9 hours of meditation and more about spending quality time with my kid and getting to places quickly without the usual weight of strollers and subway stairs and long bus rides and squiggly kiddie drama that travelling with kids entails.

I was transporting my 1st child on a seat attached to the front handle bar of a beaten, 15-year-old creaky commuter bike. It handled weird with the weight, and it was only a matter of time until something eventually wore out or malfunctioned. For my 40th birthday, wifey gifted me the best present ever -- a cargo bicycle. Basically, it's a heavy duty bike in which the rear wheel is extended back a few feet and a platform is placed behind the saddle. I added running board platforms to support the built-in bags on the sides, wide comfy BMX stomper pedals, extender rings on the stem to raise the handlebars to a more upright position, comfy extra large grips with mini bar ends for extra hand positions, two child seats with mounts to the rear platform, etc etc. A lot of thought and love went into this machine so it could:

• transport one or two children
• carry full weekly loads of groceries for a family of 4
• haul knishes and knish ingredients back and forth from commercial kitchens
• enable car-free trips to Costco and Ikea
• occasionally throw an adult friend on the back for a scoot around town
• have the comfort of the weight and stability in any weather at all

Admiring a power plant during the black out.

THE STORY CONTINUES....

Betsy left for work, and I tried to focus on the day. I couldn't bring myself to the book I wanted to read or the weights I wanted to lift. I got a call from the cop station, and my first thought was, "Ah, there is a break in the case! I'm gonna get my bike back!" but it was just an old lady keying my list of stolen things into the computer, and she couldn't read my handwriting. The baby sitter coming from the Rockaways was an hour late, so I had to cancel some plans, but I still had to deliver some knishes to a local shop. With more time on my hands than expected, I decided to go to Frank's.

Frank's is my local bike shop—an institution on the Lower East Side since the '70s. I've purchased many of my bikes from him, I interviewed and wrote a piece about him when I was a writing for a local publication years ago, and when B bought me the bike, she sent it to Frank's for assembly and care. So I went in, Frank and his crew commiserated, and Frank said something like, "What about that bum on Clinton St? Check him out!" and proceeded to line list a few corners where the known villains of the 'hood congregate to sell bikes for cash quickly. He also took my number in case something popped up on his end. It's nice to walk into a bike shop where everyone knows your name, and knows how important a stolen bike was to you.

I rode over to Malt & Mold to deliver the knishes, riding past a few of the corners that Frank suggested.   I confided in Kevin about the bike, then started heading north to meet up with Betsy for lunch. As I passed Delancey going up Essex, my eyes were scanning everywhere for my bike. I told myself, "Noah, you have to refocus, the bike is gone, if you keep on looking, you're going to drive yourself crazy. Let it go. The Big Dummy is gone, and there is no coming back from where she went."

And then there she was. A man was pushing a Big Dummy across Essex at the corner of Houston. There was no baby seat on it, but it had the double baby seat mounts, the extra spacers on the stem, the stomper pedals, the mini-bar ends. Three thoughts in one split second:

• huh, amazing how someone else could have a bike just like mine
• the DEAD RISES
• Sam Jackson saying, "I'm gonna go get MINE, muthaf@cka!!"

And I say unto thee, you are the snake on my plane, and I shall SMITE thee with vengeful wrath!!

Blue jeans, black jack, light skinned black guy, just like the witness account. I pull up in his path in the street a few feet from the corner. I place my hand on the handlebars of the Big Dummy not too far from his hand, and I state, "This is my bike. It was stolen this morning, I reported it and I have a copy in my bag." He looks at me casually and says, "Hey, they guy across the street just gave it to me, I don't know anything about it being stolen!"

"Great!" I say while not letting go, "let's call the cops so you can give an I.D.!" He lets go of the bike and starts walking way. I'm now weighed down by two bikes, and I shout, "DON'T WALK AWAY! THIS IS STOLEN PROPERTY!!". I think to actually place my commuter bike on the back of the Big Dummy and chase after him, but notice the bike tire is flat -- that's probably why he was walking it and not riding it. I pretty much hulkified for 15-20 seconds, shouting out the rage and the panic and fear and hurt I've been under for the past 4 hours before walking the two bikes off the street onto the sidewalk.  I do a quick inventory of the bike -- bar ends, lights, bungee nets, underutilized chain and lock, child seat, child helmet all missing. Other than flat tire, no visible damage. A cyclist stops by and asks if I need a tube. I say nah, just retrieved my stolen bike, gonna walk it to my bike shop and have it looked at. We had a conversation, I tried to tell him my story in 10 seconds, my eyes must have been spinning in my head. He says, look, there is a cop car around the corner.

"Watch these!" and I take off and flag down the the cop. I tell him I just got my stolen bike back, I put in a report this morning for Grand Larceny, and the thief just went south on Essex. I gave him the description and he took off. When I get back to the corner, the cyclist and my two bikes had disappeared.

KIDDING! I relieved the kind sir, I quickly locked the crappy commuter to a light pole and started walking quickly south with the Big Dummy, but the cop car and the thief were long gone. I snapped a pic of the bike and sent it to Betsy. She called back, saying she was confused. "I got my bike back." She giggled for joy, said she couldn't wait to tell her mom and brother. When I stepped into Frank's, I shouted, "Anyone wanna buy a stolen bike?!" We had a good chuckle and told stories. I placed orders for a new seat, had Edie pick out a new helmet online, and when I went to Frank's to pick up the bike at the end of the day, the bike was all tuned up, fitted with an extra-tough rear tube, new grips with integrated bar ends, a new lock, and lights. All in, after shipping and taxes, the ordeal has cost me about $400. That sucks, but if the whole rig was gone, I would have to order a 2013 model when it comes out in the Spring, and with all the customizations and add ons and shipping etc, would have been in the thousands.

However, when I was taking stock when I retrieved the bike, I noticed a black plastic bag tucked in a saddle bag. I took it out, and.... 

Crazy Stallion: Fine Malt Liquor for the discriminating bike thief

He may have stolen my bike, my false sense of security, a good part of the day, and a few hundred bucks worth of gear, but I got his malt liquor. The Big Dummy is dead, long live the Crazy Stallion!

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I love my Big Dummy Crazy Stallion. Though this is a food blog, my inspiration for its style and overall obsessiveness is Bike Snob, a biking celebrity in his own mind (and a fiend friend). The Snob is so famous that Surly gave him his own free Big Dummy, and he was kind enough to take an afternoon to let me take it for a test spin with him, as the bike is too damn large and smug to be stocked in a regular bike shop.  In fact, while out with my child strapped to the back of the bike, I've been accused of BEING Bikesnob, eech. So I guess it's HIS fault the bike was stolen. Yeah, his fault.

BikesnobNYC, wearing his new line of bikeeng face-speeder-uppers.

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I shoulda taken phone pictures of the thief. Oh well.

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WEEKLY AVERAGE: 2,293

Huh, this is the first time in a while my average calorie intake fell within budget. Guess over-eating on the weekend helps early in the week, and severe emotional trauma helps later in the week! Upper side back muscles still sore on Saturday from the attempted pull-ups on Thursday, which makes me hopeful that when they recover, I'll be closer to doing one damn pull-up.

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MONDAY COUNT: 2100
Due to several days of having to push the big bike with my hands (Nor'easter, snowy travel up a bridge the next day, flat tire with 2 kids on the bike on Sunday), my wrists hurt like hell when I turn them. The spirit is willing, but I'm gonna wait a day or two before I subject them to lifting weights. Sucks because I skipped one session last week, my body craves the work out...

Due to Veteran's day, Edie was home, and in the midst of bringing both kids to assorted playgrounds by bike in the nice weather, I failed to get lunch. Increased the dinner portion by 1/3, as my traditional meal when I skipped lunch was a huge bowl of pasta, though back then it was white pasta and the whole damn box. Oy.

AM SNACK: 7:30am, iced green tea, 25 cal

BREAKFAST: 10:30am, toasted bagel with hummus & cured salmon, 7oz diet coke, 590 cal
Damn, forgot how caloric bagels are -- without the toppings, the 146g bagel topped out at about 375cal...

PM SNACK: 2pm, crust of pizza, +/-50 cal

DINNER: 6:15pm, whole wheat pasta with chicken meatballs, homemade tomato sauce, steamed string beans, parm, momma salad, 7oz diet sprite, 1340 cal

EVENING SNACK: 8:45pm, chocolate chips and peanuts, 310 cal
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TUESDAY COUNT: 2135

Nothing ruins the appetite and disrupts good habits like having a very expensive bike stolen while dropping off your kid at school. I didn't lock it, as it was an in n' out 3 minute situation, totally my fault.  Did the police report and social media, wasn't looking good, but on the way out of the 'hood ran into thief walking the bike. Made me appreciate the role of biking in my life, think I'm gonna write about it for the weekly subject....

Did mess up my day, made me skip breakfast, second day in a row I skipped a meal. Don't think this is going to become a habit, he he.

AM SNACK: 7:30am, iced green tea, 25 cal

LUNCH: 3pm, 6" veggie burger sub, ranch Doritos, 24oz diet coke, 760 cal

DINNER: 8:30pm, chicken sausage, whole wheat Israeli cous cous, momma salad, pickle, 7oz diet sprite, 960 cal

EVENING SNACK: 9pm, almonds and chocolate chips, 390 cal

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WEDNESDAY COUNT: 2290

Busy day of knishery chores and teaching in Red Hook. Not sure how much I ate at dinner but it wasn't totally unreasonable, but not enough veg. Good thing I got fruit in the morning.

AM SNACK: 7:30am, iced green tea, 25 cal

BREAKFAST: 9am, fruit smoothie, 375 cal

LUNCH: 1:30pm, quarter pounder, fries, 20oz diet coke, 890 cal

SCHOOL DINNER: 6-7pm, cheese tasting, various pieces of pizza, full calorie soda, slice of nutella banana pizza, +/- 1000 cal

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THURSDAY COUNT: 2630

Due to a strained wrist from pushing the big bike through snow on Friday then pushing the big bike with a flat with two kids mounted on it on Sunday, I had to skip 2 weight-lifting sessions. Left wrist 100% better, right wrist only 85%, but most of the motions of the weights did not hurt it -- only when I turn the wrist does it go a little ouchy. Felt a little weaker then usual, but was still able to get through 2 sets of 40 push ups and a set of 40 sit ups. Still can't do a damn pull up, but my 4 sets of 5 second curled hang time are getting better.

Food shopping at the smaller supermarket down the street was a huge bummer. Produce more expensive, staples come in smaller packages making it ounce for ounce more expensive, only string cheese available is kosher, which is literally 100% more expensive. Ugg. And you can't take the cart out of the building, which makes going out to load up a bike impossible. I can't wait until the Fairway in Kips Bay opens. It'll be a little longer to get to, but it'll be reasonable.

AM SNACK: 7:30am, iced green tea, 25 cal

BREAKFAST: 10am, steel cut oatmeal with butter, brown sugar, cinnamon and vanilla, 375 cal

LUNCH: 12:30pm, sardine & avocado on whole wheat toast, momma salad, 12oz diet coke, pickle, 530 cal

PM SNACK: 5pm, slice of streetza, +/- 300 cal

DINNER: 8:30pm, sushi, tempura, shumai, green salad, cheesy poofs, 7oz diet sprite, +/- 1000 cal

EVENING SNACK: 10pm, chocolate chips & peanuts, +/-400 cal
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FRIDAY COUNT: 2310

Happily found myself sore this morning from yesterday's lifting, particularly my upper back and underarms, the locus of pull-ups. Is it because I quickly lost tone from missing a week, or is it because I tried harder because I missed lifting?

AM SNACK: 8:15am, iced green tea, 25 cal

BREAKFAST: 10:45am, cornflakes with whole milk, 275 cal

LUNCH: 1:45pm, chicken nuggets, ketchup, baby carrots, cheesy poofs, pickle, 7oz diet coke, 660 cal

DINNER: 5:45pm, cheese ravioli with tomato sauce and spinach, water, 850 cal

EVENING SNACK: 9pm, various cakes and cookies, +/- 500 cal

Big Pharma and Big Food: Conspiring to make you healthy or to get your money?

Make no mistake, there are already "death panels" here in the medical establishment of the United States, and it decides who lives and who dies by how much money they have. Sorry, that was supposed to be light-hearted!

There is a medical researcher employed by the Feds who is talking to reporters off-the-record,  casting aspersions on the government's "war against fat". Scientist X seems to think that the government's medical wing is acting in the interests of Big Pharma when they cancelled a study that was looking to see if altering diet and exercise could treat diabetes more effectively than traditional medical intervention. This is the master plan according to Scientist X:

• Step 1: Convince Americans that not being thin is a disease that needs to be cured.
• Step 2: Encourage the government to implement public health programs that, through lifestyle interventions, will purportedly make people thinner, and, by hypothesis, healthier.
• Step 3: Document the complete failure of these programs in the medical literature.
• Step 4:  Get the government to approve a host of new diet drugs, since it’s now been demonstrated that lifestyle interventions don’t do anything to help reverse this deadly epidemic.
• Step 5: Profit!

The study that was cancelled (after 11 years!) called losing only 5% of your body weight a success, so perhaps it did not push it's subjects hard enough or long enough, allowing for a certain conspiratorial thinking to lead to the conclusion that the government doesn't want people to be thin if it doesn't profit someone. (I suggested a few weeks ago that if the study showed that diet and exercise is as effective as taking meds, isn't that a success?) The study suggested that being fat is not the problem when it comes to health problems like diabetes, therefore contradicting Big Pharma's push to find profitable weight-loss drugs.

No need for a soda ban when you can buy a pill to lose the fat. Shut up and keep buying!

A blogatrix over at Jezebel has a pretty cutting addition to the doctor's suspicions:

You often hear anti-fat crusaders complaining that "fat people don't want to have an honest conversation about fat," while refusing to acknowledge things like multi-billion-dollar industries that market candy cereal to children and then diet pills to adults. Or the ways that a lifetime of consuming hyperrich foods (deliberately saturated with high fructose corn syrup thanks to federal subsidies) can literally change people's body chemistries and leave them largely powerless to maintain significant long term weight loss..... Or the fact that some people, regardless of lifestyle, are just fat. 

To willfully ignore all of those complicating factors means that you DON'T want to have an "honest conversation about fat"—you want to have a masturbatory conversation about your preconceived notions about fat people's self-control.

It's a big and complicated ball of wax, and western medical thinking tends to zero in on singular causes then look to eliminate them without disturbing the ecosystems around them, which is near impossible.  It becomes even less possible when entrenched interests in the reigning ecosystem prevents research from coming close to questioning the possibility of causes that would threaten profit-centers. Big Food & Big Soda, I'm looking at you.

Though on the surface I am eating less/doing more, I've also changed what I'm eating and what I'm doing. In changing the "whats", I've reallocated my grocery funds from more refined & sugary foods to less refined whole fruit and veg and whole grains, and my time and funds from hours and hours of expending calories to minutes and minutes of building muscle. (I'm also discovering that sugar addiction is real.)

Getting yourself right in terms of weight and health should cost you less in terms of expending money on food and exercise, and less on medical care and, cough cough, Big Pharma. I think there is a book in that assumption. For now, this blog post will have to do.

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We celebrated our youngest's first birthday on Saturday, centered around a side of salmon I cured over the week to put on bagels, and a big 3 layer white cake with sugary frosting and vanilla ice cream that I also made. The cake and ice cream was killer, one of those things that definitely benefit from my culinary training, but there was an odd juxtaposition. 

An actual photo, if you replace burger with cake and ice cream, and Paris Hilton with  me.

While I was shovelling in some cake and ice cream (hey, it was the weekend!), a friend of the family who I haven't seen in months and months made note of my weight loss, and said she thought she saw me in the park with my daughter from a distance, but who she saw was too thin to be me. It was me, yep. I wish I had the ability to not see myself for a few months, so I could appreciate how different I look. I still see a puffy fattish dude, but my belt size has shrunk and all my tight-clothes now fit well. I hope I ease up on myself in the next 10-20 lbs, or losing weight will be the least of my problems!

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DAILY AVERAGE: 2666
This week passed at a furious clip, trying to return to normalcy. Two things prevented that: now that our main supermarket is out of commission due to the storm, I've been buying at the local smaller, more expensive, less fresh market and it's bumming me out. On top of that, our baby sitter and her teenage daughter stayed with us for three days, as her home in the Rockaways sustained major damage and still has no power. To have her haul ass all the way here to help us out, it would be wrong to send her home to suffer through a Nor'easter in an unheated place. 

Eating was heavier than I would like, and only lifted weights once, as I was too beat up from pushing the bike through storms and snows to do a second lift.

MONDAY COUNT: 2870
Betsy back to work, Edie back to school, me back to...lifting weights, doing laundry, making proper food to eat, running chores, Milli Milling it up. Wholefoods on Houston is about 90% restocked, but the Pathmark I do the majority of my shopping is still has no power and is flooded.

Tried to have a good eating day, but got so hungry in the evening, just wore me down. Considered "cheating" and not reporting it, but that would be incredibly....lame. Just gotta give myself a pass and hope my will power helps me through tomorrow. It's not a war of individual days, but battle days that average out to a monthly war....

AM SNACK: 7:45am, iced green tea, 25 cal

BREAKFAST: 10am, steel cut oatmeal with butter, brown sugar, vanilla, cinnamon and salt, 375 cal

LUNCH: 12:15pm, sardine & avocado on whole wheat toast, baby carrots, 7oz diet coke, 580 cal
In the rush to restock from undersupplied stores, I picked up sardines packed in water instead of olive oil, and the avocado was waaaay too unripe. Still, it was nice to have a normal, healthy meal.

PM SNACK: 3:45pm, frozen chicken nuggets, 7oz diet sprite, 250 cal

DINNER: 6:45pm, teriyaki meatballs, roasted brussel sprouts, whole wheat cous cous, water, 1140 cal

EVENING SNACKS: 10-11pm, handful of pretzels, small bowl of chocolate chips & peanuts, 3 mini knishes, +/- 500 cal

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TUESDAY COUNT: 3025

Again, stress & tiredness came together in a tsunami of hunger at the end of the day, and I found myself eating half a pint of ice cream. Our childcare-giver lives in the Rockaways, and her home was wiped off the face of the earth. She made it in today with her teenage daughter, and me n' B immediately offered to let them stay with us for a few days. It's the right thing to do, but ice cream makes it a little easier, he he.

AM SNACK: 8am, iced green tea, 25 cal

BREAKFAST: 9:45am, smoothie, 350 cal

No pomegranate juice on hand, substituted whole milk. Bananas were very unripe due to the supply disruption, so the smoothie was oddly unsweet.

PM SNACK: 12:30pm, momma salad, 100 cal

LUNCH: 2:45pm, quarter pounder, fries, diet coke, 900 cal

DINNER pt 1: 6:30pm, slice of pizza, 7oz diet sprite, +/-250 cal

EVENING SNORT: 7:30pm, bourbon on ice, +/- 200 cal
Whiskey, when watered down a little, is delicious.

DINNER pt 2: 9pm, hijiki tofu patty, spinach salad, +/- 700 cal

EVENING SNACK: 10pm, ice cream, +/-500 cal

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WEDNESDAY COUNT: 2240

Made it to Red Hook to teach. The school is open, but also being used as a relief center, as the whole hood was underwater in the hurricane and parts of the neighborhood still doesn't have power. Had four students to cook with, pumped out about 150 meals to be distributed through a church tomorrow. Road the big bike home through the start of a Nor'easter, snow and wet and wind, was fine except on the Manhattan Bridge, had to walk over slowly.

Not the greatest eating day, but I was busy and was able to keep it relatively reasonable. A little left over ice cream snuck in at the end, hrumph.

AM SNACK: 8:45am, iced green tea, 25 cal

AM SNACK: 11:30am, momma salad, pickle, 115 cal

LUNCH: 12:15pm, whole wheat pasta with sauce and chicken sausage, 900 cal

SCHOOL SNACK: 4pm, brownie, +/- 300 cal

DINNER: 7:45pm, chicken marsala, rosemary potatoes, spinach with garlic, water, a little ice cream, +/- 900 cal

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THURSDAY COUNT: 3220

Woke up early and road a loaded cargo bike slowly over 14 miles to Queens Village in the remnants of a Nor'easter, where I was on my feet for most of 8 hours cooking knishes and cleaning dishes, followed by another 14 mile bike ride home in the dark loaded with knishes. I was invited to cook with friends catering a kosher event, so it was a good opportunity for experience. Sure, I ate over the budget, but when I passed out a little after 8pm, my body could have eaten more -- due to extra calories burned in a 30 mile bike ride, I think I accommodated it appropriately.

BREAKFAST: 5:30am, cornflakes and whole milk, a banana, handful of chocolate covered espresso beans, +/- 450cal

AM SNACK: 7:30am, sausage biscuit, hash brown, diet coke,  570 cal

LUNCH: 2pm, Indian food, +/- 1000 cal

PM SNACK: 5pm, 20oz diet ginger ale, 0 cal

DINNER: 6:30pm, 2 slices pizza, packaged pastra +/- 1000 cal

EVENING SNACK: 7:45pm, ca taste of pie & ice cream, +/- 200cal

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FRIDAY COUNT: 1975

Must have been a calorie hangover, as it was almost accidental how low I came in today.

AM SNACK: 3:30am, iced green tea, 25 cal

BREAKFAST: 10:15am, Fage full fat yogurt with honey, vanilla and roasted almonds, 460 cal

LUNCH: 2pm, momma salad, pickle, two PB&J on whole wheat potato bread, water, 860 cal

DINNER: 7pm, Andouille chicken sausage, steamed string beans, whole wheat Israeli cous-cous, cheesy poofs, 7oz diet sprite, 630 cal